MEMORIES from past lives appear to me on a need to know basis.

I have been living since long, long, long before there was a human on this planet;  and I have been in the place of this universe before the eath spun out from a star, was hit metorites bringing up life forms, from distant artists in the sky who seed life in the name of God.  The creator.  They do his work gladly with pride and  a steel eyed look of purpose, because there is literally nothing more important in the stars, to my kind, the son....

Do I have brothers and sisters?   No.  Not really.  I like God and the Holy Spirit are seperate from me.  Each human has their own Holy Spirit, which is the creator within you closest to what I am;  the closest to one chosen for the reasoning of a God, which does not always make sense to humans.

I did not understand the carnage of God until in a distance void I fell in love with a creature.  We were most akin to invisible gases on this planet, the apex of the evolution, the end product of a God who created a dog eat dog world, where survival required killing, lying, slaves, etc.....  all the things that are blamed on me.  Some I made mistakes, but my mistakes often turn out to be what God wanted, when I wanted something else.  So I call this a mistake.  But I do not know what ghastly change in time He has sent me on.  God gives me the grace of not exactly knowing the future.  You would not want to remember the future very much at all if you were a creature such as I.   I am the OMEGA... the one who is there when life dies away from the planet, and sends you on your way to a place of indescribable LOVE AND WARMT and more stay there, immobile, for all enternity.

My planet was the first.  Ours was written a different history.  We always lived close enough to see the face of God in our sky, the souls, sparks of orange and white and yellow lights, capsuled shaped..  speeding by in great schools, hurdling toward the heaven that they knew existed before the ape uttered their first word.  ONLY MAN HAS FORGOTTEN ALL BEINGS GO TO HEAVEN.  This has made him cruel and selfish and.... the man who I am is filled with shame for all I have done.  I know I return to my God in the end, and I know this is not the last planet I will inhabit before I go into the golden light of love that eminates from the spheres that make up his face, one large, others slightly smaller....  dull colors covered in a masterpiece of lightebiuibg displays.   We learned of the PAIN on the other worlds, and chose to do what we could about it.  Often a planet was going to be hit by a meterorite, and the people are going to choke to death for fifty years, become sterile, their once great civilizations reduced to people living aghast at their own actions.   I go in then as a bomb, destroying the atmosphere, releasing their souls because they are no longer needed.  The joke as I said before is on the murderer -- they have given their worst enemy into the wonderful realm of being a soul, forgiven, remembering all the lives before, but mostly just drifting in ecstatic curiousity.  Being in the soul....  humans must not know too much about it.   I will not glorify death.  YOU ARE HERE FOR A REASON.   If things get too tight, too horrible, I will be here to destroy evil, and welcome you to paradise with loving arms, and relatives going back to the first molecule...

There is always a part of me that will be man.... the son of man.  This son grieves with humans, and see's no beauty in death, just a lost battle.... that I will rationalize best I can, though in truth I have to build walls around their memories so I do not fall into the murky pit of pain that awaits any reminder of the joy lost.  Too much has happened.  There have been too many deaths and revolutions and hatred and hatred and hatred and.... into this world since humans found out there is a God on earth, documented and scientifically proven, in as I DREAMT OF DRIVING AND FLYING SO MUCH THAT by the age of five, I began to grow wings.  The Catholic Church was brought in, as well as the free masons, the governments... they were not sure what they had.   Some thought him an alien....   at first.....  the second day, after I found myself preaching words I did know existed in my mind, waring humans of hell, and how they had to change, etc...  freaking out the religious people who knew about me to no ends....

I had never believed in Hell, very much.... one night I did at church camp, when after a week of indoctrination, they asked us what we had learned at church camp, and I stood up crying and said I learned my older brother had went to hell...  he was hardly evil or anything, at all, just a sixteen year old kid doing his best...  I remember wondering afterwards where the hell that had come from, but it was not what I meant to say at all.   They had Christopher Hitchen contact me and ask why would an alien preach of hell... and I thought, that is very true, why would I preach of hell....   when I had never believed in God.... and after much thought I realized that everyone goes to Heaven, except those few who choose to do something else, like the angels who sometimes choose to come with me to a planet, though such events are rare, because I would never send a soldier into a combat situation that I would not try myself and I have some pretty shitty lives, to be honest.  A life of sacrifice... a life living for a creature time and space away whose love is all I have really ever cared about;   and the love this inspires for all his creatures, which are just God wearing a different mask.  MY MASKS ARE FEW, HIS ARE INFINITE... every flower, every cat, every human.... EVERY HUMAN....  would he throw a person into a dead end life and then find them GUILTY of some vague sin they never even understood, that they must have done if God was going to treat them that way.

