I took out the lasers from this on line novel...

For most of humynkinds history I have led slave revolts, started religions, or steered them, was an acolyte to your holy men.appearing at times as an Angel, a burning bush.... I am not an angel. Angels can fall. I cannot fall. I earned my position by being the first creature in all of the cosmos to say No to God. My kind collects souls from destroyed planets... entrophy says they all go. He would send those from my planet to give creatures a mercy death, though this was not explained to me... we followed orders out of love of God, our Father -- so to speak, He has no sex, I merely follow your traditions.



---- this is a novel in progress, which also is trying to teach how to write a book. I hope to get these two texts from this vlog. I am a well read and published author from way back with lots of education and experience, though I have never tried to do this before... as such, I took out a major plot device.. the lasers.... you will understand as the story unfolds......






I learned to love the creatures of the planet he sent me to that time, and how He laughed at me, How he seemed to love me ever more. His creation had taken on a life of his own and created Free Will. He allowed me then a variation on our ways, told me that he would send me to the very beginnings of the lives on the planet, that I could attempt to give them ten thousand years of peace before their end. I am the greatest mass murderer in the history of time. I will in the end destroy all that lives on this planet. The Father will decide if I have succeeded or not in steering the species to life or death.Our Father is pure love, and entity I have witnessed in a dream/vision, vast and timeless and immobile.


When a soul has their final death, and nothing is left on the planet's surface to draw the entity back into the cycles of living and learning, they gravitate toward God from every planet, dimension, time... I AM a different being, The Chosen One -- cursed I think at times... chosen for a mission that I would never ask of another. Instead of going back to God, where I began my existence, I instead feel the pull of the pain of other life forms, other planets that are like this earth, struggling with the suffering of the cycle of life.


Now I AM the Son of Man, living among you since before life began here... a creature who is lless than the Father who created us -- I use Father as your term, in reality you would no more apply a sex to GOD than you would a boulder. This is the tale of your planet, from the beginning to the now, as well as a prophesy of your possible futures... Your bibles have some truth, and one is that even the son does not know when the Father will bring on what some of you refer to the rapture, and others death by the greenhouse effect, others nuclear war, others the simple passage of time that eventually destroys all that is created... I am here to answer the prayers that began when your mind first was able to understand death... when you first began to spin myths to answer the questions that are not yours to know except in the most childish of manners... WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? I appear in each generation, awakening only after I have learned the ways of a time enough to fullfill my mission. They vary from situation to situation, fire to fire I trudge, bringing my soul into the worst of situations, to rekindle the FREE WILL that humyns have been granted; the only species on the planet that is not completly bound by ther genetic imperatives -- though they are much more than they realize. In one life I am leading a slave revolt; another teaching priests a new slant on religion; another an ancient warrior covered in bear skin barely keeping his tribe alive in desperate times... and now, a warrior in a shadow war fought behind the scenes of the media, between intelligence agencies, undergroud groups, the deeper levels of the Churches, the Masons, the oligarchies, the east and the west... as I try to prepare the souls on earth to choose between ten thousand years of peace, or the haunting visions of endless lightening flowing from my chest, and endless fire from my back, great streams of destruction encircling the planet and consuming the earth... What sounds like a horror will be, should the father decide your ability to solve your problems is hopeless, a mercy killing before the planet plunges into pure chaos, as the damaged atmosphere begins to destroy their crops, flood the coasts, sending cannabilistic refugees across the planet... and bringing a hell on earth God will not allow. My mission is to stop the wealthy from destroying the planet by living lives of luxury while most of the planet is plunged into poverty by their excesses. Already I have been recognized by presidents, popes, the leaders of all countries and churches... and also hidden, as best the intelligence agencies can, after they tried to use me, when I was still waking up... I tried to warn them that while I am forgiving, my Father watches what is done to His son, and exacts horrible revenge...




