I took out the lasers from this on line novel...

For most of humynkinds history I have led slave revolts, started religions, or steered them, was an acolyte to your holy men.appearing at times as an Angel, a burning bush.... I am not an angel. Angels can fall. I cannot fall. I earned my position by being the first creature in all of the cosmos to say No to God. My kind collects souls from destroyed planets... entrophy says they all go. He would send those from my planet to give creatures a mercy death, though this was not explained to me... we followed orders out of love of God, our Father -- so to speak, He has no sex, I merely follow your traditions.



---- this is a novel in progress, which also is trying to teach how to write a book. I hope to get these two texts from this vlog. I am a well read and published author from way back with lots of education and experience, though I have never tried to do this before... as such, I took out a major plot device.. the lasers.... you will understand as the story unfolds......






I learned to love the creatures of the planet he sent me to that time, and how He laughed at me, How he seemed to love me ever more. His creation had taken on a life of his own and created Free Will. He allowed me then a variation on our ways, told me that he would send me to the very beginnings of the lives on the planet, that I could attempt to give them ten thousand years of peace before their end. I am the greatest mass murderer in the history of time. I will in the end destroy all that lives on this planet. The Father will decide if I have succeeded or not in steering the species to life or death.Our Father is pure love, and entity I have witnessed in a dream/vision, vast and timeless and immobile.


When a soul has their final death, and nothing is left on the planet's surface to draw the entity back into the cycles of living and learning, they gravitate toward God from every planet, dimension, time... I AM a different being, The Chosen One -- cursed I think at times... chosen for a mission that I would never ask of another. Instead of going back to God, where I began my existence, I instead feel the pull of the pain of other life forms, other planets that are like this earth, struggling with the suffering of the cycle of life.


Now I AM the Son of Man, living among you since before life began here... a creature who is lless than the Father who created us -- I use Father as your term, in reality you would no more apply a sex to GOD than you would a boulder. This is the tale of your planet, from the beginning to the now, as well as a prophesy of your possible futures... Your bibles have some truth, and one is that even the son does not know when the Father will bring on what some of you refer to the rapture, and others death by the greenhouse effect, others nuclear war, others the simple passage of time that eventually destroys all that is created... I am here to answer the prayers that began when your mind first was able to understand death... when you first began to spin myths to answer the questions that are not yours to know except in the most childish of manners... WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? I appear in each generation, awakening only after I have learned the ways of a time enough to fullfill my mission. They vary from situation to situation, fire to fire I trudge, bringing my soul into the worst of situations, to rekindle the FREE WILL that humyns have been granted; the only species on the planet that is not completly bound by ther genetic imperatives -- though they are much more than they realize. In one life I am leading a slave revolt; another teaching priests a new slant on religion; another an ancient warrior covered in bear skin barely keeping his tribe alive in desperate times... and now, a warrior in a shadow war fought behind the scenes of the media, between intelligence agencies, undergroud groups, the deeper levels of the Churches, the Masons, the oligarchies, the east and the west... as I try to prepare the souls on earth to choose between ten thousand years of peace, or the haunting visions of endless lightening flowing from my chest, and endless fire from my back, great streams of destruction encircling the planet and consuming the earth... What sounds like a horror will be, should the father decide your ability to solve your problems is hopeless, a mercy killing before the planet plunges into pure chaos, as the damaged atmosphere begins to destroy their crops, flood the coasts, sending cannabilistic refugees across the planet... and bringing a hell on earth God will not allow. My mission is to stop the wealthy from destroying the planet by living lives of luxury while most of the planet is plunged into poverty by their excesses. Already I have been recognized by presidents, popes, the leaders of all countries and churches... and also hidden, as best the intelligence agencies can, after they tried to use me, when I was still waking up... I tried to warn them that while I am forgiving, my Father watches what is done to His son, and exacts horrible revenge...




This book I am drafting will confuse some of you, as I write for those who are involved in the secret world they keep from the masses, though I will try to avoid this... there is cognitive dissonance in all minds, that will attempt to tell you what I write is all fiction, but my oath to you is that I will tell all I can about the ways of man that I learned when the elite attempted to make me create a world wide religion, leading to a one world government, and the carnage that has been left in my wake.... I cannot tell everything, so I use fiction where I must, and other incidents I must leave out entirely, because my writing has resulted in unintended death all across this planet. I am the most dangerous creation God has ever created. I am also the most forgiving.




