What if all people knew they were going to THE FACE OF GOD, INTO HIS COURT OF PURE LOVE... would we no longer value objects around us enough to give up the wars we fight so some can live in luxury? The objects and sensations and all the time fillers that stave off their terror of death -- their concept of death that makes them think the dead are worse off. They are in soul, free of the pains of flesh, much relieved.... the irony is all on the murderer.
The dead come in crowds, they shove their way thru the masses to get to the front and call out to me, accuse me, curse me, forgive me.... understand I have given them relief from the WAR. We are in the battle of End Times... one or another side will win. Either way, I get what I want so I will take the side of JUSTICE and see where it leads, into a future of man living in harmony with nature, or destroying his sustaining planet and require me to give this planet a MERCY KILLING, THE FIRE AND LIGHTENING THE PROPHETS HAVE SEEN COMING SINCE THE FLOOD WAS PROMISED NEVER AGAIN.
The women leaping from buildings believing I would cull the human population to save the planet, when I WOULD DO NOT SUCH THING WHEN OTHER alternatives fill my mind and are worth a fight... my intent has been askewed since my arrival. HOW I BEGGED FOR TIME IN THE DESERT TO WORK THIS OUT FOR MYSELF, THOUGH YOUR HUMAN EGOS TOLD YOU THAT YOU KNOW BETTER THAN I....... your disbelief will be your undoing in the end, as we choose sides, draw our guns, and attack again. We minimize the damage, unlike our country destroying enemies, who live off the blood of war like vampires, the war -profiteers -- who in other times would have been hung for what the MORAL KNOW IS A CRIME OF TREASON.
I am not here to kill. I have come to do that before, in great numbers. I am a God who has understood when might makes right to take the might, and make right.... too many lives have taught me these lessons for me to do other even when I have merely the feeling of a mild trance as they pass thru me.
Sometimes I remember the drafty castles I have lived in most of civilized times... rich or poor....wherever I was needed to lessen the pain of human life. A futile job too important to give up because of few saved are worth all the world to me....
All souls go to Heaven. Knowing this makes me the most effective destroyers in God's creation. I am the destruction of life on planets, leaving barren meteor fields in my passing... I am known by the mystics, and just by chance myths, as the apocylpse -- not the feared one of your made up humyn beliefs. I offer mercy killings where I cannot work with a species enough to bring them peace, and they are on the verge of falling into a hell of their own making.
Saturday, January 23, 2016
Monday, January 18, 2016
THE DAY TO DAY HIDES THE LIE
The elephants rampaging past us, that we have to squeeze through to traverse a room. The big lies. The BIG RESPONSIBILITIES IGNORED.
We know enough in our time to change our ways, and adjust to live on this planet in harmony with the nature which SUSTAINS US. Our relationship with nature is more important than our relationahip with our countries. We kill the planet, we are all done. Right now Japan bleeds RADIOACTIVE DEATH out into the oceans, murdering millions of life forms, wiping out some, extinctions already insured. Even the bleeding acid of death burning thru the oceans is IGNORED. We have to DO SOMETHING to change our leadership, because they are so blinded by money and intent on living in luxury that they do not EVEN CARE IF THERE IS A FUTURE. THEY ARE THAT FUCKING SELFISH.
I am the story teller, trying to span from before time and thru time to BEYOND TIME. To tell of the human soul, and what is to come, as well as what has transpired to get us here. I want to write this like a paper, a news article, new journalism... instead of a narrative. To insert the character of mysel as the center perspective... break thru that fourth wall, punch a few holes in the fictional dream to let in a few facts and figures.
They sacrificed to their leaders. Prisoners of war. Brought them before me tied and bound, laid them on the ground beside the fire, cut out their livers and gave the steaming organ to my hand, now dripping with blood. We have won this battle and were thanking the Gods. They would have killed us all off had they won. This was war. I was born into the human who was the leader's second son. I hold up the liver, throw take a bite, then throw the rest in the fire. We cheer, sated our God, thanked Him. Bloody, big fish and little fish, dog eat cat and mouse eat cricket CREATOR. The circle of life, killing one another to eat. Most of our existence we have lived like this, one one side the predators, on the other the prey... and the prey of the prey of the prey.
Our mind tells us this history, our subconscious remembers some, the world around us echoes of those times, first a creature of sea, for long long long years, on a planet completly covered in water, life fell on asterroids into the water and specks of life began to grow more and more complex, until we sit here with the tv blaring and the computer in front of me on the coffee tavble, writing on a blog... the words of a dangerous man. Who has written dangerous words. Who was never cautious, never knowledgable enough to know to be... disrespectful to a world that asked anything of me the way they were treating me. Fuck you was my attitude for too long. I have accepted the situation as much as possible, though the shock to my flesh and mind has forever changed me emotionally, it is as if my emotional life was broken. I am no longer the person with the feelings of the person I was before. A death. Occured within.
No person going through the shock of discovery is completly sane. The effects were particularly difficult for me because I could not face that people had died. Then I could not accept the fact that these people existed, did these things, and were trying to pretend it was over, when the signs were everywhere that it was not. I did not want to listen to the voices that cautioned me, because I was not going to change my way of living because some fuck heads set up cameras all over me. The anger was constant. The rages coming over me in a flash. Reactive to everything.
The world knowing I was once Christ was overwhelming. I did not know how to proceed, that such a thought was in my mind was the most important aspect of my existence. I ignored too many things because of this pre-occupation. I knew I was liked, knew that I was hated... never knew why, or exactly by who... the years of total confusion, dealing with a world behind the matrix that was totally unknow to me... dealing with people who had been making plans to take over the planet since before I was born who never bothered to let me in on the secret. The various groups who were fighting one another instead of banding together against their common enemy drove me mad. People were so beguiled by the lies of the dark ones that they were not even voting for the politicians who would help them, they were voting for the ones who seemed like them. Poor people voting for republicans who would walk past them starving in the streets.
I expected wise men to come to me with consoul. You expected one man to have the entire plan worked out and ready to go, which was there, but when I was used and abused I got mean quick, because that is how I have survived all these lives. I was surprised by the brainwashing, never expected anyone would use me for such a thing. They wanted their Jesus for Operation Bluebeam. I was not interested in going along. I was angry that no one came to me. No one. That was all it would have taken to clear most of this up.
We know enough in our time to change our ways, and adjust to live on this planet in harmony with the nature which SUSTAINS US. Our relationship with nature is more important than our relationahip with our countries. We kill the planet, we are all done. Right now Japan bleeds RADIOACTIVE DEATH out into the oceans, murdering millions of life forms, wiping out some, extinctions already insured. Even the bleeding acid of death burning thru the oceans is IGNORED. We have to DO SOMETHING to change our leadership, because they are so blinded by money and intent on living in luxury that they do not EVEN CARE IF THERE IS A FUTURE. THEY ARE THAT FUCKING SELFISH.
I am the story teller, trying to span from before time and thru time to BEYOND TIME. To tell of the human soul, and what is to come, as well as what has transpired to get us here. I want to write this like a paper, a news article, new journalism... instead of a narrative. To insert the character of mysel as the center perspective... break thru that fourth wall, punch a few holes in the fictional dream to let in a few facts and figures.
They sacrificed to their leaders. Prisoners of war. Brought them before me tied and bound, laid them on the ground beside the fire, cut out their livers and gave the steaming organ to my hand, now dripping with blood. We have won this battle and were thanking the Gods. They would have killed us all off had they won. This was war. I was born into the human who was the leader's second son. I hold up the liver, throw take a bite, then throw the rest in the fire. We cheer, sated our God, thanked Him. Bloody, big fish and little fish, dog eat cat and mouse eat cricket CREATOR. The circle of life, killing one another to eat. Most of our existence we have lived like this, one one side the predators, on the other the prey... and the prey of the prey of the prey.
Our mind tells us this history, our subconscious remembers some, the world around us echoes of those times, first a creature of sea, for long long long years, on a planet completly covered in water, life fell on asterroids into the water and specks of life began to grow more and more complex, until we sit here with the tv blaring and the computer in front of me on the coffee tavble, writing on a blog... the words of a dangerous man. Who has written dangerous words. Who was never cautious, never knowledgable enough to know to be... disrespectful to a world that asked anything of me the way they were treating me. Fuck you was my attitude for too long. I have accepted the situation as much as possible, though the shock to my flesh and mind has forever changed me emotionally, it is as if my emotional life was broken. I am no longer the person with the feelings of the person I was before. A death. Occured within.
No person going through the shock of discovery is completly sane. The effects were particularly difficult for me because I could not face that people had died. Then I could not accept the fact that these people existed, did these things, and were trying to pretend it was over, when the signs were everywhere that it was not. I did not want to listen to the voices that cautioned me, because I was not going to change my way of living because some fuck heads set up cameras all over me. The anger was constant. The rages coming over me in a flash. Reactive to everything.
The world knowing I was once Christ was overwhelming. I did not know how to proceed, that such a thought was in my mind was the most important aspect of my existence. I ignored too many things because of this pre-occupation. I knew I was liked, knew that I was hated... never knew why, or exactly by who... the years of total confusion, dealing with a world behind the matrix that was totally unknow to me... dealing with people who had been making plans to take over the planet since before I was born who never bothered to let me in on the secret. The various groups who were fighting one another instead of banding together against their common enemy drove me mad. People were so beguiled by the lies of the dark ones that they were not even voting for the politicians who would help them, they were voting for the ones who seemed like them. Poor people voting for republicans who would walk past them starving in the streets.
I expected wise men to come to me with consoul. You expected one man to have the entire plan worked out and ready to go, which was there, but when I was used and abused I got mean quick, because that is how I have survived all these lives. I was surprised by the brainwashing, never expected anyone would use me for such a thing. They wanted their Jesus for Operation Bluebeam. I was not interested in going along. I was angry that no one came to me. No one. That was all it would have taken to clear most of this up.
Friday, January 15, 2016
Journey of the God of Many Masks... where he talks about where he is from, his mission from God, and his endless need to go from planet to planet, when they are at the split in the path where they may teeter into chaos and require a mercy killing, or be steered into a future where the planet can live... all the lifeless planets in the cosmos attest to the usual outcome of his journeys.
He/I remember first being a creature waving with the gentle flow of warm salter, more plant than a creature a human would think of as sentient. My planet is close to the Face Of God. We feel the constant golden warmth of extreme love flowing thru us, rays of a love that cannot be described to the living or the dead; only experienced in Heaven. A blue and purple world, with no other colors at all. We spent most of our consciousness travelling throught the creations of God. Each of us is an individual, we all have free will. Some go to planets of extreme beauty, where clouds of every color weave together into complex sights surpassing all on earth by a margin too wide to gap. Many of the places, sights, and experiences I will describe as my 'life,' are indescribable. To even make the attempt reduces what I have to say into mere shadows of what I write about.
I am a creature born as a man now, because this is my way of learning the new truths of every time. I keep who I AM a secret even to myself during these years; I do not want to miss the man experiences the creature I am would avoid to be missed. I must be hidden during these years from those who search for a messiah. They exist in every time. Everyone wants one, though they have no idea, really, what goes into being a messiah. In the new scriptures I will tell you about the bits of my journey's, what applies to the Now. Living forever, being immortal, leaves one with too much to tell in a book, a lifetime... even lifetime after lifetime. I am not stupid enough to try.
Every time I come back, the words I left behind have been twisted by ways of man, taken as a means to buy power, too use my ghost to scare the children and inspire the adults. I do not expect to be understood, just know what I will leave behind, be it a few sentences that I know is enough to change history forever. The key to new realities, new ways of being... these I leave each time I live. Some pick them up, some step over them, a few discover some of the doors to perception that they open.... the time that keeps coming into my mind where I need to start these lives, I am standing befor a bonfire, surrounded by trees glowing red, around them black, opaque night. I see these other lives as I see my life now, as my hands type on my lap... this night, I can see I have a long, black beard...feel on my back an immense bear skin, that stretches from my back down to the ground. I am looking out on painted dancers, they have eaten plants to derange their minds, loud drums thunder from all sides, in a bam, bam, bam...bam, bam, bam... repitition over and over. No complex rhtymn... just loud, marching music. The sound of war. In the morning we will attack... my chest bleeds where I have sliced my flesh to rub blood over my face and body, to feel the pain now that I will fight thru on the morrow. I do not want the battlle. We will win. I do not fight unless I will win. Not in that time, when you lost your women, you cattle, your children, your lives... slavery the best outcome -- a brutal, starving, beaten life. I already mourn their dead. I do not tell my soldiers I mourn for them as well, they are going to heaven and know as much. They meet death as a long lost longed for lover. The live only because God has a mission for them or they would have died already. I know this because I have preached my feelings into them.
I am taller than most, muscled... I have at my feet many children and wives, sitting down and eating, like myself their eyes on the dancers, all aglow red by the fire, waving clubs and tomahawks and spears as they crouch down and run forward, pretend to attack, then dance again, free and of their own volition, each different then the other until their leader yells attack... the dance is an excercise of course... a way to follow orders, to attack without thought... I do little that does not have meaning within meaning. I have led armies and tribes and myself into war in life after life and the ways come natural to me whether I have awoken to being the God of many masks, or still sleep in the coccoon of the student, believing myself human.