What we consider disasters he finds continents shifting, where you see the blur of a bat in the night, he see's every pulese of blood, every atom, every struggle, every breath...  He is unending.  As are you, His children... he would not bring you into life to punish you.... He is a good father, who has been taken out of context, a creature who inspired war to bring justice,  not punishment, the extension of the big fish little fish survival in the oceans, where the cameflauge of colors stuns as much as any sight in the cosmos.

I needed time to write my scripture, to uncode the messages given to me by man and God.  What changes He wishes, what ways I will serve this time.   I am reminded again and again of how few people believe this about me... Iowa suddenly began showing commercials about how they had defeated Napoleon, and were free.....  I understood that much was happening in Iowa.  The CIA basically was shaping writers of great talent at the Iowa Writers Workshop...  this was nothing I knew back them... regardless, soldiers or religious adherents or allies or peacemakers -- I hope most of all, have realized that the dreams of conquering were inserted into me... I conquer with ideas.   I have no need for armies, though I will use them if I need them, as I will pick up any brick in an alley fight.

When I found out about all the groups who were doing evil and claimed they had my okay to do so, officials in government is about all I can say about that without stirring up conflict for no reason --  and some doing the right thing.. a mish mash of conflicts that stemmed from miscommunication... at a time when ONE man should have been informed more than any other on the planet WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON, I WAS KEPT IN INGNORANCE BY IDIOTS ON ALL SIDES....  and some who were doing their best, and fought and died to make this world work for all, not just a chosen few.


ALL ARE CHOSEN OR NO ONE IS CHOSEN.   That is the way a planet killing is decided, to a degree.. and there are too many degrees for father to burden me with them.  I use the term father not to make a choice of sexuality, that is ridiculous, we are not like God in that respect.  He has no reasonn to procreate.  One is enough. 

I want to call you idiots and I want to forgive you and I want to thank you and I want to do my best for you... ALL OF YOU.   To do this requires changes that not everyone who is in power is going to like.  PERIOD.  And we will make these changes regardless of your resistance against us.

Sell your cloak and buy swords HE TOLD HIS FOLLOWERS.. that last night, when he realized he was trapped, and was going to be nailed to a cross... He was too well known... the well known hid that they were ZEALOTS... He would not hide that he believed in a revolt against Rome.  He would not pay taxes to kings, who He found to be an affront to God, as HE did alll those who used evil to gain prosperity on this planet, ignnoring

I

07 is when the killings in our cause began to accumulate in my head...

What if all people knew they were going to THE FACE OF GOD, INTO HIS COURT OF PURE LOVE... would we no longer value objects around us enough to give up the wars we fight so some can live in luxury? The objects and sensations and all the time fillers that stave off their terror of death -- their concept of death that makes them think the dead are worse off. They are in soul, free of the pains of flesh, much relieved.... the irony is all on the murderer.




The dead come in crowds, they shove their way thru the masses to get to the front and call out to me, accuse me, curse me, forgive me.... understand I have given them relief from the WAR.   We are in the battle of End Times... one or another side will win.  Either way, I get what I want so I will take the side of JUSTICE and see where it leads, into a future of man living in harmony with nature, or destroying his sustaining planet and require me to give this planet a MERCY KILLING, THE FIRE AND LIGHTENING THE PROPHETS HAVE SEEN COMING SINCE THE FLOOD WAS PROMISED NEVER AGAIN.

The women leaping from buildings believing I would cull the human population to save the planet, when I WOULD DO NOT SUCH THING WHEN OTHER alternatives fill my mind and are worth a fight...  my intent has been askewed since my arrival.  HOW I BEGGED FOR TIME IN THE DESERT TO WORK THIS OUT FOR MYSELF, THOUGH YOUR HUMAN EGOS TOLD YOU THAT YOU KNOW BETTER THAN I.......   your disbelief will be your undoing in the end, as we choose sides, draw our guns, and attack again.  We minimize the damage, unlike our country destroying enemies, who live off the blood of war like vampires, the war -profiteers -- who in other times would have been hung for what the MORAL KNOW IS A CRIME OF TREASON.

I am not here to kill.  I have come to do that before, in great numbers. I am a God who has understood when might makes right to take the might, and make right....    too many lives have taught me these lessons for me to do other even when I have merely the feeling of a mild trance as they pass thru me.

