The LATEST WRITING has been done on OTHER BLOGS.

I had to back off the book for awhile, because the horrible feelings associated with my memories which are filled with landmines, they explode inside of me, never even show on the thick skin of my poker face.  I was taking too much damage at once.... and backing off and thinking about my efforts now, after a year, I can see where I do not like the direction I tried, in some places, and others I see work.  The novel has to be prose, written in his sermons, and read to his soldiers, of all faiths.  Including none.  TO provide inspiration.  In here will be the reasoning for what we have done, messages to those who are hearing the governments response to us, their lies.

I write about this happening before this.  At this point in the war the civilians know exactly what is happening, the population is being culled by the elite, gleaning out a few humans they would need, offering them wealth...  or death.  Many would not take the betrayal of most of their family and all of their friends.  They flocked to us at first, now they were desperate, trapped behind enemy lines, counting on the miraculous to save them.   Jesus tells them over and over his only vision is of destroying the planet with powers he does not even know how to activate...  a mercy offered by God that always at least gave him hope, he would win the planet, not destroy it...  a mercy death offered to the last humans, from a God who knows their future without this moment of releasing the souls, the hells they will build for each other, then themselves...


They say with a book you need to be able to describe it in one paragraph.

A man the world introduced as Jesus, who stopped people from worshipping him, after finding out he was being used as the christ in operation bluebeam, where he has been brainwashed and woke up and found the voice of Jesus writing his poetry, making major decisions without him...  a creature he cannot believe exists....

But that was long before where the book starts, in the backstory.   Right now they are fighting, and trying to hold a line, even knock them back, hoping to save the continent.  Putin, and China, are providing us with support, though  we have yet to begin using nukes back and forth.

He gives daily talks to the soldiers, updates, that the enemy has as well, though they do not tell their grunts, who also listen to his talk, and desertion is high among the mercenaries, some their conscious, most their lives.   The resistance, meanwhile, is proving to be discipline in the land they hold, and are nothing like the government told them, they are not a cult, but a group of soldiers, many who were brought together for a government mission we had no idea was going to be used to take the world over....    the deconstruction of what happened to the people I was on this mission with is required.

I am not just being selfish by claiming my innocence in MOST of this...   I sure as hell would not have done any of these things that were done in my name.   I assumed too much about how people would take my words, did not think to clarify my words, make myself clear.   I tried to do so with my writing, though I have been all over the place with that, during this bloody learning curve. 

I do not even know who the real enemy is?    I have seen all sides doing things during my period of thinking my words were not inspiring actions, just thoughts...  then after, worse, when I became someone who had been threatened and was never going to give up fighting again.   Modern Family I am sorrowful and apologetic and surprised and mournful about what happened between us.  I wish another person had been there when I had the epiphany, but it took the direct contact, from you, to awake me.   I owe you a great debt,  because without the pain you acolytes experienced, I would never have broken free of the illusion.   Realized there even was an us against them....   It never entered my mind that everyone could see my life.   I would have been mortified, and certain behaviors would not have been seen. 

I did not want you watching me.  To think of everything people saw.  And I would read things based on the bugs and think just a few people knew about this.   A secret.   Seemed to be now, though that was my ignorance, feeling neglected, used and tossed out.  I felt I deserved better, though I had no idea what I was supposed to have done.  How I had been used to create a world that sounded like hell, the small bit I was allowed to know.  Never a detail.  I get a lot of a little, they know this about me, all the years studying literature, looking for the deeper levels of the words.   Taking little at face value.


I am digressing into my present time period, which will be in the past in is novel.   All that I will go thru, or not...  pure fiction because God does things His way, and they are His alone.  He knows better than I ever will.  He guides me into sunlit glens of flowers and green grass, that turns into a dark, dense forest of thorns.  He leads me out.  My wounds healing is not part of the process.  So far they have been to keep me in pain or paralyzed for most of my life now....  with edens and hells in between.  Like all humans, I suppose.

