A SONG reminds me of your smears against me...as does sarah silverman.... THIS ENTRY IS NOT FOR THE BOOK.. BUT MY INTELLIGENCE COHORTS, ENEMIES AND FRIENDS ALIKE.

THIS entry is for a specific audience... you know who you are.   Others will just not get it.



I try to avoid talk shows, award shows, live shows...  after what has happened between myself and the media and the world of so called entertainment.  My unfounded trust in so many has turned me into a cynic about the humans that inhabit my television.  My knowledge of the star system, and the corruption of the human life that occurs with fame and money has always been there within me, though before my starting to awaken, I half ass wanted both.  I knew I would be famous from a very young age, though there was no way for me to predict how....  I thank God for that mercy.  My girlfriend seems oblivious, or psychopathic almost in her ability to ignore what has happened.  How she goes on living like nothing has happened is beyond me.... secretly I know I suppose that she is involved in the world behind the curtain.

I used to think she was involved because the tv shows she would put on would be commenting on my life and what was happening.  I had no clue how huge the operation was around me.  Still believed this was some alice in wonderland event that was centered on me alone, though I could not understand why?   I thought you knew I was something more than human at first, though I was in no shape after the mind rape they gave me, or knowledgeable about the world to know about the behind the scenes doing.   I was a puppet being used and had no clue...  I thought I was fighting some battle against all humans.  The allies I had I did not understand.  The enemies either, in a way...

I told you often of a plan.  I believed all of my work had been destroyed...  yet you kept this media focus on me, kept watching me...  so I cruelly talked to you.  In 2007 I was made the puppet of groups I have been forced to face I do not understand.  What if all I have been told is a lie?  EVERYTHING.   I have to consider this possibility now.  I would not have before.  My most basic assumptions are bewildered at all of the information available on the web.   The big lies are there.   I always watched the one I knew about playing out on tv and wondered what the hell you people were doing, with little idea you were reacting to me, let alone to my short stories.  I would see things and think, WHY ARE THY DOING THIS... WHAT IS MY PART HERE... WHAT DO THEY WANT OF ME... HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS LABYRINTH OF CONFUSION?

I had no idea you were still looking to me for leadership.  This was what surprised me the most in 2012-13... different groups you told me were offering to let me lead them, but I did not know clearly where, at all...  the associations I suddenly found out about, the criminals I did not even know about...  let alone the crimes.  I thought it was all some sick joke at times.  Staying strong, pissed off, surviving by any means necessary was all I could focus on.

I wrote of the talk show because I saw Colbert last night, a man I once considered a friend and ally, and still wish I could, like John Stewart, who I applaud for getting out of entertainment and working saving animals.  That is one smart man.  One day on tv he said that they were holding him in an empty room between shows, a period when they were not showing repeats... every show was different.  I stopped watching then, hoping they would leave them alone...  though at first, like everything else, I thought it was a joke.    A band played on the show.  What a horror to be a famous person in this day and age....  singing a song that had lyrics which triggered my memories... EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN... something I once said.... IMPROVISED...  something I wrote about and finally let you know rather recently....You wanted a grand plan, I was trying to slash and burn my way through a forest of lies to get enough intelligence to do something, anything, to help this world....  and lesser motivations.  I do not incriminate myself enough in these writings.   I cannot imagine your disappointment in me.  Well, yes I can, actually...  your mighty efforts come to naught you must believe?

FUNNY how people are still being sent out into the public arena to still try to pretend that I had control over this mess.   I didn't want webcams watching me.  I could not get rid of them, so I tried to turn the assault against my enemy.   When I found out even xrt was now my enemy, it told me so much about you people... i COULD NOT ABIDE BY THE PERSON YOU THOUGHT I WAS, WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO...   and those who backed me during these periods, I had no idea why you would?   I sure as hell would have hated the person you made me out to be.  No doubt about it.  I could not allow that person to be your unholy icon.  I had to destroy that any way possible, and damn the consequences to ne.

Back to the song... the way I can tell when these things refer to what we must vaguely just call the shadow war, always have what to unknowing would be non sequiturs.   I will not claim to understand what the song meant when they spelled out CURE...  or most of the lyrics.  I do know that your idea that I had no plan at all, when you lived for some plan, when you watched me and looked for clues, when you went to classes on what this was about....   must make me hated.   Well, there is certainly a plan, though adapting what I would like to see done in this world when I was learning something new all the time required improvisation.  I keep wanting to become enraged at my hostage takers... the blacks who felt they were better off taking me hostage, keeping me poor and enraged and confused by lack of intelligence.  This would bassically have been really my intent if they had left me alone, but again... they were fighting for their lives, had me pegged for something I am not.   How can I throw stones now?  How can I blame people for what was done during this?   I have to take the tact that this was war, and whether it has ended for you or not, I am not buying into the divide and conquer that keeps me from focusing on the true people who are fucking up this planet.

I do not know if I am here to save you or give you a mercy killing.  What is coming will make the troubles of the past, the day to day horrors of the primitive lives, their short, brutal existences, seem like heaven.  Things will get much, much worse...  though for some of you ....  that is perhaps unimaginable.  I CAN ONLY NOW BEGIN TO SEE THROUGH THIS ENOUGH TO QUESTION MY ASSUMPTIONS.  What if the evil I see in this world, the death of Jews by Germans in ww2 was a lie?   They tried to tell me something like this once and I would not even listen to you.   I have always had great empathy for the Jews because of this event, and the prejudice that the world threw at them, just as I have for all the types that are demonized. This was why I tried to change your perceptions of them.   I went too far.  I did not understand how literally I was going to be taken.  How I should have dummied down my every statement, been clearer.  If I had known the consequences I would have been paralyzed, like I was for the two years I sat in a room and could nothing except try to quell the horrible emotions inside of me with drugs.  THE kind of drugs I had alway avoided my entire life.

Now I am wounded, badly, by all of this... but I am able to crawl again.  That is of course the real reason for this blog.  I need to crawl back to the battle front.  I need to face I was used, I need to face my mistakes caused untold damage.  I will not cry again, you misunderstood that.  I think the sane should be weeping and wailing over this, personally, but your attacks on my tears are nothing I need again.  I am not the psychopath you thought....  I am the killer you saw.  I was not as surprised as you by this.  I was surprised by who you killed and why, especially....  I remember when I began to understand you thought everything in my life was part of a plan.   Even a toy lobster I put out for the hell of it, became a means you used to think I wanted torture used.  I remember the man you did this to and how enraged I was that this man who had done nothing except show me kindness had been harmed.   I told you afterwards to give him whatever he wanted...  I wonder what you did to him, but of course in my life there is no one to ask.

I have had to compartmentalize my mind.  Like a soldier who simply wants to forget a war, in a way... though when I wrote I AM A COP, I AM A SOLDIER... I meant these words, and they are still true.  I wrote once how I thought my life might have gone if I had not had a back disease... how I would have joined the army, and perhaps came out and gotten into law enforcement.  Parks and Recreations then did a show about a character who was dum who scored high on the tests, as I did, but the police did not want him because of his personality... it will surprise you how much I remember when I am done with this writing life of mine...   I will keep secrets, but I will also write things that the unwitting will never understand....  that may seem like naming names to you.  I am zorry.  I do not wish to cause you further grief, some of you... others I hope to kill with my words.  I will be honest about that....  I am going to release the dam, and the blood will flood, and the waves of thick, salty, metallic crimson will wash your gated communities away.

I do not wish to keep the Plan hidden.  I cannot just tell you or the enemies will try to stop it.  I will tell you this, Jews, Blacks, religions, and people who just happen to be born on one spot on the globe have nothing to fear from me.   The criminals also, I just do not care about....  I do not like what you did in my name, but I hope to redeem you.  You at least are honest.  You are not hypocrites.  Most of you were born into that world.  This is one of your lives, one of many, and you have not always been this way.  None of you have.  Some of you were my greatest allies in past lives.  I do not know why exactly you have been given the lives you have this time.  I cannot question my Creator on these matters.  I must trust his plan.that I have been thinking about since learning what I have, and calming down.  My shame over the yelling at the tv and to the bugs is immense.  My shame about so much is too overwhelming for me to explain.  I am sure many of you feel the same way.