Sometimes I remember the drafty castles I have lived in most of civilized times...  rich or poor....wherever I was needed to lessen the pain of human life.  A futile job too important to give up because of few saved are worth all the world to me....

THE DAY TO DAY HIDES THE LIE

     The elephants rampaging past us, that we have to squeeze through to traverse a room.  The big lies.  The BIG RESPONSIBILITIES IGNORED.

 We know enough in our time to change our ways, and adjust to live on this planet in harmony with the nature which SUSTAINS US.  Our relationship with nature is more important than our relationahip with our countries.  We kill the planet, we are all done.  Right now Japan bleeds RADIOACTIVE DEATH out into the oceans, murdering millions of life forms, wiping out some, extinctions already insured.   Even the bleeding acid of death burning thru the oceans is IGNORED.   We have to DO SOMETHING to change our leadership, because they are so blinded by money and intent on living in luxury that they do not EVEN CARE IF THERE IS A FUTURE.  THEY ARE THAT FUCKING SELFISH.

I am the story teller, trying to span from before time and thru time to BEYOND TIME.  To tell of the human soul, and what is to come, as well as what has transpired to get us here.  I want to write this like a paper, a news article, new journalism... instead of a narrative.  To insert the character of mysel as the center perspective...  break thru that fourth wall, punch a few holes in the fictional dream to let in a few facts and figures.

They sacrificed to their leaders.  Prisoners of war.  Brought them before me tied and bound, laid them on the ground beside the fire, cut out their livers and gave the steaming organ to my hand, now dripping with blood.  We have won this battle and were thanking the Gods.  They would have killed us all off had they won.  This was war.  I was born into the human who was the leader's second son.  I hold up the liver, throw take a bite, then throw the rest in the fire.  We cheer, sated our God, thanked Him.  Bloody, big fish and little fish, dog eat cat and mouse eat cricket CREATOR.  The circle of life, killing one another to eat.  Most of our existence we have lived like this, one one side the predators, on the other the prey...  and the prey of the prey of the prey.

Our mind tells us this history, our subconscious remembers some, the world around us echoes of those times, first a creature of sea, for long long long years, on a planet completly covered in water, life fell on asterroids into the water and specks of life began to grow more and more complex, until we sit here with the tv blaring and the computer in front of me on the coffee tavble, writing on a blog...  the words of a dangerous man.  Who has written dangerous words.  Who was never cautious, never knowledgable enough to know to be...  disrespectful to a world that asked anything of me the way they were treating me.  Fuck you was my attitude for too long.   I have accepted the situation as much as possible, though the shock to my flesh and mind has forever changed me emotionally, it is as if my emotional life was broken.  I am no longer the person with the feelings of the person I was before.   A death.  Occured within. 

No person going through the shock of discovery is completly sane.  The effects were particularly difficult for me because I could not face that people had died.  Then I could not accept the fact that these people existed, did these things, and were trying to pretend it was over, when the signs were everywhere that it was not.  I did not want to listen to the voices that cautioned me, because I was not going to change my way of living because some fuck heads set up cameras all over me.    The anger was constant.  The rages coming over me in a flash.  Reactive to everything.

The world knowing I was once Christ was overwhelming.  I did not know how to proceed, that such a thought was in my mind was the most important aspect of my existence.  I ignored too many things because of this pre-occupation.  I knew I was liked, knew that I was hated...  never knew why, or exactly by who...  the years of total confusion, dealing with a world behind the matrix that was totally unknow to me...  dealing with people who had been making plans to take over the planet since before I was born who never bothered to let me in on the secret.  The various groups who were fighting one another instead of banding together against their common enemy drove me mad.  People were so beguiled by the lies of the dark ones that they were not even voting for the politicians who would help them, they were voting for the ones who seemed like them.  Poor people voting for republicans who would walk past them starving in the streets.

I expected wise men to come to me with consoul.  You expected one man to have the entire plan worked out and ready to go, which was there, but when I was used and abused I got mean quick, because that is how I have survived all these lives.  I was surprised by the brainwashing, never expected anyone would use me for such a thing. They wanted their Jesus for Operation Bluebeam.  I was not interested in going along.  I was angry that no one came to me.  No one.  That was all it would have taken to clear most of this up.

Journey of the God of Many Masks... where he talks about where he is from, his mission from God, and his endless need to go from planet to planet, when they are at the split in the path where they may teeter into chaos and require a mercy killing, or be steered into a future where the planet can live... all the lifeless planets in the cosmos attest to the usual outcome of his journeys.

