the never ending funeral

I know all souls go to Heaven. This knowledge and power makes me the greatest destructive force in God's creation. I think tonight of my vision of ending the world with lightening and fire, how terrified the world was of being judged by a deity. And later abused by a seeming mad man, as the forces of man fought over the mind of the child who began growing wings at the age of five, a secret kept in layers of secret societies... Before the war. The first few days of loving everyone, forgiving everyone redeeming everyone... I knew from the start some force was using me. A force that was seemingly abusive to me. I made mistake after mistake, feeling the attack was unwarranted, but I wanted the world to see what was being done to me, thought they would react with justice, and they might have had I been told why Bush wanted to fire some cia personel. Instead, a man I considered my political enemy, though I had never thought once of hurting him or his family. I wrote burn the bushes for effect, not because I thought they needed to die. Little did I know... the people initially behind this do not matter anymore. Digging up corpses, animating zombies that kill for no good reason at all... no logic in that. Off mission. I in no way believe this country is ready for more than a redistribution of wealth thru taxation, and for now that would be enough to change the living standards of the country. We do not need an overly itrusive government, religion, or laws to overwhelming us in the name of security, or stopping counter--revolutionaies, etc. We need an open, honest, expert driven approach to dealing with SERVING THE CITIZENS of the USA -- not being served by them. Millionaire politicians have the connections and levers to get things done in ways that can get better. I have said the same things since my teen years. The times are more complex, but my interests are still in uniting people, not controlling them... freeing their minds to critically think about issues, as children, when these patterns are layed down. I have noticed the increased surveillance response on the tv. I had the pleasure and embarrassment of seeing friends refer to me. I am not going into any specifics about present situations. Those who know, know... pain is weakness leaving the body... my marine t shirt quoted in a quip... Pain has forged me, made me stronger. Weaker at first, then I learned how much I could live with in horrible pain for days at a titme, laying on the couch or pacing tha apartment. Big adjustment for a guy who was in aa because of lack of control of sedative drugs, including drink, and percoden after being on it a year... thirty years in aa and I started smoking weed, then this hit. I needed it then to mentally deal. I needed surgery, could only get pills. Put off being disabled, had no way to live unti mary ann came along. God knows, I MAY have had to move to Ohio until I had social security. So many things, what is co-incidence, left to trustitng if I was a demi-God or something I at least did not seem that bad of a guy, though they did something to make me a liar. I learned later the hypnosis, including a year, at five, in a hospital being given radiation to stop the growth of the alleged wings. A lot believe, enough there must be evidence. I later tried, once, to draw lightening from a blue sky and instantly it was coming down, straight toward a building. I stopped it... I was riding on the El train at the time, just staring out into a blue sky. The feeling of lightening and fire flowing from my body during my night of visions, was joyous... and I wondered if this was what I was, a fulcrum between sky and earth, using both to take out humankind, send their souls flying from this planet. I could not imagine wanting to do such a thing. I did see this as somehow a birth, more than a death. I talked of comforting souls who thought they were going to hell to comfort you. My memories of being a soul, from the reoccuring childhood dream flying above the earth, then hitting some gravity that pulled me down to the blue circle with white clouds and then bam, into a room of all white. Just like that. Made me think, later, when I examined my behavior in terms of prophecy, seeking signs...that souls enter babies at the last second. This like so much of my thinking may just be logic to hide a secret pain, and aborted child I would have love to have had, though that path was not for me. Like when I understood all these people died, and I freaked out, began to imagine they had chosen to be murdered, to head toward heaven, clear some path... I look at such things now and think... the belief that I was Christ, God in a way, his face on this

planet, so to speak. I had no ideas what my powers could do nor did I wish to test them. I never believed in miracles and such, and the longer time passed, into the period when I was preaching all the time, yelling threats... coming close to being worshipped, or was... studied, etc... I did not know who all of you were but I wanted to be valued by these people, and I wanted to know what the hell they were up to, why they did this and that, with no idea they thought I was in charge. I wrote a fiction in my blog. In my dreams the writing would be a book revolutionaries would use. Had I any idea.. I cannot keep living in the past. I have studied it enough that with what I know, I have an operating plan. This depends on co-operation more than military discipline, no one person leading a group of people, all should have self rule to a degree to their own culture. I talk of Mexico a lot because of the deaths involved, and yes I grieve them. I get pissed when I think of this slaughter you had ferrell spring on me. I mourn you. I mourn those who fought or were conscripted or ... I do not want to let these people die in vain. I will continue to fight for immigration rights, continue to mourn the caged children on the boarder, continue always to rage against injustice toward all people... but all people are chosen of God. You are chosen whether you know about it or seemingly deserve as much. I of course have to take some of the blame for tRump. I did not think he had a snowballs chance in hell of winning. He used some of the people who were under control of the last operation. I never meant anyone should eat each other. I never wanted a state. I do not know how or what this has morphed into though God, forgive me, for my part. I talked of olden times not thinking people would do such things, wrote a short story taken wrong, always taken wrong. For fourteen years. Now I have made my case on these matters.

The New Outline

I have what is going to happen laid out in another post, which I shall add at the bottom of this...  written from the perspective of a person in a post revolution era.....   an ambitious, world changing strategy that may seem Utopian to some;   the best I can come up with.   Needs a lot of people and strategic knowledge only the military would have.   They supported my efforts once, to the point the Marines were slammed, after the first Gay leader of the Navy was brought in, by A DR WHO EPISODE... DEMONS RUN.   I did not realize that we had went into an outright war, and that they were the dark side.  God inspired me to write against monarchies..

I do not want to give anyone that kind of elitist power.  No Royal blood matters at all.   Fucking idiots and their Icon worship end up spending a bit of time in Hell dealing with their superior attitude.  Shaping involves going from wealthy to poor, murderer to prosecuter...   no one should throw stones, they have all lived lives they would sneer at now.

We have lost our humanity on this planet, or perhaps found it, and lost our spirituality?  People do seek it, this I know, in all kinds of ways. 

The book is not going to start in a fema camp, though I will use this scene for later, have him work his way into the city.   I am anxious to just write scenes make up fiction... but I know better than to waste my time on chapters I will not keep, because I do a lot of re-writing.

At this point, the story will start in mid battle.  The Christ is using his powers on various battle fronts to shore up the lines, lead attacks.   He will be at the Church meeting with all these people on the south side, a few they saved from the FEMA camp,led by the Christ, to take out his main soldier, who had been recruiting there, where the people saw their fate was like Jews entering trains for Nazi guards.   James will come out with all these gang leaders families, and others, who we directed to this particular camp, which we break these guys out of in the first scene.