The song I am writing about was on CBS, the white station, I have since learned.  I do not want white people to be my enemy.  I am white, and most of the people I have loved in my life have been white, though certainly not all of them.  I do not believe in blue eyed demons or whatever.  Black or white, neither are demons.  The blacks in the USA forget that they kept slaves too...  forget that they were involved in the slave trade too... the black pimps are slave keepers as well.  The color of your skin is not what determines why you do these things, history, the family you were born into, etc... they determine these things.  Not some evil incarnate.   The contributions of all people of all races and times and countries add up to who we are.  Historians always seem to want their race to be the dominate one.  None are.  Your lack of humility before God is the root of this problem.

The song that kept me awake all night, was just enough reminder of how the musicians have learned to hate me over things I knew nothing about, about my taking sides I had no idea about....etc.  I tried to be all things to all people, to tell you that none of you are damned, that what awaits the saints is the same thing that awaits the sinners.  THAT THERE IS NO KARMA.  THAT GOD DOES NOT JUDGE YOU...  though I said he did at times, I said many things out of hate.  I said so many ridiculous things to try to get points across, that are metaphorical but were taken literally more than likely, like your ridiculous bibles.  They are all so full of shit, which is why I was such a hater of religion until I started adding up all the mystical things that have happened to me, and that is aside from the brainwashing, or waking up, or whatever was done to me in 2007 that made me suddenly go from a sane person to the ranting, lying creature that you witnessed on your damned webcams.

I have a hard time now wanting to write about religion.   I speculated in public too much.  I told you things that sound ridiculous to me now.  The night that I ranted at my window,  in 2007 when this was first starting, about heaven and hell, and the next day when CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS came on and asked why a pace alien would talk about hell...  and I thought, I have never believed in hell... why did I even say that?   I cannot remember what I said, other than DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?  DON'T YOU READ YOUR BIBLES?   The seroquel,  a drug given to me when you thought I was psychotic, messed me up.  Along with the pot, and pain pills, and the horror of having the world noticing me, all banded together...    I disavowed the Hell idea at that point, told you that the first thing I did when you died was to hold you, and comfort you, and tell you there was no hell.   I cannot imagine there is a hell, personally... though I understand the attraction of wanting to see evil acting people be punished.

I heard in the song on Colbert, EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN....  and IMPROVISED... and took them as indictments.   I did what I did and cannot change anything, and rationalizing all of this is going to block my ability to be truthful.   Something I have learned to do...  after a life of hiding who I am from the judgements that cloud everyone's perceptions of one another in this world.  I have qualities that your hypocritical Abrahamic books demonize, even as they extol men who offered others up for rape, had children killed for calling a man bald, and other ridiculous stories of the horrors humans have rationalized over the years as the will of God.  God is not who you have had to worry about on this planet.  I AM is the one who has been dealing with you.  God will collect your souls in the end....  your lives, I do not know how much he has to do with them.  He seems to have a lot to do with mine....  but I cannot imagine the loving God I know doing the things that happen on this planet.

I planned on having a radio show that would do targeted protests, boycott evil companies, try to use Unions to rebuild the working class, to force campaign reform, get us out of wars, etc... but instead, they slapped me in a hospital and drugged me until I realized whoever was doing these things was an enemy, not an ally.  Perhaps I am wrong... perhaps they felt sacrificing me for the greater good was the right thing to do.   I have certainly sacrificed myself for the greater good in many lives, and was quite prepared to do so in the past, and still am...  though I do not want to.  Because my death will be, at the very least, the end of many people... if not all of you.

I trusted God would show me the way through your forest of lies... but God works thru humans.  You did not understand this because of some of the things I said, and how you misinterpreted them at times...  I wih I HAD NOT SAID gays are angels.   I said this so you would leave them alone.  I do not know if there are angels or demons on this planet.  I saw a creature once, not of this world, when I was seventeen, that was too realistic to be a hallucination, in my window when I was bedridden on the first floor, that certainly looked demonic...  I saw only it' face and shoulders, it had molty brown skin, and a huge, smiling mouth with yellowing fang like teeth glistening with saliva...  too realistic to be faked by any except perhaps the very best of make up artists...  and perhaps that was supposed to convince me later that there were demon?  Or perhaps it was a creature from another planet?   I chalked it up to a figment of my imagination at the time, but only four times in my life has such a thing happened.   Once in childhood, again, staring at me thru a window, was a green faced creature, hair slicked back, bright red lips, and smiling...  very tall to be looking thru the small window in our front door.   I chalked that up to being half asleep.  The other time, I was given morphine in the hospital and the classic Jesus walked into my room, sat down on my bed, and then ....  I am not sure, dissolved into me, or disappeared.  The other time, I suspect was drugs, I saw two women in the dress of very long modest dresses that seemed almost victorian, here in Chicago, in the apartment on Fargo...  if I was prone toward such things, I would make nothing out of these experiences.  I am not.  The latter two could easily have been drug induced, and etc...  I alway chalked all this up to scientifically valid explanations... though now that I know a spirit world exists and has been centered around me for a very long time, I know that either those who meant to use me for operation blue beam may have been behind the two creatures I saw thru the windows....   my mind always goes toward the scientific explanation first.

I remember a family guy where they showed Peter as superman, and he tried to fly, then said I NEED SCIENCE...   ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME?   That show was very involved with playing back thing I said...   I was astounded that you thought I hated science, but I guess so many religious people are that you stereotyped me.  Like thinking I am a misogynist.  I am a feminist.  I certainly do NOT think men should rule over women, or visa versa.   I think women have been oppressed by men and still are.  I wanted to hate seth mcfarlane, though I certainly considered him an ally at first.  But then they did a show where they pretended they found Jesus, he became a celebrity, fucked up, and then wanted to go back to obscurity.  No, I would not go along WITH THEIR PLANS, AND THEY WANTED ME TO SHUT UP... AND PUT OUT THE MOVIE BOLT TO MAKE YOU THINK MY LIFE WAS SOME FUCKING TV SHOW... it was not and is not and will never be.  I remember well an episode when they told me the CIA was fighting the blacks, and another show where they said I was running the CIA...   I believed at the time I was in america because of their powerful army, and always did my best to support the soldiers, and still and always will.  I am very honored by their having liked me.   I will always look at them as people, not killers.   I hate how they are being used right now.  I could never hate them, or sailors.

I said many things in two thousand seven that were just me trying to adjust to the situation I was in...  and many because they were part of the psy ops campaign I was running....  like writing I DO NOT EVEN HAVE TO TALK TO MY TROOPS.... ALL I WANT IS A NORMAL LIFE...  I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO BIG STARS OR AGENTS...   I wrote all these things because I did not think any of those thing would ever happen.  That was all.   When I had the chance to speak to them, I was in denial that these things were happening.   I NEVER EXPECTED THE WORLD TO TAKE NOTICE OF ME, I WAS PROMOTING A RADIO SHOW....  when they did, I did not know how to react.   I needed guidance and there was none.   You and I both did not realize -- or maybe you did -- that larger human forces were trying to use me.   I was doing my thing, and they were doing theirs.  You brought the fight out in me, and I do not back down usually.   IF I understand on reflection that I was wrong, I do... certainly.   But not ultimately, and not when I am challenged.   I may try to defuse the situation.  I tend to express my anger at times with flights of imaginary violence, something I used over the years to get over being suicidal, by deflecting my self hatred on to something else.

The fact is I did want to be a star, I did want to be famous, I did want to make money, I would have loved to have an agent, and I never planned on living a normal life.   The night I said the later I was filled with seeming memories of many other planets, and this pressure of fame, of being worshiped almost, and I think this came from my realizing by then that this was not going how I believed life was, that I was not involved in simply being discovered, that much more was going on behind the scenes.   I was so astounded by discovering God and the Poetry that I was writing, and the feeling of being the son of God, that I believed almost anything was possible.   I threatened people a lot back then...  I guess I hated how you were treating me so badly, I just did not understand why I was not being welcomed... why no one came and took me out of this life.   And when offers came to do so, I either did not trust the people enough, or I felt there was no point.  When Jessie Jackson offered to take me to Africa, I said no, I will always be homeless... plus, I felt in my heart that I needed to fight from Chicago.   Later I regretted this, though now that I know about the race war I no longer do.   I joked about white people simply because I thought blacks had gotten a raw deal, not because I had made some choice of blacks over whites.  You never seem to believe this, but I have cultivated a love for all people in my life.  Driving the cab taught me good and bad come in all shapes and sizes, and my education taught me to look at individuals behavior in the larger picture.