We station ourselves where two cliffs are around seventy feet apart. The enemy will have to walk thru the pass to cross the mountain, to where they believe we are camped. I have had spies watching them and reporting back their movements since discovering of their existence, because back then I knew the power of hunger, and that one day they would be starving, or we would be starving... and you took care of your own back then. War is a law unto itself , , , as is starvation -- or worse, the starvation of your young and all you love and are sworn to protect. We have large rocks ready to throw down on them, stacks of spears... warriors waiting in the trees to come in afterwards with axes. They are not expecting us, bunched up together for warmth against the cold wind that whips through the valley below. I do not killing. I wave my hand and the stones and spears begin to rain down from both cliffs...
The panic is immediate. My soldiers take advantage of them running everywhere to avoid the rocks. Seperating individuals from the pack, where two or three men can destroy within worrying about being harmed. I remember such things from being a fish, and learning to stay in the center of the school.
We kill them all. The winter is harsh and the hunting has left us hungry, chewing hide. We will not starve, though we can afford no more mouths to feed. In the summer I would have saved the children, and raised them as our own. I never kept slaves. I had been a slave too many times, specialized in slave revolts. Died in many... sometimes all they needed was a leader to get them going.
Yes, I die on the Cross they wear around their necks these days. I died as a revolutionary, a zealot. Didn't you ever wonder why I told my followers to sell their cloaks and buy swords, only to be taken without a fight? I can fight. Does not matter what life was in back then I had to rise thru battle to a position powerful enough to know my message for the time would live.... though occasionally I was able to lead lives where I was merely the friend of a brilliant woman who brought a religion of her own into the world. I do not like being the leader, anymore than I like being led... I simply will not allow myself to be led, though I have often needed to be the leader, with my experiences.
I remember the blood of these lives, not my own. I do not care about my life but I care about the lives of others. The pain of loss is the hardest part of being a human. Loss of humans, and animals. In this life I have lost a list of pets that flows pain through my body and mind when I think of them. I have lost only a few humans close to me compared to pets. I have caused and ordered and felt countless deaths of humans I loved in the seemingly endless lives. They are a collage, nothing linear about my memories. Like notes on a university class, once in awhile a bit of knowledge will be needed and it comes back to me, though it hardly brings to mind the entire class. This life has not been boring, more virtual... I have not lived the brutal life of the forest, have not had to raise children with all the intendent responsibilities, have not had to use my hands to kill.
Why I am here has caused much distress across the world... taken lives. Murdered and loved and mocked and hated and loved. Discredited by misconceptions, crucified on the absurdity of the time I am born into this time around. A TIME when I can preach across the planet in a second. Send my sermons to all tribes at once. I cannot concern myself with which Holy Spirits recognize me, and who has so buried the God within them under Golden Calves that they cannot see me... I am here many believe to end this world. One of three intense, unworldy visions God sent into me showed endless fire flowing from chest, and enless lightening from my chest. This same night He showed me his face. A face I recognized from my life at home, on the planet called Heaven. The idea of Heaven has always been a confusion. There is no 'name' for dwelling with God. I just say Heaven because that is as far as I need go to feel His love, to bask in the ecstasy unimaginable. There is a place closer to His face.
A place of streams of Golden Light where souls go... there they remain immoble for all eternity. Gifted with being close to God. I have a different purpose, as do my people. Like I said, on our planet, we are plant like, tubular, purple and blue, like the sand beneath us, the sky above and the water around us.... God's face is there above us, the giant brown circle crackling with lightening, surrounded by smaller circles of muted greens, reds, blues... all surrounded with green marble on the edges... the lightening across their faces the only change of expression, the only movement... He is at the center of all things, the eminator. Our planet is the closest.
Our souls travel the vastness, places beyond time and space, experience becoming all the creatures we can, then return with our tales and spread them in an instant to all our worldy kin. Once one of has been to a place the others go elsewhere, already knowing all there is to comprehend from the one who has visited the realm. I am different. I am an exception. I am the son who said No. I did not defy God like Satan. I questioned His wisdom and he laughed -- I hear him laughing at me on occasion, though the only word I have ever heard him utter is LOVE. My every question gets the same anwer. Why am I to destroy this planet I asked.... No, I will not do this... He laughed.
I let them go on and saw the chaos and hellish circumstances that overtook the planet, then obeyed His order. From that day forward I have not returned home. The purity of being a soul without a body is a great pleasure, where He beffudles me of my awful purpose, allows me again to feel only the warm joy of being myself again for a moment... witnessing the pain has kept me out here, trying to stop what I can. I regenerate over and over on the planet's trying to steer them away from the culling, the release of souls that comes inevitably with the death of a planet, and they all die. A mercy killing... is often required. Why leave souls in pain any longer than you must? He knows this, and He alone too knows when this time has come. I fall too in love with His creations. He laughs at this, too. My kind wonder why I do not go back and report on the events of my travel and my only answer is that I for now I have became ALL PAIN, and do not wish to dump this nightmare on them...
I am straying from the tales of the lives, how the religions grew from sparks here and there... into what we have now... and most importantly, what we will have when I am done. Or at least I think it matters... hope there are two paths the future could take. I saw the death of the planet, though one day I was in my living room smoking weed and seemed to see a future of fantastic cites, rising miles into the sky, surrounded by primal forests unspoiled by humans. A sun generated world for the humans, living all sorts of religions and with none at all, with levels of different cultures... levels of different neighborhoods -- not a hive of humans, a celebration of diversity.
I do not know how to get to this vision, though I know all that would be needed, and know this is possible. I do not have the power to reshape this earth or I would. When I first awoke I was used as a puppet by many who wanted to use the promise I would be king of kings to become kings themselves... to validate the lie of royal blood with my presence. I told satan when I was Jesus that nothing on this earth could equal my throne, which is what being home in the warm waters of heaven would be to me now.... thrones affront my father. People who sit in them seem to think they are Gods too often.
I am a creature born as a man now, because this is my way of learning the new truths of every time. I keep who I AM a secret even to myself during these years; I do not want to miss the man experiences the creature I am would avoid to be missed. I must be hidden during these years from those who search for a messiah. They exist in every time. Everyone wants one, though they have no idea, really, what goes into being a messiah. In the new scriptures I will tell you about the bits of my journey's, what applies to the Now. Living forever, being immortal, leaves one with too much to tell in a book, a lifetime... even lifetime after lifetime. I am not stupid enough to try.
Every time I come back, the words I left behind have been twisted by ways of man, taken as a means to buy power, too use my ghost to scare the children and inspire the adults. I do not expect to be understood, just know what I will leave behind, be it a few sentences that I know is enough to change history forever. The key to new realities, new ways of being... these I leave each time I live. Some pick them up, some step over them, a few discover some of the doors to perception that they open.... the time that keeps coming into my mind where I need to start these lives, I am standing befor a bonfire, surrounded by trees glowing red, around them black, opaque night. I see these other lives as I see my life now, as my hands type on my lap... this night, I can see I have a long, black beard...feel on my back an immense bear skin, that stretches from my back down to the ground. I am looking out on painted dancers, they have eaten plants to derange their minds, loud drums thunder from all sides, in a bam, bam, bam...bam, bam, bam... repitition over and over. No complex rhtymn... just loud, marching music. The sound of war. In the morning we will attack... my chest bleeds where I have sliced my flesh to rub blood over my face and body, to feel the pain now that I will fight thru on the morrow. I do not want the battlle. We will win. I do not fight unless I will win. Not in that time, when you lost your women, you cattle, your children, your lives... slavery the best outcome -- a brutal, starving, beaten life. I already mourn their dead. I do not tell my soldiers I mourn for them as well, they are going to heaven and know as much. They meet death as a long lost longed for lover. The live only because God has a mission for them or they would have died already. I know this because I have preached my feelings into them.
I am taller than most, muscled... I have at my feet many children and wives, sitting down and eating, like myself their eyes on the dancers, all aglow red by the fire, waving clubs and tomahawks and spears as they crouch down and run forward, pretend to attack, then dance again, free and of their own volition, each different then the other until their leader yells attack... the dance is an excercise of course... a way to follow orders, to attack without thought... I do little that does not have meaning within meaning. I have led armies and tribes and myself into war in life after life and the ways come natural to me whether I have awoken to being the God of many masks, or still sleep in the coccoon of the student, believing myself human.
We station ourselves where two cliffs are around seventy feet apart. The enemy will have to walk thru the pass to cross the mountain, to where they believe we are camped. I have had spies watching them and reporting back their movements since discovering of their existence, because back then I knew the power of hunger, and that one day they would be starving, or we would be starving... and you took care of your own back then. War is a law unto itself , , , as is starvation -- or worse, the starvation of your young and all you love and are sworn to protect. We have large rocks ready to throw down on them, stacks of spears... warriors waiting in the trees to come in afterwards with axes. They are not expecting us, bunched up together for warmth against the cold wind that whips through the valley below. I do not killing. I wave my hand and the stones and spears begin to rain down from both cliffs...
The panic is immediate. My soldiers take advantage of them running everywhere to avoid the rocks. Seperating individuals from the pack, where two or three men can destroy within worrying about being harmed. I remember such things from being a fish, and learning to stay in the center of the school.
We kill them all. The winter is harsh and the hunting has left us hungry, chewing hide. We will not starve, though we can afford no more mouths to feed. In the summer I would have saved the children, and raised them as our own. I never kept slaves. I had been a slave too many times, specialized in slave revolts. Died in many... sometimes all they needed was a leader to get them going.
Yes, I die on the Cross they wear around their necks these days. I died as a revolutionary, a zealot. Didn't you ever wonder why I told my followers to sell their cloaks and buy swords, only to be taken without a fight? I can fight. Does not matter what life was in back then I had to rise thru battle to a position powerful enough to know my message for the time would live.... though occasionally I was able to lead lives where I was merely the friend of a brilliant woman who brought a religion of her own into the world. I do not like being the leader, anymore than I like being led... I simply will not allow myself to be led, though I have often needed to be the leader, with my experiences.
I remember the blood of these lives, not my own. I do not care about my life but I care about the lives of others. The pain of loss is the hardest part of being a human. Loss of humans, and animals. In this life I have lost a list of pets that flows pain through my body and mind when I think of them. I have lost only a few humans close to me compared to pets. I have caused and ordered and felt countless deaths of humans I loved in the seemingly endless lives. They are a collage, nothing linear about my memories. Like notes on a university class, once in awhile a bit of knowledge will be needed and it comes back to me, though it hardly brings to mind the entire class. This life has not been boring, more virtual... I have not lived the brutal life of the forest, have not had to raise children with all the intendent responsibilities, have not had to use my hands to kill.
Why I am here has caused much distress across the world... taken lives. Murdered and loved and mocked and hated and loved. Discredited by misconceptions, crucified on the absurdity of the time I am born into this time around. A TIME when I can preach across the planet in a second. Send my sermons to all tribes at once. I cannot concern myself with which Holy Spirits recognize me, and who has so buried the God within them under Golden Calves that they cannot see me... I am here many believe to end this world. One of three intense, unworldy visions God sent into me showed endless fire flowing from chest, and enless lightening from my chest. This same night He showed me his face. A face I recognized from my life at home, on the planet called Heaven. The idea of Heaven has always been a confusion. There is no 'name' for dwelling with God. I just say Heaven because that is as far as I need go to feel His love, to bask in the ecstasy unimaginable. There is a place closer to His face.
A place of streams of Golden Light where souls go... there they remain immoble for all eternity. Gifted with being close to God. I have a different purpose, as do my people. Like I said, on our planet, we are plant like, tubular, purple and blue, like the sand beneath us, the sky above and the water around us.... God's face is there above us, the giant brown circle crackling with lightening, surrounded by smaller circles of muted greens, reds, blues... all surrounded with green marble on the edges... the lightening across their faces the only change of expression, the only movement... He is at the center of all things, the eminator. Our planet is the closest.
Our souls travel the vastness, places beyond time and space, experience becoming all the creatures we can, then return with our tales and spread them in an instant to all our worldy kin. Once one of has been to a place the others go elsewhere, already knowing all there is to comprehend from the one who has visited the realm. I am different. I am an exception. I am the son who said No. I did not defy God like Satan. I questioned His wisdom and he laughed -- I hear him laughing at me on occasion, though the only word I have ever heard him utter is LOVE. My every question gets the same anwer. Why am I to destroy this planet I asked.... No, I will not do this... He laughed.
I let them go on and saw the chaos and hellish circumstances that overtook the planet, then obeyed His order. From that day forward I have not returned home. The purity of being a soul without a body is a great pleasure, where He beffudles me of my awful purpose, allows me again to feel only the warm joy of being myself again for a moment... witnessing the pain has kept me out here, trying to stop what I can. I regenerate over and over on the planet's trying to steer them away from the culling, the release of souls that comes inevitably with the death of a planet, and they all die. A mercy killing... is often required. Why leave souls in pain any longer than you must? He knows this, and He alone too knows when this time has come. I fall too in love with His creations. He laughs at this, too. My kind wonder why I do not go back and report on the events of my travel and my only answer is that I for now I have became ALL PAIN, and do not wish to dump this nightmare on them...