THE Christ is then in a church talking to the people. Some are in awe, others do not trust him, consider him propaganda until this night, when he is miraculous missed by a barrage of bullets.   He tells them that he has had a vision that if he used these powers, the world end, as he pulled the lava from the earth and lightening from the sky, destroying the living ecosystem.....  releasing every soul on the planet, from every blade of grass, souls were flourishing everywhere unseen to most.   He has flashes of memories, the Christ, mostly that help him make decisions, based on ancient tactics of war he had had used.   I thought.  I may have imagined everything about the religious side of my life, to avoid facing the bare,, cold eyes of the dead.   The tortured and humiliated and captured and fighting for their lives blacks in the states, who the side who claimed I led them, who were not people I knew anything about during most of this...   though I invited everyone to help me revolt, and many stepped up who I did not expect..

Madness rose.   Slaves.  People kept slaves, said they were angels... I was asked to step in and did, after a tv star, the white guy from psych told me DUDE, YOU HAVE TO do something.  I am about to be sold to my hair dresser.   Later, when the Scots, thank you Jay Leno, who I know nothing about except that he helped on this.   If this is the kind of behavior the CIA CREATED religious followers of me, the NEW CHRIST, as they called me, were acting out.   After he was set free, I had spent the week trying to get in better physical shape, because I realized there was a war, and I had to fight,.   He said I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING I HAVE BOT DONE IN AGES, GO OUT WITH A WOMAN... HE turned to the woman cop, and said, NO THANKS TO YOU...  They did a show about this, as many did, terrified for their lives, victims of the rages whee I would tell the webcam I thought was an illegal bug destroying my powerless ass.

I watched many shows that would have characters directly address me, as did the sheldon on the biig bang theory, telling me, NO ONE IS GOING TO HELP YOU.   I had no idea why that was.  I felt like the victim, as I was when this started and the CIA CUT OFF PEOPLES ARMS.   I did not know this when, simply to defy Bush, thinking he would fire the good guys,....  I should have trusted him a bit then, but I was so used to him being the enemy, intellectually speaking... I never want people hurt, though II do not allow blood to stop my mission.   There is a lot of blood ahead in my intelligence work, and the new parts of the novel    I made many mistakes that I wish I could change.

I wanted wedding cakes and M.....  not to be driven half mad my visions of God, and the lightening generating feeling of being the Christ, the exploding one, who is here with powers, perhaps,  though none of that matters.   I would not be an actor in a life imposed on  me.   I used to love all people in my way, which is why when I was laughed at by Obama and mocked over my saying, ME, A MURDERER, I LOVE EVERYONE?   I wrote a lot criticism, but in truth II love people, thought I learned from the cab most are good, want the same things, a bit of money, life, a job, stability, and the good old golden rule seemed to apply across the board.   I diid think these people were being hurt.  I was in  a half fiictional world where the guy who took pictures of M and I at the apartment, would be scared off from doing that again without talking to me.

No, I would have never want him actually hurt.   I would make sure that was known had I realized my prose would later lead to my interrogators asking about this guy, and I just was astounded he had been hurt.   WXRT radio, when they turned on me, and accused me of leading the madness,  for God only knows who... CHINA?   Are they CIA?  I have no idea.  I know they tried to help me and no matter how much they hate me now, they helped me a lot...  then they turned on me, and one day said, something about not wanting to go to jail, another commented on something I did not realize they were reading in real time, from one od tatthe many cameras capturing my life.   I would NEVER have forced people to watch worship or war for me.   I would never have raised an army of children, or brought in many things....

8 was best as a Chaplain, i know, and they offered me this, and I did not know this was my real fate.   I liked the idea of the soldiers and sailors reading me back then, their respect meant to world to me, and they called me Napoleanic because of the working class recolting, liike they did in france...   I would not hace known who to even really fight beside n a mission...   especially before.   Now,, the soldiers who help the unions, the last battles against the corporation, as they asinine ly fight the law that allows all these endless contributuons, even from billionaires own pockets, who can now afford to hace an ad company put them endlessly on tv, and give him a script to lie thru when he gave  speeches.  A enemy of the people RAUNER.   Now, another billionaire may run in Illinois and he at least says all the things I believe in, and maybe he is the exception.

THIS MAN has grown up with a lot of money, funding all these Democratees over the years.  I have to always give the idea that the wealthy I meet are exceptions, on rare occasions, just people like me who  ended up in a position of authority.   His is a hell of a lot more sensual than my life of pain and self imposed exile in my apartment, arranging and rearranging words, over and over, my entire life.

Set out to be a writer, not a conqueror;   when revolution seemed within the realm of possibility, I went for it... feeling I had nothing to lose, that I was made homeless and wretched, not rewarded for this Christ they were making a big deal out of...  all more of a surprise to me than other people.   I was even more surprised when during the obama re election they wanted me to run, made me a write in candidate in one of the first states to vote, giving me forty percent.   Being president will not solve the problems of this government.  CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM IS SOMETHING PRITZKER WANTS... AND to make recreational weed ....   lawful.  He knows that tax money will improve the state, lessen the imprisoned,, cause our tourism to shoot up, and etc...   studies show the only difference between stoned and straight drivers is pot heads tend to drive three miles an hour slower, that is it.

I drove for many years on weed, and it probably had good effects on me, though driving cab, it cost me a lot of money smoking it....  for some reason, I usually did terrible when I stopped a lot smoking weed.   Whatever..  I drove best straight.   I do  not recommend stoned driving though it is going to happen and I sure as hell prefer they are on pot rather than drink, or even their cell phone.  I was driving cab when they became popular, and I would think the person was drunk and avoid them... you must be defensive as hell to be good, and at that time I was..

I figured out it was cell phones and was pissed.  Glad they set up laws against it quick, though it seems most people ignore this...   oh, well... talk about a digression.   I am very pro weed and wrote a lot about it when I first started, after the brainwashing and they put me on the radio show, which was a front.  They were going to make us famous, shoot my stuff into small films, had all these plans... then someone messed with my head.   Or, had been for a long time, and activated me.   I heard people at first talking about how long they had awaited for me to wake up and that when I finally did, I was a disappointment to people.   I do not see all and know all.   I said this to mess with your heads, to fight you with whatever words I had...   I wanted people afraid.