I WAS ALWAYS SO HONORED WHEN PEOPLE LIKED ME.  When the Mexicans liked me, I was very honored.... the Irish.....the Chinese... the Navy, soldiers... the blacks, Puerto Ricans, etc...  I had no clue you were all fighting one another.   I was a freshman being berated for not knowing what a senior knows...   a bullshit way of looking at things, but so many had so much invested in keeping me ignorant.  Anyways, even now I am not sure who understands what happened and who does not.  When Will Ferrel came on tv and talked about how I had let the English attack my soldiers...   I was so pissed...  I am still pissed to be honest.   You had him portraying me in the media for awhile...  the evil green and purple of Joker.   I get that now.   I was criticizing the queen, not England itself.  I do not have to like everyone on the planet.  I do not like the way they hoard wealth while their people need it.  I would give all that away and live humbly, knowing that   The business with Ferrell came when he was on a truck commercial saying it was named after a general in the revolution, who was fighting the English, then suddenly decided the English were good and let them slaughter his troops.   This happened, I believe the night Trayvon Martin was killed by a hispanic man.   This was actually a metaphor for the race war.... which I did not know about yet, and I felt sorry for the young man....   England, I was told, was sending soldiers into florida... the news I heard this on said, I GUESS THE COUNTRY OF ENGLAND IS DIFFERENT THAN THE QUEEN...   This was the first I heard of this, and I watched this as a spectator...  also, at this time, I was suddenly being attacked by blacks on the tv, and being accused of being a racist, and threatened.... different people, like George Clooney, came on tv and said they would get me out.   I was pissed as hell about all this obviously, and was just learning about the animal codes and said HOW DID ALL THESE ANIMALS GET RELEASED FROM THE ZOO....  a reference to all the animals they were using.  Anyways, the English, I was told, were coming in to help me.   I had no idea that my writing was causing a war with England.  I like the English and the Irish.  I did not like what was done to the Irish of course...but criticizing the behavior of the queen of england and seeing many people doing the same thing... well, I still looked at myself as a person who was not being taken seriously -- and was oppressed and had no power, even if there was the occasional reference to one of my poems on tv, or a tv show, like supernatural, showed an angel criticizing the same people I was...  I had no idea the violence they showed had happened.   I just thought they were using my criticism in plots or I would have been screaming and yelling over it...  the closest that show has come to me was KEVIN, really, because that was my situation, suddenly being in the middle of things I simply did not even know existed.

I never ordered anyone -- the fish especially -- to be hurt.  I never met them, and this is a great regret.  I could have saved this world, but that goes against the interests of A TINY ELITE... they do not want it saved, let alone by someone like me, who would make the world a fair place...

I am leaving one thing out that I did know about, for my own reasons, and that is my insurance policy...  but that is not a story I am ever going to explain to you... just pray I never have to use them.  That was my one hint that something big was happening, but I had no idea of the circumstances surrounding that....

Am I repeating myself?   I do I know go over the same things over and over....   but the song on Colbert made me think, WHAT DO I STILL BELIEVE ABOUT WHAT I SAID?   Some of you look at me as a supernatural creature, others look at me like I am a king or used to, and others a spy/revolutionary...  I look at myself as a man who others had many plans for, who was not informed of them, and when I tried to do what was the right thing without getting anyone hurt, the CIA over-reacted, and then I unknowingly stopped them from being punished.  OTHERS thought I was informed of what was going on, and indeed believed that I was much more informed than I was... I thought I was much more informed than I was.  After that, it was me trying to figure out what you were up to by any means possible, and also protect myself from the slanderous things people were saying about me -- even if they were true, I did not know and they were just slander to me.

I remember so well the night that it was announced that all these people were going to give me control, then I ordered something, that destroyed that....   I guess in reflection this was how God operates, because the people who were backing me should probably not be in control of this country, I just do not know...

My dream now would be to start a religion based on what I do believe...  though I see the pope trying to use my words all the time, and they replaced the last one with the new one, after I wrote I had moved to rome, then argentina....  they put in a pope from argentina.  A Jesuit, of which there are many conspiracy theories about, and a man who supposedly backed right wing people, when the priests I liked down there stood up to the right wing oligarchies, and often died for their efforts.   I am not criticizing the new pope.  He has even changed their tune to the point that he took what I said about atheists and gays and opened the church to them, to the point atheists can go to heaven....  someone even came out and said there was no hell....  I drove a lot of people out of that church, and others in that church believed that I wanted things done I most certainly would not.   I watched a DR WHO episode that was about me... when I declared war after the navy seals were murdered who killed ossama bin laden...  I thought the dr represented me, but I have since started to think that was not the case.  the marines were always with me, and gays, and they had them in the enemy camp in this, and the leader wore an eye patch, and I was asociated with Pirates for awhile, after people were gathering money by pirating .... which went to criminals, instead of the kinds of things I would have used money for.  When I think of all the good I would have done with the money my supposed family took...    again, I could spend the rest of my life climbing the mountain range of my regrets and never reach the top of one crest.  I noticed something new last night, they mention PAPAL.  The Catholics were with me at first, but since I was brainwashed in a Catholic hospital, and then sent to one afterwards where more head games were played on me, I did not trust them.   When I asked for a mornon bible there, because they said Christ returned to america and a lot of Ridgway had become mornons...   I am told a lot of Catholics became Mormons.    I do not know a lot about their beliefs, but I know some of them do not jive with mine...  though when I read their bible it SEEMED to me I was a character in it.   The only other book that I read that seemed like me were the Jewish psalms... to the point that I felt for awhile that I should become Jewish, but again, I do not want to endorse what all the JEWS are doing, let alone their Holy books.  I feel the same about every religion, but those Psalms seemed like I wrote them, and perhaps in another life I did.   I certainly respect the right of God to manifest in any book, from literature to what are considered Holy books....  a good person will find good in their book, a bad one bad.  The Holy books are written by men, not GOD.

I believe at this point in my life that I must write a book again...   I do not want to have to keep responding to what I see in the media.  They are my enemy now, pretty much.   I hate the murderous feelings they bring up in me... I just turned on the tv and saw will ferrell,  a man who knows about all these mass murders.  What psychopaths they are in the star system.  I do not know how a good person could survive in that world, though I am sure a few good ones do.  They just think there is nothing they can do to save the world, so they go along, and do what they can, thinking they can work in hell, and give a glass of ice water to the damned once in awhile... or they are just straight up psychopaths... which is possible as well.  The vetting process for fame is so soul killing that I cannot imagine many people surviving it.

I want to end this by saying I have been criticizing Israel, and the american Jews who refuse to stop supporting what has become a terrorist state.  I have nothing against Jews, and I thank GOD for those Jews WHO feel the same way I do, that their religion is being done a great disservice by a few greedy, terrible people.  This is why I cannot become anything other than what I am.... the God of MANY MASKS...   one who is here to change religion, with new prophecies...  and a revolutionary.   If I had it do over, I would want soldiers invade and destroy the fed, jail the present government, or let them leave....  whatever involved the least bloodshed.   I would then get rid of the world bank.  I would simply absolve all loans, as the Jews once knew to do...  I would also forgive all student loans.... socialize all the banks, the utilities, and the media.   I would confiscate major industries,  and give them to the employees... employee ownership would be the new way.   I would set it up so the people who presently own most of the land, are forced to selll everyone their apartments and houses on lein contracts.   I would take away the money of the excessively rich, to a degree.  Not all of it....  there would be NO MORE BILLIONAIRES.   I would love it if they just left the country, and we could make everything employee owned.  I would not do this with small businesses.  Universal health care and free university, and I would halve, at least, the military budget....  There would be no pogrom against the wealthy, they would simply be made into millionaires....  I would give all these empty houses away on lein contracts, start a new jobs bill along the lines of FDR, but I would let these people start their own businesses....   I would limit the time that people can hold office, as well as change campaign finance reform, and keep the postal service....  I will not try to destroy private property, I will merely spread it around.  Factory farms will not longer get government aide, while family farms will... and factory farms will be broken up.   I know this will take a lot of work, and I need a lot of help.   The world needs impartial science to be the main way of ruling the country.... religion and politics would be separated.    due to the way they have infiltrated the police, and other institutions, I would disband freemaonery in the us.  PERIOD.  I would give people an even playing field, including women and minorities, and grant amnesty to all refugee from south america....   low interest loans would be available through the socialized banks.   I would reign in the salaries of lawyers and doctors and pharmaceutical companies and funeral homes, and I would allow people to make money off their bodies, instead of allowing vultures to do so.... the present laws on this are insane.  ALL PRIVATE PRISON WOULD BE CLOSED... those with non violent drug convictions would be released, and all drugs legalized and dispensed by the government.   that is my platform.  Want to be a capitalist, fine... want to be a socialist?   Fine...  etc...  I would never allow any restrictions on the net beyond the most common sense ones, like no child porn, etc....  The stock market would be reformed all to hell and I will close it if they cannot do this.