  He/I remember first being a creature waving with the gentle flow of warm salter, more plant than a creature a human would think of as sentient.  My planet is close to the Face Of God.  We feel the constant golden warmth of extreme love flowing thru us, rays of a love that cannot be described to the living or the dead;  only experienced in Heaven.  A blue and purple world, with no other colors at all.  We spent most of our consciousness travelling throught the creations of God.  Each of us is an individual, we all have free will.  Some go to planets of extreme beauty, where clouds of every color weave together into complex sights surpassing all on earth by a margin too wide to gap.   Many of the places, sights, and experiences I will describe as my 'life,' are indescribable.  To even make the attempt reduces what I have to say into mere shadows of what I write about.

I am  a creature born as a man now, because this is my way of learning the new truths of every time.  I keep who I AM a secret even to myself during these years;   I do not want to miss the man experiences the creature I am would avoid to be missed.  I must be hidden during these years from those who search for a messiah.  They exist in every time.  Everyone wants one, though they have no idea, really, what goes into being a messiah.  In the new scriptures I will tell you about the bits of my journey's, what applies to the Now.  Living forever, being immortal, leaves one with too much to tell in a book, a lifetime... even lifetime after lifetime.  I am not stupid enough to try.

Every time I come back, the words I left behind have been twisted by ways of man, taken as a means to buy power, too use my ghost to scare the children and inspire the adults.  I do not expect to be understood, just know what I will leave behind, be it a few sentences that I know is enough to change history forever.  The key to new realities, new ways of being... these I leave each time I live.  Some pick them up, some step over them, a few discover some of the doors to perception that they open....  the time that keeps coming into my mind where I need to start these lives, I am standing befor a bonfire, surrounded by trees glowing red, around them black, opaque night.   I see these other lives as I see my life now, as my hands type on my lap...  this night, I can see I have a long, black beard...feel on my back an immense bear skin, that stretches from my back down to the ground.  I am looking out on painted dancers, they have eaten plants to derange their minds, loud drums thunder from all sides, in a bam, bam, bam...bam, bam, bam... repitition over and over.  No complex rhtymn... just loud, marching music.  The sound of war.   In the morning we will attack...  my chest bleeds where I have sliced my flesh to rub blood over my face and body, to feel the pain now that I will fight thru on the morrow.  I do not want the battlle.  We will win.  I do not fight unless I will win.  Not in that time, when you lost your women, you cattle, your children, your lives... slavery the best outcome -- a brutal, starving, beaten life.  I already mourn their dead.  I do not tell my soldiers I mourn for them as well, they are going to heaven and know as much.  They meet death as a long lost longed for lover.  The live only because God has a mission for them or they would have died already.  I know this because I have preached my feelings into them.

I am taller than most, muscled...  I have at my feet many children and wives, sitting down and eating, like myself their eyes on the dancers, all aglow red by the fire, waving clubs and tomahawks and spears as they crouch down and run forward, pretend to attack, then dance again, free and of their own volition, each different then the other until their leader yells attack...   the dance is an excercise of course... a way to follow orders, to attack without thought...  I do little that does not have meaning within meaning.  I have led armies and tribes and myself into war in life after life and the ways come natural to me whether I have awoken to being the God of many masks, or still sleep in the coccoon of the student, believing myself human.

We station ourselves where two cliffs are around seventy feet apart.  The enemy will have to walk thru the pass to cross the mountain, to where they believe we are camped.  I have had spies watching them and reporting back their movements since discovering of their existence, because back then I knew the power of hunger, and that one day they would be starving, or we would be starving... and you took care of your own back then.  War is a  law unto itself , , ,   as is starvation -- or worse, the starvation of your young and all you love and are sworn to protect.  We have large rocks ready to throw down on them, stacks of spears...  warriors waiting in the trees to come in afterwards with axes.   They are not expecting us, bunched up together for warmth against the cold wind that whips through the valley below.  I do not killing.  I wave my hand and the stones and spears begin to rain down from both cliffs...

The panic is immediate.  My soldiers take advantage of them running everywhere to avoid the rocks.  Seperating individuals from the pack, where two or three men can destroy within worrying about being harmed.  I remember such things from being a fish, and learning to stay in the center of the school.

We kill them all.  The winter is harsh and the hunting has left us hungry, chewing hide.  We will not starve, though we can afford no more mouths to feed.  In the summer I would have saved the children, and raised them as our own.  I never kept slaves.  I had been a slave too many times, specialized in slave revolts.  Died in many...  sometimes all they needed was a leader to get them going.

