BATTLE WEARY

 BATTLE WEARY

Wounds never heal.

Slow bleed out.

I move thru blood soaked battlefields

sword at the ready

raised and fallen too many times to count.

Given up for dead and risen to destroy again

Too many times for the horror to fit in my memory.

Standing alone

the last alive

in a circle of dead friend and foe.

Believing only in paradise

makes me fight fearless, reckless, ready to die.

Living only because God seems to make it so.

In a world turned dark with lies and treachery

strive to fulfill the vague mission of a God

asking only the Golden Rule,

feeling unworthy of even the air I breath;

trying not to believe the perceptions of my enemies,

my mistakes already a cats of nine tails ripping my flesh

every waking moment.

The lies of war

bitter on my lips.

The taste of my blood longed for then repulsing..

longed for and repulsive, long for and repulsive....

The gentle one I was long dead.

The death screams of his beliefs

echo in my every word... unheeded.*

*Sadly in this world, I must add DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME. These actions were taken by professionals, including the Armed Forces, and are NOT MEANT TO INSPIRE VIOLENCE, quite the opposite.... I do not want violence glorified, it deserves none.

the idea of the God of Many Masks

 Made sense to me.  In the context of what I guessed a God would be, based upon my peculiar blend of beliefs.  A God who appeared like a returning Buddha, or one of many, called angels or prophets or whatever.   I always had a hard time with the idea of real angels and demons and should have made so many things clear, like this metaphor.  I did not realize people were making a big deal out of everything I said and look back on my mentality as stress induced rage, half the time.  Dreams.   I stayed with Science, always afraid to rely on the Supernatural at all.  I had a certain faith that I had always struggled to be moral in my weird ways;  even when the beliefs came and went with life lessons or sheer habit.

I feel like when this mask was put down, in various ways the idea was attacked, and I was told of things again that happened,, which I would have stopped.  I am tired of trying to say anything about such things that might distill into doctrines, that grant power for no good reason at all.  I have to say good bye to one of the few media efforts that mattered to me, that really stung when they got me all wrong and dressed me up as Hitler.  The guy who brought in the Jewish Mayor and railed against this from the start.  Statements I would have clarified haunt me, like a lot of things.   I expect and accept this part of the mission now...  I wanted to change the world all at once, when I did not realize I lived a lie among liars.  

I told you the truth when you asked, and finally, I had hoped the movement would turn peaceful. I see less and less reason to want to insert myself in anything that is not a solution, or a plan for caring for a future that is going to need all the help the present can muster, and governments cannot be trusted.  Senseless blood is the last thing I ever want to hear about.  On the news a child dies from a stray bullet and I mourn inside.  I do not wish to be impervious.  Ever.   I never was.  To be mistaken as this killing machine is strange to me today.   I will never give up the fight but I will always first seek peace.  And second and third.  Can't appease in the end, unless any fight proves pointless?   I do not wish to be the one to make that decision, not that there is much chance of that happening.

I will never be able to finish this book.   A LOT of time spent messing around.   I got three scenes I like.  And I am not sure if I will ever feel safe returning to them.  I do not wish to create anymore myths of war.  I do not want to create any stories people try to live, no more turner diaries for the left or right or whoever, no more religious speculation.    I once felt fire flowing thru my mind and body.  No more...  just the unhealing burns are left in my hollowed body.  And my soul, un-ruffled by the goings on of the flesh, on some level, merely waiting to leave with new lessons, or move on or... who knows?  I have my vision of Heaven, maybe it is mine alone?  

I just do not want to even think about mass destruction and death all the time.  I hoped to help.   Now I feel worse than ever in a way.  To have contemplated civil war drove me to distraction.  I will be glad when tRump is out of office.  I am not vindictive about what he did, just tired of it...  ready to try to clean up the mess, now more revealed than ever, though people are fighting it...

I think of getting shit about blue.  I am not stereotyping any group.  I gave my support where I would not have at times.  I am not giving up on anyone personally.  The more co-operation the better.  I believe in reforms here as well.  How could I not?  I also know this is bigger than the individuals involved.  The police are not in charge of the underlying causes of this societies woes, though they should be adding to the problem.  I have no solutions on this matter...  all I can say is that do not judge me by those I forgive.  Do not judge me for what people did behind my back, or in a war of... madness.  Pure madness, on some levels, and not on others.  I certainly did not mean to release the worst in people, though I still aim to forgive them.   My beliefs do not matter to anyone except me.  I came to them a lot of different ways, and everyone has their own path, to some degree... certainly they can be mentally freed while in prison at times.  