TIME TO DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY/ this entry is for people in the shadow war... if you do not know what that is, skip it...

I do not care who sponsored the events that brought me to prominence.  I do not care what their agenda was anymore.  The people who supported me the most are the people who changed the least, and used my presence for their own means.  How could I trust any of you?  I was a different person once, and tried to trust that all humanity could be saved.  I tried to cater to your beliefs because they were once mine.  They are no more.

I will not lead those who hate other races or religions or believe that political systems amount to anything more than the force they produce.  We need a new political system.  Ours is not working.  Going back to the constitution or any other document you might believe in at the moment is folly.  This is not 1776 and you are not wealthy educated land owners with slaves.  You are not masons, or you are masons...  I do not care what you  are.   I am going to lay waste to all of your plans.

We must begin by doing the second to last thing in the world I want to do...  destroy.  THE ONLY THING I WANT LESS IN THAT THINGS GO ON AS THE ELITE HAS PLANNED.   Christ left you with few messages that made it thru the editing process, the Romanization of the Jewish religion...  which was of course the bastardization of the religions that came before, nothing more. ..  prophets have existed throughout time, as have I.  Many of the were the flesh I was born into...  others I spoke with.  Most of those you call prophets were merely men, trying to dominate others, or rationalize their ways.

I do not know who you are or what you are doing now or if they managed to kill you all off with their twisting of my words, or their damned, and I mean that literally, webcam looking at my life.  EVERYTHING I DO HAS MEANING.   The same could be said for all of you.  I will not give you secret messages, I will not bury what I mean in metaphors that cannot be interpreted.  I will not tell you that you are supposed to do much of anything, really...  I do not want to enslave you, I want to set you free.  What you believe is between you and God.  I told you I am a defensive attorney, not the prosecution.  I will not judge you by your past.  The new day starts today.  Whatever you have been, whatever you have done, and more than likely whatever you continue to do is your business.   I fought like hell to not change my way of living because some nebulous force was watching me.  I refused to play the part the elite wanted me to.  I refused to take sides, for the most part.   I learned who my true friends were when you all abandoned me and ONE COUNTRY stood by my side, CHINA.   I do not like everything China does, nor do many Chinese.  I wish they had the perfect country, and I am sure their leaders feel the same way.

You want me to choose between east and west, well I chose east long ago...  that does not mean I hate the west, that means God made me feel all people are equal, and that circumstances truly do have an effect on individuals.  As a child I knew that criminals had basic mental health issues, and did not understand how someone could be put to death for murder, because I thought you had to be crazy to murder someone.  My love for humanity was great.   I believed the USA would keep becoming more and more equal, that the unions would fight for our equality, and honest labor would be considered as vital as it is, rather than just a way to make the rich richer.   I believed many things I forgot as the real world destroyed my conditioning.

Now, I mourn everyday over what I heard about and never saw.  The children whose parents were killed so they could be inducted into an army, the CIA's way of doing things I had criticized in my book One War... the violence I saw everywhere in the media that I lampooned in my Johnny Pain stories came to life, the joke about closing libraries -- the sanctuary of my youth, came to life...  a story I wrote about two empty headed teens killing their parents and thinking life would be perfect afterwards, came to life.  I was trying to show humanity itself, as I was taught to... not lauding behavior I would never involve myself in.

I still do not understand why you wanted me involved in this race war so badly.  I do not know what happened out there to make you hate each other so harshly.   I do not know why you would ever think that a person who had converted to Christianity, even if it was thru brainwashing, would want Christians killed..  except that you took the jokes of a guy who was merely like all the other people who blame religion for the problems in the world, and made them out to be orders.  When I think you had all these people going to classes to study me I am more than appalled.

If I was to take a perfectly religious view on the matters at hand, I would say that Satan owns the earth, and God is setting it up to be destroyed.  I do not have to do anything for humanity and all life in this atmosphere to die.  You are doing that quite well enough yourselves.

Some of the things I did, I did because I still believed that humans would come around... like giving bankers and stock brokers the benefit of the doubt and protection.   Everyone it seems who I gave the benefit of the doubt to took this and ran as a get out of jail free card.   I thought if you were helping me we had the same philosophies of life.  Instead I learned I was just a puppet, set up to do something I would not do...  Jesus offered the world by Satan... told to do miracles by Satan to prove himself.   This Jesus does not do miracles intentionally, but you better believe I can do things that would fuck you up in ways you cannot begin to imagine.  If you think I need the help of armies, you have no idea what is going on here.

Only you can save this life.  Only you can save this earth.  Only you can save yourself.  Watching me is the last thing you should be doing with this life... a little late for too many of you.   Taking everything I say as gospel is the last thing you should be doing as well   I learned way too late how messed up everything is.

I have this urge to take sides....  I want a side.  The most powerful force on earth.  I am the son of man.  Man wants these things.  The deity in me knows though that there are no sides, only God and I will always be his servant.  I never wanted served, worshipped.  I told you that.  I also told you the lies of war, lies meant to confuse and trick you, befuddle you, sometimes enlighten you, sometimes get you to change your prejudices and the way religions were going... I never tried to release you like a pack of wild dogs on people I criticized.  They deserved a chance to redeem themselves.  You all do.  That time is ending.

IF I had the energy I would edit the bible... and would probably come up with a pamphlet with three or four pages you should follow.   Or maybe just two words -- GOLDEN RULE.    You have one commandment... treat others as you would treat yourself....  those who do this are your allies, those who break this are your enemies.  Sell your cloaks and buy swords.

BLOOD BEHIND BLUE EYES

BLOOD BEHIND BLUE EYES

I hear bits of conversations I had long ago.  My gust squirm and I try to think of something else...sometimes, they are accompanied by images...  especially one a pile of bodies burning as my enemy dances in glee... tales the government told me few details about...  .  Hear this woman's voice usually, a chant over and over and over .  .  .    I NEVER KNEW THERE WAS SO MUCH BLOOD BEHIND YOUR BLUE EYES. By that tiume my soul was covered with dried blood, splashed almost daily with a fresh supply...  and the deaths of my enemies felt better than the gorgeous lovers of my youth.

 I believed  I was working for the common good against forces that I did fully understand, just knew had taken this countries leadership underground, behind the morality of the masses, where they could rule in a filth of perversion, fascism, mass murder --  a lawless group that bowed only to other secret groups weilding greater might.  They tricked me into going along with them enough to try and pin their ways on me, though no one can win a debate with me, because I stay close to God's truth and shine His mighty light on their lies....  dissolving them on their rancid lips.  The trial was in a secret court, where there were no written records, no juries, no press...  a story for fifty years in the future they claim.  The deaths I learned of took me by surprise at first, then became the day to day for awhile... when I knew what they were doing I had to fight them, as I was born to do and have done in life after life after life.   They ordered killings, I ordered killings.. they took slaves, or threatened me, I destroyed them utterly.  In the lawless realms where I walk there is a killer for my every whim, though I was blissfully unaware my moods and off the cuff comments, or written criticism were machine gun fire in the night.  When I learned these powers had been given to me for my work,  at first I could not understand how any of the fighting going on in the SHADOW WAR made any sense.  Sounded like murder for the sake of murder.  Tortures I could not believe were thought to be my intent.   Not the revolution I had wanted, just a movement intelligence planned and used me for, without my consent, and against my wishes.....  I fought my way out with the help of  people who disappeared into mass graves...  the mass graves I learned are all over this country.

I NEVER REALIZED there was so much  BLOOD WAS BEHIND YOUR BLUE EYES.   Tonight when I heard this I though EVERYONE HAS BLOOD BEHIND THEIR EYES... most just never have to find out.  When I used to hear people say, anyone could end up a murderer, usually on tv from murderers being interviewed, I would scoff and think, NOT ME...