This book I am drafting will confuse some of you, as I write for those who are involved in the secret world they keep from the masses, though I will try to avoid this... there is cognitive dissonance in all minds, that will attempt to tell you what I write is all fiction, but my oath to you is that I will tell all I can about the ways of man that I learned when the elite attempted to make me create a world wide religion, leading to a one world government, and the carnage that has been left in my wake.... I cannot tell everything, so I use fiction where I must, and other incidents I must leave out entirely, because my writing has resulted in unintended death all across this planet. I am the most dangerous creation God has ever created. I am also the most forgiving.




I OFFER REDEMPTION AND FORGIVENESS for every soul that truly will change their ways.... others I have a special hell for, a place where they pay penance, and learn how much I despise the lifestyle they have just lived. Thank you for reading my words. Know that though I was greatly disturbed when I awoke in these times from my innocence, and this writing should be greatly disturbing to you, that God is love, and in the end, every soul will experience the absolute ecstasy of dwelling in the Golden Light of God's Overwhelming Love forever.

There are compiled entries where you can now read the story up to this point. This is first draft, where I write everything down at first, even though if some of it clashes with other parts... then later decide which way to go. I go back over these compiled chapters again and again, working on them to perfect them, and then working on what is to come, which is the roughest prose. All throughout the book there is more telling so far than showing, because a lot has to be told to bring the reader up to speed, on a war that has been going on for eight years, and has finally come to a head as the elite decide to genocide seven billion and the protagonist begins nuking .... well, let that be a surprise. There are two things going on here, the teaching of how to write a book, and a book... which will become clear if you read the blog. I HAVE MADE A MAJOR CHANGE SINCE DRAFTING THIS BOOK. I AM REMOVING THE USE OF LASERS. PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND IF YOU ARE READING THIS DRAFT FROM THE BEGINNING. I hope the chapters stand alone, in a way, from the over all text and can be read as a short story. The poet in me wants each line to sound as if their is a sonnet birthing... But anyways, the chapters I have now are being pared down, to where about five of them are kept, and the remaining chapters, which grow organically from all the ideas in the draft, are set in stone. You are supposed to let the novel lead you, according to John Gardner, and while I love his books, I think he could have plotted better. I aspire at least to be the student who surpasses the teacher, who added to the science of literature his contribution.



Wednesday, December 30, 2015

A SONG reminds me of your smears against me...as does sarah silverman.... THIS ENTRY IS NOT FOR THE BOOK.. BUT MY INTELLIGENCE COHORTS, ENEMIES AND FRIENDS ALIKE.

THIS entry is for a specific audience... you know who you are.   Others will just not get it.



I try to avoid talk shows, award shows, live shows...  after what has happened between myself and the media and the world of so called entertainment.  My unfounded trust in so many has turned me into a cynic about the humans that inhabit my television.  My knowledge of the star system, and the corruption of the human life that occurs with fame and money has always been there within me, though before my starting to awaken, I half ass wanted both.  I knew I would be famous from a very young age, though there was no way for me to predict how....  I thank God for that mercy.  My girlfriend seems oblivious, or psychopathic almost in her ability to ignore what has happened.  How she goes on living like nothing has happened is beyond me.... secretly I know I suppose that she is involved in the world behind the curtain.

I used to think she was involved because the tv shows she would put on would be commenting on my life and what was happening.  I had no clue how huge the operation was around me.  Still believed this was some alice in wonderland event that was centered on me alone, though I could not understand why?   I thought you knew I was something more than human at first, though I was in no shape after the mind rape they gave me, or knowledgeable about the world to know about the behind the scenes doing.   I was a puppet being used and had no clue...  I thought I was fighting some battle against all humans.  The allies I had I did not understand.  The enemies either, in a way...

I told you often of a plan.  I believed all of my work had been destroyed...  yet you kept this media focus on me, kept watching me...  so I cruelly talked to you.  In 2007 I was made the puppet of groups I have been forced to face I do not understand.  What if all I have been told is a lie?  EVERYTHING.   I have to consider this possibility now.  I would not have before.  My most basic assumptions are bewildered at all of the information available on the web.   The big lies are there.   I always watched the one I knew about playing out on tv and wondered what the hell you people were doing, with little idea you were reacting to me, let alone to my short stories.  I would see things and think, WHY ARE THY DOING THIS... WHAT IS MY PART HERE... WHAT DO THEY WANT OF ME... HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS LABYRINTH OF CONFUSION?