At first I felt loved, but that passed quick.  The homelesss skit ass baldwin called it came as a shock to me.   Seinfeld, God bless them all from that show, they brought great light into my life..   I defended kramer and he got ahold of my defense, talking about xenophobia and saying give the guy a break.  I said this was not racism, but xenophobia, that everyone has it, and it cannot be totally irradicated.  I hated how the blacks felt because of his words, and feel for them for sure.   I do not think he meant what people think, or know him to be racist.  Never heard that.  Here Jews supported me at first, with daly and seinfeld.  How could they then think I would ever turn on them...

I would never lump all these people together as Jews who I hate.  That is terrible thinking, and anti thetical to the Jewish radicals I have known, who I never considered their religion at all i my conception of them.   I did  go too far awhile, spending too much time fighting for the Palestinians, and ignoring all these other conflicts around the world.   I do not want to be classed in with people I once respect who now have this respect for Hitler, saying he was  the last person to fight Jewish bankers,,,,  I can see going after bankers,  and we should have just stopped them from functioning, or robbed the hell out them in a cop and intelligence   ,

Enemies and allies

Fey.  I think of you often, a face for multitudes who experienced the hellish reality I helped create.  So many who probably hate me, I understand your reasons well enough that I would share in it if I believed all the lies about me, or take my words or actions out of context.  Others hate me for reasons that would be trivial had I realized that other than spies and the media seemed to know about me.  I was being filmed in my bedroom doing all sorts of normal behavior, yet your cameras were selective or something, because masturbating in my living room, in an attempt to get you to quit filming me....  Well...  I will not disclose anymore.                                                                                                                   I think of fey when she said she had been 'on the roof' three times.  I can only imagine what she means.   later she said, Honeymoon on a train.  I was stupidly seeking solace in fake on line love as an escape from the life I had been slightly informed about.  God delivered me from temptation.  A common occurrence.  Fey's comment came after I became so pissed about a race war,  which divided and conquered a movement....  I cannot believe people fell for this.  I want justice for all.  Racial issues are important, though I believe economic equality would make most issues less of a problem.

F.  I heard u did a project with no minorities, also saw the one about the people who lived underground.  I hate that lines of communicating went unresolved.  Even people who thought me their enemy would have benefitted.  Twenty twenty vision.  F. I know how it feels to lose belief, but nothing like the people who believed in me.  You expected a made up deity, a super hero from the bible to appear.  You thought these man produced books of the reverberations of ancient religions into modern times.  Christianity,  stories appear ripped off from older religions.  I found truth in the bibles, in the Jewish Psalms the warlike God was just how I sounded in war.  In the new testament I find economic and other issues confronted with a rebel's sneer.  The Feeling that I was this guy, Jesus,, and many others.....   I called myself the God of many masks which various shows spread propaganda about, krypton stole it because they coded me superman for a bit...   the superman vs batman which I don't care to get worked up yet.... I know that people were manipulated into following me, others convinced because of the wings they supposedly removed from my bak when I was five, and also got a years worth of radiation blasts, which is not how one treats spondalolathesis….

I want to know what really happened.  I have heard of horrors and heroics.  I sadly invited everyone to the party when this started, I meant this. I had no idea of the Pandora's box in my words, when the first blood was spilled by the cia and I had no idea, and would learn far after the fact.  I was used toothinking bush my enemy to understand  when he was not, though he pettily enough became one.   I can only conclude the brainwashing effected my thinking to a degree that I was incapable of logic at times.  The world does not need leaders who r blindly followed...  Everyone makes mistakes, especially when they do not know enough about the topic to do more than go with emotional reactions..

A part of me thinks I should stop writing anything revolutionary or urging action.... Or anything at all. I will continue the struggle, now that hopefully my politics r not being supposedly interpreted, like toys in my apt.  I am a writer who could act.  I could not do that again, not just because if my critics are at all true I am seen as a killer cult leader.  I cannot speak to the experience people had.  I would never have accepted your free will had I known.  Golden rule.

I am sorry Fey for you and all the people effected by this. At the same time , I was used by the people who wish to make me the scape goat.  They hid their acts behind my name, and God.   Fey I keep silent about most people I worked with in the shadow war.  Like the tv doctor who said I told them to kill chickens, code for blacks.   I am with the oppressed no matter their color.....


I do not know much about you, or that world you folks live in....  I hope you do not allow how religion has been used to keep you from discovering God.  

the beginning of THE Prophesies of the God of Many Masks

Looking down the side of the mountain.  Steep.  Their infantry will have to try to come after us.  How they will be slaughtered.  The enemies lives have become important to me;  I know some are drafted, others tricked, some hired, a lot convinced the only way to keep themselves and their families alive was to join the army the USA and their allies supplied, ISIS.  I do not blame humans put in impossible positions.   I have made gruesome decisions myself to end conflicts, and to inflict harm on those who have harmed others, especially when they claim they act in my name The Hand Of God...

The enemy is going to attack tonight.  They have been trying to penetrate our missile shields all night, with some success, though nothing vital to our defenses.    I write this so cold, leaving out the houses destroyed around us, the civilians long driven from their home by our soldiers, told the area would be unsafe.   Tonight  I am going to use one of the powers God showed me for the first time.

I am going to pull lava from the earth, channel the fiery, molten stone into the soldiers, destroying God only knew how much  east...   a hundred miles at least... I am at war with the world

They think I am a very good organizer, brought together a resistance

I have my soldiers back four hundred yards behind from where I stand.  The enemy is amassing at the bottom of the mountain where we have had a camp since the beginning of the war, when it was decided we had to sacrifice the east, for now, and gather our soldiers along the jagged line of the Appalachia mountains were the demarcation that was eventually fought out, a bloody scar on our maps showed where we would have to fight to stop their blitzkrieg across the trusting, unsuspecting states.   By now from my broadcasts the civilians were avoiding the FEMA camps, even attacking them and pillaging them for food and weapons, as I advised. 

I hear men begin to start a charge up the mountain, using the cover of the tanks and trucks and jeeps we destroyed in earlier attacks...  I feel the anger and hatred of knowing they will slaughter everyone alive that I love should they win, feel the lava coming toward me, the power of being of the earth is seductive, reminds me of the countless times I had destroyed planets this way...   the blaze of orange and red spews from my chest and spreads out, a constant stream of death, blazing across miles and miles, a red and orange and blue wave that takes out the armies on the other side, and continues on, hundreds of miles, destroying their bases, headquarters, airports...  everything dies, becomes gray ash covering molten lava.


The news of my act flows fast around the globe.  The Miracle so many had been waiting for had come.  Now they could no longer question the visions God gave me of drawing lightening and fire into my body and using them as tools of destruction.  I did not want to let the flow of fire stop, became addicted to the feeling of the destructive power flowing thru me, killing all this life had forced me to, as the leader of a war.  