I feel like I need to say expect my decisions to be based on a firm, sane horror of hurting a fly let alone... and a firm, cold feeling like I will do what I must if it comes to that.  I hope the world takes a turn toward sanity.  Has happened on occasion.

the never ending funeral

I know all souls go to Heaven. This knowledge and power makes me the greatest destructive force in God's creation. I think tonight of my vision of ending the world with lightening and fire, how terrified the world was of being judged by a deity. And later abused by a seeming mad man, as the forces of man fought over the mind of the child who began growing wings at the age of five, a secret kept in layers of secret societies... Before the war. The first few days of loving everyone, forgiving everyone redeeming everyone... I knew from the start some force was using me. A force that was seemingly abusive to me. I made mistake after mistake, feeling the attack was unwarranted, but I wanted the world to see what was being done to me, thought they would react with justice, and they might have had I been told why Bush wanted to fire some cia personel. Instead, a man I considered my political enemy, though I had never thought once of hurting him or his family. I wrote burn the bushes for effect, not because I thought they needed to die. Little did I know... the people initially behind this do not matter anymore. Digging up corpses, animating zombies that kill for no good reason at all... no logic in that. Off mission. I in no way believe this country is ready for more than a redistribution of wealth thru taxation, and for now that would be enough to change the living standards of the country. We do not need an overly itrusive government, religion, or laws to overwhelming us in the name of security, or stopping counter--revolutionaies, etc. We need an open, honest, expert driven approach to dealing with SERVING THE CITIZENS of the USA -- not being served by them. Millionaire politicians have the connections and levers to get things done in ways that can get better. I have said the same things since my teen years. The times are more complex, but my interests are still in uniting people, not controlling them... freeing their minds to critically think about issues, as children, when these patterns are layed down. I have noticed the increased surveillance response on the tv. I had the pleasure and embarrassment of seeing friends refer to me. I am not going into any specifics about present situations. Those who know, know... pain is weakness leaving the body... my marine t shirt quoted in a quip... Pain has forged me, made me stronger. Weaker at first, then I learned how much I could live with in horrible pain for days at a titme, laying on the couch or pacing tha apartment. Big adjustment for a guy who was in aa because of lack of control of sedative drugs, including drink, and percoden after being on it a year... thirty years in aa and I started smoking weed, then this hit. I needed it then to mentally deal. I needed surgery, could only get pills. Put off being disabled, had no way to live unti mary ann came along. God knows, I MAY have had to move to Ohio until I had social security. So many things, what is co-incidence, left to trustitng if I was a demi-God or something I at least did not seem that bad of a guy, though they did something to make me a liar. I learned later the hypnosis, including a year, at five, in a hospital being given radiation to stop the growth of the alleged wings. A lot believe, enough there must be evidence. I later tried, once, to draw lightening from a blue sky and instantly it was coming down, straight toward a building. I stopped it... I was riding on the El train at the time, just staring out into a blue sky. The feeling of lightening and fire flowing from my body during my night of visions, was joyous... and I wondered if this was what I was, a fulcrum between sky and earth, using both to take out humankind, send their souls flying from this planet. I could not imagine wanting to do such a thing. I did see this as somehow a birth, more than a death. I talked of comforting souls who thought they were going to hell to comfort you. My memories of being a soul, from the reoccuring childhood dream flying above the earth, then hitting some gravity that pulled me down to the blue circle with white clouds and then bam, into a room of all white. Just like that. Made me think, later, when I examined my behavior in terms of prophecy, seeking signs...that souls enter babies at the last second. This like so much of my thinking may just be logic to hide a secret pain, and aborted child I would have love to have had, though that path was not for me. Like when I understood all these people died, and I freaked out, began to imagine they had chosen to be murdered, to head toward heaven, clear some path... I look at such things now and think... the belief that I was Christ, God in a way, his face on this

