The book begins the moment I realized they had open webcams into my apartment. They asked why I had my dresser in front of the camera, when actually there were cameras all over the apartment, including the bathroom. The sick minds that would do such a thing to anyone had always eluded me.... whoever they were, I considered them a great evil. I was wrong about who was watching me. I had any tears left I would cry for the innocents who saw my life as I played a game of black psy ops with unknown enemies and ever shifting allies, who I could not even begin to understand.... the ones terrified and puzzled and losing their faith as my mad words of anger were spewed out. The people were there and hard to ignore in the end. I felt their eyes all the time after the webcams. I was determined not to allow them to win. Winning meant living, going on, no matter what was happening around me. I did not know exactly why the world had suddenly seen fit go totally fucking crazy on me, but I was determined to be better than my captors, or my retractors, or those who I felt were lying about me in the press, and under the cover of tv and movies... where the war for perceptions, and the reinforcements of the big lies, must always be at the base of every teleplay....
I remember that day too well. The horrible feelings that fill me as I allow the memory to formulate into a scene, myself standing at the dresser looking at the tv when a certain actor seemed to be addressing me directly and then it flashed on me that they had shown a scene that was meant to be me dressing in front of the camera... I knew they were looking out of the tv.... they did such a good job of confusing me and making me feel powerless... I wanted to please this vague group out in tv land some days, and others I was cruel, not thinking about their emotions, forgetting once more that my every word was being reported... I speak words purely out the pain in my back sometimes, and in privacy I have the ability to then think better of what I have said and become a better person for the experience, but the webcam was all about snap shots. I think.,
I have few clues what was done with this footage.
I know to write my story I have to invite the reader into a room, describe the people there, paint them having conversations tied to some central point in the plot, or perhaps just an aside of colorful information that enhances a character. The elements of fiction I learned during the years of studying English with a writing emphasis in various universities, until the very end of my education when I began to study what to write about, from anthropology to military intelligence to philosophy to history... spent almost fourteen glorious years going to universities full time. I swam in oceans of words, carried thru the currents of philosophical thoughts, wisdom and bullshit but mostly just how much there is to learn about the world. I felt them like I knew nothing. I had no idea how much nothing I knew of course, having not yet then even really suspected there was a world behind the world. When I found out there were secrets large enough to be kept out of the media all over the world, blatant slaughters and revolutions and coups, all simply hidden because the same puppets stayed in congress, the senate, and the white house, my ignorance left me alone in a white room unable to act at all....
I cannot write this book as a straight narrative of this happened then that happened then that happened because the story I have to tell must be layered for people who believe various views, and people who know of the secret world I write, and others who are finding their first glimpse in my words.... KNOW I AM NO EXPERT ON WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD IN SOME WAYS... THE WORST THEY KEPT FROM ME BECAUSE THEY DISCOVERED EARLY ON THAT I DID NOT SHARE SOME OF THEIR BELIEFS... so they used me. A ball and chain is attached to my every sentence in this book, the top secret nature of so many words in my heads make telling what I must impossible to write as an historical account. I must use metaphor, where I must. I do not have to tell everything to tell this tale....
I must novelize some aspects. I do this with a poetic license I have earned, and used, perhaps too often... though I am not about to let it go. The last of my intentions is to LIE. To work fiction has to be truer than truer.. if it is not, then why not just tell the true? I am a fiction writer by trade, a being who admits being brainwashed by the CIA in an attempt to insert morality within me, that released the God of Many Masks into a mind half shattered by their mental rape... in this caveat I leave the door open to readers of my work who will choose to believe I am a left over vestige of a personality that was used in an intelligence operation.
The Chapter Outline
The character in the book goes from understanding what he was put through before, and describes the new material. I have to introduce him as someone who has had stop people from worshipping him by radical means, because he is in this life more soldier than savior, and he does not want the image of Christ destroyed by his actions. Just as He does not want to take away from other religious figures throughout time, whether they were men or one of His many masks.