I had no idea you were still looking to me for leadership.  This was what surprised me the most in 2012-13... different groups you told me were offering to let me lead them, but I did not know clearly where, at all...  the associations I suddenly found out about, the criminals I did not even know about...  let alone the crimes.  I thought it was all some sick joke at times.  Staying strong, pissed off, surviving by any means necessary was all I could focus on.

I wrote of the talk show because I saw Colbert last night, a man I once considered a friend and ally, and still wish I could, like John Stewart, who I applaud for getting out of entertainment and working saving animals.  That is one smart man.  One day on tv he said that they were holding him in an empty room between shows, a period when they were not showing repeats... every show was different.  I stopped watching then, hoping they would leave them alone...  though at first, like everything else, I thought it was a joke.    A band played on the show.  What a horror to be a famous person in this day and age....  singing a song that had lyrics which triggered my memories... EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN... something I once said.... IMPROVISED...  something I wrote about and finally let you know rather recently....You wanted a grand plan, I was trying to slash and burn my way through a forest of lies to get enough intelligence to do something, anything, to help this world....  and lesser motivations.  I do not incriminate myself enough in these writings.   I cannot imagine your disappointment in me.  Well, yes I can, actually...  your mighty efforts come to naught you must believe?

FUNNY how people are still being sent out into the public arena to still try to pretend that I had control over this mess.   I didn't want webcams watching me.  I could not get rid of them, so I tried to turn the assault against my enemy.   When I found out even xrt was now my enemy, it told me so much about you people... i COULD NOT ABIDE BY THE PERSON YOU THOUGHT I WAS, WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO...   and those who backed me during these periods, I had no idea why you would?   I sure as hell would have hated the person you made me out to be.  No doubt about it.  I could not allow that person to be your unholy icon.  I had to destroy that any way possible, and damn the consequences to ne.

Back to the song... the way I can tell when these things refer to what we must vaguely just call the shadow war, always have what to unknowing would be non sequiturs.   I will not claim to understand what the song meant when they spelled out CURE...  or most of the lyrics.  I do know that your idea that I had no plan at all, when you lived for some plan, when you watched me and looked for clues, when you went to classes on what this was about....   must make me hated.   Well, there is certainly a plan, though adapting what I would like to see done in this world when I was learning something new all the time required improvisation.  I keep wanting to become enraged at my hostage takers... the blacks who felt they were better off taking me hostage, keeping me poor and enraged and confused by lack of intelligence.  This would bassically have been really my intent if they had left me alone, but again... they were fighting for their lives, had me pegged for something I am not.   How can I throw stones now?  How can I blame people for what was done during this?   I have to take the tact that this was war, and whether it has ended for you or not, I am not buying into the divide and conquer that keeps me from focusing on the true people who are fucking up this planet.

I do not know if I am here to save you or give you a mercy killing.  What is coming will make the troubles of the past, the day to day horrors of the primitive lives, their short, brutal existences, seem like heaven.  Things will get much, much worse...  though for some of you ....  that is perhaps unimaginable.  I CAN ONLY NOW BEGIN TO SEE THROUGH THIS ENOUGH TO QUESTION MY ASSUMPTIONS.  What if the evil I see in this world, the death of Jews by Germans in ww2 was a lie?   They tried to tell me something like this once and I would not even listen to you.   I have always had great empathy for the Jews because of this event, and the prejudice that the world threw at them, just as I have for all the types that are demonized. This was why I tried to change your perceptions of them.   I went too far.  I did not understand how literally I was going to be taken.  How I should have dummied down my every statement, been clearer.  If I had known the consequences I would have been paralyzed, like I was for the two years I sat in a room and could nothing except try to quell the horrible emotions inside of me with drugs.  THE kind of drugs I had alway avoided my entire life.

