YOU WIN OR I WIN IN THE END

we find peace
either way
we will begin again
the only question is how many more will die while we wait
for negoitiations to even open
can't even get them to talk in the middle east
where the USA's proxy army
   has orders to talk to no one
   bought for six hundred dollars apiece and all the slaves
    they can rape
the ISIS leaders are in the US and Israel though they say we are fighting them
would they begin negoitiations from both sides,
acknowledge all the armiies are theirs -- not for fifty years...


We unleashed another herd of frankenstein monsters
set up good fights for later to fill that military industrial complex
     with the big bucks
Iraq, Syria, Egypt, Lybia fallen like a cia wet dream
being herded into a hard core theosophy that will
     keep that oil flowing and butcher any protesters
At home we see the body count of our soldiers
Hear three SISI leaders were killed in a bombing that leaves out
     the fifty people who died in the building
     never give that civilian body count unless you have to
     unless you want to brag to someone


Never felt so much like I live behind enemy lines
irresponsible for being here and doing not enough never enough
Did more than most and got bloodied for the cause
made my bones in huge piles they burned somewher
    in the Indiana cornfields, or wherever they did...
Trying to tell myself that someone or something will come along
to bring out the warriors before our defeat is complete
before they can use microwaves to stop soldiers dead on the battlefield
before they impose a government on us
instead of allowing us to choose one damn thing at all



How long until they decide vaccinates and chem sprays and chemo
is not killing off enough people and decide they don't want 'those people' around anyways
HOW LONG I ask the sleeping cats by my side
How long until the man made apocolypse rips me from this life
How long until I am called on again for a favor in the shadow war
threatened again/told  I am going to sold into slavery again/told to commiit suiicide again
been there and back, caught a glimpse of their Mordor
scorched and scarred beyond recognition
my sword arm scarred yet still muscled
raises another excalibur into the sky
swears to his God He will go down fighting
we cannot let the world go out with a whisper


we have to go out with a bang
a pyrrhic victory if we must
nuke their dumbs and give them nowher to hide
put off their plan for a few more years
tear down their radiowave network
get our own just in case
take the trials to the people
of their politicians and bankers and war profiteers
set the country aright where all have a chance to succeed
not work themselves to death to enrich an undeserving other
we attack where we can when we can and disappear
we come from places where there seems to be no one at all
we are here and always ready when the order comes down.

CHAPTER ONE LIFE AMONGST THE ANCIENTS.

I have been since the beginning of beginnings, remember always being...  I am here to break down the myths and shake off the bullshit that has been thrown on the icons created of my long haired, bearded incarnation in Nazerath, that one life among lives that predate humanity....  sent by a Holy Creature of PURE LOVE to a answer the prayers of a distant speck of dust that had grown alive, and was producing souls of the pecular type that fiill their heads with too many words to connect with God.  On this planet there is one, and in His time, where everythiing is happening at once,  he has sent me here for the tiniest of splintered seconds to answer your prayers...  and much more.  Plan within plan within plan.  A different mission for every life I led, be it to advance shamanism, to lead a revolution, learn what it is like to be the lowest slave, the highest king..  mostly a protector in life, medicene and war... mostly war, for the history of this beast, these humans. 

I choose while in soul on high which life I will lead, for reasons that are forgotten when I become a human.  I have only glimpses throughout my life that I am supernatural, incidences I can dismiss as nothing, until finally God's time comes, and I remember who I am, who I have been....  the times of this awakening vary greatly, and sometimes I let the people around me know, and sometimes, like a secret madness, I give them no more than  hints that there is reason to celebrate even the death of an enemy, not for vengance, but because they had gone to a better place.   I have been famous people, Socrates, forced to drink Hemlock for corrupting the youth with my ideas, which still shape this planet, as does the words of Jesus.