I am straying from the tales of the lives, how the religions grew from sparks here and there... into what we have now... and most importantly, what we will have when I am done. Or at least I think it matters... hope there are two paths the future could take. I saw the death of the planet, though one day I was in my living room smoking weed and seemed to see a future of fantastic cites, rising miles into the sky, surrounded by primal forests unspoiled by humans. A sun generated world for the humans, living all sorts of religions and with none at all, with levels of different cultures... levels of different neighborhoods -- not a hive of humans, a celebration of diversity.
I do not know how to get to this vision, though I know all that would be needed, and know this is possible. I do not have the power to reshape this earth or I would. When I first awoke I was used as a puppet by many who wanted to use the promise I would be king of kings to become kings themselves... to validate the lie of royal blood with my presence. I told satan when I was Jesus that nothing on this earth could equal my throne, which is what being home in the warm waters of heaven would be to me now.... thrones affront my father. People who sit in them seem to think they are Gods too often.
Sunday, January 3, 2016
IMPROVISATION
Imagine everyone around you knows about a secret world, that they are all living cover lives and you have no idea; imagine that you are writing your political beliefs and fiction on the web, thinking yourself un-noticed, obscure; imagine you do not realize that the world has been waiting for you to become the Christ since you were a child; imagine you have given up on religion and humanity and your body is crippled with pain and you have no ability to work anymore, after being industrious since childhood taking a shovel out after snowstorms and banging on doors all day.... getting your first job at the age of twelve and suddenly being unable to do much of anything without taking hand fulls of pain pills; imagine being offered the life you have always wanted, fame and fortune, only to find all these nightmarish events happening around you.... that you simply do not understand; imagine it is all so overwhelming that the only way you can continue is to pretend that it is not happening, and everyone around you in your life is acting like nothing is happening.
Imagine finding the voice of Jesus raging thru you.... Jesus. After having a dream twenty years before that Jesus would return in the city you happened to end up in. Imagine during all this people are working with you doing things that you would never do.... imagine seeing horrible things on the television that seem vaguely related to your work, or something you said.... and being able to do nothing more than see it on the television...
I do not know if it is true that I began growing wings at the age of five, or if this was part of some lie. I do not know if the man who I knew as a poet and came up to me on the street and said I was Jesus Christ was an operative or sincere. I do not what all of my words were used for ... all I know is that I must use what I have now to try to stop the actions of an evil few who are trying to take over the world and enslave most of the population. John F. Kennedy tried to warn us about the secret societies and the zionists and the bankers. They have never let another president rise again who was not a freemason. I believe. Or vetted by this group. Who fights them? Should they be fought? After the way they treated me, I have little faith in their being a righteous group. Why did the vatican name their telescope Lucifer? Are there people who worship this so called fallen angel?
Those I said were angels used this power to subjugate others. Those I said were soldiers .... the all out war leaves no civilians. This many of you have learned. I told you DO NOT GIVE ME POWER... do you remember that? God put me in deep trances, and that is where the poetry came from. I had visions of going into hell and releasing all the lost souls, of satan dying at the hands of his own son.... a vision of fallen angels, demons, falling on their knees in tears at my mercy. I had visions of going from planet to planet, visions of places throughout the cosmos where there was still evil, and that humans were bred in this kill or be killed world to be warriors traveling across the cosmos freeing worlds as we made our way back to the father.... visions of sending the souls off to heaven, and then continuing a lonely journey from planet to planet gathering souls from dying planets. I had visions of seeing sparks of souls all over the planet...
There are many things that came to me.... were they imagined? I do not know...Too many of my idle speculations and fantasies that I told no one have come true, the fantastical....
I was learning something new all the time between twenty ten and thirteen. You kept so much from me... because you knew I would not go along... or you had to keep things secret. I wanted to be a honest as possible with you, but you showed me a terrifying world... and though I would not believe you... the things I heard seemed too fantastical for belief. This money I never saw, this family I never knew about... some people believing I am the Christ, others taking me hostage thinking I am some figure in a race war orchestrating tortures....
I was acting on feelings of revulsion often, that I believe were inspired by God... like not taking money that was offered in o seven. Later you thought I was paid all this money and endorsed by all these people when I was seeing none of this, and knew none of the people you told me were my associates.
I still believe in my mission. I hold onto the thought that GOD has caused all this to happen to set up a way for me to save this world from the short sighted oligarchy -- oh, they think they are long term thinking, but their plans are too evil to be allowed. I will stop them, if I have the allies to do so. Otherwise you will destroy this planet on your own, or I will provide a mercy killing. This is my vision. One of a great cities in massive forests, where all cultures and peoples are living together and apart, enlightened and exploring and learning about what they will, believing in God or not... Like myself, my Father does not need your worship....men want to be worshipped, this is why you all want to be famous. Elected... etcetera...
I was not making things up for the hell of it. I had to adjust to that webcam... had to respond to the assault... I knew some were interested in my spirituality, but I am not here to order you around, or take your free will. In this way, you have me all wrong. I wrote against cults....all the time. I wrote against many things you did. God knows better than me.
Some things I will never understand about this until I am dead. I wish to this day that you would send me an emissary and allow me to learn what is really going on and serve this world. I do not want to be served... I wish to serve. I certainly know that the people who came up with this plan were conquerors. My intent became to fight back.
I was only acting when I was trying to scare you away from attacking me. I followed my instincts to fight evil, and served masters I hated unknowingly. My trust in any who came into my life, my friendly nature was distorted and lost at some point. The things done in my name, in the name of the many Gods I have been to you humans is why I keep having to come back... humyns have too much of what I can only think of now is an evil need to dominate and compete with one another has been my enemy throughout the eons. I sympathize with all of you... to this day I cannot understand why it was so important for you to get me on the white or black side. I believe these are made up sides, distractions.... as I believed as Jesus, and throughout most of my lives, the rich and those who believe they are the chosen of God, or use God to enrich themselves, have always been the ones to fight me.
I think often of a song on xrt that won all these awards, Irish singers, a group that you have been told I turned against... I sure as hell did not like that all this money you made off of me went to who it did... now you have a song from this same group saying there is no heaven,.... I had too many visions of Heaven to believe a word of that, but since I would not go along with you, you turned on me. I would rather be righteous and stand alone than be beloved by the deluded fucks on this planet. Because I am never alone.
I cannot tell where the evil is.... I have to believe what I read on the net, which I know is unreliable after knowing so many things no one writes....
I end this by saying do not think I will take a side in a race war. I do not want any group ruling over another... I still believe in the individual, as well as the collective. We need a balanced mix of the two... right now too much power is in the hands of the few... we need to swing back to the left at this point, and since an independent is running, I will support Bernie Sanders in the coming election. I think you should as well. Yes, voting is not going to do too much, but it does do something,... and he is certainly better than Clinton, who I suspect they will try to nominate, but she has so much baggage that she could lose. Sanders is different enough, and the neocons have been exposed to most people, so he may have a chance of winning.
GOD bless you all.... whether you believe or not, I AM here... and you have two choices. Work with me to save the planet, or suffer a slow death of your planet, or a blast of fire and lightening == a mercy killing.
Imagine finding the voice of Jesus raging thru you.... Jesus. After having a dream twenty years before that Jesus would return in the city you happened to end up in. Imagine during all this people are working with you doing things that you would never do.... imagine seeing horrible things on the television that seem vaguely related to your work, or something you said.... and being able to do nothing more than see it on the television...
I do not know if it is true that I began growing wings at the age of five, or if this was part of some lie. I do not know if the man who I knew as a poet and came up to me on the street and said I was Jesus Christ was an operative or sincere. I do not what all of my words were used for ... all I know is that I must use what I have now to try to stop the actions of an evil few who are trying to take over the world and enslave most of the population. John F. Kennedy tried to warn us about the secret societies and the zionists and the bankers. They have never let another president rise again who was not a freemason. I believe. Or vetted by this group. Who fights them? Should they be fought? After the way they treated me, I have little faith in their being a righteous group. Why did the vatican name their telescope Lucifer? Are there people who worship this so called fallen angel?
Those I said were angels used this power to subjugate others. Those I said were soldiers .... the all out war leaves no civilians. This many of you have learned. I told you DO NOT GIVE ME POWER... do you remember that? God put me in deep trances, and that is where the poetry came from. I had visions of going into hell and releasing all the lost souls, of satan dying at the hands of his own son.... a vision of fallen angels, demons, falling on their knees in tears at my mercy. I had visions of going from planet to planet, visions of places throughout the cosmos where there was still evil, and that humans were bred in this kill or be killed world to be warriors traveling across the cosmos freeing worlds as we made our way back to the father.... visions of sending the souls off to heaven, and then continuing a lonely journey from planet to planet gathering souls from dying planets. I had visions of seeing sparks of souls all over the planet...
There are many things that came to me.... were they imagined? I do not know...Too many of my idle speculations and fantasies that I told no one have come true, the fantastical....
I was learning something new all the time between twenty ten and thirteen. You kept so much from me... because you knew I would not go along... or you had to keep things secret. I wanted to be a honest as possible with you, but you showed me a terrifying world... and though I would not believe you... the things I heard seemed too fantastical for belief. This money I never saw, this family I never knew about... some people believing I am the Christ, others taking me hostage thinking I am some figure in a race war orchestrating tortures....
I was acting on feelings of revulsion often, that I believe were inspired by God... like not taking money that was offered in o seven. Later you thought I was paid all this money and endorsed by all these people when I was seeing none of this, and knew none of the people you told me were my associates.
I still believe in my mission. I hold onto the thought that GOD has caused all this to happen to set up a way for me to save this world from the short sighted oligarchy -- oh, they think they are long term thinking, but their plans are too evil to be allowed. I will stop them, if I have the allies to do so. Otherwise you will destroy this planet on your own, or I will provide a mercy killing. This is my vision. One of a great cities in massive forests, where all cultures and peoples are living together and apart, enlightened and exploring and learning about what they will, believing in God or not... Like myself, my Father does not need your worship....men want to be worshipped, this is why you all want to be famous. Elected... etcetera...
I was not making things up for the hell of it. I had to adjust to that webcam... had to respond to the assault... I knew some were interested in my spirituality, but I am not here to order you around, or take your free will. In this way, you have me all wrong. I wrote against cults....all the time. I wrote against many things you did. God knows better than me.
Some things I will never understand about this until I am dead. I wish to this day that you would send me an emissary and allow me to learn what is really going on and serve this world. I do not want to be served... I wish to serve. I certainly know that the people who came up with this plan were conquerors. My intent became to fight back.
I was only acting when I was trying to scare you away from attacking me. I followed my instincts to fight evil, and served masters I hated unknowingly. My trust in any who came into my life, my friendly nature was distorted and lost at some point. The things done in my name, in the name of the many Gods I have been to you humans is why I keep having to come back... humyns have too much of what I can only think of now is an evil need to dominate and compete with one another has been my enemy throughout the eons. I sympathize with all of you... to this day I cannot understand why it was so important for you to get me on the white or black side. I believe these are made up sides, distractions.... as I believed as Jesus, and throughout most of my lives, the rich and those who believe they are the chosen of God, or use God to enrich themselves, have always been the ones to fight me.
I think often of a song on xrt that won all these awards, Irish singers, a group that you have been told I turned against... I sure as hell did not like that all this money you made off of me went to who it did... now you have a song from this same group saying there is no heaven,.... I had too many visions of Heaven to believe a word of that, but since I would not go along with you, you turned on me. I would rather be righteous and stand alone than be beloved by the deluded fucks on this planet. Because I am never alone.
I cannot tell where the evil is.... I have to believe what I read on the net, which I know is unreliable after knowing so many things no one writes....
I end this by saying do not think I will take a side in a race war. I do not want any group ruling over another... I still believe in the individual, as well as the collective. We need a balanced mix of the two... right now too much power is in the hands of the few... we need to swing back to the left at this point, and since an independent is running, I will support Bernie Sanders in the coming election. I think you should as well. Yes, voting is not going to do too much, but it does do something,... and he is certainly better than Clinton, who I suspect they will try to nominate, but she has so much baggage that she could lose. Sanders is different enough, and the neocons have been exposed to most people, so he may have a chance of winning.
GOD bless you all.... whether you believe or not, I AM here... and you have two choices. Work with me to save the planet, or suffer a slow death of your planet, or a blast of fire and lightening == a mercy killing.
THE CHURCH OF THE NEW CHRIST
is among the many groups that I have never been able to adequately get my mind around. Along with the idea of the Emperor wanting Colorado. I should have realized more of this was centered on me than I did. What is forgotten in this history is that I was being acted upon and was merely swinging in the dark at anything that got close to me... and foolishly in denial when I was told that something was happening, never seeing how these things could have anything to do with me. Now that I can see a bit of this, I know there is no making this right. Right and wrong are long gone... they left when my short stories and book suddenly became viewed as anything more than what they were to me. And they were not some plan that I had laid out. This is stating the obvious by now, I hope. Or not mine. They were GOD'S, though I cannot begin to tell you why, He wanted this earth broke with a rod...