Now I am wounded, badly, by all of this... but I am able to crawl again.  That is of course the real reason for this blog.  I need to crawl back to the battle front.  I need to face I was used, I need to face my mistakes caused untold damage.  I will not cry again, you misunderstood that.  I think the sane should be weeping and wailing over this, personally, but your attacks on my tears are nothing I need again.  I am not the psychopath you thought....  I am the killer you saw.  I was not as surprised as you by this.  I was surprised by who you killed and why, especially....  I remember when I began to understand you thought everything in my life was part of a plan.   Even a toy lobster I put out for the hell of it, became a means you used to think I wanted torture used.  I remember the man you did this to and how enraged I was that this man who had done nothing except show me kindness had been harmed.   I told you afterwards to give him whatever he wanted...  I wonder what you did to him, but of course in my life there is no one to ask.

I have had to compartmentalize my mind.  Like a soldier who simply wants to forget a war, in a way... though when I wrote I AM A COP, I AM A SOLDIER... I meant these words, and they are still true.  I wrote once how I thought my life might have gone if I had not had a back disease... how I would have joined the army, and perhaps came out and gotten into law enforcement.  Parks and Recreations then did a show about a character who was dum who scored high on the tests, as I did, but the police did not want him because of his personality... it will surprise you how much I remember when I am done with this writing life of mine...   I will keep secrets, but I will also write things that the unwitting will never understand....  that may seem like naming names to you.  I am zorry.  I do not wish to cause you further grief, some of you... others I hope to kill with my words.  I will be honest about that....  I am going to release the dam, and the blood will flood, and the waves of thick, salty, metallic crimson will wash your gated communities away.

I do not wish to keep the Plan hidden.  I cannot just tell you or the enemies will try to stop it.  I will tell you this, Jews, Blacks, religions, and people who just happen to be born on one spot on the globe have nothing to fear from me.   The criminals also, I just do not care about....  I do not like what you did in my name, but I hope to redeem you.  You at least are honest.  You are not hypocrites.  Most of you were born into that world.  This is one of your lives, one of many, and you have not always been this way.  None of you have.  Some of you were my greatest allies in past lives.  I do not know why exactly you have been given the lives you have this time.  I cannot question my Creator on these matters.  I must trust his plan.that I have been thinking about since learning what I have, and calming down.  My shame over the yelling at the tv and to the bugs is immense.  My shame about so much is too overwhelming for me to explain.  I am sure many of you feel the same way.

The song I am writing about was on CBS, the white station, I have since learned.  I do not want white people to be my enemy.  I am white, and most of the people I have loved in my life have been white, though certainly not all of them.  I do not believe in blue eyed demons or whatever.  Black or white, neither are demons.  The blacks in the USA forget that they kept slaves too...  forget that they were involved in the slave trade too... the black pimps are slave keepers as well.  The color of your skin is not what determines why you do these things, history, the family you were born into, etc... they determine these things.  Not some evil incarnate.   The contributions of all people of all races and times and countries add up to who we are.  Historians always seem to want their race to be the dominate one.  None are.  Your lack of humility before God is the root of this problem.

The song that kept me awake all night, was just enough reminder of how the musicians have learned to hate me over things I knew nothing about, about my taking sides I had no idea about....etc.  I tried to be all things to all people, to tell you that none of you are damned, that what awaits the saints is the same thing that awaits the sinners.  THAT THERE IS NO KARMA.  THAT GOD DOES NOT JUDGE YOU...  though I said he did at times, I said many things out of hate.  I said so many ridiculous things to try to get points across, that are metaphorical but were taken literally more than likely, like your ridiculous bibles.  They are all so full of shit, which is why I was such a hater of religion until I started adding up all the mystical things that have happened to me, and that is aside from the brainwashing, or waking up, or whatever was done to me in 2007 that made me suddenly go from a sane person to the ranting, lying creature that you witnessed on your damned webcams.