From my visions and what I read of the shape of the planett, I am here now for the great destruction, the mercy kill before everything goes to hell and you slowly die off from a destroyed atmosphere, become cannabilistic, have no reason to live -- not to mention your slaughter of other species and plants, who also grow souls.  The time seems over, and this is what I do...   I have been on many planets, tried to steer them through this period with sustainable options, appear when they are possible, though this planet seems to have no desire to head toward them...this planet rushes to death.  I am death.  A font of fire and lightening can fly from my physical form and decimate this planet, leaving only me alone standing in a circle of fire...  offering a last goodbye to the earth, as the souls of the planet dance in delight in the stars above.

Look around your solar system, all planets die.  Look out in space for years to find planets that might be habitable...  there are many inhabited planets, though there are many more who have died out long ago.  SOME, I was there.  Some I brought down with my miracle.  Others my work since their lives began led them to the proper path for ten thousand years of peace before I leave... this is always my goal, though God often has other plans.   I am here to take your pain of feeling alone in the universe, and point into the sky, and say THERE IS A GOD OF LOVE UP THERE... though I know how hard that is to believe in this dark cavern of pain.


I have no memory for time on the larger scale, when I think of all the lives I have lived there is a blur of images going by so quickly that I do not have time to give them a name before more are coming at me...  I can stop the flow and see a certain period of my life, they are the ones that come back to me because they are the ones needed, NOW.  I care only for History that has flown into the present and shaped the world;  the rest of what has passed are interesting knick knacks for mental shelves . . .   I used to love to read histories of long forgotten cultures... now, unless they have echoed into this time, natural selection tossed them out.



I start this novelization of my stories both true and seeming true, an untrustworthy narrator from the start, suspicious to many because of my past, which has led some people away from religion, at this time in history.   I am just telling my story... and hope you find it interesting, the drama and the characters compelling.   Yet, I will not always offer you the solace of a fictiional dream.  This book contains the memoirs of a man who has been used and abused and helped and honored and degraded by the greatest minds of our times.  Some are hidden away, others are not going to be written down, but there are enough of them throughout this book that I hope some readers will realize that when I write of the Shadow War, I am writing of a real phenomena.   I do not have all knowledge about this war, and am blind so blind always blind to what was kept from me.  And more was than I learned, still....

I have made many enemies in this world by refusing to go along, by rebelling against the elite, for thinking for myself in a time when this has fallen out of fashion, and people seem to be hive minding themselves into certaiin camps, usually rivals to another camp...

I REGREAT TOO much to express... mourn too much to express...  and care too much to express about what has happened so far.... in this book you will read of domestic slaughters, you will read of revolution half hidden at least to me, though the world knew what was happening, I sat at the center of the storm, The Christ who was not ready yet to preach.  I learned through my time in intelligence that there are controllers of this planet, and they can be messed with, fought, and defeated, by bringing together certain alleigences around this planet.  This was done for me, but I did not understand enough to lead at the time, as was someone's plan, and makes me feel like shit for how I was used.  I had all these high ideals about what I was doing, battling the Romans, giving a real thorn into the side of politicians from someone who had been given a lot of power in the secret world.   They created  church in the name of the creature that they told them I was....   I WAS APPALLED to think that the horrible way I acted had inspired violence and mayhem and cults across the world.

The story begins with a life I call from the Ancients, a term that for me covers most of the humans I lived as, this civilization business is all new to me.  The precepts of leadership, what I do in every life, changes drastically.  Ths book will primarily be about what is happening now, then fictionalized into a future that holds dramatic interest to me, and plays with my primary belief system... the end of the world.





I am standing by a bonfire, the trees around us glow red in the flames...  we are silent now, after dancing for hours preparing for battle.   Dawn would bring our attac on an unsuspecting village a few miles from our camp.   This army has followed me for almost twenty years, and when our food supplies grew low, we took what we had to.  We were known for leaving the villages enough to get by, at times I had even sent food back.   I never let the armies get out of hand.  Ruled brutally, as the times required.  Off to my right are two villagers who my people have been cutting slowly to death.  They have bled out now, released from the horror of being part of my ways of always winning.   My soldiers will be given a compound, created by the wizard, to make them half crazed as we go into battle...  moving fast, not needing food,  seeing red everywhere, our enemies as hellish demons.  