planet, so to speak. I had no ideas what my powers could do nor did I wish to test them. I never believed in miracles and such, and the longer time passed, into the period when I was preaching all the time, yelling threats... coming close to being worshipped, or was... studied, etc... I did not know who all of you were but I wanted to be valued by these people, and I wanted to know what the hell they were up to, why they did this and that, with no idea they thought I was in charge. I wrote a fiction in my blog. In my dreams the writing would be a book revolutionaries would use. Had I any idea.. I cannot keep living in the past. I have studied it enough that with what I know, I have an operating plan. This depends on co-operation more than military discipline, no one person leading a group of people, all should have self rule to a degree to their own culture. I talk of Mexico a lot because of the deaths involved, and yes I grieve them. I get pissed when I think of this slaughter you had ferrell spring on me. I mourn you. I mourn those who fought or were conscripted or ... I do not want to let these people die in vain. I will continue to fight for immigration rights, continue to mourn the caged children on the boarder, continue always to rage against injustice toward all people... but all people are chosen of God. You are chosen whether you know about it or seemingly deserve as much. I of course have to take some of the blame for tRump. I did not think he had a snowballs chance in hell of winning. He used some of the people who were under control of the last operation. I never meant anyone should eat each other. I never wanted a state. I do not know how or what this has morphed into though God, forgive me, for my part. I talked of olden times not thinking people would do such things, wrote a short story taken wrong, always taken wrong. For fourteen years. Now I have made my case on these matters.

The New Outline

I have what is going to happen laid out in another post, which I shall add at the bottom of this...  written from the perspective of a person in a post revolution era.....   an ambitious, world changing strategy that may seem Utopian to some;   the best I can come up with.   Needs a lot of people and strategic knowledge only the military would have.   They supported my efforts once, to the point the Marines were slammed, after the first Gay leader of the Navy was brought in, by A DR WHO EPISODE... DEMONS RUN.   I did not realize that we had went into an outright war, and that they were the dark side.  God inspired me to write against monarchies..

I do not want to give anyone that kind of elitist power.  No Royal blood matters at all.   Fucking idiots and their Icon worship end up spending a bit of time in Hell dealing with their superior attitude.  Shaping involves going from wealthy to poor, murderer to prosecuter...   no one should throw stones, they have all lived lives they would sneer at now.

We have lost our humanity on this planet, or perhaps found it, and lost our spirituality?  People do seek it, this I know, in all kinds of ways. 

The book is not going to start in a fema camp, though I will use this scene for later, have him work his way into the city.   I am anxious to just write scenes make up fiction... but I know better than to waste my time on chapters I will not keep, because I do a lot of re-writing.

At this point, the story will start in mid battle.  The Christ is using his powers on various battle fronts to shore up the lines, lead attacks.   He will be at the Church meeting with all these people on the south side, a few they saved from the FEMA camp,led by the Christ, to take out his main soldier, who had been recruiting there, where the people saw their fate was like Jews entering trains for Nazi guards.   James will come out with all these gang leaders families, and others, who we directed to this particular camp, which we break these guys out of in the first scene.

THE Christ is then in a church talking to the people. Some are in awe, others do not trust him, consider him propaganda until this night, when he is miraculous missed by a barrage of bullets.   He tells them that he has had a vision that if he used these powers, the world end, as he pulled the lava from the earth and lightening from the sky, destroying the living ecosystem.....  releasing every soul on the planet, from every blade of grass, souls were flourishing everywhere unseen to most.   He has flashes of memories, the Christ, mostly that help him make decisions, based on ancient tactics of war he had had used.   I thought.  I may have imagined everything about the religious side of my life, to avoid facing the bare,, cold eyes of the dead.   The tortured and humiliated and captured and fighting for their lives blacks in the states, who the side who claimed I led them, who were not people I knew anything about during most of this...   though I invited everyone to help me revolt, and many stepped up who I did not expect..

Madness rose.   Slaves.  People kept slaves, said they were angels... I was asked to step in and did, after a tv star, the white guy from psych told me DUDE, YOU HAVE TO do something.  I am about to be sold to my hair dresser.   Later, when the Scots, thank you Jay Leno, who I know nothing about except that he helped on this.   If this is the kind of behavior the CIA CREATED religious followers of me, the NEW CHRIST, as they called me, were acting out.   After he was set free, I had spent the week trying to get in better physical shape, because I realized there was a war, and I had to fight,.   He said I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING I HAVE BOT DONE IN AGES, GO OUT WITH A WOMAN... HE turned to the woman cop, and said, NO THANKS TO YOU...  They did a show about this, as many did, terrified for their lives, victims of the rages whee I would tell the webcam I thought was an illegal bug destroying my powerless ass.

I watched many shows that would have characters directly address me, as did the sheldon on the biig bang theory, telling me, NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU.   I had no idea why that was.  I felt like the victim, as I was when this started and the CIA CUT OFF PEOPLES ARMS.   I did not know this when, simply to defy Bush, thinking he would fire the good guys,....  I should have trusted him a bit then, but I was so used to him being the enemy, intellectually speaking... I never want people hurt, though II do not allow blood to stop my mission.   There is a lot of blood ahead in my intelligence work, and the new parts of the novel    I made many mistakes that I wish I could change.