I have a hard time now wanting to write about religion.   I speculated in public too much.  I told you things that sound ridiculous to me now.  The night that I ranted at my window,  in 2007 when this was first starting, about heaven and hell, and the next day when CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS came on and asked why a pace alien would talk about hell...  and I thought, I have never believed in hell... why did I even say that?   I cannot remember what I said, other than DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM?  DON'T YOU READ YOUR BIBLES?   The seroquel,  a drug given to me when you thought I was psychotic, messed me up.  Along with the pot, and pain pills, and the horror of having the world noticing me, all banded together...    I disavowed the Hell idea at that point, told you that the first thing I did when you died was to hold you, and comfort you, and tell you there was no hell.   I cannot imagine there is a hell, personally... though I understand the attraction of wanting to see evil acting people be punished.

I heard in the song on Colbert, EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN....  and IMPROVISED... and took them as indictments.   I did what I did and cannot change anything, and rationalizing all of this is going to block my ability to be truthful.   Something I have learned to do...  after a life of hiding who I am from the judgements that cloud everyone's perceptions of one another in this world.  I have qualities that your hypocritical Abrahamic books demonize, even as they extol men who offered others up for rape, had children killed for calling a man bald, and other ridiculous stories of the horrors humans have rationalized over the years as the will of God.  God is not who you have had to worry about on this planet.  I AM is the one who has been dealing with you.  God will collect your souls in the end....  your lives, I do not know how much he has to do with them.  He seems to have a lot to do with mine....  but I cannot imagine the loving God I know doing the things that happen on this planet.

I planned on having a radio show that would do targeted protests, boycott evil companies, try to use Unions to rebuild the working class, to force campaign reform, get us out of wars, etc... but instead, they slapped me in a hospital and drugged me until I realized whoever was doing these things was an enemy, not an ally.  Perhaps I am wrong... perhaps they felt sacrificing me for the greater good was the right thing to do.   I have certainly sacrificed myself for the greater good in many lives, and was quite prepared to do so in the past, and still am...  though I do not want to.  Because my death will be, at the very least, the end of many people... if not all of you.

I trusted God would show me the way through your forest of lies... but God works thru humans.  You did not understand this because of some of the things I said, and how you misinterpreted them at times...  I wih I HAD NOT SAID gays are angels.   I said this so you would leave them alone.  I do not know if there are angels or demons on this planet.  I saw a creature once, not of this world, when I was seventeen, that was too realistic to be a hallucination, in my window when I was bedridden on the first floor, that certainly looked demonic...  I saw only it' face and shoulders, it had molty brown skin, and a huge, smiling mouth with yellowing fang like teeth glistening with saliva...  too realistic to be faked by any except perhaps the very best of make up artists...  and perhaps that was supposed to convince me later that there were demon?  Or perhaps it was a creature from another planet?   I chalked it up to a figment of my imagination at the time, but only four times in my life has such a thing happened.   Once in childhood, again, staring at me thru a window, was a green faced creature, hair slicked back, bright red lips, and smiling...  very tall to be looking thru the small window in our front door.   I chalked that up to being half asleep.  The other time, I was given morphine in the hospital and the classic Jesus walked into my room, sat down on my bed, and then ....  I am not sure, dissolved into me, or disappeared.  The other time, I suspect was drugs, I saw two women in the dress of very long modest dresses that seemed almost victorian, here in Chicago, in the apartment on Fargo...  if I was prone toward such things, I would make nothing out of these experiences.  I am not.  The latter two could easily have been drug induced, and etc...  I alway chalked all this up to scientifically valid explanations... though now that I know a spirit world exists and has been centered around me for a very long time, I know that either those who meant to use me for operation blue beam may have been behind the two creatures I saw thru the windows....   my mind always goes toward the scientific explanation first.