I do not even know if there is any reason to explain myself further on these matters. What do you care what I think of religion after all this? I simply cannot just go on with my life like nothing happened. I feel responsible, though at the same time I realize that I could not have acted much differently, being who I am, with the little that I knew. About all I could do once I started to learn what was going on in the world was try to stop all hell from breaking loose. I was told to watch the show Dominion, THOSE ARE YOUR PEOPLE... I was told. I remember other sentences I heard, like four, that point to the same thing. And the whole, escape to Colorado business. The whole PERFECT ALIBI business. I have never needed an alibi... I remember saying I AM JESUS CHRIST, EVERYTHING I DO IS SIGNIFICANT. This led I suppose to all kinds of mayhem and the watching. Everything you do is significant, too,... that hardly means you want people to watch you all the time, or if it does I feel sorry for you.
I still do not understand much of what has happened... other than what sometimes seems like a lost opportunity was in fact, as far as I can tell, the only way to stop a complete take over by groups I would not want running the world. I still do not understand who MY FAMILY is, who various people told me they were on tv. I suppose these dogs, who I fundamentally have one difference with, though that is hardly enough for me to give a shit about... at least the one I heard, about no intermarriage. A lot of groups feel this way and while I find it stupid and none of their business, it is not something I am going to fight someone over. I was the one who told you to intermarry... but at the last of it, when I thought the problems Mary Ann and I were having were impossible to get over, and no longer trusted her, I saw a picture of two people getting married and without explaining myself, thought, WHO AM I GOING TO MARRY? I was pissed at not having a life. That was all. I do not want to write the one ramification that I believe came from that because it is too heartbreaking,. God saw me thru that.... I had to have love in my heart in that broken time, and the only way to do that without being unfaithful was for the people to be far away on the internet. The stupidity of Dylan's video on this matter still pisses me off, but after finding out he is just another sell out slave, I have to forgive him like all the rest of you. I was shown that I am a soul in a body and most of you are told to take that on faith, which is not easy, so I get it....
I know you kept tabs on me for the last few years, and last February I did one of my periodic checks to see if I had any kind of power base left, which still seemed to exist in some form. When you first announced yourself to me, and a young man with a tie told me of the groups of five, my first reaction was just to tell you to go home... that was not what I meant. I was being literal. Just protest, I thought... I would certainly have done that differently now... I heard only the worst of what you did. I can see why if you thought I was directing all my bile towards the world in manners that I wanted people killed why you would have reacted as you did, but that was never my intent. I have never hated any group, because I do not stereotype. I guess if there is one exception to that it is the uber rich, but I base that primarily on their actions... THIS IS NOTHING YOU CAN CHANGE ABOUT ME. There are plenty of my beliefs that I will take to my grave rather than give up to live. Life means very little to me, but that little is there. I believe I am here because of God and that says I cannot throw this body away, that I have to wait until he comes for me to leave.
When I think how close this all came to my going to write speeches for Obama and making money... would I have found out then what you were up to, or would that have all been kept from me, and I would have just had this nice cover life that I did not know was a cover life? I have no idea, but I would rather have been humbled as I was then not learn the truth. I was trying to please all of you, and I am sure you knew I would have that within me or I would not have been chosen to be your puppet. I keep wanting to write here that of course you were punished for treating me like shit. Of course you were punished for brainwashing me. Your little plan may or may not have backfired, I do not know... still looks like the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
I was stupidly thinking that everyone would be happy I was back and allow me a few wise men to counsel me and lead me thru the experiences I was having, which made no sense. The last thing I had ever wanted was a violent revolution. I started to want one after the way I was treated, that was for damn sure... what I thought were puppet strings coming down from heaven were chains from very real groups here on earth.
I still wake up at times feeling murderous for being made out to have made decisions that had nothing to do with me, and being told that I had somehow ordered the hell on earth that was described to me. I tried to protect certain groups that had been marginalized and they ran with that and elevated themselves to divine beings on earth,. Let's set one record straight right here -- none of you are divine beings. NONE OF YOU ARE ANGELS, NONE OF YOU ARE DEMONS. You are humans. You have souls that are special but your flesh is just a cocoon, whether you wish to acknowledge as much or not I do not care. God does not care. Does it make any sense to anyone that God would create creatures that he would then mostly damn? Those are the ways of men and their wars. Not the way of God.
I wanted to please all of you. I thought by going along with you that somehow I would be freed and allowed to walk openly as a person with a talent, and act on these talents to fulfill the same dreams that are instilled in all americans, wealth and fame. Pretty simple stuff. I had no idea I had a calling. You had no idea what a God really is... you wrote yourself into your petty tracts. The wisdom of man can be great. The wisdom of God is not yours to be had, and this has always frustrated humans, and left them jumping from religion to religion throughout time. The best bits would stay behind and be used. The salt would go away. Until modern times and writing basically gave priests the ability to pretend themselves special beings.
I hated being filmed in my house so much that I would never cater to you. I acted in ways I would not have if I had realized this was meant as something more than a torture device. The confusion of going from one channel and seeing myself vilified to another and seeing myself elevated was due to what is obvious to you, the stations are controlled, ever so slightly, by different factions. I wanted to hate the one for being this way, and the other for being that way, etc... and always will hate Disney, regardless, for trying to make a monarchy out of the USA, and what they did to the Jews in my name. I have come to hate Israel, though I still do not blame all of the citizens for what their leaders have done to them. Nor would I ever extend that hatred to Jews in general. I have also come to despise a lot of people. The criminals who said I was working with them and preyed on the people and did other things. I at least can understand their motivation. It does not matter how I feel after all this though. What matters? I do not even know. Peace would be nice, but without justice, the peace of slaves is unacceptable.
I do not even know if there is any reason to explain myself further on these matters. What do you care what I think of religion after all this? I simply cannot just go on with my life like nothing happened. I feel responsible, though at the same time I realize that I could not have acted much differently, being who I am, with the little that I knew. About all I could do once I started to learn what was going on in the world was try to stop all hell from breaking loose. I was told to watch the show Dominion, THOSE ARE YOUR PEOPLE... I was told. I remember other sentences I heard, like four, that point to the same thing. And the whole, escape to Colorado business. The whole PERFECT ALIBI business. I have never needed an alibi... I remember saying I AM JESUS CHRIST, EVERYTHING I DO IS SIGNIFICANT. This led I suppose to all kinds of mayhem and the watching. Everything you do is significant, too,... that hardly means you want people to watch you all the time, or if it does I feel sorry for you.
I still do not understand much of what has happened... other than what sometimes seems like a lost opportunity was in fact, as far as I can tell, the only way to stop a complete take over by groups I would not want running the world. I still do not understand who MY FAMILY is, who various people told me they were on tv. I suppose these dogs, who I fundamentally have one difference with, though that is hardly enough for me to give a shit about... at least the one I heard, about no intermarriage. A lot of groups feel this way and while I find it stupid and none of their business, it is not something I am going to fight someone over. I was the one who told you to intermarry... but at the last of it, when I thought the problems Mary Ann and I were having were impossible to get over, and no longer trusted her, I saw a picture of two people getting married and without explaining myself, thought, WHO AM I GOING TO MARRY? I was pissed at not having a life. That was all. I do not want to write the one ramification that I believe came from that because it is too heartbreaking,. God saw me thru that.... I had to have love in my heart in that broken time, and the only way to do that without being unfaithful was for the people to be far away on the internet. The stupidity of Dylan's video on this matter still pisses me off, but after finding out he is just another sell out slave, I have to forgive him like all the rest of you. I was shown that I am a soul in a body and most of you are told to take that on faith, which is not easy, so I get it....
I know you kept tabs on me for the last few years, and last February I did one of my periodic checks to see if I had any kind of power base left, which still seemed to exist in some form. When you first announced yourself to me, and a young man with a tie told me of the groups of five, my first reaction was just to tell you to go home... that was not what I meant. I was being literal. Just protest, I thought... I would certainly have done that differently now... I heard only the worst of what you did. I can see why if you thought I was directing all my bile towards the world in manners that I wanted people killed why you would have reacted as you did, but that was never my intent. I have never hated any group, because I do not stereotype. I guess if there is one exception to that it is the uber rich, but I base that primarily on their actions... THIS IS NOTHING YOU CAN CHANGE ABOUT ME. There are plenty of my beliefs that I will take to my grave rather than give up to live. Life means very little to me, but that little is there. I believe I am here because of God and that says I cannot throw this body away, that I have to wait until he comes for me to leave.
When I think how close this all came to my going to write speeches for Obama and making money... would I have found out then what you were up to, or would that have all been kept from me, and I would have just had this nice cover life that I did not know was a cover life? I have no idea, but I would rather have been humbled as I was then not learn the truth. I was trying to please all of you, and I am sure you knew I would have that within me or I would not have been chosen to be your puppet. I keep wanting to write here that of course you were punished for treating me like shit. Of course you were punished for brainwashing me. Your little plan may or may not have backfired, I do not know... still looks like the world is going to hell in a handbasket.
I was stupidly thinking that everyone would be happy I was back and allow me a few wise men to counsel me and lead me thru the experiences I was having, which made no sense. The last thing I had ever wanted was a violent revolution. I started to want one after the way I was treated, that was for damn sure... what I thought were puppet strings coming down from heaven were chains from very real groups here on earth.
I still wake up at times feeling murderous for being made out to have made decisions that had nothing to do with me, and being told that I had somehow ordered the hell on earth that was described to me. I tried to protect certain groups that had been marginalized and they ran with that and elevated themselves to divine beings on earth,. Let's set one record straight right here -- none of you are divine beings. NONE OF YOU ARE ANGELS, NONE OF YOU ARE DEMONS. You are humans. You have souls that are special but your flesh is just a cocoon, whether you wish to acknowledge as much or not I do not care. God does not care. Does it make any sense to anyone that God would create creatures that he would then mostly damn? Those are the ways of men and their wars. Not the way of God.
I wanted to please all of you. I thought by going along with you that somehow I would be freed and allowed to walk openly as a person with a talent, and act on these talents to fulfill the same dreams that are instilled in all americans, wealth and fame. Pretty simple stuff. I had no idea I had a calling. You had no idea what a God really is... you wrote yourself into your petty tracts. The wisdom of man can be great. The wisdom of God is not yours to be had, and this has always frustrated humans, and left them jumping from religion to religion throughout time. The best bits would stay behind and be used. The salt would go away. Until modern times and writing basically gave priests the ability to pretend themselves special beings.
I hated being filmed in my house so much that I would never cater to you. I acted in ways I would not have if I had realized this was meant as something more than a torture device. The confusion of going from one channel and seeing myself vilified to another and seeing myself elevated was due to what is obvious to you, the stations are controlled, ever so slightly, by different factions. I wanted to hate the one for being this way, and the other for being that way, etc... and always will hate Disney, regardless, for trying to make a monarchy out of the USA, and what they did to the Jews in my name. I have come to hate Israel, though I still do not blame all of the citizens for what their leaders have done to them. Nor would I ever extend that hatred to Jews in general. I have also come to despise a lot of people. The criminals who said I was working with them and preyed on the people and did other things. I at least can understand their motivation. It does not matter how I feel after all this though. What matters? I do not even know. Peace would be nice, but without justice, the peace of slaves is unacceptable.
Wednesday, December 30, 2015
A SONG reminds me of your smears against me...as does sarah silverman.... THIS ENTRY IS NOT FOR THE BOOK.. BUT MY INTELLIGENCE COHORTS, ENEMIES AND FRIENDS ALIKE.
THIS entry is for a specific audience... you know who you are. Others will just not get it.
I try to avoid talk shows, award shows, live shows... after what has happened between myself and the media and the world of so called entertainment. My unfounded trust in so many has turned me into a cynic about the humans that inhabit my television. My knowledge of the star system, and the corruption of the human life that occurs with fame and money has always been there within me, though before my starting to awaken, I half ass wanted both. I knew I would be famous from a very young age, though there was no way for me to predict how.... I thank God for that mercy. My girlfriend seems oblivious, or psychopathic almost in her ability to ignore what has happened. How she goes on living like nothing has happened is beyond me.... secretly I know I suppose that she is involved in the world behind the curtain.
I used to think she was involved because the tv shows she would put on would be commenting on my life and what was happening. I had no clue how huge the operation was around me. Still believed this was some alice in wonderland event that was centered on me alone, though I could not understand why? I thought you knew I was something more than human at first, though I was in no shape after the mind rape they gave me, or knowledgeable about the world to know about the behind the scenes doing. I was a puppet being used and had no clue... I thought I was fighting some battle against all humans. The allies I had I did not understand. The enemies either, in a way...
I told you often of a plan. I believed all of my work had been destroyed... yet you kept this media focus on me, kept watching me... so I cruelly talked to you. In 2007 I was made the puppet of groups I have been forced to face I do not understand. What if all I have been told is a lie? EVERYTHING. I have to consider this possibility now. I would not have before. My most basic assumptions are bewildered at all of the information available on the web. The big lies are there. I always watched the one I knew about playing out on tv and wondered what the hell you people were doing, with little idea you were reacting to me, let alone to my short stories. I would see things and think, WHY ARE THY DOING THIS... WHAT IS MY PART HERE... WHAT DO THEY WANT OF ME... HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS LABYRINTH OF CONFUSION?