I OFFER REDEMPTION AND FORGIVENESS for every soul that truly will change their ways.... others I have a special hell for, a place where they pay penance, and learn how much I despise the lifestyle they have just lived. Thank you for reading my words. Know that though I was greatly disturbed when I awoke in these times from my innocence, and this writing should be greatly disturbing to you, that God is love, and in the end, every soul will experience the absolute ecstasy of dwelling in the Golden Light of God's Overwhelming Love forever.

There are compiled entries where you can now read the story up to this point. This is first draft, where I write everything down at first, even though if some of it clashes with other parts... then later decide which way to go. I go back over these compiled chapters again and again, working on them to perfect them, and then working on what is to come, which is the roughest prose. All throughout the book there is more telling so far than showing, because a lot has to be told to bring the reader up to speed, on a war that has been going on for eight years, and has finally come to a head as the elite decide to genocide seven billion and the protagonist begins nuking .... well, let that be a surprise. There are two things going on here, the teaching of how to write a book, and a book... which will become clear if you read the blog. I HAVE MADE A MAJOR CHANGE SINCE DRAFTING THIS BOOK. I AM REMOVING THE USE OF LASERS. PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND IF YOU ARE READING THIS DRAFT FROM THE BEGINNING. I hope the chapters stand alone, in a way, from the over all text and can be read as a short story. The poet in me wants each line to sound as if their is a sonnet birthing... But anyways, the chapters I have now are being pared down, to where about five of them are kept, and the remaining chapters, which grow organically from all the ideas in the draft, are set in stone. You are supposed to let the novel lead you, according to John Gardner, and while I love his books, I think he could have plotted better. I aspire at least to be the student who surpasses the teacher, who added to the science of literature his contribution.



Sunday, November 15, 2015

Bleeding Peace

They looked into my apartment, at my paintings and drawings, what I did day in and day out as a near shut in.  Gave great import to my every move, asking me to tell them how to live, when I was not about to do such a thing.  I gave my ideas on how I believed I should live, whether I was always one hundred percent in such matters is another story -- I too am human, or at least mostly...  I think?  I cannot tell?  What is human and what is God?  I do not always know?  The word is God, and God is the word.  Not my life.  Not most of it.


I think today of the ways that the template of what a God is flows through ancient religions up and through Christianity, to the point where they tie events of Jesus life to the prophecies, because they had to, otherwise he would not be the prophesied one.  All religions flow from a few central commonalities;  the first is that they establish the laws of a society, in essence (and completly, in the case of Saudi Arabia, where you can track how disempowered their womyn are by a poor soul being lashed two hundred times because SHE WAS GANG RAPED.  This in a country which our Politicians are all afeared to even confront in the least little bit because such a thing could effect the oil... and that oil, the barons have decided, must flow).

I have lived like an animal on display.   My jailors told the visitors I volunteered for the jail...  I resented every second of it, just adjusted to what I had to, learned to live with it, found ways not to give up, to even turn the weapon of the watchers, the stealers of my privacy, against them....   I knew little.  Way too little.  The insulation of intelligence caused untold damage on those who wanted my leadership;  my name was used to justify acts that I would never have believed were inspired by me.   A plan was hatched with me in the middle...   when I would not go along, those who see me as a human thought at first they would do away with me.  Now they have backed off this plan.  For the time being... I think.  Who knows?  I do not worry myself with this.

 I personally would like to see what my body would do if I was truly attacked...  surely the fire and lightening I saw flowing from my body the night of the visions has to co-incide with the destruction of this flesh.   I am  not sure, but I would assume my death would set off this reaction... this is God's burden alone though, the destruction of the earth.   He uses a machine gun to set off the fuse...  whatever.  I trust Him.

I once thought I would have a hand in the decision over whether or not the planet was worthy.  Now that I know this burden is God's alone.... I am grateful to have this thought off of my hands, and in those of whom I alone trust -- God the Father.


Given the choice of whether or not to continue life, I would always say, OF COURSE.... YES.... HOW CAN YOU EVEN ASK ME SUCH A THING???

