The Manchurian Candidate

FUNNY, the first thing you notice when you are brain washed, is that you do not know who you are, you are just sure that you are not who you thought you were..  you grope around for who you are...  the awakening was forced this time, found out earlier, prepped....  they had no idea that they were messing with the mind of a creator and destroyer.  Or maybe, every word I write is the brainwashing...  and I am nothing at all.   The pretense in the shadow war was that I was cogzinant of what I was doing.   I  was in a Catholic hospital when they forced me to wake up to the fact that I was not who I  thought I was.   I asked for a bible, and they brought me a Catholic one, which I refused, because I knew the Mormon prophets had realized I was coming to the USA so I asked for their book.   I FOUND a lot of truth, it seemed....  though I am no puritan at all.  Hiding who I am requires acting like someone who is not a God....  not acting like a saint, seeming a sinner... though I seldom sin in any big way at all, and hate myself when I do.   Some of the work that was done on me made e a liar extrodinaire.  I have no idea why i did this.  It was like  a madness.   I have lost this now.  I care only about the truth.  The change came when I REALIZED that the revolutionary book I was writing, and my writing in the voice of Jesus, began to have effects of the world... but even though these things were happening, I could not understand why no one just came up tome and explained what the hell was going on....  drove me mad.  There was various communications...  strange coincidences withmy writing.   I knew I was bugged and watched and hated it...  I could not figure out why the hell people were doing this to me.   I took advantage of it as best I could, but the brainwashing was horrifying.

iI WAS SUDDENLY being used as a puppet...  a real manchurian candidate, with the rube being that they tried to make a fake of the real thing....  I did not think other people believed in me...  found that out very late.  The things I said.... the way they were used....  I simply did not believe it.  How the hell could all these things happening with tv using my words...  I could not process the thought that I am this thing.   I am not Jesus, though...  He was a revolutionary long ago, a good ESSENE, a communist with a God.

I did not know who my allies were...  I liked people who liked me, did not know about all the secret groups inthe world...  my plans are only now truly distilled.  They never took into account the brainwashing....   the trauma of that experience was like losing my mind, and I was pissed about how my world had been turned on its head and finally snapped, became filled with hatred...  wrote attack, blitzkreig...  II would smoke weed and write from a deep trance, and nothing ever seemed to come of it except mentions in tv shows... on the radio and news.   I could tell they could see me, but if I had known the extent of who was watching me...   when I found out I went a bit mad....

I wanted everyone to like me....  to protect and love the world....  I was steered away from this, used for a different purposes.    I am not sure how much of this I can get into....  but I talked a lot of old lives, and the murderous things ancients had done...   never thinking people would do these things/// criticized people and caused a war, when I just felt like a regular guy who was on the verge of becoming famous when he went crazy from being brainwashed....

Well, there is always more to the story....  though writing a book about real events, many I cannot reveal, and never will, is the oddest thing...  I want to LOVE....  give up all HATE and just LOVE.  GOD HAS ONLY EVER SAID ONE WORD TOME... ONE ANSWER TO ALL MY QUESTIONS, no matter how complex...  LOVE HE says...  not that sex has anyting to do with God...  we were made in His image only in the sense of the Holy Ghost... men want God to look like them, men want tobe gods... I would give about anything to not be me....  but then I think of the lives I saved...  but the mistakes.   I deserve to be haunted for what happened, but I WAS JUST A PUPPET...  I became a player perhaps in a way in the end.  But I am not even postive why I am here...  I believe these are the End times, perhaps....   I do not want that at all.   I want peace.  I want no reason to ever feel like killing again.  I want to make peace with all sides, a circle with no sides....

to the Acolytes and Shadow Warriors..

I remember the day that I realized the cameras in my apartment were not just going out to spies and being told to the media -- it was obvious to me that my actions were being aped on various shows, and that people on the news, and once an awards show, seemed to actually be talking to me... by then I was so pissed at having been filmed for so many years that I ignored such things. I felt I was being tortured, as anyone in their right mind would, by this invasion of my privacy. So I often used psychological warfare on those filming me, and was cruel. I threw out threats, etc... I felt like since someone was filming me without my consent that they were my enemies, even though I also noticed sometimes something postive was said about me. I was standing in front of my dresser, and they suddenly showed someone standing right where I was, in a green house coat like this stupid one I used to wear. I cannot explain why I did not realize this before. I just could see no reason for it.

Sadly enough for them, an actor from the show Modern Family was talking directly to me at that moment when I realized they were using webcams in my apartment, because somehow or another those backing me, and using me as their puppet, had taken over the tv. I am an advocate for gay rights, and immigrant rights, especially Mexicans... in fact, I made one of my characters on the radio show bi sexual, because I felt there was no one on tv who was representing this group. Just as when I knew they were filming me in 07 when all of this started, I promoted blacks because I felt they were getting a bad rap in movies and on tv. In fact, when I was 24 and working on a local children's tv show I insisted they add a black character because there were not enough black role models on tv. I felt durin my moment of fame would be used to bring a voice to those who the media traditionally silenced. This is also why I said at one point, Gays are angels. I grew up in a time when as a cab driver in Toledo Ohio, when a gay movie was showing at a small arts theater, the gays would have me drop them off a block from the movie theater -- afraid of even exposing themselves to a cab driver. I had also lived in Grand Rapids Michigan, and gay BASHING was happening frequently. I have always been one to hate bullying of any kind, and was not going to play the games that I usually saw in the media.

When I realized the feed was going out to all kinds of people, I was angrier than I have been since the tine I thought they killed my girlfriend... The humiliation that ensued, was much worse than the disses I had gotten on tv, especially after I was filmed masterbating.... after which I told the 'spies' that some things in life were x rated. I wanted then to leave me alone so badly. When I learned that people thought I wanted to be filmed the hatred that raged through me was endless. It was like being told I asked to be tortured. Of COURSE, at that time I had no idea a religion had built up around me, or that there was a shadow war actually happening. I had been writing a book about a revolution, but I had heard no news that seemed to show me this was having any effect. Other than a few tv shows that I took to be either lies or just using my ideas..... I had been told long before that people were stealing ideas from my blogs, and I was flattered at first. By the time I realized the webcam was going though, I felt like all these people were making money off me and I was not getting a dime.

Sadly enough, because an actor from Modern Family was on the tv when I realized this, they were bludgeoned in the press... having gay characters, and mexican american characters who were not cliches, had appealed to me. Glee was another show I was happy to see. I had read the statistics on all the teenage gays that killed themselves, and believed tv was finally giving positive role models to these kids, as well as helping others get over their prejudices.

After this realization, I was hyper aware that all these people could see me, but still there was nothing I could do about it. After this, the illusion that I was trying to use all these groups to take over the world, began to crumble. The difference between what was happening on tv and xrt, and other radio stations, and my mundane, depressive life of constant pain was too much for me to process. I figured I had pissed off the government so much that they were torturing me. Why I was given so much coverage made no sense to me. I mean, I had been responding to the spies on the tv ever since I realized what they were watching me, but it was an entirely different matter when I found out people who considered me a leader were actually able to see into my apartment.