I wanted wedding cakes and M.....  not to be driven half mad my visions of God, and the lightening generating feeling of being the Christ, the exploding one, who is here with powers, perhaps,  though none of that matters.   I would not be an actor in a life imposed on  me.   I used to love all people in my way, which is why when I was laughed at by Obama and mocked over my saying, ME, A MURDERER, I LOVE EVERYONE?   I wrote a lot criticism, but in truth II love people, thought I learned from the cab most are good, want the same things, a bit of money, life, a job, stability, and the good old golden rule seemed to apply across the board.   I diid think these people were being hurt.  I was in  a half fiictional world where the guy who took pictures of M and I at the apartment, would be scared off from doing that again without talking to me.

No, I would have never want him actually hurt.   I would make sure that was known had I realized my prose would later lead to my interrogators asking about this guy, and I just was astounded he had been hurt.   WXRT radio, when they turned on me, and accused me of leading the madness,  for God only knows who... CHINA?   Are they CIA?  I have no idea.  I know they tried to help me and no matter how much they hate me now, they helped me a lot...  then they turned on me, and one day said, something about not wanting to go to jail, another commented on something I did not realize they were reading in real time, from one od tatthe many cameras capturing my life.   I would NEVER have forced people to watch worship or war for me.   I would never have raised an army of children, or brought in many things....

8 was best as a Chaplain, i know, and they offered me this, and I did not know this was my real fate.   I liked the idea of the soldiers and sailors reading me back then, their respect meant to world to me, and they called me Napoleanic because of the working class recolting, liike they did in france...   I would not hace known who to even really fight beside n a mission...   especially before.   Now,, the soldiers who help the unions, the last battles against the corporation, as they asinine ly fight the law that allows all these endless contributuons, even from billionaires own pockets, who can now afford to hace an ad company put them endlessly on tv, and give him a script to lie thru when he gave  speeches.  A enemy of the people RAUNER.   Now, another billionaire may run in Illinois and he at least says all the things I believe in, and maybe he is the exception.

THIS MAN has grown up with a lot of money, funding all these Democratees over the years.  I have to always give the idea that the wealthy I meet are exceptions, on rare occasions, just people like me who  ended up in a position of authority.   His is a hell of a lot more sensual than my life of pain and self imposed exile in my apartment, arranging and rearranging words, over and over, my entire life.

Set out to be a writer, not a conqueror;   when revolution seemed within the realm of possibility, I went for it... feeling I had nothing to lose, that I was made homeless and wretched, not rewarded for this Christ they were making a big deal out of...  all more of a surprise to me than other people.   I was even more surprised when during the obama re election they wanted me to run, made me a write in candidate in one of the first states to vote, giving me forty percent.   Being president will not solve the problems of this government.  CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM IS SOMETHING PRITZKER WANTS... AND to make recreational weed ....   lawful.  He knows that tax money will improve the state, lessen the imprisoned,, cause our tourism to shoot up, and etc...   studies show the only difference between stoned and straight drivers is pot heads tend to drive three miles an hour slower, that is it.

I drove for many years on weed, and it probably had good effects on me, though driving cab, it cost me a lot of money smoking it....  for some reason, I usually did terrible when I stopped a lot smoking weed.   Whatever..  I drove best straight.   I do  not recommend stoned driving though it is going to happen and I sure as hell prefer they are on pot rather than drink, or even their cell phone.  I was driving cab when they became popular, and I would think the person was drunk and avoid them... you must be defensive as hell to be good, and at that time I was..

I figured out it was cell phones and was pissed.  Glad they set up laws against it quick, though it seems most people ignore this...   oh, well... talk about a digression.   I am very pro weed and wrote a lot about it when I first started, after the brainwashing and they put me on the radio show, which was a front.  They were going to make us famous, shoot my stuff into small films, had all these plans... then someone messed with my head.   Or, had been for a long time, and activated me.   I heard people at first talking about how long they had awaited for me to wake up and that when I finally did, I was a disappointment to people.   I do not see all and know all.   I said this to mess with your heads, to fight you with whatever words I had...   I wanted people afraid.