The narrative should begin the day I discovered the webcam. Jesus suddenly realizing He was being watched all the time, by some who believed Him the Christ, others a revolutionary, still others a demi god... to many an angel. When all the time He thought He was communicating with His captures, and scaring them away from attacking him, which he expected at any time... and in the end almost wanted, just to make all he had heard about real, instead of described on his television... or hinted on the radio.... the few ways people who could communicate me as I tried to spend my time writing the future into existence.
I can describe the exposure of self as the most horrifying experience of my life. I swore I would use this intrusion into my life against those who chose to keep their cameras on me at all times. I wanted to know what was being planned around me, and who these people were who I was suddenly working with, who seemed to be making decisions on their own. I was crazy with thirst to know what I KNOW now.... thought I WAS asleep.... you know you are no longer asleep when the true nightmares only come when you are awake.
THE STORY NEEDS TO FIT IN A PARAGRAPH, WITH A BEGINNING, A MIDDLE, AND AN END.... A person who is considered a dangerous cult figure with a lot of influence with various groups, and an avowed hatred of the CIA, who tried to use him as a fall guy and then make him out to be a mass murderer of His own followers. A David Koresh scenario to rid the world of revolutionaries in a preliminary strike.... though they lost control, ran into the unexpected, no actor this being they chose for Operation Blue Beam. A PERSON WHO THEY COULD NOT BUY OR THREATEN. A creature that could remember dying for His beliefs through countless lives; a being more intent on creating a better world for the many, a mission he has yet to allow anything to stop.... He has been misunderstood as someone who was going to take over the world.... right according to plan. HE KNEW BETTER TO TRUST THOSE AROUND HIM and stopped their plans by refusing to play along... he did not know enough of what was happening in the world to have an opinion... and his lack of opinion puzzled them all the more. They were told he would become the king of kings... He was already the King of Kings and did not need the world to prove anything to Himself... better He leave the world to the free will of humans, so He fought for this cause...
he is used by various groups
he has no idea the extent of people watching him
His fame surprises the hell out of him and he cannot understand why this only effects his life
secretly on tv shows mirroring his latest actions or writings? And not in the day to day life around him. He has no idea he is surrounded by people who believe he is Jesus, and are providing him security. He has no idea that those who were getting paid for his so called reality show said he was doing this of his own free will, that I liked the fame I had garnered, and the religion I had created, or activated, with my writing and the strangeness of growing wings, being thought an Angel, then Christ... a demi God by the end by some, in Europe, I was told. And I was never given any context for the their statements, has to figure that out myself.
My rage at the performers on tv when I realized they though I WANTED to be a part of their shows, I hated it after a period of being flattered... and then later a period of being punished, burned, etc...
A group was hoping to take over the USA, a leftist group, led by women, but he had no idea. Then they were defeated, partially by my ranting against a Foreign power taking over the USA, China I thought in this case... Having no idea they were my true ally in the fight I was about to get into. This made me a hero among the left and right wing who found out about it, and many did... though by then they had cut Chicago off from the world, like the bubble in the Simpsons that goes over Springfield, and this was about here. A cone of silence. Only a few times did I notice the Newspapers dissing me, the Tribune had a headline, I saw in a store talking about how I had some kind of computer wisdom that did not reflect my wisdom in life... it was much crueler, calling me an idiot.
I bitched to the webcam about them and mysteriously one of my neighbors buys me subscription when out of nowhere sales people begin knocking, for the first time ever, on the doors in our apartment building. Their apology I guess. I have not been told enough about what was really happening to know what to do. Until I did, many years later, when one side believed I had chosen them as allies in this fight. But they showed me a Nazi apologist film one night and I crumbled inside, knew the wrong people had control of the country. That would change. I had a lot of power in Chicago, muscle that killed people for a living, getting rid of the bodies forever. When they put a Jewish pharmacist of mine in a tanning machine long enough to burn him lobster red simply because I said something slightly negative about the pharmacy. I was appalled. I had heard of Jews needing help and was careful in my writing to preach against anti--Semitism and I STILL FEEL THIS IS TRUE.