I was afraid to even tell anyone about these things because they sounded so insane. My girlfriend noticed, and occasionally even something she said was mimicked on a tv show. Later, they would all be cruel as hell to me... I try to understand that I would have hated the person they made me into in the media, and forgive those who hated me, but when I think of that one fucking actor, the scamatomologist -- which is what I call the scientology CULT, who was in those chipmunk movies, actually came on tv when I had diarreah and called me dirreah dog. When I found out they were filming me in my bathroom, I of course had a hard time even going to the toilet. Thank God it was dark in there when I turned off the lights... he came on one day and said something about me being pee shy. I had no idea at that point that the differetn tv stations had differennt political agendas. The entire world was turned on its head, and the world I had been led to believe I lived in did not fit into what I was seeing on tv. They were calling me a dog at that point... which I took to be because I loved dogs, not yet realizing they had all these animal name codes for the different groups fighting for control in the shadow war. I just watched what they told me was happening with no idea why it was happening.... no idea why I was loved or hated for different things I did

I remember one day after I knew there was a webcam, that I put up a picture of my ex girlfriend, to remind myself that people were being hurt by what I was saying... and whoopie goldberg asked, DO YOU WANT BARBARA, and I angrily motioned to my girlfriend, and said I was just putting up to remind myself that the things I said were hurting people. This sounded ridiculous to them, because there had already been all kinds of deaths associated with me, and crimes that I knew nothing about, and all sorts of things I cannot write about, ranging from genocides to theft on a level I can hardly imagine. I thought people knew me from my writing, not my life... instead I was finding out that people who knew I am a God on earth had been watching this webcam. The madness of this saddens me now... I would have behaved so differently, as I did after discovering this was happening.

I was half mad from all this by then. The whole thing started in 07 with a brainwashing and being put on an anti-psychotic drug that kept me awake for days at a time, as well as being drugged, I was told, by the water bottles I kept in the refrigerator. The fear the government felt of me, a person who had enough power at that time that I was effectig entire countries. Operation Bluebeam, trying to start a one world religion, had placed me behind a podium that I did not know existed.... I could se no changes in the world being reported, and I spent my days on the net searching and searching for any news about what was happening.... HOW COULD MY TV suddenly be making comments about me all the time, yet when I walked the streets, only very occasionally did anyone act like they recognized me, and no one came to my door... I would have expected in a sane world that the fbi or soeone would have informed me these things were happening. When they did, I put an end to them, as best I could. The things they told me that were happening in the world, that they were saying were the result of my work left me lost.

They also told me things about my girlfriend, that she had went to all these different groups when it looked like I was losing in this shadow war... groups I had no idea who they were. I did not ask questions about these things because there was sinply too many of them, and I felt under attack... so I was not going to give my enemies what I did and did not know... though I assume in retrospect this is obvious to them, since they were taping me.


I am sure a lot of this is considered top secret, but I am leaving so much out.... that I do not even dare fictionalize. Enough people have been inadvertantly harmed by my writing. Never again. If possible. I would have done so many things differently if not for the madness of the brainwashing and the seroqul driving me mad... and my own confusion. BEFORE this I thought I had the world figured out pretty much, and there was no place for a God in my cosmology at that time -- most of my life I did believe in God. I think during this period, my secular education and the back pain combined to make me hate God... to think that I had tried so hard to live a good life, doing all kinds of volunteer work, saving lives when I was a cab driver, and generally trying to be a writer who would make the world a better place. I was on a mission to be a good writer for many years, going to college forever to study a lot of different subjects, getting up at 3am to write before work, etc... staying sober.

After the brainwashing woke me up to who I am, a lot of the mystical experiences I had been having all my life made sense... I have been told the CIA was simply trying to make me more moral, and were surprised as hell when I became Jesus. I was also told that I had started growing wings as a child and do have two mysterious scars on my back that are nowhere near where my back surgeries are. But the plan they were using me for, Operation Bluebeam, they tell me was come up with when I was a very young child, or possibly even before my birth.... but I felt like God had pulled the ultimate irony on the NEW WORLD ORDER crowd by actually placing the Christ in the body they were using, a man who would not go along with their evil plans, no matter how many millions of dollars they offered me.... Back in 07 they tried to get me to negoitiate over this money they had evidently gathered thru crime or people gave up to try to get to heaven even though they were rich, etc... I mean, my presence means the apocolypse is here. This thought alone drove a lot of people mad.

The last thing most people expected was my return... the Christians were ready, of course, but not for the person they were seeing on their filming in my apartment without my permission. IF THEY HAD JUST TAKEN MY WRITING about peace and love and togetherness seriously, instead of fighting me -- and forcing me to fight back, NONE of the trauma would have happened. But that was not their plan. I was a puppet.

I am now in the process of trying to build my house on stone, not on the sand the intelligence provided. I had to destroy the relgion that was built up around me. They had me pegged as a serial killer, a child molester, a guy who would have sex with anyone, going to public bathrooms and having sex... every joke I made, they took seriously. I had bi sexual experiences in my life, and was sexually confused by the molestation in my teen years. Priot to that the thought of having sex with a man had never entered my mind. At the height of my sexual potency, I allowed men to give me head, occasionally.... though I was always much more attracted to women. I actually thought life would be much easier if I was gay, but kissing a man, etc... I was like a guy in prison, with the exception that I never wanted to do anything anal, really. I believe that most people are somewhat bi sexual, and that a lot of homophobia is repressed bisexuality. I tried to use my experiences, to show others that these things were normal. And they are.. Though prejudices against my behavior certaiblyty began to be used against me when groups turned on me.

The groups were watching me on the webcam, and if I said one thing they would think that was my ultimate decision on something, even though I had been writing something else for years. There is a difference between a thought you think about, and meditate on, and the stupid things that sometimes come out of our mouths... but my words were being taken as scripture of sort.... when I found out about the webcam, and how my comedy short stories were beibg taken as Gospels, when I wrote them before waking up, I told them, DO THEY EVER DESCRIBE THESE KIND OF MUNDANE DETAILS IN THE BIBLE ABOUT JESUS???? No.... they wrote down very little about his life, just a feeww sermons he gave and that he was crucified. Why did they do this? Because most of his life didnot matter to the future or religion.

I believe Jesus was married. He was in his thirties, allegedly, when he awoke to who he was, and that is pretty late in life in those times not to have been married off. In my memories of being Jesus, I was married. I had children, And they were dispersed across the worrld to be hidden from the Rabbi's who would have wanted them dead, as they did the brother of Jesus, James, because of his hatred of the rich rabbi's. Jesus and James were Essenes, plain living communists, who worked with their hands and gave all their money to a central fund. They did not believe in sacrificing animals, which the Rabbi's hated because they made a lot of money off selling over priced animals to be sacrificed, not to mention they got to keep the meat. I came to change the Jewish relgion, and to throw out most of the supposedly holy scripture, because like all old knowledge, science and new philosophical thought, etc... superceeded the old knowledge. Old salt he called these words.

To the acolytes, as I was told those who watched me on the webcam, I am sorry for what you saw. Especially the children. I never much considered chiildren in my life or work. I did not write for chidren, I was writinng for people with a college education for the most part. I was trying to use the brightest minds I had studied to inform my work, and did not care that nuch whether everyone 'got' what I was writing about or not. I knew from the reaction of professors and professional writers, and audiences at readings who were sophisticated, that my writing was considered very good by people who were in a position whose criticism I could trust. When I think of children watching me..... the greatest of sadness fills me. Especially when I hear that I was made out to be a hero, and I did save this country, no matter how many problems I have with it, twice, at least. I did not use to believe that I had a right to be a usurper in government, nor did I feel qualified to run the country, let alone the wold.