At first I felt loved, but that passed quick.  The homelesss skit ass baldwin called it came as a shock to me.   Seinfeld, God bless them all from that show, they brought great light into my life..   I defended kramer and he got ahold of my defense, talking about xenophobia and saying give the guy a break.  I said this was not racism, but xenophobia, that everyone has it, and it cannot be totally irradicated.  I hated how the blacks felt because of his words, and feel for them for sure.   I do not think he meant what people think, or know him to be racist.  Never heard that.  Here Jews supported me at first, with daly and seinfeld.  How could they then think I would ever turn on them...

I would never lump all these people together as Jews who I hate.  That is terrible thinking, and anti thetical to the Jewish radicals I have known, who I never considered their religion at all i my conception of them.   I did  go too far awhile, spending too much time fighting for the Palestinians, and ignoring all these other conflicts around the world.   I do not want to be classed in with people I once respect who now have this respect for Hitler, saying he was  the last person to fight Jewish bankers,,,,  I can see going after bankers,  and we should have just stopped them from functioning, or robbed the hell out them in a cop and intelligence   ,

Enemies and allies

Fey.  I think of you often, a face for multitudes who experienced the hellish reality I helped create.  So many who probably hate me, I understand your reasons well enough that I would share in it if I believed all the lies about me, or take my words or actions out of context.  Others hate me for reasons that would be trivial had I realized that other than spies and the media seemed to know about me.  I was being filmed in my bedroom doing all sorts of normal behavior, yet your cameras were selective or something, because masturbating in my living room, in an attempt to get you to quit filming me....  Well...  I will not disclose anymore.                                                                                                                   I think of fey when she said she had been 'on the roof' three times.  I can only imagine what she means.   later she said, Honeymoon on a train.  I was stupidly seeking solace in fake on line love as an escape from the life I had been slightly informed about.  God delivered me from temptation.  A common occurrence.  Fey's comment came after I became so pissed about a race war,  which divided and conquered a movement....  I cannot believe people fell for this.  I want justice for all.  Racial issues are important, though I believe economic equality would make most issues less of a problem.

F.  I heard u did a project with no minorities, also saw the one about the people who lived underground.  I hate that lines of communicating went unresolved.  Even people who thought me their enemy would have benefitted.  Twenty twenty vision.  F. I know how it feels to lose belief, but nothing like the people who believed in me.  You expected a made up deity, a super hero from the bible to appear.  You thought these man produced books of the reverberations of ancient religions into modern times.  Christianity,  stories appear ripped off from older religions.  I found truth in the bibles, in the Jewish Psalms the warlike God was just how I sounded in war.  In the new testament I find economic and other issues confronted with a rebel's sneer.  The Feeling that I was this guy, Jesus,, and many others.....   I called myself the God of many masks which various shows spread propaganda about, krypton stole it because they coded me superman for a bit...   the superman vs batman which I don't care to get worked up yet.... I know that people were manipulated into following me, others convinced because of the wings they supposedly removed from my bak when I was five, and also got a years worth of radiation blasts, which is not how one treats spondalolathesis….

I want to know what really happened.  I have heard of horrors and heroics.  I sadly invited everyone to the party when this started, I meant this. I had no idea of the Pandora's box in my words, when the first blood was spilled by the cia and I had no idea, and would learn far after the fact.  I was used toothinking bush my enemy to understand  when he was not, though he pettily enough became one.   I can only conclude the brainwashing effected my thinking to a degree that I was incapable of logic at times.  The world does not need leaders who r blindly followed...  Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they do not know enough about the topic to do more than go with emotional reactions..

A part of me thinks I should stop writing anything revolutionary or urging action.... Or anything at all. I will continue the struggle, now that hopefully my politics r not being supposedly interpreted, like toys in my apt.  I am a writer who could act.  I could not do that again, not just because if my critics are at all true I am seen as a killer cult leader.  I cannot speak to the experience people had.  I would never have accepted your free will had I known.  Golden rule.

I am sorry Fey for you and all the people effected by this. At the same time , I was used by the people who wish to make me the scape goat.  They hid their acts behind my name, and God.   Fey I keep silent about most people I worked with in the shadow war.  Like the tv doctor who said I told them to kill chickens, code for blacks.   I am with the oppressed no matter their color.....