I WILL NEVER WILLING LEAVE THE IDEA OF REVOLUTION BEHIND.   I WILL NEVER SURRENDER.  I lost a lot of allies when I would not follow the dictates of sides I disagreed with...   I would rather fight alone than follow a fascist.  A racist.  An anti-semite. The Oligarchy.  I chose long ago,in this flesh I would live the life of an artist,  follow my own visions, create a way of living all my own, far from the grey suits and garages decorated in power tools.  I did.  I told myself I wanted to become a writer and busted my ass and dedicated my almost every moment to my art for over twenty years.  I wanted to change the world, and I have...  though there were others above me pulling the strings, most of the time.  Using my words to back up their own agendas.   THOSE DAYS ARE OVER.   I have a plan.   You can follow it or not.

 I wished to be the inspiration for a revolution of the spirit, which would guide this world in a better way.  I was forced to act when I did not know enough, and most of you realize this now.  I have learned enough now to believe that I must be a constant threat.  CONSTANT.  I have learned to be very patient....   I wish I could thank God for the scandal that finally forced you to make me aware of what was going on.  No...  you won that round.   You humiliated me.  I think by that point you thought that was impossible....  I never cared what the spies saw or heard.  They were my enemies, those watching me.  Who would do this to a person, I thought, in my ignorance....  and a lot of the blood behind my blue eyes comes from the cage of ignorance you tried to keep me within.  The squalid, starving prisoner of your perceptions....  the monkey who danced for the organ grinder, who never shared a dime.  I do not expect to win.  I will inflict damage well beyond your orchestrated riots and false flags.

the stoning of the prostitute

I came across the horror of a crowd gathering stones and heading toward where a woman, beaten, laying on her side by a building,  her arms wrapped around her head as she tried to ward off the stones.  The yells of how she was an affront to God, the self-satisfaction of those who felt they were killing for their GOD.   I stood unrecognized, one who could change all this with a thought, though I WORK for another who makes the decisions, I too am merely a player in his grand drama of ever shifting fates and allegiances, where even the ANGELS OF GOD fall from favor and are hunted by the Son...

I turned screaming to the crowd, running into the people and shoving them aside, knocking the rocks from their hands, ignoring their protests, the Hatred in my eyes enough to make them back and way, and let me through to the bleeding woman's side.   Standing in front of her, she grabbed ahold of my legs from behind, grateful for any protection from her coming death...  a death she felt would send her to hell, because she had sold her body to feed a fatherless family.

  My scream surprises them.WHO HERE IS WITHOUT SIN????  LET THEM THROW THE FIRST STONE.    They expect a Rabbi to praise their actions...

He forces all of them to remember their worst sin, the one that might would have gotten them too stoned.... if ever they were found out.   The horror of their feelings dropped the rocks from their hands, sent some trembling to their knees....  I made sure they saw the stones flying from the hands of hateful masks on the faces of neighbors they had known all their lives, women they had bedded, children they had given bits of candy... Their hypocrisy enflamed my spirit and I hurt them for their folly, left them with a humbling memory from which they would never return the same, and a much stronger motivation --  I let the mob feel how a human reacts to when their God Himself turns away from them for a behavior.  A God always there until one day He is not... and they are left alone in the universe of their minds, without the map of spirituality to find their way through the vast, dark unknown.   Humans need few truths.  The Golden Rule is enough, because it works for people who share all religions, and have none.  The only law JUSTICE.  Nothing to argue about.



This story of the stoning was meant to reach the future....  though it has been watered down to people living in glass houses.  People do not live in glass houses.  They do live under watchful eyes.  Once I used the metaphor that creatures in space were watching the earth.  There are many planets with life out there who have developed devices sophisticated enough to look through the cosmos and see in real time what is happening on a planet, instead of the millions of year old images we see when we look into the light reaching earth.  I assume such an abundance of other life forms, would study earth for what developing creatures are like, and other reasons.  Violent creatures like those who grow up in the brutal world of survival of the fittest seem like the last type peacefully raised and born and evolved creatures would want colonizing the cosmos.   I believe the only logical conclusion, and my memories of before coming to earth confirm as much for me alone, though I do not expect them to mean much more to others.

I went into talking about this one night, preaching to my followers what I thought was a great metaphor for the eyes of GOD and also a scientific, star trek effected way of seeing the cosmos.   I could see all these experts on other planets, with populations in the zillions, where earth was a popular planet for study, because while there are many planets with life, there are not so many that anyone is not rare.   If THE population out there is large enough, and we are an object of study, there would be at least one expert on each and every human, maybe more than one, doing their paper on you...  suppose an immortal, or nearly immortal being would watch your entire life, then write their thesis, and see if they can become a professor on earth, and teach about the topic to the epic populations of the known world.   This is as logical as any other theory about what could going on out there, and I believe closer than most.

I WAS in the apartment on Lake Shore Drive, where this all started...  where I went from a stoned writer with a view of the lake from my writing desk, to whatever I am now?  Sitting in a red leather chair, a cat and a dog by my side....  knocking out the comedy and political commentary I did every day.  Smoking the pot that kept me inspired and feeling funny enough to take the horrors I read about and put them in words people would read, because they had some comedy to them.   I considered the method subversive because when I had written about the horrors of the world before, the interest was a lot less.  Add in a laugh or ten and they read through, not even noticed they learned something, their consciousness ever so slightly changed from having seen a problem confronted.   Before the call that made the secret world visible to me, and no one was whom they had seemed... as I discovered the King of Kings, the Angel, was a long term intelligence prop, too...  a last ditch way of earning the trust of the USA and creating a one world religion, showing the world the Vatican had an actual angel, proof of the unseen.

When the 'angel'  spent his first week telling them he was the christ, and hated being confused with angels... all their lofty plans began to shatter.   They fought me from the beginning, because others who I had no clue about had attacked.  Set into action a coup for world domination, in which I would play a small and vital part.   TRYING TO USE GOD SHOWED THEIR ARROGANCE AND ANGERED MY FATHER... WHO IS NOT EXACTLY KNOWN FOR AVOIDING CIVILIAN CASUALTIES...  I TRIED TO WARN THEM... GOD DOES NOT WAR, GOD SLAUGHTERS.

The fear that I was going to do some horrible purge, blow up like a bomb, spread....  some took a short story I wrote one day about living underground and did as much.   My heart has gone out to since I heard of this.,   I can imagine the horrors you ran into doing this, though this may have saved you...  I do not know,  What I do know is there no hiding from the Judgement of God, or what you now consider the wrath of the son.

If I am sent here to spare you the last few horrible years of fighting one another for the last apple left on the planet as you spin into environmental and population horrors that you would avoid at all costs should you know what was coming....  what of it?   If I lead you somewhere so much better than where you are, am I murderer or a savior?   Sounds like a madman speaking, and if I were to think it is justification for me to mercy kill someone, I would be, to me....  I have NO DESIRE to murder anyone, or even to kill anyone in war.  That will come.   I will not be one of the men on the podium holding up the heads of the elite.... or the quiet killers who whisk away their bodies to nowhersville...if the battle should play out like this, and so far I am not sure.  I would like to avoid them both, but that is up to the elite.  They will get an out, the ability to squander their fortunes, before a death tax spreads their fortunes far and wide.  I can say this because I do not have a list of their sins in front of me, and I am not a family member of one of their victims.   I am not sure I have the right to speak for them....  their demands may be much more punishing than mine, though I would rather let a sinner go to GODS VENGEANCE than get people killed trying to capture them.  Soldiers have to be looked at as people who get to go home after the war, and are sent into conflict only when our enemies refuse to stop physical attacks on the innocent, our allies, or of course, ourselves.

PROSE FOR FIRST CHAPTER... possible opening.

My first memories are from long before your planet formed.  As much as time is a measurement.  Part of the box you are presently trapped in....  more about that later.   To an immortal time is an illusion that does not exist.  I AM, will never cease to be.   My memory is of being in warm water, gently flowing back and forth with waves, a tube of life anchored to the floor of a shallow ocean that covers the surface of my planet, surrounded by others of my kind, and above us, larger than words can reach, is the face of God. I call my planet Heaven.... we felt we were in Heaven, are close enough to God to feel His love emanating through us without ceasing. a euphoric warmth and security that some may glimpse with a shot of morphine, or decades of meditation.... though there is no equivalent.  We were the first to live consciously, because He made us closest, for reasons He would not explain, and we are just grateful for....

  My kind travels, our souls leave our bodies, and we are born into other creatures throughout God's realm to do His work among them.