I have come a long way since then.... NOW I could run this country, and fix it in ten years, make us a moral super power with a mix of republic, socialism, and capitalism... giving people a true choice on how they wanted to live, within limits. I have said before that certain natural resources I believe should be owned by all people, not a select few who use crinibal means to prop up their enterprises. From Exxon using private armies to slaughter protesters in Africa, to BP basically killing the Gulf of Mexico by sinkibg the oil, rather tha actually trying to get rid of it after their momentous spill, which they have still yet to compensate all the poor souls they effected, despite record proits. I would socialize the electric companies, tv stations, and movies, gas companies, and get rid of the over paid ceos in many public owned conpanies, and turn the ownership over to the workers. I would not try to have the government own everything at all. I want the wokers to be able to share in the profits of their conpanies... instead of people like that jerk who owns Papa Johns pizza who makes billions and says he is under no obligation to give back to his employees. People like this are ruining the quality of life of almost seven billion people on this planet, while a tiny one percent live like piggish kings,.

I want to tell the acolytes that I am honored and humbled that they were interested in my life. I want to tell those who followed my religious beliefs, some of them, that I am honored and humbled as well. After finding all this out about the webcam, and going thru ten months of interrogations over where I finally found out what was happening with the webcam, my writing, and certain religious and revolutionary followers I had inspired, I felt like I was so misrepresented that I basically said go home... go back to your normal churches... I wanted that life to end... to be like I had been when I quit drinking, a new person whose old behavior could be blamed on drink, and now was a different person. To the point I started wanting to leave mary ann and be with a different woman... I was so hated by the tv and even the radio stations that the love I found in a couple women on the net seemed to offer me a way out. I was wrong. The stress of the webcam and everything else took such a great toll on mary ann and I's relationship that we did not have a chance at that point. I had lost my sex drive due to the pills and being watched, for the most part, though I did not realize how much the pills were effecting me, I was certainly conscious of not wanting to be filmed making love.....

I remember one horrible night getting wasted on pills and blaming mary ann's weight gain on why we no longer had sex, when the weight of a woman had never really bothered iin the past, and she had a better body than my last girllfriend, who I was madly sexually attracted to. The Tribune, a conservative paper that I grew to despise over a few things they wrote about me, then had an article about this talking about how I was shallow hal, like in the movies... I had often said I was a Hal, referring to Shakespeare's character of a prince who hung out with a lot of disreputable people though in the end rose to the occasion of leadership, with new insights into the poor and criminal that most kings lacked, and turned out tobe the best of kings.

My heart aches when I think of the people who followed me, and fought on my side.... I should have been more specific in what I believed should be politically done, but I could not... our enemies read every word I wrote, and if I had put out battle plans they would have been ready for you at every turn. I did not know at the time that I was not allowed to leave Chicago, because I had basically been taken a hostage by the blacks, because the side I was born to lead were racist. I heard a comedian one night say, THE BLACK PANTHERS HAVE YOUR BOY... and I thought they meabt that I respected the black panthers.... later, when they told me I was a hostage, I turned on MPR and out of nowhere, as these things came, when they were giving me messages, the non sequiter, I HAVE NEVER BEEN A HOSTAGE,, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN A HOSTAGE?

To stop a race war I would have become a willing hostage, and if I had been set free the blacks would have found that my first act of leadership would have been to make peace. I LATER saw that they had placed me on the black side, calling me a Mascot, after I outlined an elaborate plan to do something, which I meant merely to stop people from killing each other, as well as to arm themselves to stop a slaughter I knew about. I am NOT on the black side, or the white side.... as I told them then, I will only work with people who understand the race war is a distracton, and the war I am interested in is a class war. The people who were using me however did not want to pay the kind of taxes I would need from them to make this country a place where anyone who wished to work could find a good paying job.

Finding out that I was being used by crininals is not something I can write much about. I do not want then to retailiate by hurting people, as they have done in the past. I will just say that the idea that I was a pirate is ridiculous. I WROTE PIRATE IF YOU HAVE TO, meaning computer programs, but in a revolutionary sense people pirated to raise monet for the revolt... which I also understand. It was pirating merely for personal gain that I would never go along with.. I did not even want people to raise money for the revolt in any criminal way, though if I had to recommend one it would be get the money robbing the ultra rich and banks.

I heard a lot about my having taken money from people, when I had never gotten a dine of money from these efforts, and they were all hidden from me or I would have stopped them. Many things I just heard reported and could not see what they had to do with me. I heard very early on, THE EMPORER WANTS COLORADO... when you are barely getting by on food stamps, you hardly feel like an emporer, I assure you. One man at least gave his life to get this message across. South Park, a show that used a lot of my early statements, like one where I did not blame the Jews for being crucified, I blamed the Romans... but that was just what had to happen to start Christianity and prepare you for this, my last visit on this planet, thank God, because life is ending.... in fact it is ending much quicker than I ever could have thought.... 42 percent of the bee's dieed in 2015. If that trend continues, the bee's will basically be gone next year. NEXT YEAR,.. people have predicted the end of the world forever, but this us the first time science and religion have merged to say THIS IS THE END.

I want to write again about sonething I think about a lot. WILL FERRELL interrupting a show I was watching to say a truck had been named after a general in the revolution who let the British slaughter his troops. Though I was always criticiziing the british royal family, thinking myself in the same vein as Twain, not trying to spur on a war... and again, being so isolated from my fame that I felt like I was nothing in this world, except during the stoned trance of writing in the voice of the God within me. At the time, I knew nothing of any race war, or a war with England. I knew they were pissed that I had made fun of their queen but a lot of English people wrote the same thing, and I did not realize my words had nuch nore weight than the average blogger. I NEVER ONCE said anything about invading England. Or any country for that matter. All I knew about the British coming to fight in the states was that around the tine Trevon Martin was shot I was very disgusted with what happened, and felt a lot of sorrow for the child and his fanily, especially coming from Chicago where we are always hearig of children beig gunned down. I made this clear. Around this tine, or perhaps even the same day, I heard on the TV the British were doing something, and the newscaster said I GUESS THE BRITISH GOVERNMENT IS DIFFERENT THAN THE QUEEN. At this tine I was actually beig threateed a lot.....and as stupid as this sounds, I was always expecting some calvary to come in and save me.... but this is all I ever heard about this event. I did know they were fightig or I would have commented on this... instead, I just watched with my constant curiousity the events taking place on the tv that seemed to have no efffect on my life. I sure as hell would NEVER have sacrificed soldiers who were fighting under my flag for any reason at all.

Everytime I see will ferrell I am filled with hatred. I am sure that pleases him. I used to think he could be one of the funniest guys on the planet. I guess the Trevon Martin death was nore than likely a signal that one group I will not name was fighting the blacks, and the Ennglish came in to fight to save the blacks and murdered this group. This was never my intention. I have been blamed for all kinds of things that I did not even know about...