I had no idea you were still looking to me for leadership. This was what surprised me the most in 2012-13... different groups you told me were offering to let me lead them, but I did not know clearly where, at all... the associations I suddenly found out about, the criminals I did not even know about... let alone the crimes. I thought it was all some sick joke at times. Staying strong, pissed off, surviving by any means necessary was all I could focus on.
I wrote of the talk show because I saw Colbert last night, a man I once considered a friend and ally, and still wish I could, like John Stewart, who I applaud for getting out of entertainment and working saving animals. That is one smart man. One day on tv he said that they were holding him in an empty room between shows, a period when they were not showing repeats... every show was different. I stopped watching then, hoping they would leave them alone... though at first, like everything else, I thought it was a joke. A band played on the show. What a horror to be a famous person in this day and age.... singing a song that had lyrics which triggered my memories... EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN... something I once said.... IMPROVISED... something I wrote about and finally let you know rather recently....You wanted a grand plan, I was trying to slash and burn my way through a forest of lies to get enough intelligence to do something, anything, to help this world.... and lesser motivations. I do not incriminate myself enough in these writings. I cannot imagine your disappointment in me. Well, yes I can, actually... your mighty efforts come to naught you must believe?
FUNNY how people are still being sent out into the public arena to still try to pretend that I had control over this mess. I didn't want webcams watching me. I could not get rid of them, so I tried to turn the assault against my enemy. When I found out even xrt was now my enemy, it told me so much about you people... i COULD NOT ABIDE BY THE PERSON YOU THOUGHT I WAS, WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO... and those who backed me during these periods, I had no idea why you would? I sure as hell would have hated the person you made me out to be. No doubt about it. I could not allow that person to be your unholy icon. I had to destroy that any way possible, and damn the consequences to ne.
Back to the song... the way I can tell when these things refer to what we must vaguely just call the shadow war, always have what to unknowing would be non sequiturs. I will not claim to understand what the song meant when they spelled out CURE... or most of the lyrics. I do know that your idea that I had no plan at all, when you lived for some plan, when you watched me and looked for clues, when you went to classes on what this was about.... must make me hated. Well, there is certainly a plan, though adapting what I would like to see done in this world when I was learning something new all the time required improvisation. I keep wanting to become enraged at my hostage takers... the blacks who felt they were better off taking me hostage, keeping me poor and enraged and confused by lack of intelligence. This would bassically have been really my intent if they had left me alone, but again... they were fighting for their lives, had me pegged for something I am not. How can I throw stones now? How can I blame people for what was done during this? I have to take the tact that this was war, and whether it has ended for you or not, I am not buying into the divide and conquer that keeps me from focusing on the true people who are fucking up this planet.
I do not know if I am here to save you or give you a mercy killing. What is coming will make the troubles of the past, the day to day horrors of the primitive lives, their short, brutal existences, seem like heaven. Things will get much, much worse... though for some of you .... that is perhaps unimaginable. I CAN ONLY NOW BEGIN TO SEE THROUGH THIS ENOUGH TO QUESTION MY ASSUMPTIONS. What if the evil I see in this world, the death of Jews by Germans in ww2 was a lie? They tried to tell me something like this once and I would not even listen to you. I have always had great empathy for the Jews because of this event, and the prejudice that the world threw at them, just as I have for all the types that are demonized. This was why I tried to change your perceptions of them. I went too far. I did not understand how literally I was going to be taken. How I should have dummied down my every statement, been clearer. If I had known the consequences I would have been paralyzed, like I was for the two years I sat in a room and could nothing except try to quell the horrible emotions inside of me with drugs. THE kind of drugs I had alway avoided my entire life.
Now I am wounded, badly, by all of this... but I am able to crawl again. That is of course the real reason for this blog. I need to crawl back to the battle front. I need to face I was used, I need to face my mistakes caused untold damage. I will not cry again, you misunderstood that. I think the sane should be weeping and wailing over this, personally, but your attacks on my tears are nothing I need again. I am not the psychopath you thought.... I am the killer you saw. I was not as surprised as you by this. I was surprised by who you killed and why, especially.... I remember when I began to understand you thought everything in my life was part of a plan. Even a toy lobster I put out for the hell of it, became a means you used to think I wanted torture used. I remember the man you did this to and how enraged I was that this man who had done nothing except show me kindness had been harmed. I told you afterwards to give him whatever he wanted... I wonder what you did to him, but of course in my life there is no one to ask.
I have had to compartmentalize my mind. Like a soldier who simply wants to forget a war, in a way... though when I wrote I AM A COP, I AM A SOLDIER... I meant these words, and they are still true. I wrote once how I thought my life might have gone if I had not had a back disease... how I would have joined the army, and perhaps came out and gotten into law enforcement. Parks and Recreations then did a show about a character who was dum who scored high on the tests, as I did, but the police did not want him because of his personality... it will surprise you how much I remember when I am done with this writing life of mine... I will keep secrets, but I will also write things that the unwitting will never understand.... that may seem like naming names to you. I am zorry. I do not wish to cause you further grief, some of you... others I hope to kill with my words. I will be honest about that.... I am going to release the dam, and the blood will flood, and the waves of thick, salty, metallic crimson will wash your gated communities away.
I do not wish to keep the Plan hidden. I cannot just tell you or the enemies will try to stop it. I will tell you this, Jews, Blacks, religions, and people who just happen to be born on one spot on the globe have nothing to fear from me. The criminals also, I just do not care about.... I do not like what you did in my name, but I hope to redeem you. You at least are honest. You are not hypocrites. Most of you were born into that world. This is one of your lives, one of many, and you have not always been this way. None of you have. Some of you were my greatest allies in past lives. I do not know why exactly you have been given the lives you have this time. I cannot question my Creator on these matters. I must trust his plan.that I have been thinking about since learning what I have, and calming down. My shame over the yelling at the tv and to the bugs is immense. My shame about so much is too overwhelming for me to explain. I am sure many of you feel the same way.
The song I am writing about was on CBS, the white station, I have since learned. I do not want white people to be my enemy. I am white, and most of the people I have loved in my life have been white, though certainly not all of them. I do not believe in blue eyed demons or whatever. Black or white, neither are demons. The blacks in the USA forget that they kept slaves too... forget that they were involved in the slave trade too... the black pimps are slave keepers as well. The color of your skin is not what determines why you do these things, history, the family you were born into, etc... they determine these things. Not some evil incarnate. The contributions of all people of all races and times and countries add up to who we are. Historians always seem to want their race to be the dominate one. None are. Your lack of humility before God is the root of this problem.
The song that kept me awake all night, was just enough reminder of how the musicians have learned to hate me over things I knew nothing about, about my taking sides I had no idea about....etc. I tried to be all things to all people, to tell you that none of you are damned, that what awaits the saints is the same thing that awaits the sinners. THAT THERE IS NO KARMA. THAT GOD DOES NOT JUDGE YOU... though I said he did at times, I said many things out of hate. I said so many ridiculous things to try to get points across, that are metaphorical but were taken literally more than likely, like your ridiculous bibles. They are all so full of shit, which is why I was such a hater of religion until I started adding up all the mystical things that have happened to me, and that is aside from the brainwashing, or waking up, or whatever was done to me in 2007 that made me suddenly go from a sane person to the ranting, lying creature that you witnessed on your damned webcams.
I have a hard time now wanting to write about religion. I speculated in public too much. I told you things that sound ridiculous to me now. The night that I ranted at my window, in 2007 when this was first starting, about heaven and hell, and the next day when CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS came on and asked why a pace alien would talk about hell... and I thought, I have never believed in hell... why did I even say that? I cannot remember what I said, other than DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DON'T YOU READ YOUR BIBLES? The seroquel, a drug given to me when you thought I was psychotic, messed me up. Along with the pot, and pain pills, and the horror of having the world noticing me, all banded together... I disavowed the Hell idea at that point, told you that the first thing I did when you died was to hold you, and comfort you, and tell you there was no hell. I cannot imagine there is a hell, personally... though I understand the attraction of wanting to see evil acting people be punished.
I heard in the song on Colbert, EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN.... and IMPROVISED... and took them as indictments. I did what I did and cannot change anything, and rationalizing all of this is going to block my ability to be truthful. Something I have learned to do... after a life of hiding who I am from the judgements that cloud everyone's perceptions of one another in this world. I have qualities that your hypocritical Abrahamic books demonize, even as they extol men who offered others up for rape, had children killed for calling a man bald, and other ridiculous stories of the horrors humans have rationalized over the years as the will of God. God is not who you have had to worry about on this planet. I AM is the one who has been dealing with you. God will collect your souls in the end.... your lives, I do not know how much he has to do with them. He seems to have a lot to do with mine.... but I cannot imagine the loving God I know doing the things that happen on this planet.
I planned on having a radio show that would do targeted protests, boycott evil companies, try to use Unions to rebuild the working class, to force campaign reform, get us out of wars, etc... but instead, they slapped me in a hospital and drugged me until I realized whoever was doing these things was an enemy, not an ally. Perhaps I am wrong... perhaps they felt sacrificing me for the greater good was the right thing to do. I have certainly sacrificed myself for the greater good in many lives, and was quite prepared to do so in the past, and still am... though I do not want to. Because my death will be, at the very least, the end of many people... if not all of you.
I trusted God would show me the way through your forest of lies... but God works thru humans. You did not understand this because of some of the things I said, and how you misinterpreted them at times... I wih I HAD NOT SAID gays are angels. I said this so you would leave them alone. I do not know if there are angels or demons on this planet. I saw a creature once, not of this world, when I was seventeen, that was too realistic to be a hallucination, in my window when I was bedridden on the first floor, that certainly looked demonic... I saw only it' face and shoulders, it had molty brown skin, and a huge, smiling mouth with yellowing fang like teeth glistening with saliva... too realistic to be faked by any except perhaps the very best of make up artists... and perhaps that was supposed to convince me later that there were demon? Or perhaps it was a creature from another planet? I chalked it up to a figment of my imagination at the time, but only four times in my life has such a thing happened. Once in childhood, again, staring at me thru a window, was a green faced creature, hair slicked back, bright red lips, and smiling... very tall to be looking thru the small window in our front door. I chalked that up to being half asleep. The other time, I was given morphine in the hospital and the classic Jesus walked into my room, sat down on my bed, and then .... I am not sure, dissolved into me, or disappeared. The other time, I suspect was drugs, I saw two women in the dress of very long modest dresses that seemed almost victorian, here in Chicago, in the apartment on Fargo... if I was prone toward such things, I would make nothing out of these experiences. I am not. The latter two could easily have been drug induced, and etc... I alway chalked all this up to scientifically valid explanations... though now that I know a spirit world exists and has been centered around me for a very long time, I know that either those who meant to use me for operation blue beam may have been behind the two creatures I saw thru the windows.... my mind always goes toward the scientific explanation first.
I remember a family guy where they showed Peter as superman, and he tried to fly, then said I NEED SCIENCE... ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME? That show was very involved with playing back thing I said... I was astounded that you thought I hated science, but I guess so many religious people are that you stereotyped me. Like thinking I am a misogynist. I am a feminist. I certainly do NOT think men should rule over women, or visa versa. I think women have been oppressed by men and still are. I wanted to hate seth mcfarlane, though I certainly considered him an ally at first. But then they did a show where they pretended they found Jesus, he became a celebrity, fucked up, and then wanted to go back to obscurity. No, I would not go along WITH THEIR PLANS, AND THEY WANTED ME TO SHUT UP... AND PUT OUT THE MOVIE BOLT TO MAKE YOU THINK MY LIFE WAS SOME FUCKING TV SHOW... it was not and is not and will never be. I remember well an episode when they told me the CIA was fighting the blacks, and another show where they said I was running the CIA... I believed at the time I was in america because of their powerful army, and always did my best to support the soldiers, and still and always will. I am very honored by their having liked me. I will always look at them as people, not killers. I hate how they are being used right now. I could never hate them, or sailors.
I said many things in two thousand seven that were just me trying to adjust to the situation I was in... and many because they were part of the psy ops campaign I was running.... like writing I DO NOT EVEN HAVE TO TALK TO MY TROOPS.... ALL I WANT IS A NORMAL LIFE... I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO BIG STARS OR AGENTS... I wrote all these things because I did not think any of those thing would ever happen. That was all. When I had the chance to speak to them, I was in denial that these things were happening. I NEVER EXPECTED THE WORLD TO TAKE NOTICE OF ME, I WAS PROMOTING A RADIO SHOW.... when they did, I did not know how to react. I needed guidance and there was none. You and I both did not realize -- or maybe you did -- that larger human forces were trying to use me. I was doing my thing, and they were doing theirs. You brought the fight out in me, and I do not back down usually. IF I understand on reflection that I was wrong, I do... certainly. But not ultimately, and not when I am challenged. I may try to defuse the situation. I tend to express my anger at times with flights of imaginary violence, something I used over the years to get over being suicidal, by deflecting my self hatred on to something else.