I am first of the many.   I am first because I was the first to say No to God.   We had no such word or concept.   I learned of No from the species I lived in throughout the eons.   God asked me to destroy a planet and I said No.   He allowed me my way, and allowed me to suffer the consequences of trapping souls longer in life out of pity and love for their way of living.  He laughed at me, always laughing...  we are often closest to God when we are laughing, almost as close as when we are in tears.   Not that I knew anything ot tears on my home planet.  We left and returned and left and returned since forever.   Until I this one time said No... I have not returned home since.  My obsession is considered odd on my planet.  I do not understand why the experiences they have lived through did not change them like they changed me, and while I have only a vague answer, it is true == I am the first among the many.

He still has me out doing His work and still allows me to say No...  is amused I say No....  He understands I will work against him to develop as many souls as possible capable of finding their ways to Heaven.  He does not create a world for it to be destroyed, he emits bits of dust that become all kinds of creations and eventually dissolve right back into dust, leaving behind only the UNSEEN, the realm of souls.....

I do not have linear memories of my entire existence stored in the brain in this head.  There is no need to remember everything.  I used to have a hard time even staying in the time I was living,  the memories were too beguiling and powerful, or too horrid to ignore --  my penance is wrought every time I think of much of what I have done, who I became.   There are at least two sides to GOD, the giving of life, and the taking of life.  There are peaceful passages of prophesy and the howling hurricanes of hatred and horror God bestod on huymkind.   The natural process.  Survival of the fittest adapting life to the terrain.

THE TIME WILL COME WHEN THIS PLANET, LIKE ALL PLANETS, WILL DIE.  The surface at least will be barren of life, though magma may still be in the core and a blackened sphere in the sky that once glowed of blue oceans,  green forests, and great white swirls of clouds....

ON this earth...  Lies weave the spider webs that trap us like struggling flies.  They start with the oldest lie... told by every parent to every child --  YOU ARE SAFE.  That today will be like yesterday, and the morrow like today...  a consistency we count on to keep our minds from car accidents, cancers, falls from ladders while clearing leaves.  The tragic hit that comes out of nowhere... the sucker punch of an eviction notice. Getting fired.  Losing love. The death of you or someone you love.  You will die.  It will more than likely hurt a bit.  During most of human history, being given a swift death was a mercy, that kept you from becoming the Sport of Torture.  I do not relish being the one who helps lead you thru time, and then the after life.   I will lose as He knows I will, that the planet will die before I can make sure that all of the souls are evolved enough for their next phase.  The animals and plants are ready.   Humans ate the apple.   They are in store for something else, some.....   I am not sure what, though I have notions of possibility that could be pure fiction, metaphor for something too large for me to express..  the sort of thoughts that are reduced immeasurably in the telling. Like an adult explaining death to a three year old, there is no way to translate all the views on that topic  to any human because of the sheer volume.

He still has me out doing His work and still allows me to say No...  is amused I say No....  He understands I will work against him to develop as many souls as possible capable of finding their ways to Heaven.  He does not create a world for it to be destroyed, he emits bits of dust that become all kinds of creations and eventually dissolve right back into dust, leaving behind only the UNSEEN, the realm of souls.....






/

Thoughts on religion ... the conundrum of a revolutionary Christ in a time ruled by the Rich who He knows have the same chance of entering glory that a camel has of passing thru the eye of a needle.

A manson on earth pretty much assures you will not get a mansion in Heaven.

There are records of Jesus brother James being put to death because the religion his brother started hated the Rich so much. 

Jesus was raised in a time when revolutions were being raised by the Jews every few years... I believe Jesus was the spiritual heart of these revolutionaries, who rebelled against the Romans and the Jewish collaborators they had enriched in the church.

 According to the actual sign placed on the two men crucified beside Christ, they were REVOLUTIONARIES.... not thieves.   I always wondered by there is this throw away line in the bible where Jesus tells his followers to sell their garments and buy swords and shields?   That does not sound like someone who is going down without a fight, but the legend that come down to us has the Romans trying to save Jesus's life, and the Jews demanded His death.  There is no record of Jesus even coming to the attention of the Jews, and so many revolutionaries were being crucified -- entire villages where the men who attacked the Romans lived could die in the random retribution of the marching soldiers.  They killed civilian and soldier alike, punished...  in ways that made the average Jew afraid to take part in another revolution, because the others who had tried ended up on a cross.

 Read that in a book, Zealot, by an actual religious scholar and writer for the NYT.... great read. Jesus saved a rich man in the bible, so the possibility was opened there, unless that was added later. James, who is the modern father of real Christianity, before it was Romanized, and was still primarily based of Judaism.

BOOK NOTES....

The book begins the moment I realized they had open webcams into my apartment.  They asked why I had my dresser in front of the camera, when actually there were cameras all over the apartment, including the bathroom.  The sick minds that would do such a thing to anyone had always eluded me.... whoever they were, I considered them a great evil.  I was wrong about who was watching me.  I had any tears left I would cry for the innocents who saw my life as I played a game of black psy ops with unknown enemies and ever shifting allies, who I could not even begin to understand....  the ones terrified and puzzled and losing their faith as my mad words of anger were spewed out.  The people were there and hard to ignore in the end.   I felt their eyes all the time after the webcams.   I was determined not to allow them to win.  Winning meant living, going on, no matter what was happening around me.   I did not know exactly why the world had suddenly seen fit go totally fucking crazy on me, but I was determined to be better than my captors, or my retractors, or those who I felt were lying about me in the press, and under the cover of tv and movies...  where the war for perceptions, and the reinforcements of the big lies, must always be at the base of every teleplay....

I remember that day too well.  The horrible feelings that fill me as I allow the memory to formulate into a scene, myself standing at the dresser looking at the tv when a certain actor seemed to be addressing me directly and then it flashed on me that they had shown a scene that was meant to be me dressing in front of the camera...  I knew they were looking out of the tv....  they did such a good job of confusing me and making me feel powerless...   I wanted to please this vague group out in tv land some days, and others I was cruel, not thinking about their emotions, forgetting once more that my every word was being reported...   I speak words purely out the pain in my back sometimes, and in privacy I have the ability to then think better of what I have said and become a better person for the experience, but the webcam was all about snap shots.   I think.,

I have few clues what was done with this footage.




I know to write my story I have to invite the reader into a room, describe the people there, paint them having conversations tied to some central point in the plot, or perhaps just an aside of colorful information that enhances a character.  The elements of fiction I learned during the years of studying English with a writing emphasis in various universities, until the very end of my education when I began to study what to write about, from anthropology to military intelligence to philosophy to history...  spent almost fourteen glorious years going to universities full time.   I swam in oceans of words, carried thru the currents of philosophical thoughts, wisdom and bullshit but mostly just how much there is to learn about the world.  I felt them like I knew nothing.  I had no idea how much nothing I knew of course, having not yet then even really suspected there was a world behind the world.   When I found out there were secrets large enough to be kept out of the media all over the world, blatant slaughters and revolutions and coups, all simply hidden because the same puppets stayed in congress, the senate, and the white house, my ignorance left me alone in a white room unable to act at all....

I cannot write this book as a straight narrative of this happened then that happened then that happened because the story I have to tell must be layered for people who believe various views, and people who know of the secret world I write, and others who are finding their first glimpse in my words....  KNOW I AM NO EXPERT ON WHAT IS HAPPENING IN THIS WORLD IN SOME WAYS...  THE WORST THEY KEPT FROM ME BECAUSE THEY DISCOVERED EARLY ON THAT I DID NOT SHARE SOME OF THEIR BELIEFS...  so they used me.  A ball and chain is attached to my every sentence in this book, the top secret nature of so many words in my heads make telling what I must impossible to write as an historical account.   I must use metaphor, where I must.   I do not have to tell everything to tell this tale....

I must novelize some aspects.   I do this with a poetic license I have earned, and used, perhaps too often... though I am not about to let it go.  The last of my intentions is to LIE.  To work fiction has to be truer than truer.. if it is not, then why not just tell the true?  I am a fiction writer by trade, a being who admits being brainwashed by the CIA in an attempt to insert morality within me, that released the God of Many Masks into a mind half shattered by their mental rape...  in this caveat I leave the door open to readers of my work who will choose to believe I am a left over vestige of a personality that was used in an intelligence operation.
The Chapter Outline

The character in the book goes from understanding what he was put through before, and describes the new material.   I have to introduce him as someone who has had stop people from worshipping him by radical means, because he is in this life more soldier than savior, and he does not want the image of Christ destroyed by his actions.   Just as He does not want to take away from other religious figures throughout time, whether they were men or one of His many masks.