The people in my tribe have come to rely on me too much.  When my father was alive I could hide behind giving him counsel, but now the people here knew I was a supernatural creature, and tried to make me a God, as many warriior kings had done before, though I was always, even then, aware of my FATHER, a creature by whom I was too humbled to ever declare my self the greatest of Gods...  this worship of theirs was taking away their free will, dulling their leaders...  they depended too much on me and that meant I was taking their free will.   I did not think like this then, my thoughts were almost as primitive as those around me.  I sensed what I was doing and knew, as I had been told by God ten years before, that I would die in the battle after the miracle.

The miracle had come when the enemy murdered my Father.  An anger such as I had never allowed myself to feel came over me on the battle field, the sky over the enemies army turned black, and lightening began to crash down everywhere there was man or beast opposing us...   Over in seconds,  my soldiers fell to their knees before me and begged me not to kill them... for a reason I was not sure.  Then their fears began to life and they looked up into a sky clear and blue, and then at a battlefield where the attackers, coming for our harvest, lay burned and blackened...    a cheer went up then.   They asked me if I had been studying under the wizard, and I could not lie... said No, though I watch him closely.  This was answer enough for them.

Now they were going to arise at dawn and go into a battle with a creature they think they can rely on to protect them... if he does this to the tribe, when he passes on to a new life, they will be slaughtered, their warriors unprepared, their strategists without the inspiraton of knowing they wll die or be enslaved if they lose. Their families taken from them, the life they cherish over....

This group has killed those from the tribe they caught hunting.  There had been raids by both sides when they were starving, and even times they had worked together, when one truly had plenty.  The bad blood was enough to bring death to his hunters, though his father would not allow them to respond in kind, unless protecting themselves.  HE ruled a much larger land than this fool, rebel village.   Then they were walking in a narrow ditch, not knowing the tribe had was going to declare war by killing their king.  Then overwhelming them on the battlefield, out numbering them five to one... not expecting that the son's king had a secret awakening a few years before, to a series of lives he had had led and a God above all the gods his people spoke of, as THE GOD OF MANY MASKS once more finished his long education of being a human in the tiime.  The miracle surprised him.  He had no control over bringing the fire from the sky, or the flooding waters that fell so thick they drowned gasping for breath....

Five Holy men had been assigned to hm by his father.  They all knew that he had known the day of his death for ten years...  they were having a hard time believing that this could happen, after his display of a miracle.  They sat at his feet, wondering what he would talk about on this, what he claimed would be his last night,  He has not slept.  Spent the night before with his wife and children, enjoying theiir company one last time... this night he was too interested in getting his last glimpses at the life and times he was living in.  He would forget all these people who meant so much to him.  They would be replaced by other souls, though some came back to live around him again and agaiin...  usually animals.  He had also been given the role of keeper of the tribes tales and history, by default, he turned out to be the best student, and was good at making up his own tales.  In the style of the times, he told tales based on the Gods and mythical beasts they believed in.  He was beyond believiing in any of them as more than props, pale substitutes for his father, indeed.

A bear skin covers his back, breaches and boots of buck skin cover his body.  He is warm by the fire, though the tiime is cold as all hell to him.  He pulls the bear skin around his body, wishes it could cover his feet.  The ground is too cold to sit down, frozen.  Over on the westerrn horizon the flimsiest of whte light begins to outline jagged cliffs and soft mounds of mountains...  they would eat stale bread, drink mead, take the wizards drug... paint their faces as the mind expanding potion began to work the magic of battle...   He was going to wait until the fighting was over...  first, he would make sure they won... then....  he told the monks in their red robes exactly how the next day would go, could see the entire battle, and how he would go near a wounded enemy, one who had already been run through after the fighting to insure their death, and the corpse would rise with a knife and stab hiim thru his back ribs, into the heart....   He was ready to go, as always, though he hated the idea of getting stabbed, and the pain of dying... hated leaving the people he would never know again, who would no longer exist to him when he came back, wherever that would be.