I remember a family guy where they showed Peter as superman, and he tried to fly, then said I NEED SCIENCE...   ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME?   That show was very involved with playing back thing I said...   I was astounded that you thought I hated science, but I guess so many religious people are that you stereotyped me.  Like thinking I am a misogynist.  I am a feminist.  I certainly do NOT think men should rule over women, or visa versa.   I think women have been oppressed by men and still are.  I wanted to hate seth mcfarlane, though I certainly considered him an ally at first.  But then they did a show where they pretended they found Jesus, he became a celebrity, fucked up, and then wanted to go back to obscurity.  No, I would not go along WITH THEIR PLANS, AND THEY WANTED ME TO SHUT UP... AND PUT OUT THE MOVIE BOLT TO MAKE YOU THINK MY LIFE WAS SOME FUCKING TV SHOW... it was not and is not and will never be.  I remember well an episode when they told me the CIA was fighting the blacks, and another show where they said I was running the CIA...   I believed at the time I was in america because of their powerful army, and always did my best to support the soldiers, and still and always will.  I am very honored by their having liked me.   I will always look at them as people, not killers.   I hate how they are being used right now.  I could never hate them, or sailors.

I said many things in two thousand seven that were just me trying to adjust to the situation I was in...  and many because they were part of the psy ops campaign I was running....  like writing I DO NOT EVEN HAVE TO TALK TO MY TROOPS.... ALL I WANT IS A NORMAL LIFE...  I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO BIG STARS OR AGENTS...   I wrote all these things because I did not think any of those thing would ever happen.  That was all.   When I had the chance to speak to them, I was in denial that these things were happening.   I NEVER EXPECTED THE WORLD TO TAKE NOTICE OF ME, I WAS PROMOTING A RADIO SHOW....  when they did, I did not know how to react.   I needed guidance and there was none.   You and I both did not realize -- or maybe you did -- that larger human forces were trying to use me.   I was doing my thing, and they were doing theirs.  You brought the fight out in me, and I do not back down usually.   IF I understand on reflection that I was wrong, I do... certainly.   But not ultimately, and not when I am challenged.   I may try to defuse the situation.  I tend to express my anger at times with flights of imaginary violence, something I used over the years to get over being suicidal, by deflecting my self hatred on to something else.

The fact is I did want to be a star, I did want to be famous, I did want to make money, I would have loved to have an agent, and I never planned on living a normal life.   The night I said the later I was filled with seeming memories of many other planets, and this pressure of fame, of being worshiped almost, and I think this came from my realizing by then that this was not going how I believed life was, that I was not involved in simply being discovered, that much more was going on behind the scenes.   I was so astounded by discovering God and the Poetry that I was writing, and the feeling of being the son of God, that I believed almost anything was possible.   I threatened people a lot back then...  I guess I hated how you were treating me so badly, I just did not understand why I was not being welcomed... why no one came and took me out of this life.   And when offers came to do so, I either did not trust the people enough, or I felt there was no point.  When Jessie Jackson offered to take me to Africa, I said no, I will always be homeless... plus, I felt in my heart that I needed to fight from Chicago.   Later I regretted this, though now that I know about the race war I no longer do.   I joked about white people simply because I thought blacks had gotten a raw deal, not because I had made some choice of blacks over whites.  You never seem to believe this, but I have cultivated a love for all people in my life.  Driving the cab taught me good and bad come in all shapes and sizes, and my education taught me to look at individuals behavior in the larger picture.