There is a reason I was a reformist Jew when I came down as the revealed Son Of God to revise the Holy Books and remove the salt, and add the latest knowledge of the time.... a psalm of love, and beings who are not of this earth, but timeless souls, restless for the final phase in evolution, when we are pure soul... was needed to counter the warrior God of the Jewish Psalms, the way I had once been, and was again while fighting in the war... I almost believe I should become Jewish again, but I did not believe too many of their precepts, realized why Jesus had criticized his own religion, and rebelled against the captors of his nation, dying not between two thieves as the bible says, the notes above their heads, nailed onto the cross, identified them as Zealots, revolutionaries, told by their leader to sell their cloaks and buy swords.... then the story becomes all about a horrible death.
The preaching I did during that time were similar to other sermons given since the beginning of humyn questioning about the after life, which even some of the higher animals wondered about on earth, unbeknown to man. I created religions, laws. Enforced them brutally, to insure the survival of tribes I led. I became a rich man to help out the poor, was poor and starved by the rich, or the warring...
I have lived life after life, mission after mission, all with a different name and a different need for my presence. Slave revolts, and revolts in general... occasionally a benign king in my older age, after taking the place of a tyrant. Each life I would have not knowledge of what I was, always believed myself human, all too human, as Nietzsche wrote. A guy people considered a little off, some...
I was a mess. I do not know how much of it was what happened the year they kept me in a hospital at five that I barely remember. They hinted they had brought me in throughout my life, then made me forget the session. I had been thru three days of brainwashing when I first became aware that I was involved in intelligence, by having been written into a plan by my grandfather, who died when I was five. I knew it could have happened, could explain the prophetic dreams I had which came true... amazingly and further than my dreams had ever gone.
This book is being written about a period twelve years after I woke up Christ. The world was waiting for proclamations on how to live fulfilling lives from me, to kill themselves and others as a joke I made in a character that is nothing like me, Johnny Pain. He got a lot of people killed purely out of ignorance. I did not know criticizing someone on my blog got them killed by mobs of people... that others were punched out for saying anything negative about me.
Only when I made clear that I wanted the media to lampoon me, did I learn how I was being seen, and figure out, the cameras in my house were going out everywhere, not to a few spies and allies who
Later, when my main allies, the police, deserted me when I once more tried to tell the cameras, showing them that some aspects of my life are private and I wanted left alone. They had filmed me in my bathroom, heard me in my bathroom, kitchen... I had been dressing almost right in front of the main camera, because I had no place in the bedroom for the bureau. I was not a stripper, as had been implied, or any of these things. I was resisting by living my life as much as possible my own way despite the cameras, and the tv and movies and songs talking about the things that were happening to me. Under order by the Columbia crowd, Obama's maybe, I was told to never write again, or stick to children's books... a statement I had made while in a psych hospital where I was ending up, in different locations, doing a few months after the brain washing. I knew there had been death and mayhem by then, that we had taken over the city, with the help of the unions, who are my primary concern in the economics of the USA, those who are collectively bargaining are on the path I will lead them down... God does nothing by accident when giving me a life, so I was born into a family with a union president mother.
I was born into the country with the largest military budget, submarines with nukes silently flowing through the ocean with locations unknown, and under strict radio silence. I was born into the family of a Scottish King who was in the bloodline of Jesus, which was done to help the humans understand what I am.
I leave myself clues for my next lives, which stand out after I wake up. I live as the son of Man until the awakening that I the Son of God, a creature on a mission, and God makes sure they are everywhere for the human lives I live. I find scripture, and though ALWAYS my words have been changed to suite the current leader, I instinctively know my own words.