He told the monks how to keep the religion iinspiring the people, and why the wizard, a scientist, doctor... was not the enemy of faith.  Healing is not something I do.  To usurp God's decisions, ones I cannot understand, is not my way.  He takes you all in the end, and how he does it, and even what happens between your birth and death, are things I can barely change... though my Father can at any second do that which is unthinkable to me, too horrifying or humiliating or....  God does not look at our flesh as somethiing we enjoy being in, because he is right.   Hard to imagne wth that survival instinct we all have in us.

I will have the monks begin waking the tribe soon.  The drinking and dancing started so early that they have slept long, as he planned.   They would cut themselves, bring on the pain they would have to ignore in battle right then..  We would be covered in blood and paint when we ran into their village, torches tossed on their thatched roofs,  driving the families into the street, where none were shown mercy.

We cut them down, man woman and child, and they could barely put up a fight, most had not had time to gather their weapons... they did form into units, were broke up all trying to keep their families alive, leaving us small units to cut down...  in half an hour all you heard were screams, all you smelled was smoke, all you cared about was that it was over and you had won, and your fallen were few.   His men thank him for the victory and he tells them, in an almost tearful voice which shocks them, YOU DID THIS, NOT ME...  you have to remember that.  You protected this tribe, not me... I was just a part of it.

They would not listen to me, I was the holy man, humble...  I had fought in the wars, but the monks my father brought to teach me had all fallen at my feet, and asked to study under me.  They were around me enough to see all the small miracles that took place in my life....  things came together in ways they never should have for me... I cannot remember them, though many from this life I live now come to mind.   They told me the women who were following me could not get pregnant and this was predicted in the bible... I walked over to the bible, opened it to this passage....  I had never known of this before.

I lead the fight, the slow trek silently through the forest, to the hills looking down on the pitiful small and squalid little village.   We lived on dirt floors, cold all winter, lice and fleas all over us, baths fatal in the winter....  an accident of a swim in the summer.   Dirty faces and hands.  Our clothes stank and we were just used to the stenches, did not notice them.   Woman and babies died too often in child birth.  We grew old fast.   The diseases were rampant, wiped out entire villages, woods...  mountains of people.  

During the battle I was as hellion as the rest of the tribe,  not feeling the deaths of the families I beat with my club with spikes carved into the sides, cut with my knives...   I remember looking out from the eyes of the flesh that I was within, cannot see much of myself, though I see my hands as the blood covers my arms and weapons, the feeling of the club hitting the side of a head and the crunch of the skull giving and my satisfaction that this threat was over...   when they were all cut down, my men went thru stabbing the wounded and the dead, making sure that there was no one left alive.  

I found myseelf looking over at the man who would kill me.  His throat had been slit after he had already mostly bled out.  I would bring him back to life to be my executioner.  I had decided I would not face him, let him come up on me from behind and act surprised.  My people would believe as much.   If I fought him in any way they would expectt me to cut him down.  They would think for themselves afterwards.  I missed them, worried about them.... even though I knew the absurdity that I would forget them in a moment, and probably never think of them again.   I ONLY SEE ONE face in my memories.  The warriors are helmuts, and long knives and torches and clubs....  I see one face of an enemy boy covered in dirt, looking at me defiantly before my knife goes deep into his chest.  From behind me I hear my death getting up, walking toward me... far off a soldier yells a warning at me and I shake my head no on touch my ears...  the knife strike takes my breath...  the pain...  feel my heart trying to beat...  stopping as I slowly fall down to the ground, a smile of relief on my face that they are too far to see.