I WAS ALWAYS SO HONORED WHEN PEOPLE LIKED ME.  When the Mexicans liked me, I was very honored.... the Irish.....the Chinese... the Navy, soldiers... the blacks, Puerto Ricans, etc...  I had no clue you were all fighting one another.   I was a freshman being berated for not knowing what a senior knows...   a bullshit way of looking at things, but so many had so much invested in keeping me ignorant.  Anyways, even now I am not sure who understands what happened and who does not.  When Will Ferrel came on tv and talked about how I had let the English attack my soldiers...   I was so pissed...  I am still pissed to be honest.   You had him portraying me in the media for awhile...  the evil green and purple of Joker.   I get that now.   I was criticizing the queen, not England itself.  I do not have to like everyone on the planet.  I do not like the way they hoard wealth while their people need it.  I would give all that away and live humbly, knowing that   The business with Ferrell came when he was on a truck commercial saying it was named after a general in the revolution, who was fighting the English, then suddenly decided the English were good and let them slaughter his troops.   This happened, I believe the night Trayvon Martin was killed by a hispanic man.   This was actually a metaphor for the race war.... which I did not know about yet, and I felt sorry for the young man....   England, I was told, was sending soldiers into florida... the news I heard this on said, I GUESS THE COUNTRY OF ENGLAND IS DIFFERENT THAN THE QUEEN...   This was the first I heard of this, and I watched this as a spectator...  also, at this time, I was suddenly being attacked by blacks on the tv, and being accused of being a racist, and threatened.... different people, like George Clooney, came on tv and said they would get me out.   I was pissed as hell about all this obviously, and was just learning about the animal codes and said HOW DID ALL THESE ANIMALS GET RELEASED FROM THE ZOO....  a reference to all the animals they were using.  Anyways, the English, I was told, were coming in to help me.   I had no idea that my writing was causing a war with England.  I like the English and the Irish.  I did not like what was done to the Irish of course...but criticizing the behavior of the queen of england and seeing many people doing the same thing... well, I still looked at myself as a person who was not being taken seriously -- and was oppressed and had no power, even if there was the occasional reference to one of my poems on tv, or a tv show, like supernatural, showed an angel criticizing the same people I was...  I had no idea the violence they showed had happened.   I just thought they were using my criticism in plots or I would have been screaming and yelling over it...  the closest that show has come to me was KEVIN, really, because that was my situation, suddenly being in the middle of things I simply did not even know existed.

I never ordered anyone -- the fish especially -- to be hurt.  I never met them, and this is a great regret.  I could have saved this world, but that goes against the interests of A TINY ELITE... they do not want it saved, let alone by someone like me, who would make the world a fair place...

I am leaving one thing out that I did know about, for my own reasons, and that is my insurance policy...  but that is not a story I am ever going to explain to you... just pray I never have to use them.  That was my one hint that something big was happening, but I had no idea of the circumstances surrounding that....

Am I repeating myself?   I do I know go over the same things over and over....   but the song on Colbert made me think, WHAT DO I STILL BELIEVE ABOUT WHAT I SAID?   Some of you look at me as a supernatural creature, others look at me like I am a king or used to, and others a spy/revolutionary...  I look at myself as a man who others had many plans for, who was not informed of them, and when I tried to do what was the right thing without getting anyone hurt, the CIA over-reacted, and then I unknowingly stopped them from being punished.  OTHERS thought I was informed of what was going on, and indeed believed that I was much more informed than I was... I thought I was much more informed than I was.  After that, it was me trying to figure out what you were up to by any means possible, and also protect myself from the slanderous things people were saying about me -- even if they were true, I did not know and they were just slander to me.

I remember so well the night that it was announced that all these people were going to give me control, then I ordered something, that destroyed that....   I guess in reflection this was how God operates, because the people who were backing me should probably not be in control of this country, I just do not know...

My dream now would be to start a religion based on what I do believe...  though I see the pope trying to use my words all the time, and they replaced the last one with the new one, after I wrote I had moved to rome, then argentina....  they put in a pope from argentina.  A Jesuit, of which there are many conspiracy theories about, and a man who supposedly backed right wing people, when the priests I liked down there stood up to the right wing oligarchies, and often died for their efforts.   I am not criticizing the new pope.  He has even changed their tune to the point that he took what I said about atheists and gays and opened the church to them, to the point atheists can go to heaven....  someone even came out and said there was no hell....  I drove a lot of people out of that church, and others in that church believed that I wanted things done I most certainly would not.   I watched a DR WHO episode that was about me... when I declared war after the navy seals were murdered who killed ossama bin laden...  I thought the dr represented me, but I have since started to think that was not the case.  the marines were always with me, and gays, and they had them in the enemy camp in this, and the leader wore an eye patch, and I was asociated with Pirates for awhile, after people were gathering money by pirating .... which went to criminals, instead of the kinds of things I would have used money for.  When I think of all the good I would have done with the money my supposed family took...    again, I could spend the rest of my life climbing the mountain range of my regrets and never reach the top of one crest.  I noticed something new last night, they mention PAPAL.  The Catholics were with me at first, but since I was brainwashed in a Catholic hospital, and then sent to one afterwards where more head games were played on me, I did not trust them.   When I asked for a mornon bible there, because they said Christ returned to america and a lot of Ridgway had become mornons...   I am told a lot of Catholics became Mormons.    I do not know a lot about their beliefs, but I know some of them do not jive with mine...  though when I read their bible it SEEMED to me I was a character in it.   The only other book that I read that seemed like me were the Jewish psalms... to the point that I felt for awhile that I should become Jewish, but again, I do not want to endorse what all the JEWS are doing, let alone their Holy books.  I feel the same about every religion, but those Psalms seemed like I wrote them, and perhaps in another life I did.   I certainly respect the right of God to manifest in any book, from literature to what are considered Holy books....  a good person will find good in their book, a bad one bad.  The Holy books are written by men, not GOD.