I do not know much about you, or that world you folks live in....  I hope you do not allow how religion has been used to keep you from discovering God.  

the beginning of THE Prophesies of the God of Many Masks

Looking down the side of the mountain.  Steep.  Their infantry will have to try to come after us.  How they will be slaughtered.  The enemies lives have become important to me;  I know some are drafted, others tricked, some hired, a lot convinced the only way to keep themselves and their families alive was to join the army the USA and their allies supplied, ISIS.  I do not blame humans put in impossible positions.   I have made gruesome decisions myself to end conflicts, and to inflict harm on those who have harmed others, especially when they claim they act in my name The Hand Of God...

The enemy is going to attack tonight.  They have been trying to penetrate our missile shields all night, with some success, though nothing vital to our defenses.    I write this so cold, leaving out the houses destroyed around us, the civilians long driven from their home by our soldiers, told the area would be unsafe.   Tonight  I am going to use one of the powers God showed me for the first time.

I am going to pull lava from the earth, channel the fiery, molten stone into the soldiers, destroying God only knew how much  east...   a hundred miles at least... I am at war with the world

They think I am a very good organizer, brought together a resistance

I have my soldiers back four hundred yards behind from where I stand.  The enemy is amassing at the bottom of the mountain where we have had a camp since the beginning of the war, when it was decided we had to sacrifice the east, for now, and gather our soldiers along the jagged line of the Appalachia mountains were the demarcation that was eventually fought out, a bloody scar on our maps showed where we would have to fight to stop their blitzkrieg across the trusting, unsuspecting states.   By now from my broadcasts the civilians were avoiding the FEMA camps, even attacking them and pillaging them for food and weapons, as I advised. 

I hear men begin to start a charge up the mountain, using the cover of the tanks and trucks and jeeps we destroyed in earlier attacks...  I feel the anger and hatred of knowing they will slaughter everyone alive that I love should they win, feel the lava coming toward me, the power of being of the earth is seductive, reminds me of the countless times I had destroyed planets this way...   the blaze of orange and red spews from my chest and spreads out, a constant stream of death, blazing across miles and miles, a red and orange and blue wave that takes out the armies on the other side, and continues on, hundreds of miles, destroying their bases, headquarters, airports...  everything dies, becomes gray ash covering molten lava.


The news of my act flows fast around the globe.  The Miracle so many had been waiting for had come.  Now they could no longer question the visions God gave me of drawing lightening and fire into my body and using them as tools of destruction.  I did not want to let the flow of fire stop, became addicted to the feeling of the destructive power flowing thru me, killing all this life had forced me to, as the leader of a war.  

The Isis army collapses, heads for the east coast, expecting to go back to their home countries...  the CIA did not want to leave that many witnesses to their crimes, poisoned them all in their mess halls.  Destroyed the evidence in one night, over six hundred thousand.  The job of getting rid of their flesh was solved by local farmers, and the bones ground into meal.  Nothing left.   They had learned well during the war how to get rid of bodies, including grinding them up and slipping them into fast food hamburger and sausage. 

Few of them were left alive after the lava flow went down the mountain, up over another, down into the valleys and through the towns, reaching cities in great waves, hundreds of feet high.  The destruction of the earth lies within me,..

A purely offense war commences, with the enemy no longer willing to face one man alone who had them all so  outgunned battle meant suicide.

They mutinied where they had to, though it became clear later that there was nothing to do but run.  We began to get recruits from their side, from the most savvy, who avoided the government kill off.   Their trust too far gone to approach anyone except our side, where prisoners were treated with dignity.

They claimed to want to keep fighting, not be jailed.  Their words were hollowed by the fact that we had essentially just won the war, and all the countries in the world were scrambling to be our ally before I released destruction on them.   There are too many in their countries who agree with my politics for the effort to take too much, other than in certain places that had been enemy for too long to see the sense in fighting our common foe, the one who separates us in the first place.

I am in a tent, lit by kerosene lamps, which I requested, nostalgic for the campouts of my childhood.  James is sitting across from me, reading from his kindle;  the net is back up in the states now that ISIS has been defeated.  The government had also come to us, the ones in the back ground, the heroes of the military for coming to their aide and giving them the victory.   We made clear we were starting over and standing in our way would require clearing a path across the continent with fire and lightening.  They were eager to have some order restored to the world, and knew I would want what most wanted whether they knew as much or not, equality, and lives where they could work and have decent places to live, decent lives...  for all.   I try not to let the grudges I have effect my conversation with them. 