I want another chance. Another chance to lead, without the trappings of crininals, or the idea that I want to take over the world, or that I am racist or anti-semetic or think there should be a one world government. I do believe there should be something like the UN, but I would run it like the round table, where all countries would throw their problems on the table, and then all countries would try to fix the as if they were their own,,,, you know now what I would do if I could lead. I would disband the government for ten years.... I would use this time to be a dictator, but I would rely on expert opinions, and I would listen to the people about what they want, then I would set up a fair election process, and turn the power back over to the people, so the position I create will not be able to be used by the forces of evil in the future.

I still support feminism, gay rights, Jews -- and I am not against Israel, I am against land grabs, and want them to live in harmony with those around them, rather than acting like ruthless leaders bent on genocide. I said, when I first started hearing about this, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I LOVE ALL PEOPLE????? Which is true. I criticize the behavior of individuals, write gruesome vioent stories, etc... Obama came on tv and mocked me for saying this, but it is true. Fifteen years of cab ddrivibg taught me that regardless of any stereotypes, most people were nice. I have lived and known all sorts of people in my life, and never stereotyped some group and hated them, with the exception I suppose of the ultra rich, and I TRIED to temper that .... but coming from the person you thought I was because of my bitching at what I thought were spies intruding on my life, and keeping me an obscure writer, destroying my career, etc.... I still believe in Unions, and still believe I would like to walk the path of Ceaser Chavez.... though we are differet people, and my position is quite different than his. His humility and genuine love of the poor and downtrodden is a gorgeous exanple that I strive for.... sadly, my ego was destroyed young, by dininished expectations, and the rejection by girls because I was a fat kid, and being looked down as poor because of the dunpy house I was raised in, my dirty finger nails, the winters without hot water where I could not bath at home, etc... II thought I was stupid, basically, because my gifts were intellectual, writing and acting and to a very mild degree the visual arts.... in a small town where people get made fun of for using big words, I felt dum..... DIMINISHED EXPECTATIONS, whether planned or not, caused me to over compensate, be a person I am now ashamed of having been, self promoting and always givin my resume as a way of saying hello practically... I was constantly selling myself, hoping to find a little self esteem in the way others looked at me... I loathed myself for most of my late teens and well into my thirties, used to only be able to get to sleep by telling myself I would kill myself the next day.

University opened a new world for me, and having a professor/intellectual for a girlfriend showed me there was a place for me in this world, and that it would be possible for me to do more than just say I was a writer, but actually learn how to be one... so though I did not appear so at times, I was very humbled by other people. Humbled by somone who could fiz a car, humbled by the great minds I learned about in school.... though the true gift of humility God gave me has come during this period of my life, when I KNOW his greatness, and my own smallness in comparison tomy father. I had to give up the idea of humilty to fight that war, had to pump myself up like a football player before a game....

While I am pointing out misnomer, there was also the thought that I hated sports to the point that I wanted people to stop playing them entirely. I loved sports when I was in high school, loved being a manager in Garrett, though not so much in Bowling Green, where I quit doing it because I did not know the players. I just never followed sports. When I wrote that sports, tv and addictions to entertainment in general would stop the people from revolting, I was repreating the same thing that has been said since the Romans... hardly a new thought. People ignored the addiction to tv part, the music part, and concentrated on the sports part. I do not know why? I watched the news seeing thibgs about this and for years wondered what you were doing, could see bo correalation between what I was doing and these events.

This is what I would change if I could... I would go back in time and participate, rather than just watching the revolt and wondering what the hell you were doing. It took me forever to figure out that mexicans were the penguins in my story.... I love Mexican people, and live in a neighborhood filled with them, where englishis not necessarily spoken in the stores you enter, or barely... but a God cannot choose one group of people to save. Not one religion, not one race, not one country. I am here for this entire world, and I have reached out a had to everyone who has asked for my help, and as our neighboring country, I will do anything in my power to help you. Like Cheech Marin said, I wll never fully understand your culture, or the culture of any other country, or even all the people of the USA, but I can respect other peoples culture, and not impose my views upon them... and treat them as equals. I believe in multi culturalism, to a great degree. I draw the line at the subjegaton of women, and children, both sexually, emotionally, and etc... I think there are universal laws that all cultures, regardless of their history, need to follow in the modern world. But I think they are few and far between.

I have not been grateful enough to all of you.... I even got mad at those of who based your tactics of war on writing I did that was meant to be critical... but God works in very mysterous ways, and your actions were profoundly courageous, and done in the name of God. My father wanted to make known that a new force was here, that He is a violent GOD. I was watching a show about Saul and David the other night, and the Prophet Samuel told Saul to slaughter every man woman and child of a tribe that had done as much to the Jews ten generations before. Saul responded that he could not worship a God that would do such a thing... and Samuel told Saul to read his bible. Like the Jewish Psalms show, God can be very wrathful about behavior he hates... the problemis that humans invented hell and think God can hate their souls and send them to eternal fire, all because they learned criminal ways in their household, or were beaten into beaing beaters, or.... breaking the ten commandmets... where in realityy you are reincarnating beings, who live and die over and over until life dies out on this planet, andyou are finally freed. Then I will send you off on the path to heaven, and continue on my journey to steer other beibgs lives on another planet, and when life expires there, as it does on all planets, I will again point thr toward God and sent ehm to heaven. You have a wonderful journey ahead of you, no matter how horrible you have been in this life, you might have been a saint in the past.

I want more than anything to be with those who were injured in these conflits, and to use my fame and writing abilities to raise money to care for them... but I FEAR my enemies will not even grant me this one bit of solace and penance. I wrote a while back that I would like some money and the ability to leave this country or move to the wildreness here, and the next found a coded article talking about how now the fallen angels were asking for money. I do not know what people did who considerred themselves angels on earth. I suspect they abused this power. I also suspect my joke about kill yourself and others will haunt me for the rest of my days..... I can no longer write real fiction or jokes again now that I know how easily my work can be misiterpreted.... I do love you all, though I hate the way some of you act.

I pray God will watch over you, and that I may one day be in your presence, if you still wish me to be, and we can live out a sinple existennce of honorig God the father through arts, love, and Just peace.....

THE GOD OF MANY MASKS

After being filmed for many years, though I still am unclear on the complete size of the audience, so to speak, after years of thinking spies and the media were messing with me for reasons I could not understand, while others seemed to promote me,  it finally became clear... after years of confusion...  Here is a synopsis of what has happened around the webcam.   I found out late  to me why every stupid ass thing in my life was ending up on tv.... to my horror that the movie and tv stars we are all lke in our favorite show, etc...  and political people, and religious people, including children living underground, rockl stars, friend and foes alike..  and in the end mostly enemies.  ALL BECAUSE I WAS LIED TO ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON AROUND ME...  THE GREATEST INTELLIGENCE BLUNDER IN THEIR HISTORIES, COSTING THE COUNTRY COUNTLESS LIVES WITH LYING DEATH CERTIFICATES AT BEST, JUST MISSING FOR MOST OF THE COMBATANTS IN THE SHADOW WAR.  Had I know I was being as the barimter for the behavior of a large group of people I would have acted accordingly.  Insttead, for most of the years I have been in the mirrored, mazed funhouse of intelligence, I merely was fighting a nebulous evil that appeared interested me for reasons they never made clear to me... oh, at first, when I woke up with the memories of Jesus and the knowledge I am a God, in the sense that I am the Son of God, one much greater than I and to whom I am humbled by all his creation.  Many believed...  others saw me as the leader of a revolution using religion as a tactic to bring terroristic suicide bombers, in the great tradition of how the middle eastern suicide bombers were used by the CIA.  They kept their same old tactics, child soldiers and kill, kill, kill....