I believe at this point in my life that I must write a book again...   I do not want to have to keep responding to what I see in the media.  They are my enemy now, pretty much.   I hate the murderous feelings they bring up in me... I just turned on the tv and saw will ferrell,  a man who knows about all these mass murders.  What psychopaths they are in the star system.  I do not know how a good person could survive in that world, though I am sure a few good ones do.  They just think there is nothing they can do to save the world, so they go along, and do what they can, thinking they can work in hell, and give a glass of ice water to the damned once in awhile... or they are just straight up psychopaths... which is possible as well.  The vetting process for fame is so soul killing that I cannot imagine many people surviving it.

I want to end this by saying I have been criticizing Israel, and the american Jews who refuse to stop supporting what has become a terrorist state.  I have nothing against Jews, and I thank GOD for those Jews WHO feel the same way I do, that their religion is being done a great disservice by a few greedy, terrible people.  This is why I cannot become anything other than what I am.... the God of MANY MASKS...   one who is here to change religion, with new prophecies...  and a revolutionary.   If I had it do over, I would want soldiers invade and destroy the fed, jail the present government, or let them leave....  whatever involved the least bloodshed.   I would then get rid of the world bank.  I would simply absolve all loans, as the Jews once knew to do...  I would also forgive all student loans.... socialize all the banks, the utilities, and the media.   I would confiscate major industries,  and give them to the employees... employee ownership would be the new way.   I would set it up so the people who presently own most of the land, are forced to selll everyone their apartments and houses on lein contracts.   I would take away the money of the excessively rich, to a degree.  Not all of it....  there would be NO MORE BILLIONAIRES.   I would love it if they just left the country, and we could make everything employee owned.  I would not do this with small businesses.  Universal health care and free university, and I would halve, at least, the military budget....  There would be no pogrom against the wealthy, they would simply be made into millionaires....  I would give all these empty houses away on lein contracts, start a new jobs bill along the lines of FDR, but I would let these people start their own businesses....   I would limit the time that people can hold office, as well as change campaign finance reform, and keep the postal service....  I will not try to destroy private property, I will merely spread it around.  Factory farms will not longer get government aide, while family farms will... and factory farms will be broken up.   I know this will take a lot of work, and I need a lot of help.   The world needs impartial science to be the main way of ruling the country.... religion and politics would be separated.    due to the way they have infiltrated the police, and other institutions, I would disband freemaonery in the us.  PERIOD.  I would give people an even playing field, including women and minorities, and grant amnesty to all refugee from south america....   low interest loans would be available through the socialized banks.   I would reign in the salaries of lawyers and doctors and pharmaceutical companies and funeral homes, and I would allow people to make money off their bodies, instead of allowing vultures to do so.... the present laws on this are insane.  ALL PRIVATE PRISON WOULD BE CLOSED... those with non violent drug convictions would be released, and all drugs legalized and dispensed by the government.   that is my platform.  Want to be a capitalist, fine... want to be a socialist?   Fine...  etc...  I would never allow any restrictions on the net beyond the most common sense ones, like no child porn, etc....  The stock market would be reformed all to hell and I will close it if they cannot do this.

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