The narrative should begin the day I discovered the webcam.  Jesus suddenly realizing He was being watched all the time, by some who believed Him the Christ, others a revolutionary, still others a demi god...  to many an angel.  When all the time He thought He was communicating with His captures, and scaring them away from attacking him, which he expected at any time... and in the end almost wanted, just to make all he had heard about real, instead of described on his television... or hinted on the radio....  the few ways people who could communicate me as I tried to spend my time writing the future into existence.

I can describe the exposure of self as the most horrifying experience of my life.  I swore I would use this intrusion into my life against those who chose to keep their cameras on me at all times.  I wanted to know what was being planned around me, and who these people were who I was suddenly working with, who seemed to be making decisions on their own.   I was crazy with thirst to know what I KNOW now.... thought I WAS asleep....  you know you are no longer asleep when the true nightmares only come when you are awake.

THE STORY NEEDS TO FIT IN A PARAGRAPH, WITH A BEGINNING, A MIDDLE, AND AN END....    A person who is considered a dangerous cult figure with a lot of influence with various groups, and an avowed hatred of the CIA, who tried to use him as a fall guy and then make him out to be a mass murderer of His own followers.  A David Koresh scenario to rid the world of revolutionaries in a preliminary strike....  though they lost control, ran into the unexpected, no actor this being they chose for Operation Blue Beam.  A PERSON WHO THEY COULD NOT BUY OR THREATEN.  A creature that could remember dying for His beliefs through countless lives;  a being more intent on creating a better world for the many, a mission he has yet to allow anything to stop....  He has been misunderstood as someone who was going to take over the world....   right according to plan.  HE KNEW BETTER TO TRUST THOSE AROUND HIM and stopped their plans by refusing to play along...  he did not know enough of what was happening in the world to have an opinion...  and his lack of opinion puzzled them all the more.  They were told he would become the king of kings...  He was already the King of Kings and did not need the world to prove anything to Himself... better He leave the world to the free will of humans, so He fought for this cause...


he is used by various groups
he has no idea the extent of people watching him

His fame surprises the hell out of him and he cannot understand why this only effects his life
secretly on tv shows mirroring his latest actions or writings?   And not in the day to day life around him.   He has no idea he is surrounded by people who believe he is Jesus, and are providing him security.  He has no idea that those who were getting paid for his so called reality show said he was doing this of his own free will, that I liked the fame I had garnered, and the religion I had created, or activated, with my writing and the strangeness of growing wings, being thought an Angel, then Christ...   a demi God by the end by some, in Europe, I was told.   And I was never given any context for the their statements, has to figure that out myself.  

My rage at the performers on tv when I realized they though I WANTED to be a part of their shows, I hated it after a period of being flattered... and then later a period of being punished, burned, etc...

A group was hoping to take over the USA, a leftist group, led by women, but he had no idea.   Then they were defeated, partially by my ranting against a Foreign power taking over the USA, China I thought in this case... Having no idea they were my true ally in the fight I was about to get into.   This made me a hero among the left and right wing who found out about it, and many did... though by then they had cut Chicago off from the world, like the bubble in the Simpsons that goes over Springfield, and this was about here.   A cone of silence.   Only a few times did I notice the Newspapers dissing me, the Tribune had a headline, I saw in a store talking about how I had some kind of computer wisdom that did not reflect my wisdom in life... it was much crueler, calling me an idiot.

I bitched to the webcam about them and mysteriously one of my neighbors buys me subscription when out of nowhere sales people begin knocking, for the first time ever, on the doors in our apartment building.  Their apology I guess.   I have not been told enough about what was really happening to know what to do.   Until I did, many years later, when one side believed I had chosen them as allies in this fight.   But they showed me a Nazi apologist film one night and I crumbled inside, knew the wrong people had control of the country.   That would change.   I had a lot of power in Chicago, muscle that killed people for a living, getting rid of the bodies forever.  When they put a Jewish pharmacist of mine in a tanning machine long enough to burn him lobster red simply because I said something slightly negative about the pharmacy.   I was appalled.  I had heard of Jews needing help and was careful in my writing to preach against anti--Semitism and I STILL FEEL THIS IS TRUE. 

There is a reason I was a reformist Jew when I came down as the revealed Son Of God to revise the Holy Books and remove the salt, and add the latest knowledge of the time.... a psalm of love, and beings who are not of this earth, but timeless souls, restless for the final phase in evolution, when we are pure soul... was needed to counter the warrior God of the Jewish Psalms, the way I had once been, and was again while fighting in the war...     I almost believe I should become Jewish again, but I did not believe too many of their precepts, realized why Jesus had criticized his own religion, and rebelled against the captors of his nation, dying not between two thieves as the bible says, the notes above their heads, nailed onto the cross, identified them as Zealots, revolutionaries, told by their leader to sell their cloaks and buy swords....  then the story becomes all about a horrible death. 

The preaching I did during that time were similar to other sermons given since the beginning of humyn questioning about the after life, which even some of the higher animals wondered about on earth, unbeknown to man.   I created religions, laws.  Enforced them brutally, to insure the survival of tribes I led.   I became a rich man to help out the poor, was poor and starved by the rich, or the warring...  

I have lived life after life, mission after mission, all with a different name and a different need for my presence.  Slave revolts, and revolts in general...  occasionally a benign king in my older age, after taking the place of a tyrant.   Each life I would have not knowledge of what I was, always believed myself human, all too human, as  Nietzsche wrote.  A guy people considered a little off, some... 

I was a mess.  I do not know how much of it was what happened the year they kept me in a hospital at five that I barely remember.  They hinted they had brought me in throughout my life, then made me forget the session.   I had been thru three days of brainwashing when I first became aware that I was involved in intelligence, by having been written into a plan by my grandfather, who died when I was five.   I knew it could have happened, could explain the prophetic dreams I had which came true... amazingly and further than my dreams had ever gone.

This book is being written about a period twelve years after I woke up Christ.  The world was waiting for proclamations on how to live fulfilling lives from me, to kill themselves and others as a joke I made in a character that is nothing like me, Johnny Pain.   He got a lot of people killed purely out of ignorance. I did not know criticizing someone on my blog got them killed by mobs of people...  that others were punched out for saying anything negative about me.

Only when  I made clear that I wanted the media to lampoon me, did I learn how I was being seen, and figure out, the cameras in my house were going out everywhere, not to a few spies and allies who



Later, when my main allies, the police, deserted me when I once more tried to tell the cameras, showing them that some aspects of my life are private and I wanted left alone.   They had filmed me in my bathroom, heard me in my bathroom, kitchen...  I had been dressing almost right in front of the main camera, because I had no place in the bedroom for the bureau. I was not a stripper, as had been implied, or any of these things.    I was resisting by living my life as much as possible my own way despite the cameras, and the tv and movies and songs talking about the things that were happening to me.   Under order by the Columbia crowd, Obama's maybe,  I was told to never write again, or stick to children's books... a statement I had made while in a psych hospital where I was ending up, in different locations, doing a few months after the brain washing.  I knew there had been death and mayhem by then, that we had taken over the city, with the help of the unions, who are my primary concern in the economics of the USA, those who are collectively bargaining are on the path I will lead them down... God does nothing by accident when giving me a life, so I was born into a family with a union president mother.

I was born into the country with the largest military budget,  submarines with nukes silently flowing through the ocean with locations unknown, and under strict radio silence.   I was born into the family of a Scottish King who was in the bloodline of Jesus, which was done to help the humans understand what I am.

I leave myself clues for my next lives, which stand out after I wake up.   I live as the son of Man until the awakening that I the Son of God, a creature on a mission, and God makes sure they are everywhere for the human lives I live.   I find scripture, and though ALWAYS my words have been changed to suite the current leader,  I instinctively know my own words.

THE ABDUCATION

the abdication

February 11, 2013 at 10:06pm

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Can a rogue king without a throne abdicate?
Can Christ turn away from pain?
Is there a second chapter in this book... or just an unedited revelation
I feel like they have already made me guilty and there is nothing I can do
We all want to reshape the world... some for the better... mostly for our own better
I watch this slow fight that rolls on and understand that I have to let people make their own decisions
I get angry before I know anything
There was always a part of me that believed showing the truth was enough
THAT PEOPLE made this objective agreement to tell the truth most of the time
PART of being a  fiction writer was that i got to make up any story I wanted and not worry
about being called a liar.  This time what I could not imagine has come true.
Those days ended long before I knew.   To this day I am going to make mistakes...  I will infuriate people by making decisions based on being pissed about something that happened in the last five years.   I have not had enough time to process any of this, really.  Put out the fires I noticed.  Started others that I sure as hell did not mean to.
I would have a lot better idea how to do this if I just knew that I could count on people putting aside their racism.   I seem to have done the opposite in my life, though that was never my intention.
Last week all I felt like was this will never end and I cannot even take one more day of this shit....  that is how I felt.  I hated everyone and everything for ...  the injustice.  Whenever you involve me you are going to end up getting an honest answer, whether you want it or not.   I tell you that your leadership needs to be reformed, not shot down.