I was brainwashed and beffodled.  Reeling with the knowledge of God and confused about what He wanted me to do.   Someone was fighting me, denying me the ability to act openly, tto be treated according to how one would the arrival of Christ.  Left without the ability to access the world, I saw myself as a defeated person, a man who got caught up in a revolution for a few months, people were hurt, and I decided I wanted nothing to do with the situation....  but I could not change what the Voice of the The God inside of me raged about, in deadly sermons frought not with promises of hell iin the after life, but here on earth.   A CREATURE that is useful to you still.  Or a creature you fear attacking because I will turn you to dust?   Hard for me to tell, and perhaps a bit of both... from this side and that.

THe cameras in my apartment and neighborhood, initially to make me secure in my neighborhood when the world was told Jesus was living in Chicago.   Watched day and nigh;  my behavior examined.  STUDIED;   I was not trying to teach or preach or anything more than figure why God had made me, done these things around me...  and battling the people who were leaking things abought me, and lying about, and the press who I could tell could actually see into my apartment.   the oddity of it kept me from bringing it up with people, even though it was obvious to most of the people in my neighborhood, many who feared me greatly.   With a negative word I could kill.  Those who spoke against me were beaten down.

I WAS  seeking a reason for what looked like senseless carnage at times, and at other times look like the best attempt I could make at the time to save people... from the Jews, to the Blacks, tio the Mexican Americans, womyns's groups, gays...   I came to all of your aide, I thought, as all around me I heard of atrocities.  I peaached of violent revolution where the hard realities of war would bring out the monster in us, and in words, not deeds, this became myentrenched position against the groups bugging me.   My reaction to this use of me as a zoo animal and a religious iicon has been almost too troubling to consder opening up that ocean of emotion,....

Finally I was brought in with enough knowledge to realize that one aspectts, the divide nd conquer primarily used by the international network of the elite secret keepers working behind the scenes to run the world....   just far enough to know I would never go along with wearing the mask you sat for me on a throne..  My image became entangled with Jesus and frauds in the bible, when I am a different creature altogether this time, despite the similarities.  I was rased a pios, Essene, a poor, simple pcople, who lived as communist and wore simple clothing and refused to sacrifice anmals.  Ths is a very, very different time and took  a lot more time for me to learn enough about this time to know my missions.  I am not a pious Essene anymore.   I am more a compliation of various others mixed in with  Scott.

I am like Al Queda.  A CIA creation that they forced and funded to fight their enemies, THE FRANKENSTEIN MONSTER who turrned on his creators.  I was meant to play a God for them, don a well worn fake cloak they had created over thousands of years to control the masses, and pray the world into one religion.  A master plan of master planners who spent rivers of blood and treasure in the trillions.  A group of secretive men and women living cover lives, fighting a secret war,     who needed a front man, angels and a God.  They played a trick called Operation Bluebeam and make me JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR, but I would not go along. , ,   fame, money, womyn, living in exotic places.. nothing could stop me from telling unpopular truths, which is expected from the enslaven.

I am not an angel.  That should be very clear to you.  Those who called themselves angels were more or less deluded.  I do not know who is an angel and who is not though I have strong sense some people have a higher purpose.   I used to close my eyes and see wings on people, and how large they were told me the power they held for light.   I used to do many things speculating on human kind, trying to examine the soul, like an explorer of unknown caverns, or a yellow journalist writing about made up animals on a journey to Africa.   I do not know what you see.  I know how I felt, which did not seeem to matter to any of you, though it should have been your first concern.....  20/20.


Again you told me who you thought I was.   I told you I am not that way.  I did some writing, on this blog, that disappeared, about television. Guess I went too far.   I wrote of the batman movies, and their ties to me.  The latest name the enemies have been calling me is superman.  Now the latest Batman movie, ths legendary pictures that has been fighting me since the beginning, kills superman.  Of course these deaths are always temporary, but the point is there about me.  The lies about my wanting to be worshipped, or all of that .... ugh, so far from the truth.   I saved the fucking government,  because that seemed like the will of the people, and at the time I had no idea what the hell was going on.   U would still like a peaceful transition, because it has to come... and the bloodier this grows, the less I will like who I become, what I will do...  The mission is no less than saving the world, by influencing hearts and minds, when possble.  Nothing can be allowed to stop the changes we must instigate.  My wonderful ally, China, bought the Legendary Studio that has putting out this propaganda with me, so the days of Batman the Billonaire being the cheif super hero of the times is about to change. FROM the joker, because I made them burn a pile of blood money they were trying to buy me with, to playing on my stage name Pain with a character called Bain who holds a city hostage, with a nuclear bomb, and has won the alleigence of a group of womyn he saved when everyone turned their backs of them....  you would find this slim evidence, perhaps, but I was taught how the tv and movies are used, from the colors they wear to denote which family they are aligned with, to the grey that represents sharks in the media, to various names they gave ethnic groups as animals, which I never quite understood, though I was aware by then people were dying and I was trying to find out who?   I had to trust the people on tv because no one else was giving me any intelligence on these matters.   I do not know how much the country knows that they just pretend they do not about me, because this is what the people living vocer lives do, and they are the ones who fight in the shadow war.

Why am I even trying to tell anything to a dying planet?   To offer you some comfort in these the end times.   I can assure you everyone goes to Heaven.  I know God too well to believe He is capable of anything else.  HE IS PURE LOVE.  He does not punish.  The hatred that stops our view of God is not there in children.  They love uncondtionally.  As they are loved.  The lucky ones.


The entry that disappeared, or was changed, was addressed to those who called themselves Acolytes, and how I have been disrespectful of them due to the nature of what I thought an intuson of privacy meant to drive me mad.   I also occasionally heard my ideas getting out,, being spread.  I am honored and humbled that you showed interest in my life.   I feel sorrow for the entertaines who were caught up in this.  Had I known the various alleigences, or even of your existence, I would have encouraged you to do other than you did.... though always my knowledged is limited.   I seem to have unleashed plagues on this country, around the world.  I am the GOD OF PEACE AND WAR.  You were warned that treating me badly would lead to consequences I could not control.   My Father's wrath on those who hurt his Son are swift and unpredictable.


The plan you wanted to nearly roll our before was for a worrld that that did not even exist.  A fake ghost town with building faces held up by wooden beams, all painted up pretty, hiding the reality behind the scnes.

Now that I have an understanding of the hard decisions that need to be made, I wonder if I have been defeated by the enemies media?   I dared to tell the Irish that my criticism of the English Royal Family was hardly a reason to go to war...  and that is as much as I had to do with any of that.  I saw no results in England over my writing.  When you tried to fill me in, I was so far away from knowing what was going on that I did not realize you were fighting England.  I really thought all of that ended in 2007.  I was powerless and no good seemed to have come from my efforts, just my life and mind torn apart...  this was the perspective from my corner of the maze.   I still think a lot of the day WILL FERRELL came on tv and said that I was a general fighting the english, who then let them slaughter my own soldiers.   I heard only the line, The English are attacking Florida.  Guess the government is different thant the Royal family.   I had no idea you were fighting them.