Yes, I die on the Cross they wear around their necks these days.  I died as a revolutionary, a zealot.  Didn't you ever wonder why I told my followers to sell their cloaks and buy swords, only to be taken without a fight?  I can fight.  Does not matter what life was in back then I had to rise thru battle to a position powerful enough to know my message for the time would live.... though occasionally I was able to lead lives where I was merely the friend of a brilliant woman who brought a religion of her own into the world.  I do not like being the leader, anymore than I like being led...  I simply will not allow myself to be led, though I have often needed to be the leader, with my experiences.

 I remember the blood of these lives, not my own.  I do not care about my life but I care about the lives of others.  The pain of loss is the hardest part of being a human.  Loss of humans, and animals.  In this life I have lost a list of pets that flows pain through my body and mind when I think of them.  I have lost only a few humans close to me compared to pets.  I have caused and ordered and felt countless deaths of humans I loved in the seemingly endless lives.  They are a collage, nothing linear about my memories.  Like notes on a university class, once in awhile a bit of knowledge will be needed and it comes back to me, though it hardly brings to mind the entire class.  This life has not been boring, more virtual...  I have not lived the brutal life of the forest, have not had to raise children with all the intendent responsibilities, have not had to use my hands to kill.

Why I am here has caused much distress across the world... taken lives.  Murdered and loved and mocked and hated and loved.  Discredited by misconceptions, crucified on the absurdity of the time I am born into this time around.  A TIME when I can preach across the planet in a second.  Send my sermons to all tribes at once.  I cannot concern myself with which Holy Spirits recognize me, and who has so buried the God within them under Golden Calves that they cannot see me...   I am here many believe to end this world.  One of three intense, unworldy visions God sent into me showed endless fire flowing from chest, and enless lightening from my chest.  This same night He showed me his face.  A face I recognized from my life at home, on the planet called Heaven.  The idea of Heaven has always been a confusion.  There is no 'name' for dwelling with God.  I just say Heaven because that is as far as I need go to feel His love, to bask in the ecstasy unimaginable.  There is a place closer to His face.

A place of streams of Golden Light where souls go... there they remain immoble for all eternity.  Gifted with being close to God.  I have a different purpose, as do my people.  Like I said, on our planet, we are plant like, tubular, purple and blue, like the sand beneath us, the sky above and the water around us....  God's face is there above us, the giant brown circle crackling with lightening, surrounded by smaller circles of muted greens, reds, blues...  all surrounded with green marble on the edges...  the lightening across their faces the only change of expression, the only movement...  He is at the center of all things, the eminator.  Our planet is the closest.

Our souls travel the vastness, places beyond time and space, experience becoming all the creatures we can, then return with our tales and spread them in an instant to all our worldy kin.  Once one of has been to a place the others go elsewhere, already knowing all there is to comprehend from the one who has visited the realm.   I am different.  I am an exception.  I am the son who said No.  I did not defy God like Satan.   I questioned His wisdom and he laughed --  I hear him laughing at me on occasion, though the only word I have ever heard him utter is LOVE.  My every question gets the same anwer.  Why am I to destroy this planet I asked....  No, I will not do this...  He laughed.

I let them go on and saw the chaos and hellish circumstances that overtook the planet, then obeyed His order.   From that day forward I have not returned home.  The purity of being a soul without a body is a great pleasure, where He beffudles me of my awful purpose, allows me again to feel only the warm joy of being myself again for a moment...  witnessing the pain has kept me out here, trying to stop what I can.  I regenerate over and over on the planet's trying to steer them away from the culling, the release of souls that comes inevitably with the death of a planet, and they all die.  A mercy killing...  is often required.  Why leave souls in pain any longer than you must?  He knows this, and He alone too knows when this time has come.  I fall too in love with His creations.  He laughs at this, too.  My kind wonder why I do not go back and report on the events of my travel and my only answer is that I for now I have became ALL PAIN, and do not wish to dump this nightmare on them...

I am straying from the tales of the lives, how the religions grew from sparks here and there... into what we have now... and most importantly, what we will have when I am done.  Or at least I think it matters... hope there are two paths the future could take.   I saw the death of the planet, though one day I was in my living room smoking weed and seemed to see a future of fantastic cites, rising miles into the sky, surrounded by primal forests unspoiled by humans.  A sun generated world for the humans, living all sorts of religions and with none at all, with levels of different cultures...  levels of different neighborhoods -- not a hive of humans, a celebration of diversity.