I do not want to think that anything I write beyond the Golden Rule can be taken close to true.  This is a war ND I have put out a peaceful alternative to this scenario, which I hope enough will see the sanity within....   IN MY  little dream of the world.   Never know.  Civilians would be surprised by what my words have done...  when they were corrupted, without the general knowing about the war, let alone what they were doing.   Orders given erratic.  Of course.  I had no idea what you were doing, and did not have time to think this thru.   Because I was being filmed.   I might have come to a different conclusion on many things, had I realize some were taking orders from me.  But you wanted me to choose one race or one religion or one....   I have always been beyond judging people for such things...

They asked me to choose for their own reasons, power I seem to see in the end with those who I said were angels.... much to my regret.  A good lesson for humans about believing in angels and demons.  I have never met one.   Have you?   They tell me I grew wings, and there is all this supposed evidence that convinced all these people.  Whatever I am, you do not have another like me on this planet, for reasons I am tired of saying are scientific and theological.  My visions split off one day...  after years of seeing the world ending....   though I dreamed of ten thousand years of peace....  peace forever actually.   I know how this can be done now.   I asked you for time in a cave to think about what had happened to me, digest what is real and what may be real...  my dreams came true....  too many times to discount;   they were inspired by God, or man, in hypnosis sessions.  I was told this once.


How about this, now you are getting an update on my present thought.  Having been thru events that are too unimaginable to communicate with another and expect them to fully believe me.  And feel I do not know the half of it.   I still have a power base, that is working hard to bring the workers back into the equation in US politics, at the very least.  The USA needed the lesson of Trump, who can do nothing that will not will all be undone.  He is important because he has unmasked capitalism.   People around the world get to see the USA AT IT'S MOST CRASS, TRUTHFUL, HATEFUL.  Trump bought the presidency, using the tactics that would get him in, or decided in some secret room an agenda of higher matters, a group winning the war for the world for a bit.

Or a scapegoat for all he has done against women, creating a fight in women who are civilians, and he was probably placed there for these reasons.  I hope.   A few people who play with my head have tried to convince me that the women have turned on me, because I would not support Hillary Clinton, who they may know better than me, but someone who people only backed because the democrats made that the only option...   she underestimated the change people want in this world.  Enough to turn away from voting when the socialist was pushed aside at the last minute, to bring in the war monger.

The opportunity is ripe for a move on the women's part, if there is one.  Those men going down in Hollywood, some who pushed people around their entire lives, and never in a million years thought someone could touch them.   They retire most with enough money for life.  All that suffers is the media persona.  Their lives go on.  Wives divorce them, they find another.  Rich men make for rich lives and there are plenty of women who will forgive him, feel he is cured by therapy, humbled.  Maybe even get religion while being treated for sexual addiction.

Why has no one gone after Trump on these matters except Stormy?   Is she the first salvo, will the laws broken be used to cause the flood of women whose 'pussy he grabbed....' 

Have they like so many felt the bridges I burned was an abandonment...  I was shown a woman SCREAMING HAPPILY THAT I DID NOT WANT THEM TO KILL THEMSELVES...   I just shook my head sadly when they asked... NO, NO, NO, no, no....  I said suicides did not go to hell, because my friend had, and I did not believe it.  I never meant to inspire anyone to give their life, except in war.  When this became war, I had no direction to point out, because I did not know what you were doing.

I may have sent you home to slaughter.   I may have seemed to abandon the Navy.  The Arny... any of the armed forces, I always feel the same about all of you.   I grieve greatly for you, showed my mocked tears over your plight before I realized I could not give them weapons against me.  They had enough everywhere.    When I think of the small bit I know, in a show put on by the enemy... that my critics tell me more than my allies should tell you something about my life... to be told of crimes you could have stopped after the fact...  accused of orchestrated what you could have, had that been in the plans of those who were above me, using me as much as possible...   easily.    I did not know enough to choose a side.   They tell me that Hart, the house I was part of in their world of cutting up the world....  was destroyed by my actions.  I think.  The show BLOOD DRIVE is about the underground war.  They put out their view, to those who have the context, who know they called the different people as driving cars, and who I have in mine is shown me...  once they had the mexicans, now they have the blacks. 