The Isis army collapses, heads for the east coast, expecting to go back to their home countries...  the CIA did not want to leave that many witnesses to their crimes, poisoned them all in their mess halls.  Destroyed the evidence in one night, over six hundred thousand.  The job of getting rid of their flesh was solved by local farmers, and the bones ground into meal.  Nothing left.   They had learned well during the war how to get rid of bodies, including grinding them up and slipping them into fast food hamburger and sausage. 

Few of them were left alive after the lava flow went down the mountain, up over another, down into the valleys and through the towns, reaching cities in great waves, hundreds of feet high.  The destruction of the earth lies within me,..

A purely offense war commences, with the enemy no longer willing to face one man alone who had them all so  outgunned battle meant suicide.

They mutinied where they had to, though it became clear later that there was nothing to do but run.  We began to get recruits from their side, from the most savvy, who avoided the government kill off.   Their trust too far gone to approach anyone except our side, where prisoners were treated with dignity.

They claimed to want to keep fighting, not be jailed.  Their words were hollowed by the fact that we had essentially just won the war, and all the countries in the world were scrambling to be our ally before I released destruction on them.   There are too many in their countries who agree with my politics for the effort to take too much, other than in certain places that had been enemy for too long to see the sense in fighting our common foe, the one who separates us in the first place.

I am in a tent, lit by kerosene lamps, which I requested, nostalgic for the campouts of my childhood.  James is sitting across from me, reading from his kindle;  the net is back up in the states now that ISIS has been defeated.  The government had also come to us, the ones in the back ground, the heroes of the military for coming to their aide and giving them the victory.   We made clear we were starting over and standing in our way would require clearing a path across the continent with fire and lightening.  They were eager to have some order restored to the world, and knew I would want what most wanted whether they knew as much or not, equality, and lives where they could work and have decent places to live, decent lives...  for all.   I try not to let the grudges I have effect my conversation with them. 

We talk for almost a month, giving them time to do reconnaissance on where to send a volley of nukes and destroy me... .  I was standing ten feet from where one made contact with land, and did not budge.  I was not harmed.   My powers astound me.   I know not to be afraid, intellectually, that God has saved me from impossible odds too many times to remember, still I stood in the ashes amazed by the powers of my Father.   Now is the time of miracles to the humans, when they are beginning to understand they are dealing with GOD, not another human, the leader of a revolt, or a mafia family, or an army, or a religion.  A servant of a God who had now shown them that he did not need an army to fight.  Alone he can destroy continents, perhaps the planet, as he claims... and billions begin to believe as they view the satellite pictures of the scorched states.

The footage of the fire flowing from me and spreading reminds me of all of the souls sent to the heavens from my actions, those who would grieve for them.  I would not have believed what I saw...  even though I was there my experience was being fire not caring about the destruction I was causing, wanting the feeling to last as long as possible, though stopping myself still right where I planned.   I had control, though I did not want it.   The satellite view makes me look like a tiny volcano spewing more lava would have been possible without the power of a God, fiery rock from a human body...   a God filled with hatred at the way he and his people have been treated letting loose righteous hell on his enemies.  

We monitor the international reaction, smoking bongs, silent and blank, poker faced... or frowning, barely talking.  They are saying we are evil in areas that were sympathetic to the western capitalists who were robbing the citizens for centuries and were now trying to do away with them, calling us usurpers of the democratic system, which we laugh at, because the government was running for the corporations, not what people wanted.  They were integral in the hidden plan to genocide, they were told they were on the live list, and some were.

The people are not buying their propaganda, know that the government ran ISIS, by then.   Still they went on all day on tv and radio repeating the same lies and bringing in lighter news from around the world, etc...   I have the internet back up here in the west, and people are with us, creating sites to organize food and rescue for isolated survivors who are injured, help with bodies, rebuilding,

JOSH ROGEN -- I OWE YOU MY THANKS.

I have come down hard on you guy, because you showed one truth. that hid more than it illumed.  Still, I get angry when I see myself portrayed as an idiot, who wants to display my penis to the world.   I was losing my mind by that point, feeling like the world in the tv and my day to day had no connection hardly at all... other than the mysterious matters of various groups showing up at the beach, which one man told me was now a Holy Place.   I awoke there in a way, before the brainwashing, had this flash I was being watched, which I was.  I grew manic from there on in, and eventually had the seizure, which led to them getting me for three days, blank to me, of brainwashing.  I came to with notes written on my arms babbling about the tv talking to me....   and classic signs of brain washing, like knowing I was not the person who I thought I was, that I was someone else, maybe something else... and I begin to look at holy books for messages.

I made many mistakes.   I knew the feed was live sometimes.   I often wondered if the public could even see those broadcasts.  I never imagined the viewers could see me or I would have, certainly, behaved differently.   I feel like I have been displayed, right, and at times I told you stories, drifted into being Christ, though my main objective was to figure out what you were doing, and to keep you from seeing my fear.   To stop you from forcing me to live a certain way because I was being watched by spies was my only form of rebellion, I thought.

The cognitive dissonance and general confusion...  you expected a plan laid out and ready to be fulfilled.  That was the plan on my side as well, but I was religious then, and that world makes this one seem impermanent to me.  I was many things I am not know.  But I was never who they say I am.

I see them now on fox, who I accept is presently my enemy, though we will see who buys them out, on gotham, where once I was called the joker by my enemies because I had a comedy show, and did not want power or money but political change...  no one could understand that I was reacting to life as Christ, and still do.  Back then though I did not even know what I could and could not do, etc...  but the billionaires were afraid of us socialists, so they gave heath ledger the role of...  they killed him for playing me like that, so n the next one they called the character Bane, when my stage name was Pain... and talked about him having the city hostage, with his nuclear bomb.   The one thing they got right was that I was the only one who stood up for the women, and I stayed behind to fight... though I did not get mangled up, and do not ever want a city to feel like I would hold them hostage with a nuclear bomb.   My plans do not involve such matters...  unless evoked because provoked, and that would take sticks and stones at my door.   No need for such barbarity in this world.


Then I did something they decided made me superman, saved the government, for good or bad, because I did not know anything about the army that was involved.   I was asked three impossible questions by them, the kind a real leader has to have a lot of intelligence to make,  which I was woefully lacking in.    I said no eagles.   I said why ny ... why engl.... when your answer was Gold, I could only react by saying why... and no.   I do not know why I was consulted, like I am a shaman pulling answers from the sky.   This time around you must be prepared to think for yourself, lead yourself, and avoid any cult like behavior.