The fact is I did want to be a star, I did want to be famous, I did want to make money, I would have loved to have an agent, and I never planned on living a normal life. The night I said the later I was filled with seeming memories of many other planets, and this pressure of fame, of being worshiped almost, and I think this came from my realizing by then that this was not going how I believed life was, that I was not involved in simply being discovered, that much more was going on behind the scenes. I was so astounded by discovering God and the Poetry that I was writing, and the feeling of being the son of God, that I believed almost anything was possible. I threatened people a lot back then... I guess I hated how you were treating me so badly, I just did not understand why I was not being welcomed... why no one came and took me out of this life. And when offers came to do so, I either did not trust the people enough, or I felt there was no point. When Jessie Jackson offered to take me to Africa, I said no, I will always be homeless... plus, I felt in my heart that I needed to fight from Chicago. Later I regretted this, though now that I know about the race war I no longer do. I joked about white people simply because I thought blacks had gotten a raw deal, not because I had made some choice of blacks over whites. You never seem to believe this, but I have cultivated a love for all people in my life. Driving the cab taught me good and bad come in all shapes and sizes, and my education taught me to look at individuals behavior in the larger picture.
I WAS ALWAYS SO HONORED WHEN PEOPLE LIKED ME. When the Mexicans liked me, I was very honored.... the Irish.....the Chinese... the Navy, soldiers... the blacks, Puerto Ricans, etc... I had no clue you were all fighting one another. I was a freshman being berated for not knowing what a senior knows... a bullshit way of looking at things, but so many had so much invested in keeping me ignorant. Anyways, even now I am not sure who understands what happened and who does not. When Will Ferrel came on tv and talked about how I had let the English attack my soldiers... I was so pissed... I am still pissed to be honest. You had him portraying me in the media for awhile... the evil green and purple of Joker. I get that now. I was criticizing the queen, not England itself. I do not have to like everyone on the planet. I do not like the way they hoard wealth while their people need it. I would give all that away and live humbly, knowing that The business with Ferrell came when he was on a truck commercial saying it was named after a general in the revolution, who was fighting the English, then suddenly decided the English were good and let them slaughter his troops. This happened, I believe the night Trayvon Martin was killed by a hispanic man. This was actually a metaphor for the race war.... which I did not know about yet, and I felt sorry for the young man.... England, I was told, was sending soldiers into florida... the news I heard this on said, I GUESS THE COUNTRY OF ENGLAND IS DIFFERENT THAN THE QUEEN... This was the first I heard of this, and I watched this as a spectator... also, at this time, I was suddenly being attacked by blacks on the tv, and being accused of being a racist, and threatened.... different people, like George Clooney, came on tv and said they would get me out. I was pissed as hell about all this obviously, and was just learning about the animal codes and said HOW DID ALL THESE ANIMALS GET RELEASED FROM THE ZOO.... a reference to all the animals they were using. Anyways, the English, I was told, were coming in to help me. I had no idea that my writing was causing a war with England. I like the English and the Irish. I did not like what was done to the Irish of course...but criticizing the behavior of the queen of england and seeing many people doing the same thing... well, I still looked at myself as a person who was not being taken seriously -- and was oppressed and had no power, even if there was the occasional reference to one of my poems on tv, or a tv show, like supernatural, showed an angel criticizing the same people I was... I had no idea the violence they showed had happened. I just thought they were using my criticism in plots or I would have been screaming and yelling over it... the closest that show has come to me was KEVIN, really, because that was my situation, suddenly being in the middle of things I simply did not even know existed.
I never ordered anyone -- the fish especially -- to be hurt. I never met them, and this is a great regret. I could have saved this world, but that goes against the interests of A TINY ELITE... they do not want it saved, let alone by someone like me, who would make the world a fair place...
I am leaving one thing out that I did know about, for my own reasons, and that is my insurance policy... but that is not a story I am ever going to explain to you... just pray I never have to use them. That was my one hint that something big was happening, but I had no idea of the circumstances surrounding that....
Am I repeating myself? I do I know go over the same things over and over.... but the song on Colbert made me think, WHAT DO I STILL BELIEVE ABOUT WHAT I SAID? Some of you look at me as a supernatural creature, others look at me like I am a king or used to, and others a spy/revolutionary... I look at myself as a man who others had many plans for, who was not informed of them, and when I tried to do what was the right thing without getting anyone hurt, the CIA over-reacted, and then I unknowingly stopped them from being punished. OTHERS thought I was informed of what was going on, and indeed believed that I was much more informed than I was... I thought I was much more informed than I was. After that, it was me trying to figure out what you were up to by any means possible, and also protect myself from the slanderous things people were saying about me -- even if they were true, I did not know and they were just slander to me.
I remember so well the night that it was announced that all these people were going to give me control, then I ordered something, that destroyed that.... I guess in reflection this was how God operates, because the people who were backing me should probably not be in control of this country, I just do not know...
My dream now would be to start a religion based on what I do believe... though I see the pope trying to use my words all the time, and they replaced the last one with the new one, after I wrote I had moved to rome, then argentina.... they put in a pope from argentina. A Jesuit, of which there are many conspiracy theories about, and a man who supposedly backed right wing people, when the priests I liked down there stood up to the right wing oligarchies, and often died for their efforts. I am not criticizing the new pope. He has even changed their tune to the point that he took what I said about atheists and gays and opened the church to them, to the point atheists can go to heaven.... someone even came out and said there was no hell.... I drove a lot of people out of that church, and others in that church believed that I wanted things done I most certainly would not. I watched a DR WHO episode that was about me... when I declared war after the navy seals were murdered who killed ossama bin laden... I thought the dr represented me, but I have since started to think that was not the case. the marines were always with me, and gays, and they had them in the enemy camp in this, and the leader wore an eye patch, and I was asociated with Pirates for awhile, after people were gathering money by pirating .... which went to criminals, instead of the kinds of things I would have used money for. When I think of all the good I would have done with the money my supposed family took... again, I could spend the rest of my life climbing the mountain range of my regrets and never reach the top of one crest. I noticed something new last night, they mention PAPAL. The Catholics were with me at first, but since I was brainwashed in a Catholic hospital, and then sent to one afterwards where more head games were played on me, I did not trust them. When I asked for a mornon bible there, because they said Christ returned to america and a lot of Ridgway had become mornons... I am told a lot of Catholics became Mormons. I do not know a lot about their beliefs, but I know some of them do not jive with mine... though when I read their bible it SEEMED to me I was a character in it. The only other book that I read that seemed like me were the Jewish psalms... to the point that I felt for awhile that I should become Jewish, but again, I do not want to endorse what all the JEWS are doing, let alone their Holy books. I feel the same about every religion, but those Psalms seemed like I wrote them, and perhaps in another life I did. I certainly respect the right of God to manifest in any book, from literature to what are considered Holy books.... a good person will find good in their book, a bad one bad. The Holy books are written by men, not GOD.
I believe at this point in my life that I must write a book again... I do not want to have to keep responding to what I see in the media. They are my enemy now, pretty much. I hate the murderous feelings they bring up in me... I just turned on the tv and saw will ferrell, a man who knows about all these mass murders. What psychopaths they are in the star system. I do not know how a good person could survive in that world, though I am sure a few good ones do. They just think there is nothing they can do to save the world, so they go along, and do what they can, thinking they can work in hell, and give a glass of ice water to the damned once in awhile... or they are just straight up psychopaths... which is possible as well. The vetting process for fame is so soul killing that I cannot imagine many people surviving it.
I want to end this by saying I have been criticizing Israel, and the american Jews who refuse to stop supporting what has become a terrorist state. I have nothing against Jews, and I thank GOD for those Jews WHO feel the same way I do, that their religion is being done a great disservice by a few greedy, terrible people. This is why I cannot become anything other than what I am.... the God of MANY MASKS... one who is here to change religion, with new prophecies... and a revolutionary. If I had it do over, I would want soldiers invade and destroy the fed, jail the present government, or let them leave.... whatever involved the least bloodshed. I would then get rid of the world bank. I would simply absolve all loans, as the Jews once knew to do... I would also forgive all student loans.... socialize all the banks, the utilities, and the media. I would confiscate major industries, and give them to the employees... employee ownership would be the new way. I would set it up so the people who presently own most of the land, are forced to selll everyone their apartments and houses on lein contracts. I would take away the money of the excessively rich, to a degree. Not all of it.... there would be NO MORE BILLIONAIRES. I would love it if they just left the country, and we could make everything employee owned. I would not do this with small businesses. Universal health care and free university, and I would halve, at least, the military budget.... There would be no pogrom against the wealthy, they would simply be made into millionaires.... I would give all these empty houses away on lein contracts, start a new jobs bill along the lines of FDR, but I would let these people start their own businesses.... I would limit the time that people can hold office, as well as change campaign finance reform, and keep the postal service.... I will not try to destroy private property, I will merely spread it around. Factory farms will not longer get government aide, while family farms will... and factory farms will be broken up. I know this will take a lot of work, and I need a lot of help. The world needs impartial science to be the main way of ruling the country.... religion and politics would be separated. due to the way they have infiltrated the police, and other institutions, I would disband freemaonery in the us. PERIOD. I would give people an even playing field, including women and minorities, and grant amnesty to all refugee from south america.... low interest loans would be available through the socialized banks. I would reign in the salaries of lawyers and doctors and pharmaceutical companies and funeral homes, and I would allow people to make money off their bodies, instead of allowing vultures to do so.... the present laws on this are insane. ALL PRIVATE PRISON WOULD BE CLOSED... those with non violent drug convictions would be released, and all drugs legalized and dispensed by the government. that is my platform. Want to be a capitalist, fine... want to be a socialist? Fine... etc... I would never allow any restrictions on the net beyond the most common sense ones, like no child porn, etc.... The stock market would be reformed all to hell and I will close it if they cannot do this.
I try to avoid talk shows, award shows, live shows... after what has happened between myself and the media and the world of so called entertainment. My unfounded trust in so many has turned me into a cynic about the humans that inhabit my television. My knowledge of the star system, and the corruption of the human life that occurs with fame and money has always been there within me, though before my starting to awaken, I half ass wanted both. I knew I would be famous from a very young age, though there was no way for me to predict how.... I thank God for that mercy. My girlfriend seems oblivious, or psychopathic almost in her ability to ignore what has happened. How she goes on living like nothing has happened is beyond me.... secretly I know I suppose that she is involved in the world behind the curtain.
I used to think she was involved because the tv shows she would put on would be commenting on my life and what was happening. I had no clue how huge the operation was around me. Still believed this was some alice in wonderland event that was centered on me alone, though I could not understand why? I thought you knew I was something more than human at first, though I was in no shape after the mind rape they gave me, or knowledgeable about the world to know about the behind the scenes doing. I was a puppet being used and had no clue... I thought I was fighting some battle against all humans. The allies I had I did not understand. The enemies either, in a way...
I told you often of a plan. I believed all of my work had been destroyed... yet you kept this media focus on me, kept watching me... so I cruelly talked to you. In 2007 I was made the puppet of groups I have been forced to face I do not understand. What if all I have been told is a lie? EVERYTHING. I have to consider this possibility now. I would not have before. My most basic assumptions are bewildered at all of the information available on the web. The big lies are there. I always watched the one I knew about playing out on tv and wondered what the hell you people were doing, with little idea you were reacting to me, let alone to my short stories. I would see things and think, WHY ARE THY DOING THIS... WHAT IS MY PART HERE... WHAT DO THEY WANT OF ME... HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS LABYRINTH OF CONFUSION?
I had no idea you were still looking to me for leadership. This was what surprised me the most in 2012-13... different groups you told me were offering to let me lead them, but I did not know clearly where, at all... the associations I suddenly found out about, the criminals I did not even know about... let alone the crimes. I thought it was all some sick joke at times. Staying strong, pissed off, surviving by any means necessary was all I could focus on.
I wrote of the talk show because I saw Colbert last night, a man I once considered a friend and ally, and still wish I could, like John Stewart, who I applaud for getting out of entertainment and working saving animals. That is one smart man. One day on tv he said that they were holding him in an empty room between shows, a period when they were not showing repeats... every show was different. I stopped watching then, hoping they would leave them alone... though at first, like everything else, I thought it was a joke. A band played on the show. What a horror to be a famous person in this day and age.... singing a song that had lyrics which triggered my memories... EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN... something I once said.... IMPROVISED... something I wrote about and finally let you know rather recently....You wanted a grand plan, I was trying to slash and burn my way through a forest of lies to get enough intelligence to do something, anything, to help this world.... and lesser motivations. I do not incriminate myself enough in these writings. I cannot imagine your disappointment in me. Well, yes I can, actually... your mighty efforts come to naught you must believe?
FUNNY how people are still being sent out into the public arena to still try to pretend that I had control over this mess. I didn't want webcams watching me. I could not get rid of them, so I tried to turn the assault against my enemy. When I found out even xrt was now my enemy, it told me so much about you people... i COULD NOT ABIDE BY THE PERSON YOU THOUGHT I WAS, WHAT YOU THOUGHT I WOULD WANT YOU TO DO... and those who backed me during these periods, I had no idea why you would? I sure as hell would have hated the person you made me out to be. No doubt about it. I could not allow that person to be your unholy icon. I had to destroy that any way possible, and damn the consequences to ne.