I am soul again.  Unaware of being anything more than warm curiosity... below me is a gorgeous blue and white planet...  as I look at it a gravity pulls me down fast and then I am being born again, pulled from the warmth of the woman into a cold room, colder than I have ever felt, with bright lights... a blur.   I learned what happens between my life with a reoccuring dream, coming to me over and over, telling me I was a soul in a body.  I did not take it seriously at the time.  Like way too much in life, the small miracle brought me comfort when a time came to show the humans I AM SOUL, not body... by riisking death over and over... trying to get across that this life is worth losing for causes that save the tribe.  

VISION... this entry is all over the place, be warned.

THE VOICE CAME OVER MY TELEVISION AND STUNNED ME:   

YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID.


I was just finding out that I had been filmed and broadcast out to the world as the Christ, and particularly to some who called themselves acolytes on the west coast and in Europe -- where I was worshipped as a demi-god, though I was told no other details than that one line...    I knew that many knew of my activities, saw them mimicked on tv shows, heard them spoken of on Colbert and Stewart...  I knew if they were afraid something terrible had happened.   I did not know what yet but already I had heard of maimings, people losing their money, having their hair ripped out by hand... and other things, worse, which I did know what they meant when they told me.

I was taken hostage early on in my involvement in the shadow war, by a powerful group that basically runs chicago, the black underground, a feared group, with good reason, by all the families.  There was already bad blood when I knew nothing about it.... later they would think I was ordering a race war to somehow be set free...  when I did not even know really that I could not leave Chicago.  The rules of intelligence were beyond me then.  They still seem like something a madman would make up but going mad is not hardwired into my head.  Temporarily, sure... but even then not that mad.   Anger issues have been another story, grew up fighting too much, though I learned to use words that cut almost like a knife AND could avoid most physical fighting, I was a cab driver for years and my buttons were open to the public, which is not a good thing... unless you need to be instilled with the ability to fight every day for your perception of yourself against strangers who judge you harshly as beneath them because you are driving them.

Duriing this period of being filmed, I thought that I HAD friends and enemies bugging me, because some in the media liked me, others did not.  I was yet to figure out -- more correctly, be told, that the different stations have different agendas.   I found out a lot during that period, like the dogs, who I would have assumed had my philosophy if they were on my side, assumed the same thing about me... one being that I had something against people of different skin shades marrying...  times like that I realize that certain people have no idea what I believe at all, that they have ignored all this writing I have poured my life into.  They even suggested to me once that I had Stockholms Syndrome from living around the blacks, because they wanted me in a race war I found out about to my extreme shock and rage, and of course having my thinking questioned by people who know nothing...  I have almost always thought the same way I do now.... and I believe I think with the proper tools, just not enough building material to figure out what kind of House Intelligence is trying to build.

Now I have had to make clear that I will choose the side of anyone who is about to be wiped out for what they did in this war, because I do not believe in genocide, nor do I believe that people cannot go home from war and heal.   I finally figured  out enough of what you are doing to have my own side, and this comes quite late.   TOO LATE MANY WILL THINK..... but as I told the spies when they asked me why I walked around with my chest puffed out like I  had won....  I had not yet begin to fight at all, they just thought that because of something I wrote in a deep trance, still under the spell of the trauma of the brainwashing...  I repiled, I WIN JUST BY BEIING ALIVE.  They figured out later when I rose again... that I was serious.

Being what I am, your fate is tied to me.  Many of your lives are direccttly dependent on my physical well being.   I did not realize this before.   I did not give orders, so others diid.   I was unclear, so they took a few of my words and built scriipture up around them.   Humankind thinks they should be able to understand a God if one existed, yet they cannot even tell you how the space around them works, or how to access the other dimensions they have discovered... a God is  much more difficult puzzle to unravel, in fact one that humyns will never do.  I cannot begin to even allow the thought of understanding God to enter my head because when I try too many images come to me, encounters with this God and encounters with myself, the testament to the supernatural.   YET I should remember the Taoists and their vague definition of the Tao, which they do not begin to make human, or say humans are made in their form -- they do say man  is part of the Tao.... the how and why of this are beyond the truthful writer of this text.