Batman had to fight Superman then....  I have not been able to watch that one, because it will tell me shit I do not know, and display me in ways that piss me off... a friend told me the end....  I was ordered to commit suicide by all these people, like that would be a great end for me.   Instead, I was interrogated, which was much better.  Then I learned what was really going on, etc. 

I know that movie will be trigger after trigger...  I am constantly pained and obsessed and trying to determine the best route and watching the signs.  I know that my place, regardess of how I am viewed by my enemies, must be used to the benefit of those who fight for the people, in the unions versus corporation world we live in now.   I want unions across this planet, really...  or give the plants to the employees, with the owner making a bit more, but not some bezo who treats employees like shit.


Back to the point, I wrote the other day how I wanted to torture people, collaborators and I named Rogen and Dylan.   I do not excuse Dylan, he really is the prince of hell...  he will enjoy fame until it turns to infamy, when the truth of his use comes out.  Rogen twisted on preacher to slam the blood line of christ, and the infamous masturbation scene in my fucking watched over life. I have to forgive everyone, because it disembowels their ability to offend me....  and in the end, I learned more about a few things than my allies let me know.

They thought I wanted them watching, when I did not know they were there... showed me a clip of russel crowe playing some character madly driving up his hits on the internet.   i guess they figured if I did not want money, I wanted watched.   Fuck no.  And it had to be the ratty fucking green thing I wore because I just no longer gave a damn.. stoned as hell and writing and listening to music.... to see myself standing there that day it all hit home, as the child said fuck fuck fuck over and over again....  I watched the actors surprise, and to this day I feel like shit about it like so many things.


Asked to make a sophie's choice I refused and fought.  I was kept from the knowledge of power and your pain.   I wrote of my own experience with the pain being part of my awakening, to this revolution, ran by the Christ,  and they showed me a kid in an RV, also from one of my stories, ripping out one of his teeth.

I never thought you needed pain to enter battle... maybe now I think it helps.... not sure?  I did not in my wildest dreams think my paltry efforts would have any effect at all.  Little did I know a huge group of folk were waiting for this day, when there would be one world, ruled over by the king of kings.  A man known as rational, clear thinking, etc...  even stoned. Suddenly find others had plans for his life almost since birth...  now they believed their waiting was over, and this angel, or Christ, had awakened....  they poured the belief onto me and I swam in the love of God, amazed at the glory of the word glowing thru me when I should have been concerned with the world.

I skip ahead, and look back at that person, and think, Lord, if he knew what he was in for, what his words would have done.  He would have cut out his tongue, chopped off his arms... painted quite and alone, staying away from words altogether.   Whatever.  There was a song that used to ask if they wondered if this was my plan from the start.  No, not in any way at all was this my plan. 

My plan was for a world that did not exist, the world of lies we are all raised within.  Here, in the real world, the complexities, and the death, make me cautious of what to believe.   I want one of my sources to be true, the one who points out my allies...   if so they have grown.  I pray that my efforts have removed the shit and the medals from my name.  I am a preacher of sorts.  No longer a thesbipain.  Those days died with the victims of my rages at my petty problems.  The rage that kept me free of terror, effected my logic as well, obviously...  I acted as Christ would, not as a rational person would.   In some situations, I have to be more flexible to accomplish my mission, and who the fuck am I to judge anyone?  Behavior I will vent about, but damn, I never want people killed.  And I understand this will happen..

I am all over the place.  I suppose with the cia I can assume you will get this if I leave it as a note. 

I have yet to address you except with rage since I learned your tactics.  Then you try to get rid of me, tell people I left the battlefield voluntarily...  kill yourself you told me, the only way out your agent, a murderer, informed me...  yes, right.

I am not going to allow you to crucify me on your absurdity.  Let alone kill me without a mean and dirty and dusty debauchery of death.  My religion tells me this is how the explosions of fire and lightening in me ignite, when I lose my temper.  You have never seen me lose my temper, just angry.  Never saw me smash things, etc...  Never saw me physically attack anyone, or be attacked.   You have heard me as  I mumbled my stupid fantasies of revenge, that premeditation made look absurd and infantile in the end...  to think of such things taken seriously is enough for me to wish I was not religious, that my mission was pure revolution...  both.  My job in the end is the Chaplain.  I should have agreed to this from the beginning.

I did want the soldiers to know I backed them, and always have, and always will.  I pray they fight for the laws of humanity, not military discipline... that they no longer become cheap mercenaries for the oil companies.  I pray our politicians no longer use your blood to get the deal through on those oil pipelines.

What do you mean by, 'I have the children.'

I address this to the ones who ripped into my heart, and left wounds that still bleed;  the children who were out there, in the midst of this, without direction;   using methods of brutality that almost insured their defeat.  Whether you care in a way that you are glad my pain is not just wracking my body for your pleasure or edification, I allow myself no speculation on what happened to you.   My mind skips too quick to hearing the THE kNIGHTS new password is kill them all....  after I got mad at being hacked into and made this my new password.

Not a sign from me to do anything.   Just an angry reaction by a person who had no idea what kind of context he had been placed in by the world.  I was fighting shadows, a ninety eight percent against the two percent simplification, suddenly Soros showed me all these groups prepared to fight.   I did not know they existed until right then. 

When I was told by untrustworthy sources who was doing what, I swallowed everything hook line and sinker as they say.  Attacked friend and foe alike.  If I was being asked what to do it all had to do with stopping the killing...  then you told me no, we at war, there is no stopping this killing...   I had no idea what side to be on, no clue why one day a tv station told me about accidents all the time, and trains getting ready to take off and not going...  I thought I was doing something wrong in a fucking mind game...  I wanted out of that gold fish bowl, to be alone again... not the crazy, yelling guy who scared his pets, the one who emerged after the Christ brought righteous indignation into this world, and broke you with an iron rod.   Not my intention.  What happens.  Could have went better....  no words suffice.


i allow as little speculation as I can into what you went thru.  I did not fill in the blanks, knew from my book and a source you had killed the parents, made the kids instant killing machines with drugs and madness and brain washing.

I was shown various reactions to my behavior, as those contacting me tried to convey intelligence in a manner that those who were monitoring me would not understand, or at times, to hide our doings from the public.   One day as I learned of the murders, NEVER FORGETTING BY THEN the bugs around me, by both friend and fore...     I said MY INNOCENCE IS GONE.     Later they showed me footage of one of the people watching the fucking feed they set up in my apartment going out to so many people that I had no idea would care about such shit, no one except spies and people far from me seem involved...   I think I would have sat still and never uttered a word had I known the scope of my audience, let alone who was in it.  Children.   Who would let children watch a man in his apartment?   I know you thought I was your savior, and while I think so as well, this was not part of the plan, and only hindered it...