I would always choose life, give someone another chance... that is my way.  Or that is the ideal, the end of negoitations... after the blood is spilled and the madness of war identified, yet again... and stopped.  This is not always the way the cosmos play out.   Planets die.  Sooner or later.  Look around the solar system, where we sweep for the slightest microbe to say there was once life here...  nothing like us.  Mars once had seas that could have been rich with life, and creatures could have evolved the brains to walk out on land, and begin the development that leads to social gathering, living and loving and laughing beings, such as those that inhabit every corner of this planet, from the lowest sewer rat to the most spoiled, psychopathic oligarch in a penthouse high above the teeming masses.   Who knows?  I do know that Earth will one day be uninhabitable, and I believe there is a reason for this, though sure as hell no reason to egg it on, or live for the moment we die.  What use such a life?  The soul will live.  No matter what happens. Period.  The thing you call a soul is there.  It is trapped inside flesh for the slightest splinter of time, caught in a cycle of a living planet, reincarnating back into life over and over, from animal to human to insect to plant...  To what end?   I can see sometimes the flight of souls leaving this planet... when my life as Christ first began, that first week when I realized that I had become the Christ and the world knew, I saw a vision of universal meaning, a river of specks, souls of all colors, glowing together as they flowed  off into dark, star dotted space.... a gentle wave of souls heading to the gates of Heaven.  That day I wrote a poem about how I  had been a post modernist, not believing one bit in universal laws....  and how now I was dreaming of universal truths.  The feeling was incredibly comforting at the time.

The possibility that there could even be a Christ was enough at first to make me believe about anything was possible...   I thought if I am this creature, then what am I supposed to do with this power?   Mostly I was confused by the way people were reacting to me.  I was in horrible pain, and in need of medical care.   I was in need of counsel.  Instead, I was used... and forced to make decisions that I was not qualifed to.   The main problem was and is that my plan was not the one that was being implemented;  I was a pawn in another's game, and had no idea.   

Of late I have had to once again test the boundaries of my powers.   I have no choice now except to attempt to discover how to obtain true freedom for myself, and resources to live a life, so I can again get back to trying to help this planet.  I do not want to waste this moment again.   The world has lost patience with me for good reason.   You did not realize what I did not realize.  You thought I believed other than I did.  Believed those who told you they could interpret what I meant by almost everything, when in reality my pathetic innocence to what was happening drove me to make mistakes stupid enough to seem like madness....  I will rage on that thought for all my days.

I was shocked to find out about the reactions to my apocolyptic visions....


The destruction of the planet can as easily be blamed on human pollution as any mystical being.  Or a mystical being could be using mankind, as he does in my estimation, to do his bidding.  However cruel this may now look to humans, with the myopic view of the flesh, in the larger scheme of things even the pains of this life will make sense.   Do not ask me how?  I see the evidence once in awhile in my own life, where a fire walk has led to a diamond;  though more often I ended up just burned, it seemed --  I assume those are the times when the plans of the Heavenly Father are happening in ways I simply do not understand.  This happens too often.  In the last few years, as I have finally been let in on what was really happening around me, I have changed entirely as a person in some ways.  Gone is any thinking that what I write is taken with a grain of salt by the world.  This spell has done enough damage in this world.  

I keep remembering when people began to ask me to TURN UP THE LIGHTS SO WE CAN SEE YOUR APARTMENT BETTER AT NIGHT and things...  people who were uninvited in my living room, and had been driving me mad with confusion for years... asking me to help them bug me.   I felt the same way when people said I should watch what I said...  I would get even more controversial, because I was not going to let my free expression be taken  from me.  If I had known the context of my words better, let alone the sheer, vast audience my captors exposed me to...   I would have freaked out, like I did.  At any time.  I took the political activist side first, in 07, and wanted to simply take my breif time in the spotlight and shake things up...  I felt the same freedom any jester would.   This was ignorant of me.