We talk for almost a month, giving them time to do reconnaissance on where to send a volley of nukes and destroy me... .  I was standing ten feet from where one made contact with land, and did not budge.  I was not harmed.   My powers astound me.   I know not to be afraid, intellectually, that God has saved me from impossible odds too many times to remember, still I stood in the ashes amazed by the powers of my Father.   Now is the time of miracles to the humans, when they are beginning to understand they are dealing with GOD, not another human, the leader of a revolt, or a mafia family, or an army, or a religion.  A servant of a God who had now shown them that he did not need an army to fight.  Alone he can destroy continents, perhaps the planet, as he claims... and billions begin to believe as they view the satellite pictures of the scorched states.

The footage of the fire flowing from me and spreading reminds me of all of the souls sent to the heavens from my actions, those who would grieve for them.  I would not have believed what I saw...  even though I was there my experience was being fire not caring about the destruction I was causing, wanting the feeling to last as long as possible, though stopping myself still right where I planned.   I had control, though I did not want it.   The satellite view makes me look like a tiny volcano spewing more lava would have been possible without the power of a God, fiery rock from a human body...   a God filled with hatred at the way he and his people have been treated letting loose righteous hell on his enemies.  

We monitor the international reaction, smoking bongs, silent and blank, poker faced... or frowning, barely talking.  They are saying we are evil in areas that were sympathetic to the western capitalists who were robbing the citizens for centuries and were now trying to do away with them, calling us usurpers of the democratic system, which we laugh at, because the government was running for the corporations, not what people wanted.  They were integral in the hidden plan to genocide, they were told they were on the live list, and some were.

The people are not buying their propaganda, know that the government ran ISIS, by then.   Still they went on all day on tv and radio repeating the same lies and bringing in lighter news from around the world, etc...   I have the internet back up here in the west, and people are with us, creating sites to organize food and rescue for isolated survivors who are injured, help with bodies, rebuilding,

JOSH ROGEN -- I OWE YOU MY THANKS.

I have come down hard on you guy, because you showed one truth. that hid more than it illumed.  Still, I get angry when I see myself portrayed as an idiot, who wants to display my penis to the world.   I was losing my mind by that point, feeling like the world in the tv and my day to day had no connection hardly at all... other than the mysterious matters of various groups showing up at the beach, which one man told me was now a Holy Place.   I awoke there in a way, before the brainwashing, had this flash I was being watched, which I was.  I grew manic from there on in, and eventually had the seizure, which led to them getting me for three days, blank to me, of brainwashing.  I came to with notes written on my arms babbling about the tv talking to me....   and classic signs of brain washing, like knowing I was not the person who I thought I was, that I was someone else, maybe something else... and I begin to look at holy books for messages.

I made many mistakes.   I knew the feed was live sometimes.   I often wondered if the public could even see those broadcasts.  I never imagined the viewers could see me or I would have, certainly, behaved differently.   I feel like I have been displayed, right, and at times I told you stories, drifted into being Christ, though my main objective was to figure out what you were doing, and to keep you from seeing my fear.   To stop you from forcing me to live a certain way because I was being watched by spies was my only form of rebellion, I thought.

The cognitive dissonance and general confusion...  you expected a plan laid out and ready to be fulfilled.  That was the plan on my side as well, but I was religious then, and that world makes this one seem impermanent to me.  I was many things I am not know.  But I was never who they say I am.

I see them now on fox, who I accept is presently my enemy, though we will see who buys them out, on gotham, where once I was called the joker by my enemies because I had a comedy show, and did not want power or money but political change...  no one could understand that I was reacting to life as Christ, and still do.  Back then though I did not even know what I could and could not do, etc...  but the billionaires were afraid of us socialists, so they gave heath ledger the role of...  they killed him for playing me like that, so n the next one they called the character Bane, when my stage name was Pain... and talked about him having the city hostage, with his nuclear bomb.   The one thing they got right was that I was the only one who stood up for the women, and I stayed behind to fight... though I did not get mangled up, and do not ever want a city to feel like I would hold them hostage with a nuclear bomb.   My plans do not involve such matters...  unless evoked because provoked, and that would take sticks and stones at my door.   No need for such barbarity in this world.


Then I did something they decided made me superman, saved the government, for good or bad, because I did not know anything about the army that was involved.   I was asked three impossible questions by them, the kind a real leader has to have a lot of intelligence to make,  which I was woefully lacking in.    I said no eagles.   I said why ny ... why engl.... when your answer was Gold, I could only react by saying why... and no.   I do not know why I was consulted, like I am a shaman pulling answers from the sky.   This time around you must be prepared to think for yourself, lead yourself, and avoid any cult like behavior.