I carried the pocket Tao for years, and reading the words brought me great comfort, if I was feeling down or needed inspiration or even something to think about on the bus.  My three copies all fell apart from being in my pants pocket and such.   During my AA years.   From this I remember most the story of the straw dogs, put out once a year, and ladden with the villages sins... which the wind soon enough scattered over the hills.   We are like the straw dogs to the Tao he writes.  Nothing to the Tao.    Here we part ways, and why my reliigons always have a central deity, because there is one.
I am aware of life always existing on aplanet with in sight of His might, close enough to feel his love pure and undiluted by the vastness of the cosmos, a place where neigther mind nor body could not believe in God.  Just was.   I would realize later when we are called Heaven during my soul travels out to how others came to be in soul, to slip from a body out into space, with an urge to follow the Love that every soul can feel coming from him, even those trapped in this flesh, at times, even if for most this only occurs after some lottery win when they thank God really meaning it....


The vision I am going to write about in here happened a few years ago, as I was laying on my couch two apartments ago, in ROGER'S PARK, where I was surrounded even on my walk abouts by cameras with audio...  feeling sorry for what the world had went through because of my threatening personality before the television.  Know your audience is something I take very seriously as a writer and especially as a performer or host;   I know my manners, though I will not give my enemies their benefits, and I thought anyone holding me in this life was an enemy.

I terrified big stars, as one said on the The View one day as they were discussing giving me a second chance... a second chance to work with Disney, who I despised, was not on my agenda, but I still hated being blamed for what they had put me thru, for the anger they caused, for the things they had done in my name.   I was drafted or my grandfather went along with them or they wanted me to king operation blue beam and I would not, but whatever it was.....    I am myself.   You do not get a bridge to my castle all your own, that you just built....  I knew nothing of them.   They claimed me.  Others I tried to help or criticize I was confused about as well.  The shock of all the murders I heard the different sides were perpetuating sounded like police work, like something that should never have existed, and the combatants stopped...  I had no idea yet the complexities of the revolution, or even who was truly on my philosophcal side and who was not.   The Dogs I learned, did not believe as I do....  I was made to be one though, and did not mind until I figured out what you meant.  By then my beliefs in the USA weere gone and  knew I needed the help of other countries.   I still fought for this one and saved it when I had to from people if I had known better their philosophies, may have let it fall.  All these things chalk  up to ignorance.   No where to research.  NOTHING I could find on the net.... 





















Back to how this started....



'You have no reason to be afraid of me," I told the bug over the television...  "I WOULD NEVER HURT ANYONE."   How ignorant I was.  ALREADY crowds had ripped apart prosperity ministers, attacked prostitutes, beaten down anyone who dared to talk bad about me, attacked countries... planned nuclear missions, taken to the woods in bands of five, over three hundred million of them...  and I did not know it yet, but someone was telling murderers that  was getting rid of my followers, that my belief there were too many humans applied to these people....  or even more sinister, that I had started to cult to kill them because of the hateful writing I had done against Christians before awakening again to being a God.    My followers feared I would have them killed... were afraid I would give the order.  Already the joke I made, in a character was a comedic serial killer made up as a response to all the violence in the media, which I usually avoided in my stories..   kill yourself and others, but not in that order....   I liked the not in that order part of the joke, but that was all it was, a joke.   Not that I thought revolution would be bloodless, but I never thought anyone would consider this a call to kill themselves, let alone the others whom they did.

BANDS of killers went thru towns, they do not tell me where, killing all the adults, and taking the children as soldiers, as one of my characters did in a story, where I was criticizing the CIA for using such tactics, which they do all over the world, iincluding their funding of the notorious Boko Harem.  It was nothing new for the ex cia or the vet's to create a child army, they had done so before.  Mine was made up, and involved using drugs and psychologists and other evils, including the speeded out cia killer being in the bush so long he took a ten year old soldier as his lover, not out of pedophilia...  just out of being wasted, at war, and crazy.   I would edit that line out now.  I do not know what this led to, but since so much of what I wrote was looked over like scripture and looked deep into in ways, and used as instructions in others...   whatever was needed to get the arrmies together to win.