I want to write more on this, but we are growing very close to too classified for publication....












.






Instead I showed them a mask of God WITH NEW REVELATIONS who refused their ways, and told them He is an incarnating Buddha,the son of Man and the Son of God.   Who  tellS them I would not have come without A DAMN GOOD REASON.

 My lives are always important, always a mission, some are earth shaking as you have seen;  in most I been a warrior or a shaman.  Usually both...  most of the history of mankind was too primative for more evolved forms of Government,  I have come to complete your education, by throwing out the salt of the ancient Holy Books and expanding the Gospels, revealing more of God's vison.

The mask I wear does not matter.  I choose Scott, a writer, with liberal beliefs over a steel structure of belief in the individual as the master of their own mind;   each will see a slightly different mask, orr a radically mask.  Some will see reality itself, a scientific view without a deiity, as their mask of God.

I have been given many masks.  Some I will accept and others I will scorn...  they all blend together in your mind.  My enemies will have you focus on my rebellion against their filming of me when I would have stopped that shit in a second if I had known the scope of what you were doing, and did...  I did not accept worship or money orr political connections...  I have floundered through this world of lies waiting to meet one honest person on the topic of intelligence who would fill me in on my situation without vague stories that make almost no sense to me....   when what I have written has been used incorrectly, the question I was asked was WHAT IS A WRITER'S RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR WORKL?   Well, as soon as you finally told me what my work was doing I was able to use this intelligence to resolve the issues.   You asked me for a license to kill.  You had one already but you pretended I issued this and the cross in the corner meant this was a papal degree from the new Pope...  the pope has a use while  l live ths life, to give my preachings to his people, and thety have tried.

Sadly they tried to force me to be their slave and I will not have HUMANS telling me what to do...  what is right and wrong does not change with the comically corrupt ways that arise in certain times, such as ours.   I do not change at my core at all.  I am always the same creature at heart, though I manifest as a creature of the times, who speaks the languages and can update himself on various fields of knowledge so  I csn ground myself in space/time decipher what changes need to be made to my masks.


The first thing you must KNOW is that Jesus has been lied about ever since a young Essene charasmatic preacher lead half his nation into a futile war against Rome, a man who said He was The Son of God and the king of the Jews who died on a cross, and for a horrible moment believed His Father had abandoned him, and those who mocked him had been right...  until the angels came for me, and once again I could see how my act would reverberate throughout time, untl the end...
I died two thousand years ago in one of hundreds of rebellions against the vast Roman empire, a pious essene, who refused to pay the elaborate fees to sacrifice in the temples... who grew up in a town with no temple, just a mighty tribe who lived a plain lifestyle of simple, yet great, pleasures.  Secure in the knowledge that their communal wages would take care of us all.  I felt such a government should be created in Israel and the people flocked to hear my fiery words, began to make up myths about me even then.   I came bearing miracles, always do.  I use them sparinglly, I am not an entertainer, I am a force of destruction, an iinstrument of WAR and redemption.   A peaceful person who does not believe that slavery or an unjust government is peace at all... to me that is WAR.



 A small revolution that historians barealy wrote about at the time, though the records are there if you look, the Jews were always fighting against the yoke of Rome, as were enough of the countries they tried to dominate that they eventually were backed into the corner of Vatican City, their only control left behind a religion, created for a King to Rule by....

. Beside me on the crosses on that smothering hot humiliating day of passing out and being woken by the next flesh ripping lash...  were two of my comrades, Essenes who had helped me lead the war...   Zealots, as the signs on them clearly said.  The sign on my crooss read  the same.  We were moaning out warnings against rising up against those who would force a mask of God upon us.  I knew God always won but that did mean I the Son of Man always won.  The religion that would bring heaven to earth needed to start as an unknown martyr who left behind a vocal brother and followers who preached in His name.  Powerful men who worked with their hands, fisherman and carpentes.  Unlearned men who would not have thought there was a need to write anything down, because the Messiah had told them He would return, with a sword.

In the course os this life, I have worn many masks, fighitng a war of perceptions primarily, against those who thought one way, and those who thought another.  I believed the inteernet would be the way the one world ethic would really arise, up from the people, and down from the top.  A war between truth and lies fought with truth and lies.  Black Psy-Op's...  the leaflets I dropped into millions of minds saying THIS IS WAR...  you do not get to steal elections, you do not get to kill Navy Seals to hide your secrets about the assault and life of Ossama Bin Laden, you do not steal the money of your people thru bank and stock scams and not expecct for them to revolt against the way the system of debt enriches the rich, and steals from the poor.  We awaken into a con job and take it for the way things are...  well, some do.  Others search and search and searrch....  and they stop somewhere along the way, most, though some make the ardours journey to the mountains' summit, and there they find only silence, a blue sky, a cosmos large enough to create vertigo and too many answers for any of them to mean anything at all anymore.


You have given me many masks to wear before the media, prommoted me as a comedic joker, a terrorist, a cult leader, a hostage iin a race war...  a writer with delusions of granduer.  A preacher to the damned, or to damn?

 The questions that I knew were in your minds and yet I did not answer .  .  .  .    I wish to inspire that which brings Heaven to Earth, not allow Hell to reign rampant.  The old books speak of slaves, and I SAY NO SLAVES.  NO WHERE.  EVER.  I also say that all children deserve a childhood, a period of innocence and protection and inabeiable rights to food, water and work.  

The mask you wrote so carefully in your Holy books became distorted the moment you weere preached to about them.  God is unknowable.   I stood with certain crowds and you assumed I was the crowd, some figure that was written about for two thousand years, returned, finally, wearing a crown of thorns, the bloody gashes of a Roman sword stabbed into a crucified revolutionary, swinging a sword at any evil that came near me, even the neccessary ones that invade our daily liife slowly and mperceptbly, like eating meat and deastioying the environment with my garbage laden western lifestyle... and worse, oh so much worse, as  I learned while working as a reaper inthe world of Intellgience.   I thought I had killed the pupptet master as the whole world laughed at me, the strings easily visibe to them.  Though POOF they disappeared when the blaming started.  They left me alone on the stage they had created.  Believed the ape in the zoo was responsible for offending you by releasing his bowels.   I have a special hate for the idea that I would want this intrusion, let alone that I would lead such a revolution.

I was accused of using murder and torture to regai my families name after you STOLE MY LIFE AND PUT IT ON DISPLAY without giving me a choice.  I have had to this work, to accept my situation and try to turn it to my advantage.   I needed to know a lot more to do what I set out to do because you lied to me about evverything half the time, then expected me to belief the ttuth when you told it.

Tha anniversary of the Irish Rebellion is here.  The brutal English invaders names are on a post with the Irish who died.  The Irish do not want their conquerers to be honored in their country.  Their hatred at being sold into slavery, and genocided by starvation, haunts their collectve history.  I understand why they would want to fight the English though I see no real reason why they should?   Has someone asked me I would have been entirely ignorant to realize that the Irish were in any way involved with me except as a people my family history showed my genes had lived there,, what were described as honorable lives.   I felt love for the entire world when this started.  An elation that God existed and had a plan for me was exhilierating at times, though always terrifying...   the way I  was treated I can understand only in tetrospect.