I want you to know that I think of you every day.   I want you to know that I would take all that money I passed up and take care of you, give you a decent life.   I wish I could say many things I do not believe.  Our movement was gutted, and that was for the best, considering the people around me doing everything behind my back.  I am not a monster, I value human life, animal life, plant life....   careful to get the bee's out the window when the wife screams, and indulge pets to the point of letting them eat from my plate if I could, and did for a bit, before my mother visited and barked a bit of training into them in one week.   A woman who knows how to get her way, gave up everything I see now, except perhaps a lust for power.

I am indebted to her for my fighting spirit, as well as my dad for tempering that, though being no less steel if backed into a corner.  Just not a man who had anything to prove and did not hang around people who got in fights. 

I am more indebted to you than justice says I need be.  I was criticizing the tactics that were used on when I wrote my book.  I in no way expected to draw the ire of anyone, though the CIA is touchy about Iran Contra, enough to kill the reporter who broke the story, who I saw speak once, and refused to sign my name to the list of people entering the university hall.

I heard the song about confessions getting people murdered, and that the only Heaven is between a woman's legs.

The CIA put this out to dampen the spirit, or celebrate atheism, of course.  The downfall of superman and Christ had to come when I revolted against them.  I expected to be controversial in my writing, before I knew the stakes.  Before I knew my comedy stories and others would be taken literally.  I write superman because that was my last codename, after I pulled off something that helped a lot of powerful people, but that just means they all the more want me disenfranchised because they know I will fight for JUSTICE FOR ALL, NOT THEIR CLIQUE, SECRET SOCIETY, OR COUNTRY... ALL.  They tried to get me involved in a race war.. well, did, by telling people I wanted that, based upon two events that happened in my life, not because of anything I wrote, or said.   I told them they would have to kill me first.

 I was supposed to be the white savior, they talked of stockholm syndrome, brought in one of my favorite to say I would choose whites in the end...  that the question was so important to people sickened me, because I do not care about race and all that troglodyte crap.   I believe people should think what ever they want.  Their ACTIONS sometimes need to be policed.  Here in the states, it is thought police, and whether you will join the masons or whatever.. this was offered me, among status in secret groups that may have been them under cover, I never was told.



I wrote a story that jack white refers to in his Love song, about love beating him and shit...  I want love to....  he mentioned something about killing your parents and sending them to some vague place.  Later, when I had the epiphany that this was taken from my work, I realized that a story I wrote about a true happening, teenagers killing one's parents so they could go live some story book life...  I was saying they had no story book life in reality.  The kids were caught just like that, and I would have added that to the story if Ii thought, in any way, people would do these things at home.

I


I pray they have not killed you, children.   I do not even know.  I asked for help to take care of people who were killing everyone, who thought angels wanted them to slaughter and kill and kill and kill until there was no need to kill anymore.    I meant in the framework of war.   I did not mean this as an everyday philosophy, for God's sake.


I thought I was inspiring warriors of the future, not now.   I did not know you existed until they showed me a community about children reacting to dr pepper, under the control of an asian, revolting, and then the school deciding to hush it up.   There was a lot going on in that show, and when I realized they took me for chevy chase, though my family, getting rich on this webcam supposedly showing God to all these people they brainwashed, after brainwashing me into believing I am Jesus, or awakening Jesus, never quite sure which because a lot of mystical, odd things have happened in my life, which I ignored because I believe more in science...  until they began to add up in numbers, and others made so much of it...

I regress because I do not know what to say.  I would sit here and cry if I had not been humiliated out of that.   First time I had cried like that in my entire life, and after many years of never crying at all, too disaffected, inured by the cab driving and being 'manly.'   That they made fun of the experience told me I was dealing with cretins, but they are more than that, they know how to push certain buttons.

None of you know me from that webcam, I do not think.  I would not play fast and loose with your lives.   I also would not have murdered your parents.   I would not have inducted you into soldiers, if you were under sixteen.  Probably.  IN a life or death situation, where it is kill or be killed, you hand everyone a weapon.

I still do not know what happened to you... or really what you did.  You deserve medals for trying to save  your country.  Some.  Others were war profiteers, pirates, slave keepers.   I wish I had never used the word angel.  Now they call you fallen angels, and you are not.  You are humans who were ensnared in a planned event, many chosen and indoctrinated long ago, others just brought into the fold in the end.  The pope and the president came to me in the first few days of this.  This is how serious this was, but I had been drugged and brainwashed and was pissed as hell no one was coming out to explain what was going on to me, though I knew...  it was astounding, and I needed counsel you would not give.

How much worse it all was and is for you.   I suppose many of you are growing up now.   I will get you freed and do anything I can for your families should I ever regain what has been stolen   --   my name.  The cowards hiding behind this fall guy are going to be exposed, some...   I do not think all the players deserve damnation.  None, really.  I have offered those I fight a peaceful alternative to world wide revolution.  Unless there is a real threat though, they will not act, and that threat has been gutted by recent events, mainly the usual fucking divide and conquer...  race wars.  They are the one here in the states, not that other rivalries do not exist, that I detest the most.   And this is just getting worse.

Malcom X said something similar to justice applies to everyone.  I feel the same way.  Justice has no color or RELIGION.   Our law right now is based on Jewish Law.  I have a very soft spot in my heart for the Jews, and hopefully have shown as much with behavior, and I think when they examine what I do, rather than some of the stupid, misunderstood shit I say...   I am a poet and sometimes one line means so much to me, but I forget that without context it means something else to others.


I am trying to tell you that I love all of you in my way, and especially those who fought for me in whatever capacity.   I did not agree with some aspects of your beliefs,  which are your own to have, but I could not abide by some of your tactics.   You were tricked into a race war.

  I refused to have anything to do more than stopping it.   This lost me the support of a lot of people and I hope they will be able to let this heal, and know that I do not care about support or whatever, though I do care that they know they are meaningful to me, that Puerto Rico and Mexico and India and China and all of you...  even the made guys, who when I am rational I realize they were cogs in someone else's wheel, not the problem... unless they gain too much political power, but now I consider peace more important, and I am not a cop.    I will never again go to war for revenge, or on principals of law enforcement.  PERIOD.