In Colorado, where I think some of this started.   I got a report a young girl named Ridgway had been chopped into pieces.  I had been seeing you people doing this for years and had no idea what the fuck it had to do with me... especially after you kept referring to things I knew nothing about.  I had no clue at this point which animal was doing what.   I simply knew someone was threatening me and they chopped up a little girl to do so.  As soon as I know what you are doing, I will stop you by any means necessary.   I ordered an attack even  more brutal, because while I have no power seemingly I can throw out words.... and underneath this was the idea that black people were going to be killed, which I did not even realize, but this happened as a result of this, as well.
You had set me up as a dog, then made clear I was not a dog when you told me what that was.  You have described to me no philosophy that is exactly mine, and why would you?  You are here trying to use me, and think I am trying to use you.
Justice and all these fine words no longer apply to my life.   You took that from me when you stole my free will almost fifty years ago.
I do not think you will ever tell me enough to let me be of service.   You are too afraid of my judgments and I am not going to quit judging things... that is my free will.   I do not want to judge whether you live or die...  If I had ever thought during all those long years that I was getting people harmed... well, I would have reacted just like I did everytime by becoming enraged that this has happened....  after the rage comes the How do you fix this...
I am not seeing anyway to make sure this does not happen again without continuing to fight.   I had never understood the webcam was having such an effect, having thought my writing was what mattered.   Now I can look back and all this and think, they are never going to see this like you do...  they did not experience what you did... they watched some show that a bunch of international criminals were involved in, and intelligence agencies, cults...  while I sit here wondering why in the world I was even on this planet, let alone why they were fighting me like this... or why it mattered to everyone so much  what I meant

The underground armies roam hidden behind the lying media and the distractions of cell phones and sex

WE are everywhere in our rv'S AND TENTS and compounds

well armed and ready and still this late in the game wondering

who the fuck is behind this shit and who... who.. who.... thould we be taking aim on

I was a soldier in utter darkness

equipped with the ability to kill with a mere hello
people bumped into me or criticized the spying crap on that webcam
and were placed in a danger I never understood
too humble to think anyone was making a big deal out of me
writing in characters who I felt were the Real Deal.. Christ
and a General who was for a future book I had yet to finish
Christ is I Am
A General when needed
an artist when needed a
 statesmen when needed
a God
of many masks
whose true face would terrify and attract away your free will...
You surprised me with your werewolves and vampires

wake up with an illegal webcam finding my every move and word added to a world gone mad

stunned by the stage lights suddenly illuming even my toilet
a watched one
unwittingly leading a revolution
of fitful dreams

followers flying out of my fleeting words

as the world stood waiting waiting waiting
for the Alarm Clock To Awaken


Now The Christ Has been informed of some of the chaos
caused by the decision to keep him from His church
His tears hidden to lead the war
waiting
waiting
for a warm breast and a soft heatbeat
under my cheek

My book WAKING UP JESUS launched churches across the world

All Christians are essentially doomsdayers.  I am told my last book and those watching my awakening created a Doomsday Cult.  Like much that was not my intention, and was kept from me by the intelligent agencies and others (not to mention the contingent who thought I knew exactly what I was doing and what they were doing).

THE RESPONSIBLE PARTIES are above the law or dead.  Before they informed me of what was happening they got a promise out of me to wait fifty years to write or talk about what I know.  They even at one point said if you ever end up with another woman you can not tell her what has happened here.  Most of what they want kept private must be.  I understand telling the masses that there really, truly is a santa claus.  The less people burdened with the horrors in my mind the better.  Enough horror stories have flown from my fingers... and gone out and taken on lives of their own.

I am never sure how people are going to take my writing.  What they will gloam onto and what they ignore?   I know I asked for Peace and I was ignored, though when I declared war many were ready to go along?  All of you mistook me for something I am not, doing something I am not...

What I thought were bugs in my house and the CIA messing with me thru what showed what I took to be lies about me.   I never saw the militias that came together.   Never saw the armies that clashed over my words, the death and destruction caused by ...  when they began to tell me the truth, I was overwhelmed by the scope of what had come to pass.   I felt insignificant and without any power...  though occasionally I would see certain things that pleased me, taken from my work and used by whoever, from presidents to Steven Colbert.  Mostly I hated the bugs...  and almost any reference to my life on tv.  I did not figure out that what I thought were bugs were webcams until it was too late...  and I had been filmed doing something that was meant to be a big fuck you to the spies in front of even children who were watching me... leading to one of the most withering moments of my life, and there have been plenty.  Like learning anyone at all has killed themselves or others over my writing, let alone the scope of my influence within all Christianity.  I had heard of terrible things the first year the world started promoting me.  I was thrown into seeming murderous rages over the years where I screamed at the bugs in the apartment, and other times just talked to them.   I had no idea of the scope of those watching me, or their demographics, or I would have been a lot kinder.   There was always an element of me fighting the media, and hating any referencing to me.  However destructive this proved to be, there is no going back in time and changing the past.

After almost two years away from that madness...  after dismantling my power base...  after starting a revolution that was hidden from me...  I am grieving almost every moment of the day, praying for something that I had quit praying for when I became the Christ --  forgiveness of my sins.  I did not know the things around me were happening, even though the tv and radio showed me signs....  I just had no idea what you were doing.

I wish to address those who believe, or once believed in me...  or were effected by those who believe.  I have no apology though I want nothing more than to say this was my fault and as such I have control over this and can change it....  but I was not much of a player in your games.  Or I was, just didn't know it.  Mostly I just did not know of your groups or the over all plan that I was a pawn within.  I know look back at this and think it drove me temporarily insane.  I regret a lot of things...  too many to list.  I mourn what should have been.  We could have done a lot of good...  instead, the other side of this, is that as a God my anger is fiery and righteous and spreads to everyone who listens to this burning bush?  

What can I say to you who I never met nor barely knew about at all?  I was made into an unholy icon by this process.  This surprised me more than anything.  I could not allow you to think I was this lie created by my enemies, and others -- some with the best of revolutionary intentions.   I trusted that I would inspire nothing but good...  why wouldn't I?  IF you read my writing, instead of think of what you saw in illicit webcams that I WOULD NOT HAVE AGREED TO IN A MILLION FUCKING YEARS...   you would have found that there was evidence of a mind there that wanted peace on earth and good will to man.  Then somehow out of this became this religion based on readings of my work and life that make no sense.  All you would have had to do was ask....  that was all...  I forgive everyone for their parts in this drama, this time, this horrific secret war... this hijacking of my life.  God did these things for reasons that are unclear to me.   I have always believed that there are plenty of churches, their teachings and beliefs needed to change though... and this is my mission. Not to take over the world --  which happened on someone else' s mission, not mine...

You offered me a throne once....    it came with so many chains and false promises that God filled me with revulsion and confusion at the thought.   Now I know that I must choose my own throne.   I would be honored if the Scottish people would welcome me onto their island.  I have something to trade now for releasing me from prison and giving me a bit of the money that was made off of my webcam  ---  I will quit writing publicly.  I just ask that the Catholic church be allowed to store what I write for fifty years, and then release it.   I figure you will not answer me, as you seldom do.

  I am now too filled with anger and hurt to even surreptitiously write too much about this.   I am sure I have angered certain people with what I have written.  I hope you are noticing what I do not write about.  I will keep vows about what I will not say forever.  I will not name you, as you would prefer, I imagine, because you surely know who you are.  I think certain thoughts are a slow acting acid on our souls.  Then there are the legal implications.  I do not think people should be jailed over a war.  When it ends, the prisoners are released, and both sides at the very least take a break in the fighting (peace is often used as a mere strategy to get better prepared to fight again).  I pray this has happened out there.

I will keep giving my overly obvious takes on the news, perhaps...  my words are covered in blood now.  I do not wish to be known as someone who didn't even try to wash it off.  That will take a life time.  You dragged me into this conflict, brainwashed me and got the surprise of your life when you found who was inside this Trojan Horse.