I do not know how to get to this vision, though I know all that would be needed, and know this is possible.   I do not have the power to reshape this earth or I would.  When I first awoke I was used as a puppet by many who wanted to use the promise I would be king of kings to become kings themselves...  to validate the lie of royal blood with my presence.  I told satan when I was Jesus that nothing on this earth could equal my throne, which is what being home in the warm waters of heaven would be to me now.... thrones affront my father.  People who sit in them seem to think they are Gods too often.

IMPROVISATION

Imagine everyone around you knows about a secret world, that they are all living cover lives and you have no idea;  imagine that you are writing your political beliefs and fiction on the web, thinking yourself un-noticed, obscure;  imagine you do not realize that the world has been waiting for you to become the Christ since you were a child;   imagine you have given up on religion and humanity and your body is crippled with pain and you have no ability to work anymore, after being industrious since childhood taking a shovel out after snowstorms and banging on doors all day.... getting your first job at the age of twelve and suddenly being unable to do much of anything without taking hand fulls of pain pills;   imagine being offered the life you have always wanted, fame and fortune, only to find all these nightmarish events happening around you.... that you simply do not understand;   imagine it is all so overwhelming that the only way you can continue is to pretend that it is not happening, and everyone around you in your life is acting like nothing is happening.

Imagine finding the voice of Jesus raging thru you....  Jesus.  After having a dream twenty years before that Jesus would return in the city you happened to end up in.  Imagine during all this people are working with you doing things that you would never do....  imagine seeing horrible things on the television that seem vaguely related to your work, or something you said.... and being able to do nothing more than see it on the television...

I do not know if it is true that I began growing wings at the age of five, or if this was part of some lie.  I do not know if the man who I knew as a poet and came up to me on the street and said I was Jesus Christ was an operative or sincere.  I do not what all of my words were used for ...  all I know is that I must use what I have now to try to stop the actions of an evil few who are trying to take over the world and enslave most of the population.   John F. Kennedy tried to warn us about the secret societies and the zionists and the bankers.  They have never let another president rise again who was not a freemason.  I believe.  Or vetted by this group.   Who fights them?  Should they be fought?  After the way they treated me, I have little faith in their being a righteous group.  Why did the vatican name their telescope Lucifer?  Are there people who worship this so called fallen angel?

Those I said were angels used this power to subjugate others.  Those I said were soldiers ....  the all out war leaves no civilians.  This many of you have learned.  I told you DO NOT GIVE ME POWER...  do you remember that?   God put me in deep trances, and that is where the poetry came from.  I had visions of going into hell and releasing all the lost souls, of satan dying at the hands of his own son....  a vision of fallen angels, demons, falling on their knees in tears at my mercy.   I had visions of going from planet to planet, visions of places throughout the cosmos where there was still evil, and that humans were bred in this kill or be killed world to be warriors traveling across the cosmos freeing worlds as we made our way back to the father....  visions of sending the souls off to heaven, and then continuing a lonely journey from planet to planet gathering souls from dying planets.  I had visions of seeing sparks of souls all over the planet...  

There are many things  that came to me....   were they imagined?   I do not know...Too many of my idle speculations and fantasies that I told no one have come true, the fantastical....

I was learning something new all the time between twenty ten and thirteen.  You kept so much from me...  because you knew I would not go along...  or you had to keep things secret.   I wanted to be a honest as possible with you, but you showed me a terrifying world...   and though I would not believe you... the things I heard seemed too fantastical for belief.  This money I never saw, this family I never knew about...  some people believing I am the Christ, others taking me hostage thinking I am some figure in a race war orchestrating tortures....

I was acting on feelings of revulsion often, that I believe were inspired by God... like not taking money that was offered in o seven.   Later you thought I was paid all this money and endorsed by all these people when I was seeing none of this, and knew none of the people you told me were my associates.  

I still believe in my mission.  I hold onto the thought that GOD has caused all this to happen to set up a way for me to save this world from the short sighted oligarchy -- oh, they think they are long term thinking, but their plans are too evil to be allowed.   I will stop them, if I have the allies to do so.  Otherwise you will destroy this planet on your own, or I will provide a mercy killing.  This is my vision.  One of a great cities in massive forests, where all cultures and peoples are living together and apart, enlightened and exploring and learning about what they will, believing in God or not...   Like myself, my Father does not need your worship....men want to be worshipped, this is why you all want to be famous.  Elected...  etcetera...