I have been mistranslanted.   On my own self, and by others.  I have had to salvage what is me, and what is the brainwashing that I was given.  My life has been filled with LOUD mystical moments that convincde me beyond a doubt about certain things, others are possible... or metaphors that I have little control over.   I see how I was different before the brainwashing primarily by how different I was directly afterwards.  My condition was too comepromised for me to be effectuve as a warrior or  A PREACHER.  The messing with my head is never mentioned to me.  There are those who staked ther life on the idea that I am Christ, and others that I am a clever athiest who is trying to destroy the churches, and start a revolution.  A THEOCRACY.  The Emperor Wants Colorado is one of those statements  I remember hearing.

Had I any idea what you meant I would have said NO, I am in Chicago for a reson, as much as I would like to leave.  There is a part of me that thinks the words I use are the most important part of my mission, though I hardly see how that could be...  the world is on the verge of death and we need to all collectively cure her.  Those in charge are not doing this which means they have failed, at least here in the usa.

WISH I BELIEVED IN PENANCE

If I started saying I was sorry to all the people  I owe a sorry to...
my mouth would speak no other words
If I starting saying everyone I am grateful to in this world
my mouth would speak no other words

I will fight your idea of Satan being supreme over THE CHRIST

Ths Satanists adhere to a false religion that allows their behavior
the dark sacrifices of war
the rape of children
the stealing from a congregation to live high on that hog,
up there where camels can't get thru the eyes of needles;
but they can I guess

Behavior wise I will always look to what is logical and wonder why these steps
are not taken
Why we do not stop the environmental destruction
why are we so afraid of citizens
finding out what the government is doing

Am I the fallen angel now to your perceptions?
I see two new tv shows showing sympathy for the devil
Interesting takes...


NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU...
 I am told one night after waiting for help for six long years

No one cares about how this is making you feel...
I am told by another

Look at this carnage and all you can do is ask why...
operation bluebeam went awry
set up and used and abused just needed to know why
found out oh thank God I found out...
I would not accept the power that went with the creature you thought I was
The lie was too huge for me to tell
All good and well to live this weird life which was referenced to occasionally
in ways that seemed pure slander to me

Too many things I would have done differently
Had I known....
Had I known...

they sold people a webcam into my home

There is no way I could have predicted any of this
This was too far from the world I believed in for me to be a part
I was a watcher...  seeing thru the tv what you could afford to tell me
and everyone else
I will never have another life

the question you asked me... if I left would there be trouble?
A disabled man with no money being asked a question like that was troubling to me
you thought I wanted to be poor you thought I wanted to be rich
I want tobe  comfortable/I have worked my ass off, too...  tried not even knowing
how I could help   what I could do
Those of you behind the propaganda know I am innocent
of all but being ignorant to how you were trying to use me

I showed my ugliest sides against yours/YOU DREW FIRST BLOOD
WITH ME THAT IS GOING TO CAUSE A RIVER TO FLOW FROM YOU
This you have seen in twisted ways the world works

I do not want your life...  or your minds
I did not even know you had jumped
a young man in a tie is telling me that my idea of how to protest
has been turned into an outline for guerrilla war
The fight I thought all my own and losing badly
or winning AT TIMES though since it was just some fucking tv show...
The time and effort you put would brng tears to my eyes if the taunts of idiots had
not effected my ability to realease emotions by crying

There was so many of your in the background
bearing weights I would have never asked from you, though My Father did
using men I would not have used
he knows though
REPEMPTION IS THE ONLY SIGN OF SPIRITUAL GROWTH
noticing your faults and trying to redeem yourselves...
we all need redemption
forget to go here and your ego will take over and tell you LIES


when I heard of the soldiers out there
I was taken aback that no one still came to get me
I still did not know enough
I barely believed anything was happening
because it so seldom touched my life\
so much is mere coincidence I once thought?
Now I know I needed a lot of time to ponder
to learn to swim
 before you threw me into deep water

you kept asking me to prove myself
I kept going along with you
want to argue why you cannot make the case that I can love people I do not understand?
For a mass murderer to react bt collaposing on the floor and saying,
YOU ARE BLAMING ME WITH MURDER?   I love everybody

You had put a mask on me that looked othing like me at all.
I HAVE TRIED TO LIVE AN HONEST LIFE...
 I MAY HAVE USED WORDS TO LIE
BUT I REMAINED TRUE TO ENGRAINED MORALS
 THROUGHOUT MY LIFE
I COMMITTED TO ART
AS A DO OR DIE PROPOSITION

WAR IS DECEPTION
Lao Tzo


arguement is deception
love is deception
society is a decoeption
God is a deception

You are tricked about God all the time
The Pagan holidays hidden under Roman Catholic sanctioned events
the birth and ressurection
the seasons, a bright moment in the sun, death for a awhile, then life again
a pattern that we share with squirrels and bears
the harvest and the planting

I used to talk in front of the webcams about the old religions
I would remember times when I was a brutal warrior cutting the heart out of an enemy
biting into it raw, talling my soldiers this would give me their strenthg.  DIDN not matter if it was true or not, if they believed it they would defeat the enemy that matters most in war-- FEAR.










I went after education like a hungry ghost with a stomach to huge to fill
I went after love and I went after madness and stablity
I was never going to sell out,
that was my relgion
I would live a decent life by my own principles
true to myself and my God as much as possible
plenty of mistakes but mostly wins

















The naive belief that if I was famous  I could sell my signature and make money for charity
This was the mad crazed view point I had of the world
Then I was told I was on the stand for mass murder
that a tv show which seemed to be mimicking my writing, as many did
showed violence during them, and I would never connect that with my work


I was just writing what I did not like, my opinion, like everyone has, but that does not mean I truly want ill will done to these people.  When I heard of group after group being targeted  I was completly a listener to a story I did not have enough knowledge to process.   I was not privvy to the vital intelligence needed, because you thought I would...  well, do as I did, and say, FUCK NO, I AM NOT DOING THAT... which is what my remark would have been,.

I have felt as if I am sitting on a powder barrel chainsmoking cigarettes for too many years
The struggle to find what we can of Heaven on earth is beyond me at the moment


A popular song of the year says confess and get your stomach slashed
 and the only heaven
is between his woman's legs

I think of this and how badly I wanted that war I heard about to end
I knew there was no way I was going to be able to lead you from where I was
I was never given that chance to speak clearly about my ideas
I had to be watched and studied and examined
I do not envy you having to that, do not envy me the feeling of having your life constantly examined

I became a mirror for you/a bible of vague lines/babblery
did'nt know enough to do anything other than try to put out fires and tell you who I am
This I would not do because I hated being watched, hated all the people saying this happened
showing that or ....
i learned about celebrity egos than I guess

I was bullied into fighting and fought.
























When you described how you saw me man the fucking horror, the horror
Same panic rages right back with the writing of these words

The Elite Want The Fght to be between blacks and white and muslims and christians

They do not want the basic econimics that have led us to the abyss to be blamed.  They wll not chane their lifestyle/nusiness style simply for any reason that will make the stock holders nervous.  The CEO making those 250 million dollar bonuses ain't worried about ethics or employee lifestyles. 