This tells me they still have conflicts which breaks my heart.  I see all people as equal before their God, SOULS, who in death will understand the folly of the human life, and how controlled the body's by genes, that are activated against our will, by our times, our being born into 'endless delight, or endless night,' as Blake wrote.

My first biook, I WROTE easily ten versions, hundreds of thousands of pages.

Ended up with a  120 pages...   and the dialog makes people say that people do not talk like that, when my professor girlfriend and I indeed talked just like that.  Always made me think No one has intellectual conversations anymore....  we are both much, much more intelligent and well educated than most on certain topics, and people who were around us were blown away by the conversations.... one of b's childhood friends asked her after we had lunch if we talked like that all the time, with her young, handsome lover.....  jelous.

A crowd filled with more lies than morals.   Oh, well.  I do not care.  My own moral development came with some pretty steep ups and downs, though not too low, too high...  made into a God by people,  with no ideas of his powers.

I want to protect all of the innocent, and the sinners, too.   This is what Christian forgiveness allows -- the entry of love into your Holy Ghost, if you will -- I seldom write about this, puzzles me, makes me wondef if this is the soul, as I am the sun, and God ia the father...  makes sense to me.  All are filled with the Holy Ghost if this so so, a Gift from God I seemed to bring...  I thought at one point though now I have no clue, I realize.   Better II preach to what I know,  There are too many guesses in the book for most scripture to be of any use, without massive editing, as well as  explanations of metaphors not as the enemy of the church, but new knowledge that must be confronted, accepted, adjusted to,

We were defeated, truly, by the DIVIDE AND CONQUER OF A RACE WAR    And other matters, relating I believed to my new scripture, the wriiting, from which I believed people were effected by, though I thought they had no access to the camera'sthe media seemed to be using to give me hints about matters I did not understand, and when I heard flashes, like 'turn the fat girls into sausage' I thought you were joking, because I would never consider such a thing...  then one day watching diisney news they mentioned killing everyone with blue eyes and the weather woman began yelling about how she had blue eyes, and I realized they were serious....  I would no more order the killing of people over their eye color...  a glimpse into the madness that was going on out there that if only I had known, a voice of sanity would have entered the conversation,  but no....

Played me like a monkey, and made the monkey pay, let the organ grinders free.   This song at first meant to me that they had let the people go who used me, and later to the people who actually got rrid of the dead, by making sausage.   Who they are does not matter.  The CIA works with people, who would otherwise  not hae even been involed.  I certainly had no clue what was happening around me too often to write at once.  The incidents cram into my mind.... making it very hard to write about.  Some are too classifiied for me to more than make reference to them, without laying blame on anyone.  No one deserves to pay for what they did during this war.  Ending the physiical war, and moving unto a nore spiritual attempt to change the world, to grow the garden that has been opened to the childrn,


Kept saying I have the chikdren and they followed a SOCIALIST instead of TRUMP.   The world should have listened.

I had to take a few months off.... being reminded of all the blood I have shed disturbed me more than I expected.

The  good part of this is of course that I have been working in my mind on the book, to an extent that I see a whole new way  of writing it...

I have decided to start the book in the church, where various leaders that have arisen in the underground, and working with the city on  a defense, after mending their differences on the race war gripping some of the country, and anti semtism, as the Nazi movement secretly rose among blacks and others,.   I refuse to stereotype because it is a bad way to gather data for a sceintific decision on the matter.   One of the absolute worst.    One can find the reason for them, but there are people in all religions and governments and etc.... who think they are special.   Seeing them as I do, I know there is nothing special aboout them at all.

If  a person believes a wino sleeping on the streets is less loved by God then they are, the person is certainly not a Christian, just an asshole.  This applies to all religions, when you see the lives of this one flesh stripped away and the soul underneath that has lived thousands of differrent ways....