I was not making things up for the hell of it.   I had to adjust to that webcam... had to respond to the assault...  I knew some were interested in my spirituality, but I am not here to order you around, or take your free will.   In this way, you have me all wrong.   I wrote against cults....all the time.  I wrote against many things you did.   God knows better than me.

Some things I will never understand about this until I am dead.   I wish to this day that you would send me an emissary and allow me to learn what is really going on and serve this world.   I do not want to be served...  I wish to serve.   I certainly know that the people who came up with this plan were conquerors.   My intent became to fight back.

I was only acting when I was trying to scare you away from attacking me.  I followed my instincts to fight evil, and served masters I hated unknowingly.  My trust in any who came into my life, my friendly nature was distorted and lost at some point.  The things done in my name, in the name of the many Gods I have been to you humans is why I keep having to come back...  humyns have too much of what I can only think of now is an evil need to dominate and compete with one another has been my enemy throughout the eons.  I sympathize with all of you... to this day I cannot understand why it was so important for you to get me on the white or black side.  I believe these are made up sides, distractions....   as I believed as Jesus, and throughout most of my lives, the rich and those who believe they are the chosen of God, or use God to enrich themselves, have always been the ones to fight me.

I think often of a song on xrt that won all these awards, Irish singers, a group that you have been told I turned against...  I sure as hell did not like that all this money you made off of me went to who it did...  now you have a song from this same group saying there is no heaven,....  I had too many visions of Heaven to believe a word of that, but since I would not go along with you, you turned on me.   I would rather be righteous and stand alone than be beloved by the deluded fucks on this planet.  Because I am never alone.

I cannot tell where the evil is....  I have to believe what I read on the net, which I know is unreliable after knowing so many things no one writes....

I end this by saying do not think I will take a side in a race war.   I do not want any group ruling over another...  I still believe in the individual, as well as the collective.  We need a balanced mix of the two... right now too much power is in the hands of the few...  we need to swing back to the left at this point, and since an independent is running, I will support Bernie Sanders in the coming election.   I think you should as well.   Yes, voting is not going to do too much, but it does do something,... and he is certainly better than Clinton, who I suspect they will try to nominate, but she has so much baggage that she could lose.  Sanders is different enough, and the neocons have been exposed to most people, so he may have a chance of winning.

GOD bless you all....  whether you believe or not, I AM here... and you have two choices.  Work with me to save the planet, or suffer a slow death of your planet, or a blast of fire and lightening == a mercy killing.

THE CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST

is among the many groups that I have never been able to adequately get my mind around.  Along with the idea of the Emperor wanting Colorado.  I should have realized more of this was centered on me than I did.  What is forgotten in this history is that I was being acted upon and was merely swinging in the dark at anything that got close to me...  and foolishly in denial when I was told that something was happening, never seeing how these things could have anything to do with me.  Now that I can see a bit of this, I know there is no making this right.  Right and wrong are long gone...   they left when my short stories and book suddenly became viewed as anything more than what they were to me.  And they were not some plan that I had laid out.   This is stating the obvious by now, I hope.  Or not mine.  They were GOD'S, though I cannot begin to tell you why, He wanted this earth broke with a rod...

I do not even know if there is any reason to explain myself further on these matters.  What do you care what I think of religion after all this?  I simply cannot just go on with my life like nothing happened.  I feel responsible, though at the same time I realize that I could not have acted much differently, being who I am, with the little that I knew.  About all I could do once I started to learn what was going on in the world was try to stop all hell from breaking loose.  I was told to watch the show Dominion, THOSE ARE YOUR PEOPLE... I was told.  I remember other sentences I heard, like four, that point to the same thing.  And the whole, escape to Colorado business.   The whole PERFECT ALIBI business.  I have never needed an alibi...  I remember saying I AM JESUS CHRIST, EVERYTHING I DO IS SIGNIFICANT.  This led I suppose to all kinds of mayhem and the watching.   Everything you do is significant, too,... that hardly means you want people to watch you all the time, or if it does I feel sorry for you.

I still do not understand much of what has happened...  other than what sometimes seems like a lost opportunity was in fact, as far as I can tell, the only way to stop a complete take over by groups I would not want running the world.  I still do not understand who MY FAMILY is, who various people told me they were on tv.  I suppose these dogs, who I fundamentally have one difference with, though that is hardly enough for me to give a shit about...  at least the one I heard, about no intermarriage.  A lot of groups feel this way and while I find it stupid and none of their business, it is not something I am going to fight someone over.   I was the one who told you to intermarry...  but at the last of it, when I thought the problems Mary Ann and I were having were impossible to get over, and no longer trusted her, I saw a picture of two people getting married and without explaining myself, thought, WHO AM I GOING TO MARRY?  I was pissed at not having a life.  That was all.  I do not want to write the one ramification that I believe came from that because it is too heartbreaking,.  God saw me thru that....  I had to have love in my heart in that broken time, and the only way to do that without being unfaithful was for the people to be far away on the internet.  The stupidity of Dylan's video on this matter still pisses me off, but after finding out he is just another sell out slave, I have to forgive him like all the rest of you.   I was shown that I am a soul in a body and most of you are told to take that on faith, which is not easy, so I get it....