Batman had to fight Superman then....  I have not been able to watch that one, because it will tell me shit I do not know, and display me in ways that piss me off... a friend told me the end....  I was ordered to commit suicide by all these people, like that would be a great end for me.   Instead, I was interrogated, which was much better.  Then I learned what was really going on, etc. 

I know that movie will be trigger after trigger...  I am constantly pained and obsessed and trying to determine the best route and watching the signs.  I know that my place, regardess of how I am viewed by my enemies, must be used to the benefit of those who fight for the people, in the unions versus corporation world we live in now.   I want unions across this planet, really...  or give the plants to the employees, with the owner making a bit more, but not some bezo who treats employees like shit.


Back to the point, I wrote the other day how I wanted to torture people, collaborators and I named Rogen and Dylan.   I do not excuse Dylan, he really is the prince of hell...  he will enjoy fame until it turns to infamy, when the truth of his use comes out.  Rogen twisted on preacher to slam the blood line of christ, and the infamous masturbation scene in my fucking watched over life. I have to forgive everyone, because it disembowels their ability to offend me....  and in the end, I learned more about a few things than my allies let me know.

They thought I wanted them watching, when I did not know they were there... showed me a clip of russel crowe playing some character madly driving up his hits on the internet.   i guess they figured if I did not want money, I wanted watched.   Fuck no.  And it had to be the ratty fucking green thing I wore because I just no longer gave a damn.. stoned as hell and writing and listening to music.... to see myself standing there that day it all hit home, as the child said fuck fuck fuck over and over again....  I watched the actors surprise, and to this day I feel like shit about it like so many things.


Asked to make a sophie's choice I refused and fought.  I was kept from the knowledge of power and your pain.   I wrote of my own experience with the pain being part of my awakening, to this revolution, ran by the Christ,  and they showed me a kid in an RV, also from one of my stories, ripping out one of his teeth.

I never thought you needed pain to enter battle... maybe now I think it helps.... not sure?  I did not in my wildest dreams think my paltry efforts would have any effect at all.  Little did I know a huge group of folk were waiting for this day, when there would be one world, ruled over by the king of kings.  A man known as rational, clear thinking, etc...  even stoned. Suddenly find others had plans for his life almost since birth...  now they believed their waiting was over, and this angel, or Christ, had awakened....  they poured the belief onto me and I swam in the love of God, amazed at the glory of the word glowing thru me when I should have been concerned with the world.

I skip ahead, and look back at that person, and think, Lord, if he knew what he was in for, what his words would have done.  He would have cut out his tongue, chopped off his arms... painted quite and alone, staying away from words altogether.   Whatever.  There was a song that used to ask if they wondered if this was my plan from the start.  No, not in any way at all was this my plan. 

My plan was for a world that did not exist, the world of lies we are all raised within.  Here, in the real world, the complexities, and the death, make me cautious of what to believe.   I want one of my sources to be true, the one who points out my allies...   if so they have grown.  I pray that my efforts have removed the shit and the medals from my name.  I am a preacher of sorts.  No longer a thesbipain.  Those days died with the victims of my rages at my petty problems.  The rage that kept me free of terror, effected my logic as well, obviously...  I acted as Christ would, not as a rational person would.   In some situations, I have to be more flexible to accomplish my mission, and who the fuck am I to judge anyone?  Behavior I will vent about, but damn, I never want people killed.  And I understand this will happen..

I am all over the place.  I suppose with the cia I can assume you will get this if I leave it as a note. 

I have yet to address you except with rage since I learned your tactics.  Then you try to get rid of me, tell people I left the battlefield voluntarily...  kill yourself you told me, the only way out your agent, a murderer, informed me...  yes, right.

I am not going to allow you to crucify me on your absurdity.  Let alone kill me without a mean and dirty and dusty debauchery of death.  My religion tells me this is how the explosions of fire and lightening in me ignite, when I lose my temper.  You have never seen me lose my temper, just angry.  Never saw me smash things, etc...  Never saw me physically attack anyone, or be attacked.   You have heard me as  I mumbled my stupid fantasies of revenge, that premeditation made look absurd and infantile in the end...  to think of such things taken seriously is enough for me to wish I was not religious, that my mission was pure revolution...  both.  My job in the end is the Chaplain.  I should have agreed to this from the beginning.

I did want the soldiers to know I backed them, and always have, and always will.  I pray they fight for the laws of humanity, not military discipline... that they no longer become cheap mercenaries for the oil companies.  I pray our politicians no longer use your blood to get the deal through on those oil pipelines.