Back to the song... the way I can tell when these things refer to what we must vaguely just call the shadow war, always have what to unknowing would be non sequiturs. I will not claim to understand what the song meant when they spelled out CURE... or most of the lyrics. I do know that your idea that I had no plan at all, when you lived for some plan, when you watched me and looked for clues, when you went to classes on what this was about.... must make me hated. Well, there is certainly a plan, though adapting what I would like to see done in this world when I was learning something new all the time required improvisation. I keep wanting to become enraged at my hostage takers... the blacks who felt they were better off taking me hostage, keeping me poor and enraged and confused by lack of intelligence. This would bassically have been really my intent if they had left me alone, but again... they were fighting for their lives, had me pegged for something I am not. How can I throw stones now? How can I blame people for what was done during this? I have to take the tact that this was war, and whether it has ended for you or not, I am not buying into the divide and conquer that keeps me from focusing on the true people who are fucking up this planet.
I do not know if I am here to save you or give you a mercy killing. What is coming will make the troubles of the past, the day to day horrors of the primitive lives, their short, brutal existences, seem like heaven. Things will get much, much worse... though for some of you .... that is perhaps unimaginable. I CAN ONLY NOW BEGIN TO SEE THROUGH THIS ENOUGH TO QUESTION MY ASSUMPTIONS. What if the evil I see in this world, the death of Jews by Germans in ww2 was a lie? They tried to tell me something like this once and I would not even listen to you. I have always had great empathy for the Jews because of this event, and the prejudice that the world threw at them, just as I have for all the types that are demonized. This was why I tried to change your perceptions of them. I went too far. I did not understand how literally I was going to be taken. How I should have dummied down my every statement, been clearer. If I had known the consequences I would have been paralyzed, like I was for the two years I sat in a room and could nothing except try to quell the horrible emotions inside of me with drugs. THE kind of drugs I had alway avoided my entire life.
Now I am wounded, badly, by all of this... but I am able to crawl again. That is of course the real reason for this blog. I need to crawl back to the battle front. I need to face I was used, I need to face my mistakes caused untold damage. I will not cry again, you misunderstood that. I think the sane should be weeping and wailing over this, personally, but your attacks on my tears are nothing I need again. I am not the psychopath you thought.... I am the killer you saw. I was not as surprised as you by this. I was surprised by who you killed and why, especially.... I remember when I began to understand you thought everything in my life was part of a plan. Even a toy lobster I put out for the hell of it, became a means you used to think I wanted torture used. I remember the man you did this to and how enraged I was that this man who had done nothing except show me kindness had been harmed. I told you afterwards to give him whatever he wanted... I wonder what you did to him, but of course in my life there is no one to ask.
I have had to compartmentalize my mind. Like a soldier who simply wants to forget a war, in a way... though when I wrote I AM A COP, I AM A SOLDIER... I meant these words, and they are still true. I wrote once how I thought my life might have gone if I had not had a back disease... how I would have joined the army, and perhaps came out and gotten into law enforcement. Parks and Recreations then did a show about a character who was dum who scored high on the tests, as I did, but the police did not want him because of his personality... it will surprise you how much I remember when I am done with this writing life of mine... I will keep secrets, but I will also write things that the unwitting will never understand.... that may seem like naming names to you. I am zorry. I do not wish to cause you further grief, some of you... others I hope to kill with my words. I will be honest about that.... I am going to release the dam, and the blood will flood, and the waves of thick, salty, metallic crimson will wash your gated communities away.
I do not wish to keep the Plan hidden. I cannot just tell you or the enemies will try to stop it. I will tell you this, Jews, Blacks, religions, and people who just happen to be born on one spot on the globe have nothing to fear from me. The criminals also, I just do not care about.... I do not like what you did in my name, but I hope to redeem you. You at least are honest. You are not hypocrites. Most of you were born into that world. This is one of your lives, one of many, and you have not always been this way. None of you have. Some of you were my greatest allies in past lives. I do not know why exactly you have been given the lives you have this time. I cannot question my Creator on these matters. I must trust his plan.that I have been thinking about since learning what I have, and calming down. My shame over the yelling at the tv and to the bugs is immense. My shame about so much is too overwhelming for me to explain. I am sure many of you feel the same way.
The song I am writing about was on CBS, the white station, I have since learned. I do not want white people to be my enemy. I am white, and most of the people I have loved in my life have been white, though certainly not all of them. I do not believe in blue eyed demons or whatever. Black or white, neither are demons. The blacks in the USA forget that they kept slaves too... forget that they were involved in the slave trade too... the black pimps are slave keepers as well. The color of your skin is not what determines why you do these things, history, the family you were born into, etc... they determine these things. Not some evil incarnate. The contributions of all people of all races and times and countries add up to who we are. Historians always seem to want their race to be the dominate one. None are. Your lack of humility before God is the root of this problem.
The song that kept me awake all night, was just enough reminder of how the musicians have learned to hate me over things I knew nothing about, about my taking sides I had no idea about....etc. I tried to be all things to all people, to tell you that none of you are damned, that what awaits the saints is the same thing that awaits the sinners. THAT THERE IS NO KARMA. THAT GOD DOES NOT JUDGE YOU... though I said he did at times, I said many things out of hate. I said so many ridiculous things to try to get points across, that are metaphorical but were taken literally more than likely, like your ridiculous bibles. They are all so full of shit, which is why I was such a hater of religion until I started adding up all the mystical things that have happened to me, and that is aside from the brainwashing, or waking up, or whatever was done to me in 2007 that made me suddenly go from a sane person to the ranting, lying creature that you witnessed on your damned webcams.
I have a hard time now wanting to write about religion. I speculated in public too much. I told you things that sound ridiculous to me now. The night that I ranted at my window, in 2007 when this was first starting, about heaven and hell, and the next day when CHRISTOPHER HITCHENS came on and asked why a pace alien would talk about hell... and I thought, I have never believed in hell... why did I even say that? I cannot remember what I said, other than DON'T YOU KNOW WHO I AM? DON'T YOU READ YOUR BIBLES? The seroquel, a drug given to me when you thought I was psychotic, messed me up. Along with the pot, and pain pills, and the horror of having the world noticing me, all banded together... I disavowed the Hell idea at that point, told you that the first thing I did when you died was to hold you, and comfort you, and tell you there was no hell. I cannot imagine there is a hell, personally... though I understand the attraction of wanting to see evil acting people be punished.
I heard in the song on Colbert, EVERYONE GOES TO HEAVEN.... and IMPROVISED... and took them as indictments. I did what I did and cannot change anything, and rationalizing all of this is going to block my ability to be truthful. Something I have learned to do... after a life of hiding who I am from the judgements that cloud everyone's perceptions of one another in this world. I have qualities that your hypocritical Abrahamic books demonize, even as they extol men who offered others up for rape, had children killed for calling a man bald, and other ridiculous stories of the horrors humans have rationalized over the years as the will of God. God is not who you have had to worry about on this planet. I AM is the one who has been dealing with you. God will collect your souls in the end.... your lives, I do not know how much he has to do with them. He seems to have a lot to do with mine.... but I cannot imagine the loving God I know doing the things that happen on this planet.
I planned on having a radio show that would do targeted protests, boycott evil companies, try to use Unions to rebuild the working class, to force campaign reform, get us out of wars, etc... but instead, they slapped me in a hospital and drugged me until I realized whoever was doing these things was an enemy, not an ally. Perhaps I am wrong... perhaps they felt sacrificing me for the greater good was the right thing to do. I have certainly sacrificed myself for the greater good in many lives, and was quite prepared to do so in the past, and still am... though I do not want to. Because my death will be, at the very least, the end of many people... if not all of you.
I trusted God would show me the way through your forest of lies... but God works thru humans. You did not understand this because of some of the things I said, and how you misinterpreted them at times... I wih I HAD NOT SAID gays are angels. I said this so you would leave them alone. I do not know if there are angels or demons on this planet. I saw a creature once, not of this world, when I was seventeen, that was too realistic to be a hallucination, in my window when I was bedridden on the first floor, that certainly looked demonic... I saw only it' face and shoulders, it had molty brown skin, and a huge, smiling mouth with yellowing fang like teeth glistening with saliva... too realistic to be faked by any except perhaps the very best of make up artists... and perhaps that was supposed to convince me later that there were demon? Or perhaps it was a creature from another planet? I chalked it up to a figment of my imagination at the time, but only four times in my life has such a thing happened. Once in childhood, again, staring at me thru a window, was a green faced creature, hair slicked back, bright red lips, and smiling... very tall to be looking thru the small window in our front door. I chalked that up to being half asleep. The other time, I was given morphine in the hospital and the classic Jesus walked into my room, sat down on my bed, and then .... I am not sure, dissolved into me, or disappeared. The other time, I suspect was drugs, I saw two women in the dress of very long modest dresses that seemed almost victorian, here in Chicago, in the apartment on Fargo... if I was prone toward such things, I would make nothing out of these experiences. I am not. The latter two could easily have been drug induced, and etc... I alway chalked all this up to scientifically valid explanations... though now that I know a spirit world exists and has been centered around me for a very long time, I know that either those who meant to use me for operation blue beam may have been behind the two creatures I saw thru the windows.... my mind always goes toward the scientific explanation first.
I remember a family guy where they showed Peter as superman, and he tried to fly, then said I NEED SCIENCE... ARE YOU GOING TO KILL ME? That show was very involved with playing back thing I said... I was astounded that you thought I hated science, but I guess so many religious people are that you stereotyped me. Like thinking I am a misogynist. I am a feminist. I certainly do NOT think men should rule over women, or visa versa. I think women have been oppressed by men and still are. I wanted to hate seth mcfarlane, though I certainly considered him an ally at first. But then they did a show where they pretended they found Jesus, he became a celebrity, fucked up, and then wanted to go back to obscurity. No, I would not go along WITH THEIR PLANS, AND THEY WANTED ME TO SHUT UP... AND PUT OUT THE MOVIE BOLT TO MAKE YOU THINK MY LIFE WAS SOME FUCKING TV SHOW... it was not and is not and will never be. I remember well an episode when they told me the CIA was fighting the blacks, and another show where they said I was running the CIA... I believed at the time I was in america because of their powerful army, and always did my best to support the soldiers, and still and always will. I am very honored by their having liked me. I will always look at them as people, not killers. I hate how they are being used right now. I could never hate them, or sailors.
I said many things in two thousand seven that were just me trying to adjust to the situation I was in... and many because they were part of the psy ops campaign I was running.... like writing I DO NOT EVEN HAVE TO TALK TO MY TROOPS.... ALL I WANT IS A NORMAL LIFE... I DO NOT WANT TO TALK TO BIG STARS OR AGENTS... I wrote all these things because I did not think any of those thing would ever happen. That was all. When I had the chance to speak to them, I was in denial that these things were happening. I NEVER EXPECTED THE WORLD TO TAKE NOTICE OF ME, I WAS PROMOTING A RADIO SHOW.... when they did, I did not know how to react. I needed guidance and there was none. You and I both did not realize -- or maybe you did -- that larger human forces were trying to use me. I was doing my thing, and they were doing theirs. You brought the fight out in me, and I do not back down usually. IF I understand on reflection that I was wrong, I do... certainly. But not ultimately, and not when I am challenged. I may try to defuse the situation. I tend to express my anger at times with flights of imaginary violence, something I used over the years to get over being suicidal, by deflecting my self hatred on to something else.
The fact is I did want to be a star, I did want to be famous, I did want to make money, I would have loved to have an agent, and I never planned on living a normal life. The night I said the later I was filled with seeming memories of many other planets, and this pressure of fame, of being worshiped almost, and I think this came from my realizing by then that this was not going how I believed life was, that I was not involved in simply being discovered, that much more was going on behind the scenes. I was so astounded by discovering God and the Poetry that I was writing, and the feeling of being the son of God, that I believed almost anything was possible. I threatened people a lot back then... I guess I hated how you were treating me so badly, I just did not understand why I was not being welcomed... why no one came and took me out of this life. And when offers came to do so, I either did not trust the people enough, or I felt there was no point. When Jessie Jackson offered to take me to Africa, I said no, I will always be homeless... plus, I felt in my heart that I needed to fight from Chicago. Later I regretted this, though now that I know about the race war I no longer do. I joked about white people simply because I thought blacks had gotten a raw deal, not because I had made some choice of blacks over whites. You never seem to believe this, but I have cultivated a love for all people in my life. Driving the cab taught me good and bad come in all shapes and sizes, and my education taught me to look at individuals behavior in the larger picture.