We have identified the ENEMY, SIR.  What is our next move?   We have the advantage, for now, though if they get certain population controls up and running before we move, they will win.  They have radoactive waves they have been working on for decades that can incapactate an army on the battlefield thru pain and screaming voices of God in their head.  They just fall down like they are dead, and might as well be.. or can be, easily, depending on the circumstances..

I rail against this weapon and lust after it at once.  Whoever starts using this on a large scale, if it is not already --  has a distinct advantage.  An advantage that cannot be aloud to last.  Like the worst of the chemical weapons and nuclear bombs, the unwritten rule is that you up the stakes, so will the enemy.   You start killing their civilians and they are not going to be as precise in those air strikes.

We will not try to take and hold and ground, we will take and hold the truth up to the people and see if it is reason enough to set them off, and f it is not prepare them as  best you can, ask for secrecy, any sSUPPLIES THEY CAN SPARE OR YOU CAN BUY -- NO THEFT.  Unless from large, insured stores.  Do what you must, you are the experts in your geography.

Why would you listen to me with my past?  Because even when I knew nothing you saw something in me that I sure as hell did not... an interesting person.   I hated me worse and worse/hated what my country was doing to me, primarilybecause of a misconeption...  I thought Bush was ordering himself a crown.... and  I knew nothing of his brother until afterwards... and tried to go to great lengths to preach that he should be left alone.   I criticized hin for stealing an election, and considered hin politcally disgraced.  That was all.  Never needed a hunan sacrifice, not once.  THAT IS MY FATHER. THE FIERCE BEAST IN THE JEWISH PSALMS.

I almost became Jewish because the VOICE WAS MINE...  then I realize he would not have sent mme here one last time if there were not still scrpture to add to your journenny.   I saw a tv show last night say that everyone goes to heaven, about the apocolypse...   put out very religiously, with just a with just a few people surviving a meteor coming toaward the earth.     The little girl who is the prophet, and the nun who slept with a priest who the church, evidentlly killed, seems like the Christ child.   A very interesting show that I hope goes on...  seeing my thought EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN used by another tells me others have found out the truth, as well.   You have grown as souls with each life, and some of you have matured and others are new souls -- we now have more dead tha alive on this planet, which means the souls here have stopped growing.  The new souls will not have the benefit of the old souls knowledge.... perhaps they are the souls I see each time going straight off to heaven.  Maybe they are the souls who have not experienced enough pain to look out at the life of a savior and see any worth in such a life art all when Heaven is a gorgeous flight of stars away, where they will live encased in a golden tinted light of warmth as His love flows thru you nd nothing that has ever happened matters.  Such love was always there...


There when the mortgage was lost, the Job, the weddings, during every fucking embarrassing moment of his existtence, and did not care... Loved him too much to let the environment and dna of one life determine the eternity of a person;  he does not trick people, there is no Satan trying to wrestle control of you -- those are your instincts, control them... and if you can't you get jailed.

I somehoe ended up in the middle of a race war, and pray I did take teh CIA with me...  no one should have taken me hostage in the first place and had I known yes that would have pissed me off and then if I found out why I probably would have laughed...  no race war is going to be run by my side.  Period.  That shit stops now.  The other shit that my name was being used for as well.  Most of it I did not understand at the time.  Mistakes were made that I never would have had I simply ttaken pink to mean what it meas, what the cop hat meant, what this color meant, what...    the man who wanted to free your will became the one who thought wanted to enslave you.  NO, PLENTY OF PEOPLE ARE HERE ALL READY TO ENSLAVE YOU AND I HAVE BEAT THE DOWN IN EVERY LIFE THUS FAR....  and there is more slavery now that ever before.

I often feel like you think I am revising my history, shoring up that alibi, as guilty as sin but either above the law or just got of the tecnicality that I had broken no laws.  IF YOU HAD TOLD ME WHAT WAS GOING ON, I COULD HAVE BEEN ALL OF YOUR ALLIES... THAT IS HOW THIS STARTED, THAT IS HOW THIS ENDS.

Fight me and lose in real life.  The Batnan movies have now killed Superman.. my nick name in the intelligence world.  All there of those films have been about showing me in a bad light.  In the Heath Ledger version, I saw myself when they burned the money, the gang involvement, my offering myself almost suicidally up to death... these were all things I had done in the shadow war.   I knew it at the tine because so much was happening around me with Operation Mockingbird going after me with everything they had, music, movies, tv shows, late night hosts, snl...      The socond came out and my stage name Pain, became Baine.... OH, how clever they are.... a bane I am now.  A bane in this novie who had a nuclear bomb, and has all these women who are loyal to him because when everyone turned against them he protected them....      I told them I wanted a different face with the public and they actually did it, after I did a certain favor for the government that should have renewed their trust in me...  I want the government changed.  I at least do not want them jailed.  After saving the government, I became superman.... now Batman has himself killing Superman.  Superman has become this God like figure to all these humans, and has a statue of himself, etc... they almost worship him.

The tie to my haveing people worship me after operation bluebeam, the filming in my apartment, and my writing.   I was watching a tv, and when the problems you told me of I was only a watcher, did not feel like I was being listened to by anyone except spies and criminals.   I did know there would be records of this someplace.... my cable was cut, so I had nothing to do except talk to the bugs....  I think of it now and a great feeling of horror fills me.   Like like remembering a torture or a jail term,  A moment of HELL.  How DID I LIVE THRU THAT?  Like the year I spent in terrible pain...  Taking sometimes eight percocetes at a time to get rid of the pain.  One of those knocked me out at a party after my tolerance to them was gone a few years later. If I had known what was coming at me in those times I do not know how I would have dwelt with knowing what was coming?

The feeling of horror at being bugged and responded to sometimes by something on tv....   were indescribable.   I learned certain codes, how they were used, during the years they were tryng to respond to me in that way.  A function of being hostage, and thought to have been the one do set off the race war, though when they presented the scant bit they took that from and compared this to 99.9 of my life, and one hundred percent of my writing.  I suspected by the big deal they made about me hating blacks was bullshit by anyone's standards....    told me they wanted this, and lke James said, they used me for the fall guy... worked in many minds, of that I am sure.... just because I know the truth does not mean I will own the public's perception.  THAT HAS been the story of my life.

I remember finally in twenty twelve or so, a stock market dude screaming, KING OF PAIN, or some catch prhese of mine...   and he said more than once, HE DOES NOT KNOW WHAT IS GOING ON OUT THERE....  I told them that was the case and they should do something ahout that... but no.

I wrote an entry for acolytes and then someone it was lost.  Better I write now to thank you, for what you saw in me.....   I hope that  at different times I was not always this horror story to you.....  I did not know to hold my tongue, the extent of my influence or who was with me, and who was against me
I should have known.... everything would have been different, but no....  I think of all the people I wish I could see who commented to me on the streets so I could question them.   I just took it as nothing in a way, and in another way that I am Jesus....  I will NEVER tell you THAT I NOT I AM.  I am I AM.  This is certain in ny mind.  I also would never expect you to believe this and as a result
I WILL NOT PRETEND this is about magical powers or who has the best God or any of that...whatever religion you have that is not just outright theft or evll or whatever...  is fine by me. 


what you bellieve is your own business...  how that manifests when you are working with me is another probelem.  We work together until our econonic problems are taken care of and I GUARANTEE YOU that then people will want to work, live their novmel lives, and be rewarded instead of beaten down by the eltie