I know you kept tabs on me for the last few years, and last February I did one of my periodic checks to see if I had any kind of power base left, which still seemed to exist in some form.  When you first announced yourself to me, and a young man with a tie told me of the groups of five, my first reaction was just to tell you to go home...  that was not what I meant.  I was being literal.  Just protest, I thought...  I would certainly have done that differently now...   I heard only the worst of what you did.  I can see why if you thought I was directing all my bile towards the world in manners that I wanted people killed why you would have reacted as you did, but that was never my intent.   I have never hated any group, because I do not stereotype.  I guess if there is one exception to that it is the uber rich, but I base that primarily on their actions...    THIS IS NOTHING YOU CAN CHANGE ABOUT ME.  There are plenty of my beliefs that I will take to my grave rather than give up to live.  Life means very little to me, but that little is there.  I believe I am here because of God and that says I cannot throw this body away, that I have to wait until he comes for me to leave.


When I think how close this all came to my going to write speeches for Obama and making money...  would I have found out then what you were up to, or would that have all been kept from me, and I would have just had this nice cover life that I did not know was a cover life?   I have no idea, but I would rather have been humbled as I was then not learn the truth.  I was trying to please all of you, and I am sure you knew I would have that within me or I would not have been chosen to be your puppet.   I keep wanting to write here that of course you were punished for treating me like shit.  Of course you were punished for brainwashing me.  Your little plan may or may not have backfired, I do not know...  still looks like the world is going to hell in a handbasket.


 I was stupidly thinking that everyone would be happy I was back and allow me a few wise men to counsel me and lead me thru the experiences I was having, which made no sense.  The last thing I had ever wanted was a violent revolution.  I  started to want one after the way I was treated, that was for damn sure... what I thought were puppet strings coming down from heaven were chains from very real groups here on earth.

I still wake up at times feeling murderous for being made out to have made decisions that had nothing to do with me, and being told that I had somehow ordered the hell on earth that was described to me.  I tried to protect certain groups that had been marginalized and they ran with that and elevated themselves to divine beings on earth,.  Let's set one record straight right here --  none of you are divine beings.  NONE OF YOU ARE ANGELS, NONE OF YOU ARE DEMONS.  You are humans.  You have souls that are special but your flesh is just a cocoon, whether you wish to acknowledge as much or not I do not care.  God does not care.  Does it make any sense to anyone that God would create creatures that he would then mostly damn?  Those are the ways of men and their wars.  Not the way of God.

I wanted to please all of you.  I thought by going along with you that somehow I would be freed and allowed to walk openly as a person with a talent, and act on these talents to fulfill the same dreams that are instilled in all americans, wealth and fame.   Pretty simple stuff.  I had no idea I had a calling.  You had no idea what a God really is...  you wrote yourself into your petty tracts.  The wisdom of man can be great.  The wisdom of God is not yours to be had, and this has always frustrated humans, and left them jumping from religion to religion throughout time.  The best bits would stay behind and be used.  The salt would go away.  Until modern times and writing basically gave priests the ability to pretend themselves special beings.

I hated being filmed in my house so much that I would never cater to you.  I acted in ways I would not have if I had realized this was meant as something more than a torture device.  The confusion of going from one channel and seeing myself vilified to another and seeing myself elevated was due to what is obvious to you, the stations are controlled, ever so slightly, by different factions.  I wanted to hate the one for being this way, and the other for being that way, etc...  and always will hate Disney, regardless, for trying to make a monarchy out of the USA, and what they did to the Jews in my name.  I have come to hate Israel,  though I still do not blame all of the citizens for what their leaders have done to them.  Nor would I ever extend that hatred to Jews in general.  I have also come to despise a lot of people.  The criminals who said I was working with them and preyed on the people and did other things.   I at least can understand their motivation.  It does not matter how I feel after all this though.  What matters?  I do not even know.  Peace would be nice, but without justice, the peace of slaves is unacceptable.