They do not exist in my world and to pretend they do hurts my efforts, and I still consider my efforts for the benefit of all.  The many and the few can easily be saved, and I told you this from day one, then I asked for time away to get my mind together.  Since I was being used they did not do this because I failed them, said forgive everyone and then attack...  stupid shit.  Had I known I had followers, and was not just some display of ferocity in the face of the man, to inspire people to revolt against evil of the every day...  I would have given you a different side of myself.  We have many Jungian voices in our mind, a wisdom voice, warrior, and trickster-joker, who you met I suppose, as well as the others at times.  In public, when sober, I am not exactly normal, or was not, I think I have changed in a way...  anyways, but I sure as hell would never have exposed myself to the world.  I was telling myself that ignoring the spying was the only way to revolt, not thinking there were people expecting me to lead a revolution, and wondering when the hell it would start... and I am thinking, WHY AM I SEEING THIS ON FUCKING TV? 

I saw the community episode, then a segment on the news, which I knew could see me, as those on tv alone I thought could, a reporter said something about children, during a period I could tell they wanted a lot of answers from me and gave them.  I said I knew nothing about children, truthfully, and had not been around them in my adult life, nor had I ever written for them....  I did not consider children my audience at all.   He replied, INTERESTING....  I would stupidly think, how can people miss this... but they did, many,  though many more understood.

You fought for socialism.   I think we can do even better than that.  First off you must understand I am not the leader.  This cannot be theocratic.  You cannot pray to God to win a war, only to fight in a manner you can live with.   This is what I did.  It cost me many allies, and this hurts.  To see the CIA has them in their grips to this day, first leading them to love me, then leading them to hate me...   when the truth is in the middle, and I pray the CIA who are decent enough come around.   I have to be ready to work with anyone, and to hate everyone who used my name to do shit I would not, and then blamed me, would be detrimental to my goal -- peace.   I do not have to like you, or you like me, but we have to save the planet, and that seed has been planted.

I do not even know as much about what happened as you who I address here.  More than likely.   I heard once of schools studying me and my work.   I do not want people mimicking my life, except maybe the going to college part, and the loving God part... the golden rule part.  The part that refused blood money.  The part that will not allow genocide.  That is about it... the rest of me you can hate and despise.


My humiliation was once masked with a poker face covering rage.  I have no reason not to admit this anymore.  I do not care to scare my enemies or allies.  I terrified you before because you terrified me.  You will usually get back from me what you offer.  Though other times you will punished by God for how you treat me.  That is something I warned you about again and again, told you not to fear me, but him... though I would fear me if I were you a lot more than you do, there is much I know that you will never hear.  I do not know if I am the mystical end of this world or not.  I know scientifically I could beat the shit out of it...  if not kill it.   I doubt I would ever do either, though it will sure as hell take good reason for me to say good nuclear night, folks...   I will not turn this world over to an amoral group of murderers.

Only though organizing properly and knowing the objectives well enough that no centralized leadership is needed until the end, when you are close to winning, and need to gather the group that will reshape the world.   They must be from among the young.  The oppressed not the oppressors.  I would like to consult ten years and be done, since that is how long my plan needs for implementation, and to prove enough results people do not rebel, and can just truly govern themselves and their countries wealth themselves.

I saw with the Bernie SANDERS movement that many of you have had your minds changed by what has happened, and that is what I meant by I HAVE THE CHILDREN... they would grow up with a new religion, I thought at the time, and there would be the hope... and this is part of why I thought I was writing for a future generation, not ours.   You are much wiser than we were in my time about the government, because of the internet allowing you to see beyond the mainstream media, but most of this, as you know, is lies to cover up what is really going on in the world.

You can hate me for what has happened to you.  I feel broken, that I have failed my mission, at least in some minds, and made you hate God,, as revealed when I hear that now a radio station that was my background music for the webcam, watched by true believers and others at different ties.

We had become enemies now, because I chose a side other than theirs.   The idea that I am looked at as the mascot of the blacks, as I was told one night, I was kind off pissed. 
In the underground it is no secret that I am head of the deep level communists, get funds from China and other countries for my efforts -- they provided armed guards after I fell out of favor with the government.   i thank them once again.   I trust them to help, and they have never asked me for one thing, or to change what I believe.  The original revolutionaries here got help wherever. 




 Back to the webcams, which after all those years, I was used to them fucking with me, I thought...hating them, and freaked out, by the idea my life had become so surreal; I thought it was a few spies..... ugh.....  they show something they have filmed a few times before after five years of surveillance, including a camera in the my bathroom.  Jason Lee was brought out to dis me at the time, because they thought i was part of the group that I was associated with, because of my family, and other allies....   they had never thought that I took my writing seriously, and that I was in a group that did not believe in inter racial marriage, I was like... wait a minute, i would Never join a group like that... eventually they explained this went much deeper than that, into hidden genocide country, taken place by doctors in hospitals and old folks homes and by many other methods... all kinds of things,,,

I was unaware of much of any of this....     to think you will hate God over this.

 What happens on this earth is primarily the doings of man, and our basic survival instincts not working out too well with our technological damage to the earth.  We are killing our environment, and thus ourselves and every other creature on this planet.

The LATEST WRITING has been done on OTHER BLOGS.

I had to back off the book for awhile, because the horrible feelings associated with my memories which are filled with landmines, they explode inside of me, never even show on the thick skin of my poker face.  I was taking too much damage at once.... and backing off and thinking about my efforts now, after a year, I can see where I do not like the direction I tried, in some places, and others I see work.  The novel has to be prose, written in his sermons, and read to his soldiers, of all faiths.  Including none.  TO provide inspiration.  In here will be the reasoning for what we have done, messages to those who are hearing the governments response to us, their lies.

I write about this happening before this.  At this point in the war the civilians know exactly what is happening, the population is being culled by the elite, gleaning out a few humans they would need, offering them wealth...  or death.  Many would not take the betrayal of most of their family and all of their friends.  They flocked to us at first, now they were desperate, trapped behind enemy lines, counting on the miraculous to save them.   Jesus tells them over and over his only vision is of destroying the planet with powers he does not even know how to activate...  a mercy offered by God that always at least gave him hope, he would win the planet, not destroy it...  a mercy death offered to the last humans, from a God who knows their future without this moment of releasing the souls, the hells they will build for each other, then themselves...


They say with a book you need to be able to describe it in one paragraph.

A man the world introduced as Jesus, who stopped people from worshipping him, after finding out he was being used as the christ in operation bluebeam, where he has been brainwashed and woke up and found the voice of Jesus writing his poetry, making major decisions without him...  a creature he cannot believe exists....

But that was long before where the book starts, in the backstory.   Right now they are fighting, and trying to hold a line, even knock them back, hoping to save the continent.  Putin, and China, are providing us with support, though  we have yet to begin using nukes back and forth.

