the abdication
Can a rogue king without a throne abdicate?
Can Christ turn away from pain?
Is there a second chapter in this book... or just an unedited revelation
I feel like they have already made me guilty and there is nothing I can do
We all want to reshape the world... some for the better... mostly for our own better
I watch this slow fight that rolls on and understand that I have to let people make their own decisions
I get angry before I know anything
There was always a part of me that believed showing the truth was enough
THAT PEOPLE made this objective agreement to tell the truth most of the time
PART of being a fiction writer was that i got to make up any story I wanted and not worry
about being called a liar. This time what I could not imagine has come true.
Those days ended long before I knew. To this day I am going to make mistakes... I will infuriate people by making decisions based on being pissed about something that happened in the last five years. I have not had enough time to process any of this, really. Put out the fires I noticed. Started others that I sure as hell did not mean to.
I would have a lot better idea how to do this if I just knew that I could count on people putting aside their racism. I seem to have done the opposite in my life, though that was never my intention.
Last week all I felt like was this will never end and I cannot even take one more day of this shit.... that is how I felt. I hated everyone and everything for ... the injustice. Whenever you involve me you are going to end up getting an honest answer, whether you want it or not. I tell you that your leadership needs to be reformed, not shot down.
In Colorado, where I think some of this started. I got a report a young girl named Ridgway had been chopped into pieces. I had been seeing you people doing this for years and had no idea what the fuck it had to do with me... especially after you kept referring to things I knew nothing about. I had no clue at this point which animal was doing what. I simply knew someone was threatening me and they chopped up a little girl to do so. As soon as I know what you are doing, I will stop you by any means necessary. I ordered an attack even more brutal, because while I have no power seemingly I can throw out words.... and underneath this was the idea that black people were going to be killed, which I did not even realize, but this happened as a result of this, as well.
You had set me up as a dog, then made clear I was not a dog when you told me what that was. You have described to me no philosophy that is exactly mine, and why would you? You are here trying to use me, and think I am trying to use you.
Justice and all these fine words no longer apply to my life. You took that from me when you stole my free will almost fifty years ago.
I do not think you will ever tell me enough to let me be of service. You are too afraid of my judgments and I am not going to quit judging things... that is my free will. I do not want to judge whether you live or die... If I had ever thought during all those long years that I was getting people harmed... well, I would have reacted just like I did everytime by becoming enraged that this has happened.... after the rage comes the How do you fix this...
I am not seeing anyway to make sure this does not happen again without continuing to fight. I had never understood the webcam was having such an effect, having thought my writing was what mattered. Now I can look back and all this and think, they are never going to see this like you do... they did not experience what you did... they watched some show that a bunch of international criminals were involved in, and intelligence agencies, cults... while I sit here wondering why in the world I was even on this planet, let alone why they were fighting me like this... or why it mattered to everyone so much what I meant
Can Christ turn away from pain?
Is there a second chapter in this book... or just an unedited revelation
I feel like they have already made me guilty and there is nothing I can do
We all want to reshape the world... some for the better... mostly for our own better
I watch this slow fight that rolls on and understand that I have to let people make their own decisions
I get angry before I know anything
There was always a part of me that believed showing the truth was enough
THAT PEOPLE made this objective agreement to tell the truth most of the time
PART of being a fiction writer was that i got to make up any story I wanted and not worry
about being called a liar. This time what I could not imagine has come true.
Those days ended long before I knew. To this day I am going to make mistakes... I will infuriate people by making decisions based on being pissed about something that happened in the last five years. I have not had enough time to process any of this, really. Put out the fires I noticed. Started others that I sure as hell did not mean to.
I would have a lot better idea how to do this if I just knew that I could count on people putting aside their racism. I seem to have done the opposite in my life, though that was never my intention.
Last week all I felt like was this will never end and I cannot even take one more day of this shit.... that is how I felt. I hated everyone and everything for ... the injustice. Whenever you involve me you are going to end up getting an honest answer, whether you want it or not. I tell you that your leadership needs to be reformed, not shot down.
In Colorado, where I think some of this started. I got a report a young girl named Ridgway had been chopped into pieces. I had been seeing you people doing this for years and had no idea what the fuck it had to do with me... especially after you kept referring to things I knew nothing about. I had no clue at this point which animal was doing what. I simply knew someone was threatening me and they chopped up a little girl to do so. As soon as I know what you are doing, I will stop you by any means necessary. I ordered an attack even more brutal, because while I have no power seemingly I can throw out words.... and underneath this was the idea that black people were going to be killed, which I did not even realize, but this happened as a result of this, as well.
You had set me up as a dog, then made clear I was not a dog when you told me what that was. You have described to me no philosophy that is exactly mine, and why would you? You are here trying to use me, and think I am trying to use you.
Justice and all these fine words no longer apply to my life. You took that from me when you stole my free will almost fifty years ago.
I do not think you will ever tell me enough to let me be of service. You are too afraid of my judgments and I am not going to quit judging things... that is my free will. I do not want to judge whether you live or die... If I had ever thought during all those long years that I was getting people harmed... well, I would have reacted just like I did everytime by becoming enraged that this has happened.... after the rage comes the How do you fix this...
I am not seeing anyway to make sure this does not happen again without continuing to fight. I had never understood the webcam was having such an effect, having thought my writing was what mattered. Now I can look back and all this and think, they are never going to see this like you do... they did not experience what you did... they watched some show that a bunch of international criminals were involved in, and intelligence agencies, cults... while I sit here wondering why in the world I was even on this planet, let alone why they were fighting me like this... or why it mattered to everyone so much what I meant
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