The plan was not mine, though I WAS DELUDED AND CRAZED from being filmed, enough to think it had been.  Others had used me for a coup, because I had not set out to do so...   just somehow knew how to overthrow the world with a few blog entries is beyond belief, so  I did not really believe it, not knowing yet how many were backing my efforts, or how they were profiting from my actions, from having Christ in their city.   Their joy at the event soon enough turned to terror when they saw I came to make changes, not simply accept the life of Royalty expected of the king of kings...

I watched the few reports on the news and what I was given by sources and deciphered here and there to put toghether a very blurry picture of what was going on.  I was not sure of what was happening, though I never forgot the night I was blown away and disgusted and lost to myself and felt defeated was when they showed me a nazi apologist film, allegedly narrated by HITLER after the war.  HE more than likely was given a life in argentina, taken out in a submarine.  The nazi reamained popular and useful in many circles, and having the intelligence Hitler knew on the world was a vital source of the CIA's knowledge of the world, that fledgling organization so easiily organized as relentless killers with the goals of industry behind them...  and the destruction of anything like labor organization that might cause them trouble.  WORLD WIDE UNION BUSTERS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR AND LIVING OUT THEIR CHARTER TO PROTECT DOMESTIC INTERESTS ABROAD. 

I wish I had listened to them more, as I wish I had questioned every person on the street who knew more about my life than they should have, or the visitors who came from around the world to the beach where I woke up, which one man approached me on the bench I was sitting there one day, and apologized, saying he knew the beach was sacred and all, but that his ad agency would love some art like mine.   I am not that good and told him so.    I had encountered him once before, a true believer who passed me smiling and filled with euphoria, he was was encountering Christ.  I know what that should feels like from my dream over twenty five years ago of Jesus returning, a euphoria like no other....   but I knew just that, not the terrible fears I had put in people of the coming of the end of days, how my vision of lightening and fire flowing from my body had driven reliigion mad...

All kinds of people wanted to like me at first, but when I found I was personally getting nothing out of the arrangement except a lot more pain, homelessness, a feeling of madness...  a perinnial waiting for something more to happen, that was, beyond my sight, far away from Chicago, until the bitter end, when they started killing the followers of the religon that sprung up around me, which I was horrified by when I realized what had been done iin my name.  No religion should be based upon such an unholy icon.  PEOPLE BARELY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE LIFE OF JESUS, AND I PREFER TO HAVE WHAT IS RELEASED ABOUT ME JUST AS PRIVATE, WHICH IS WHY I AM A WRITER.   I believed my words would inspire something in the future, because I was not seeing the revolution I spoke of around me...

When it became okay for people to ask questions of me, when the worried parties realized I would keep some of their secrets, find them unspeakable, unthinkable, and too far from my day to day to allow myself to enterain thoughts about them.  There were two me's then, one a revolutionary, who people cared about, and me a religious figure, who others cared about ... though the revolutionary was getting more people killed, he was controlled by armed forces, and the planners of the misson around me, and knew what they were doing...   not me.  I had an idea how to revolt in a world that was the cover world for the real world.

Only by enteriing intelligence did I learn about it.  I went in blind, and told them as much in as many ways as possible, I CANNOT TELL WHAT YOU ARE DOING BECAUSE I AM BLIND...  I could have been brought sight, in this case intelligence, at any time... but no, we were at war, and you must have wanted it that way of there would have been peace proposals which you had to know I might accept.  I remember the entres  was writing when the revolution was hot, the kind of belief the poetry engendered in others, but the extent was lost on me...  I would never have said or did what I did had I known people beyond intelligence, who I figured had to be my enemy by then, were watching me.  At certain times of course, like when I was addressed by robert downey junior during an awards show...   by then  I WAS so annoyed with tv and what it was showing me while my life iimploded around me with bed bugs and drugs and just spending all my time high as I could get that day, writing and writing... that then, when  I could tell there was a hook up, I still took it as an isolated incident, and somehow felt I should be watching tv, not interacting with it....