This time you drove me into being a person I never realized existed within me.  I guess I refer to three years ago.   You know I know I faired this better than most, and that some resent that I have one damn word to bitch with.   We all have our crosses.   This one is mine.  I am not a criminal, yet you lumped me in with them.   I am not so many things you lumped me in with...  your assuming you knew what I am or how I am or what my objectives are led you to hear interpretations of me and the very objects in my living room and believe these people, who in reality had an agenda very different than my own, and used me and you.  Back then,  I trusted that there was somewhere Justice.  I believed in 07 that by letting them film me their great crime would be documented and something would be done about it.   This is why I just put up with whatever.  I expected good people would see these things and wonder how the hell this could happen in the usa?   Some seemed to be trying, and were...


An irresponsible performance.  I did not agree to the later explotation of my life.  When those who felt they were my comrades were confused by my actions,  the simpliest answer was true --  I was just living my life and getting bugged.   I was not trying to lead a church, and saw no movements that were started by this, besides in the most vague of ways...  that glare clearly now, though in the fog of this waking I was ... obtuse.    I had no idea of the scope of any of this.   I do know that we have a very powerful base, and we must move quickly to add to our wins.  The enemy has been put on alert and now must always be watched, monitered, neutered of their Nazi ways...  allowed to live the lives of silent gardners to avoid losing more soldiers in the mopping up.   I am not negoitiating.  I go from wanting their blood ...  to thinking of my soldiers blood, and their foot soldiers blood... and I just want the peace at wars end.  If that seems too close to the status quo for those who wish revenge for what has happened since this revolution began, then my voice must be just one among many...  I do not have details about these matters.  I am not pretending I did not give some order, I was kept in a gilded cage, far from the sound of gunfire, a bitching outcaste who had no idea the movement he had started was waiting for him to lead a march for causes He never would...  I feel sorrow and grief when I think of those who followed me and then found out we disagreed too much to fight together.   I can only pray we remember how much more we have in common than difference, and find common ground where we can interact peacefully.  

I keep going back to certain images I saw after the floodgates of criticism finally opened up... and I found out only my critics were honest enough to tell me how I was really viewed by the world, and indeed even what was happening around me, hidden from my view.   Now I must learn to be hated.  I used to not care much if someone hated me.  I had thick skin after all the years of cab driving and being abused by some customer for reasons that sure as hell had nothing to really do with me.  It grew thicker when I felt like this monolithic power that ran tv was against me, as well as the movie industry with their batman movies making me the villian....  I saw then Satan's work.  I saw then I was being lied about, given a face that was not mine.  Propaganda.   I had no idea why forces so large would be coming together to criticize me, at the time.  I was a toddler with a machine gun in a room filled with friends and foes who just liked the sound of the gun going off and had no idea where the bullets would go.  

I spoke passionatly to the bugs....  feeling like I was justifying my life.   I bitched at them, screamed at them...  I felt I was fighting for my life, with some few words on the net that I did not even know if they were all getting out at all...   and then talking to bugs, for reasons I had never quite figured out... Why me?   You thought the entire time I wanted this?  I believe that everything we all do has some meaning, though often as not we are not aware at all of what our actions mean.  You shop at certain places, you make a decision to support their management style.  Buy Union and all that is true, supporting them makes your actions meaningful, as does not supporting them, which most unthiningly do as they buy clothes made in third world sweat shops.  I would not want all of my life recorded as some holy document.  Like I have said before, why do you think they barely describe the life of Jesus?


People get a Jesus who fits in with all the major myths that came before Him, based upon other eras when the God of Many Masks arose in a form history remembers;  ancient Egyptian myths became the tenets of the new religions...  a natural building, an evolution of religious and philosophical and scientific writing.  My point is that Jesus did NOT have to actually do any of these things all prophets are supposed to do, He just had to be written up that way.  He did not have to cure leprosy, or ride into town on an ass, or any of the things that the bible says... and that often have their roots in earlier religions;   He merely had to be written up that way, because this is what people expected in a Messiah.  I am not saying prophecies were not fullfilled.   I have now seen some prophecies become fullfilled, mostly my own.   Dreams I had in my twenties, daydreams, have come to pass in the world;  dreams I told no one.  Dreams so big that I would have thought there was no way in the world they would ever come true... that was not the point of the dreams.   Just what I thought I would do if I ever had the attention of the world.  How I would cure pollution, save the poor, bring a balance of good back to the world that I believe was imbalanced by the people surrounding Reagen, the secret agents of the Darkness, brought into this world to oppress as many humans as possible.

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