He gives daily talks to the soldiers, updates, that the enemy has as well, though they do not tell their grunts, who also listen to his talk, and desertion is high among the mercenaries, some their conscious, most their lives.   The resistance, meanwhile, is proving to be discipline in the land they hold, and are nothing like the government told them, they are not a cult, but a group of soldiers, many who were brought together for a government mission we had no idea was going to be used to take the world over....    the deconstruction of what happened to the people I was on this mission with is required.

I am not just being selfish by claiming my innocence in MOST of this...   I sure as hell would not have done any of these things that were done in my name.   I assumed too much about how people would take my words, did not think to clarify my words, make myself clear.   I tried to do so with my writing, though I have been all over the place with that, during this bloody learning curve. 

I do not even know who the real enemy is?    I have seen all sides doing things during my period of thinking my words were not inspiring actions, just thoughts...  then after, worse, when I became someone who had been threatened and was never going to give up fighting again.   Modern Family I am sorrowful and apologetic and surprised and mournful about what happened between us.  I wish another person had been there when I had the epiphany, but it took the direct contact, from you, to awake me.   I owe you a great debt,  because without the pain you acolytes experienced, I would never have broken free of the illusion.   Realized there even was an us against them....   It never entered my mind that everyone could see my life.   I would have been mortified, and certain behaviors would not have been seen. 

I did not want you watching me.  To think of everything people saw.  And I would read things based on the bugs and think just a few people knew about this.   A secret.   Seemed to be now, though that was my ignorance, feeling neglected, used and tossed out.  I felt I deserved better, though I had no idea what I was supposed to have done.  How I had been used to create a world that sounded like hell, the small bit I was allowed to know.  Never a detail.  I get a lot of a little, they know this about me, all the years studying literature, looking for the deeper levels of the words.   Taking little at face value.


I am digressing into my present time period, which will be in the past in is novel.   All that I will go thru, or not...  pure fiction because God does things His way, and they are His alone.  He knows better than I ever will.  He guides me into sunlit glens of flowers and green grass, that turns into a dark, dense forest of thorns.  He leads me out.  My wounds healing is not part of the process.  So far they have been to keep me in pain or paralyzed for most of my life now....  with edens and hells in between.  Like all humans, I suppose.

I do not want to think that anything I write beyond the Golden Rule can be taken close to true.  This is a war ND I have put out a peaceful alternative to this scenario, which I hope enough will see the sanity within....   IN MY  little dream of the world.   Never know.  Civilians would be surprised by what my words have done...  when they were corrupted, without the general knowing about the war, let alone what they were doing.   Orders given erratic.  Of course.  I had no idea what you were doing, and did not have time to think this thru.   Because I was being filmed.   I might have come to a different conclusion on many things, had I realize some were taking orders from me.  But you wanted me to choose one race or one religion or one....   I have always been beyond judging people for such things...

They asked me to choose for their own reasons, power I seem to see in the end with those who I said were angels.... much to my regret.  A good lesson for humans about believing in angels and demons.  I have never met one.   Have you?   They tell me I grew wings, and there is all this supposed evidence that convinced all these people.  Whatever I am, you do not have another like me on this planet, for reasons I am tired of saying are scientific and theological.  My visions split off one day...  after years of seeing the world ending....   though I dreamed of ten thousand years of peace....  peace forever actually.   I know how this can be done now.   I asked you for time in a cave to think about what had happened to me, digest what is real and what may be real...  my dreams came true....  too many times to discount;   they were inspired by God, or man, in hypnosis sessions.  I was told this once.


How about this, now you are getting an update on my present thought.  Having been thru events that are too unimaginable to communicate with another and expect them to fully believe me.  And feel I do not know the half of it.   I still have a power base, that is working hard to bring the workers back into the equation in US politics, at the very least.  The USA needed the lesson of Trump, who can do nothing that will not will all be undone.  He is important because he has unmasked capitalism.   People around the world get to see the USA AT IT'S MOST CRASS, TRUTHFUL, HATEFUL.  Trump bought the presidency, using the tactics that would get him in, or decided in some secret room an agenda of higher matters, a group winning the war for the world for a bit.

Or a scapegoat for all he has done against women, creating a fight in women who are civilians, and he was probably placed there for these reasons.  I hope.   A few people who play with my head have tried to convince me that the women have turned on me, because I would not support Hillary Clinton, who they may know better than me, but someone who people only backed because the democrats made that the only option...   she underestimated the change people want in this world.  Enough to turn away from voting when the socialist was pushed aside at the last minute, to bring in the war monger.

The opportunity is ripe for a move on the women's part, if there is one.  Those men going down in Hollywood, some who pushed people around their entire lives, and never in a million years thought someone could touch them.   They retire most with enough money for life.  All that suffers is the media persona.  Their lives go on.  Wives divorce them, they find another.  Rich men make for rich lives and there are plenty of women who will forgive him, feel he is cured by therapy, humbled.  Maybe even get religion while being treated for sexual addiction.

Why has no one gone after Trump on these matters except Stormy?   Is she the first salvo, will the laws broken be used to cause the flood of women whose 'pussy he grabbed....' 

Have they like so many felt the bridges I burned was an abandonment...  I was shown a woman SCREAMING HAPPILY THAT I DID NOT WANT THEM TO KILL THEMSELVES...   I just shook my head sadly when they asked... NO, NO, NO, no, no....  I said suicides did not go to hell, because my friend had, and I did not believe it.  I never meant to inspire anyone to give their life, except in war.  When this became war, I had no direction to point out, because I did not know what you were doing.

I may have sent you home to slaughter.   I may have seemed to abandon the Navy.  The Arny... any of the armed forces, I always feel the same about all of you.   I grieve greatly for you, showed my mocked tears over your plight before I realized I could not give them weapons against me.  They had enough everywhere.    When I think of the small bit I know, in a show put on by the enemy... that my critics tell me more than my allies should tell you something about my life... to be told of crimes you could have stopped after the fact...  accused of orchestrated what you could have, had that been in the plans of those who were above me, using me as much as possible...   easily.    I did not know enough to choose a side.   They tell me that Hart, the house I was part of in their world of cutting up the world....  was destroyed by my actions.  I think.  The show BLOOD DRIVE is about the underground war.  They put out their view, to those who have the context, who know they called the different people as driving cars, and who I have in mine is shown me...  once they had the mexicans, now they have the blacks. 

This tells me they still have conflicts which breaks my heart.  I see all people as equal before their God, SOULS, who in death will understand the folly of the human life, and how controlled the body's by genes, that are activated against our will, by our times, our being born into 'endless delight, or endless night,' as Blake wrote.