I WAS ALWAYS SO HONORED WHEN PEOPLE LIKED ME. When the Mexicans liked me, I was very honored.... the Irish.....the Chinese... the Navy, soldiers... the blacks, Puerto Ricans, etc... I had no clue you were all fighting one another. I was a freshman being berated for not knowing what a senior knows... a bullshit way of looking at things, but so many had so much invested in keeping me ignorant. Anyways, even now I am not sure who understands what happened and who does not. When Will Ferrel came on tv and talked about how I had let the English attack my soldiers... I was so pissed... I am still pissed to be honest. You had him portraying me in the media for awhile... the evil green and purple of Joker. I get that now. I was criticizing the queen, not England itself. I do not have to like everyone on the planet. I do not like the way they hoard wealth while their people need it. I would give all that away and live humbly, knowing that The business with Ferrell came when he was on a truck commercial saying it was named after a general in the revolution, who was fighting the English, then suddenly decided the English were good and let them slaughter his troops. This happened, I believe the night Trayvon Martin was killed by a hispanic man. This was actually a metaphor for the race war.... which I did not know about yet, and I felt sorry for the young man.... England, I was told, was sending soldiers into florida... the news I heard this on said, I GUESS THE COUNTRY OF ENGLAND IS DIFFERENT THAN THE QUEEN... This was the first I heard of this, and I watched this as a spectator... also, at this time, I was suddenly being attacked by blacks on the tv, and being accused of being a racist, and threatened.... different people, like George Clooney, came on tv and said they would get me out. I was pissed as hell about all this obviously, and was just learning about the animal codes and said HOW DID ALL THESE ANIMALS GET RELEASED FROM THE ZOO.... a reference to all the animals they were using. Anyways, the English, I was told, were coming in to help me. I had no idea that my writing was causing a war with England. I like the English and the Irish. I did not like what was done to the Irish of course...but criticizing the behavior of the queen of england and seeing many people doing the same thing... well, I still looked at myself as a person who was not being taken seriously -- and was oppressed and had no power, even if there was the occasional reference to one of my poems on tv, or a tv show, like supernatural, showed an angel criticizing the same people I was... I had no idea the violence they showed had happened. I just thought they were using my criticism in plots or I would have been screaming and yelling over it... the closest that show has come to me was KEVIN, really, because that was my situation, suddenly being in the middle of things I simply did not even know existed.
I never ordered anyone -- the fish especially -- to be hurt. I never met them, and this is a great regret. I could have saved this world, but that goes against the interests of A TINY ELITE... they do not want it saved, let alone by someone like me, who would make the world a fair place...
I am leaving one thing out that I did know about, for my own reasons, and that is my insurance policy... but that is not a story I am ever going to explain to you... just pray I never have to use them. That was my one hint that something big was happening, but I had no idea of the circumstances surrounding that....
Am I repeating myself? I do I know go over the same things over and over.... but the song on Colbert made me think, WHAT DO I STILL BELIEVE ABOUT WHAT I SAID? Some of you look at me as a supernatural creature, others look at me like I am a king or used to, and others a spy/revolutionary... I look at myself as a man who others had many plans for, who was not informed of them, and when I tried to do what was the right thing without getting anyone hurt, the CIA over-reacted, and then I unknowingly stopped them from being punished. OTHERS thought I was informed of what was going on, and indeed believed that I was much more informed than I was... I thought I was much more informed than I was. After that, it was me trying to figure out what you were up to by any means possible, and also protect myself from the slanderous things people were saying about me -- even if they were true, I did not know and they were just slander to me.
I remember so well the night that it was announced that all these people were going to give me control, then I ordered something, that destroyed that.... I guess in reflection this was how God operates, because the people who were backing me should probably not be in control of this country, I just do not know...
My dream now would be to start a religion based on what I do believe... though I see the pope trying to use my words all the time, and they replaced the last one with the new one, after I wrote I had moved to rome, then argentina.... they put in a pope from argentina. A Jesuit, of which there are many conspiracy theories about, and a man who supposedly backed right wing people, when the priests I liked down there stood up to the right wing oligarchies, and often died for their efforts. I am not criticizing the new pope. He has even changed their tune to the point that he took what I said about atheists and gays and opened the church to them, to the point atheists can go to heaven.... someone even came out and said there was no hell.... I drove a lot of people out of that church, and others in that church believed that I wanted things done I most certainly would not. I watched a DR WHO episode that was about me... when I declared war after the navy seals were murdered who killed ossama bin laden... I thought the dr represented me, but I have since started to think that was not the case. the marines were always with me, and gays, and they had them in the enemy camp in this, and the leader wore an eye patch, and I was asociated with Pirates for awhile, after people were gathering money by pirating .... which went to criminals, instead of the kinds of things I would have used money for. When I think of all the good I would have done with the money my supposed family took... again, I could spend the rest of my life climbing the mountain range of my regrets and never reach the top of one crest. I noticed something new last night, they mention PAPAL. The Catholics were with me at first, but since I was brainwashed in a Catholic hospital, and then sent to one afterwards where more head games were played on me, I did not trust them. When I asked for a mornon bible there, because they said Christ returned to america and a lot of Ridgway had become mornons... I am told a lot of Catholics became Mormons. I do not know a lot about their beliefs, but I know some of them do not jive with mine... though when I read their bible it SEEMED to me I was a character in it. The only other book that I read that seemed like me were the Jewish psalms... to the point that I felt for awhile that I should become Jewish, but again, I do not want to endorse what all the JEWS are doing, let alone their Holy books. I feel the same about every religion, but those Psalms seemed like I wrote them, and perhaps in another life I did. I certainly respect the right of God to manifest in any book, from literature to what are considered Holy books.... a good person will find good in their book, a bad one bad. The Holy books are written by men, not GOD.
I believe at this point in my life that I must write a book again... I do not want to have to keep responding to what I see in the media. They are my enemy now, pretty much. I hate the murderous feelings they bring up in me... I just turned on the tv and saw will ferrell, a man who knows about all these mass murders. What psychopaths they are in the star system. I do not know how a good person could survive in that world, though I am sure a few good ones do. They just think there is nothing they can do to save the world, so they go along, and do what they can, thinking they can work in hell, and give a glass of ice water to the damned once in awhile... or they are just straight up psychopaths... which is possible as well. The vetting process for fame is so soul killing that I cannot imagine many people surviving it.
I want to end this by saying I have been criticizing Israel, and the american Jews who refuse to stop supporting what has become a terrorist state. I have nothing against Jews, and I thank GOD for those Jews WHO feel the same way I do, that their religion is being done a great disservice by a few greedy, terrible people. This is why I cannot become anything other than what I am.... the God of MANY MASKS... one who is here to change religion, with new prophecies... and a revolutionary. If I had it do over, I would want soldiers invade and destroy the fed, jail the present government, or let them leave.... whatever involved the least bloodshed. I would then get rid of the world bank. I would simply absolve all loans, as the Jews once knew to do... I would also forgive all student loans.... socialize all the banks, the utilities, and the media. I would confiscate major industries, and give them to the employees... employee ownership would be the new way. I would set it up so the people who presently own most of the land, are forced to selll everyone their apartments and houses on lein contracts. I would take away the money of the excessively rich, to a degree. Not all of it.... there would be NO MORE BILLIONAIRES. I would love it if they just left the country, and we could make everything employee owned. I would not do this with small businesses. Universal health care and free university, and I would halve, at least, the military budget.... There would be no pogrom against the wealthy, they would simply be made into millionaires.... I would give all these empty houses away on lein contracts, start a new jobs bill along the lines of FDR, but I would let these people start their own businesses.... I would limit the time that people can hold office, as well as change campaign finance reform, and keep the postal service.... I will not try to destroy private property, I will merely spread it around. Factory farms will not longer get government aide, while family farms will... and factory farms will be broken up. I know this will take a lot of work, and I need a lot of help. The world needs impartial science to be the main way of ruling the country.... religion and politics would be separated. due to the way they have infiltrated the police, and other institutions, I would disband freemaonery in the us. PERIOD. I would give people an even playing field, including women and minorities, and grant amnesty to all refugee from south america.... low interest loans would be available through the socialized banks. I would reign in the salaries of lawyers and doctors and pharmaceutical companies and funeral homes, and I would allow people to make money off their bodies, instead of allowing vultures to do so.... the present laws on this are insane. ALL PRIVATE PRISON WOULD BE CLOSED... those with non violent drug convictions would be released, and all drugs legalized and dispensed by the government. that is my platform. Want to be a capitalist, fine... want to be a socialist? Fine... etc... I would never allow any restrictions on the net beyond the most common sense ones, like no child porn, etc.... The stock market would be reformed all to hell and I will close it if they cannot do this.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
TIME TO DO THINGS THE RIGHT WAY/ this entry is for people in the shadow war... if you do not know what that is, skip it...
I do not care who sponsored the events that brought me to prominence. I do not care what their agenda was anymore. The people who supported me the most are the people who changed the least, and used my presence for their own means. How could I trust any of you? I was a different person once, and tried to trust that all humanity could be saved. I tried to cater to your beliefs because they were once mine. They are no more.
I will not lead those who hate other races or religions or believe that political systems amount to anything more than the force they produce. We need a new political system. Ours is not working. Going back to the constitution or any other document you might believe in at the moment is folly. This is not 1776 and you are not wealthy educated land owners with slaves. You are not masons, or you are masons... I do not care what you are. I am going to lay waste to all of your plans.
We must begin by doing the second to last thing in the world I want to do... destroy. THE ONLY THING I WANT LESS IN THAT THINGS GO ON AS THE ELITE HAS PLANNED. Christ left you with few messages that made it thru the editing process, the Romanization of the Jewish religion... which was of course the bastardization of the religions that came before, nothing more. .. prophets have existed throughout time, as have I. Many of the were the flesh I was born into... others I spoke with. Most of those you call prophets were merely men, trying to dominate others, or rationalize their ways.
I do not know who you are or what you are doing now or if they managed to kill you all off with their twisting of my words, or their damned, and I mean that literally, webcam looking at my life. EVERYTHING I DO HAS MEANING. The same could be said for all of you. I will not give you secret messages, I will not bury what I mean in metaphors that cannot be interpreted. I will not tell you that you are supposed to do much of anything, really... I do not want to enslave you, I want to set you free. What you believe is between you and God. I told you I am a defensive attorney, not the prosecution. I will not judge you by your past. The new day starts today. Whatever you have been, whatever you have done, and more than likely whatever you continue to do is your business. I fought like hell to not change my way of living because some nebulous force was watching me. I refused to play the part the elite wanted me to. I refused to take sides, for the most part. I learned who my true friends were when you all abandoned me and ONE COUNTRY stood by my side, CHINA. I do not like everything China does, nor do many Chinese. I wish they had the perfect country, and I am sure their leaders feel the same way.
You want me to choose between east and west, well I chose east long ago... that does not mean I hate the west, that means God made me feel all people are equal, and that circumstances truly do have an effect on individuals. As a child I knew that criminals had basic mental health issues, and did not understand how someone could be put to death for murder, because I thought you had to be crazy to murder someone. My love for humanity was great. I believed the USA would keep becoming more and more equal, that the unions would fight for our equality, and honest labor would be considered as vital as it is, rather than just a way to make the rich richer. I believed many things I forgot as the real world destroyed my conditioning.
Now, I mourn everyday over what I heard about and never saw. The children whose parents were killed so they could be inducted into an army, the CIA's way of doing things I had criticized in my book One War... the violence I saw everywhere in the media that I lampooned in my Johnny Pain stories came to life, the joke about closing libraries -- the sanctuary of my youth, came to life... a story I wrote about two empty headed teens killing their parents and thinking life would be perfect afterwards, came to life. I was trying to show humanity itself, as I was taught to... not lauding behavior I would never involve myself in.
I still do not understand why you wanted me involved in this race war so badly. I do not know what happened out there to make you hate each other so harshly. I do not know why you would ever think that a person who had converted to Christianity, even if it was thru brainwashing, would want Christians killed.. except that you took the jokes of a guy who was merely like all the other people who blame religion for the problems in the world, and made them out to be orders. When I think you had all these people going to classes to study me I am more than appalled.
If I was to take a perfectly religious view on the matters at hand, I would say that Satan owns the earth, and God is setting it up to be destroyed. I do not have to do anything for humanity and all life in this atmosphere to die. You are doing that quite well enough yourselves.
Some of the things I did, I did because I still believed that humans would come around... like giving bankers and stock brokers the benefit of the doubt and protection. Everyone it seems who I gave the benefit of the doubt to took this and ran as a get out of jail free card. I thought if you were helping me we had the same philosophies of life. Instead I learned I was just a puppet, set up to do something I would not do... Jesus offered the world by Satan... told to do miracles by Satan to prove himself. This Jesus does not do miracles intentionally, but you better believe I can do things that would fuck you up in ways you cannot begin to imagine. If you think I need the help of armies, you have no idea what is going on here.
Only you can save this life. Only you can save this earth. Only you can save yourself. Watching me is the last thing you should be doing with this life... a little late for too many of you. Taking everything I say as gospel is the last thing you should be doing as well I learned way too late how messed up everything is.
I have this urge to take sides.... I want a side. The most powerful force on earth. I am the son of man. Man wants these things. The deity in me knows though that there are no sides, only God and I will always be his servant. I never wanted served, worshipped. I told you that. I also told you the lies of war, lies meant to confuse and trick you, befuddle you, sometimes enlighten you, sometimes get you to change your prejudices and the way religions were going... I never tried to release you like a pack of wild dogs on people I criticized. They deserved a chance to redeem themselves. You all do. That time is ending.
IF I had the energy I would edit the bible... and would probably come up with a pamphlet with three or four pages you should follow. Or maybe just two words -- GOLDEN RULE. You have one commandment... treat others as you would treat yourself.... those who do this are your allies, those who break this are your enemies. Sell your cloaks and buy swords.
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