Later we would interact.   I remember one morning when someone got control of the tv and could talk to me, and there were many questions they had... NO ONE ASKS ANY QUESTIONS AND NO ONE DIES...  saiid a serous voice on the television.  Then they began talking to me, different people.  I do not remember much of it, to be honest.   I do remember later when they could ask questons of me, and people were very afraid I would reveal some great crime of theirs, when in reality things were kept from me so well that ALL I knew were a few occasional, vague sentences that gave me hints of what was happening, but not enough of the puzzle to see what it was....

I of course never even considered that the reason I was not able to meet people and all these things is because I was being held hostage by the blacks, who were at war with the whites, who considerd me their leader, their God... or at least their boy, as a woman comedian called me one night, I figured she was referring to my way of thinking, but no....  even NPR confirmed to me that I was being held hostage, and that they were watching the webcam...  saying I HAVE NEVER BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE... HAVE YOU BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE...  out of nowhere after  I asked if this were true and turned on NO NO DON'T TELL ME, I think is the show, but if not that should have been the one with that title...  I did not want blacks being harmed for ther skin color, and when I realized the dynamics felt I had to do what I could to stop any race war, especially one they were trying to tell people I wanted, when my entire work had been against such ways of thinking.   TO HAVE YOUR LIFE WORK DISMISSED is insulting enough....

I will go on later, about the vision... WHICH WAS EVE and the spirit of animals approaching me...  II had never seen in my imaginiings the souls of animals... I was laying on my couch knowing some of the religious were listening and afraid, and  I spun a tale without a fiery end, to somehow make them feel better.  I do not want to be a bomb.... the mercy kiilling... the releaser of souls... this is why God chooses the time, not I.    i HAD seen many human souls, now these animals approached me and the love of my exstence, Eve, had reincarnated this time as the entre planet, to try to protect it from damage, become Gaia in a way, the earth mother.. the spirits of all the animals I have ever seen were swarming around me asking me to let their species live....  I said at the time I had the vision because eve had not wanted to come to me before, because it would have made my decsiion to destroy the world even more difficult knowing about her and the animals, but that  I had made some decision not to destroy them.


This was wrong of me....  may it all be true, but this was nothing like the intense vison I had of destroying the world,almost musings, though when I saw Eve I was feeling very relaxed, and open to the universe...  I can't veriify why I said things at times.  The madness of being bugged, hearing what I HAD HEARD, you underestimated the effect on me, believed I was a psychopath, not just unknowing.

A just GOD.... FOR THE SERMONS portion of the book, which will pepper the narrative.

A just God cares about how you live, not why you live that way.

 I have been more religions than are remembered in the minds of man...  religions that lasted one month alone if that was all that was needed, for a thousand years, none of that matters to me.  I add to them from time to time, and try to update the religion for the times, to encompass the new revelations God has bestowed on humynkind.  

I have a hard time caring much about anyone's personal life other than how they are treating me in the moment, until I get to writing, then my thoughts gather a weight of their own, set off sparks, start on fire...  want to burn something down.  Humans have for too long wanted to look at God as a being who graded you...  when He was something that understood you fully and knew your soul would survive...  that there would be another vessel, that you would end up in heaven, a place worth any trail to enter.   YOU ARE PROSECUTOR, they said to me, when they dragged in the bloody corpses of my friends and enemies alike.  You argued for their death, here are their bodies.  You won.   They had made you the Judge, as well... taking my words for gospel.  Words I would have edited, examined, maybe eliminated wth meditation...  I seldom kill with premeditation, I AM always looking for another way out.

I told them, I AM YOUR DEFENSE ATTORNEY, IN THE COURT OF MY FATHER, WHO IS HARSH...  I meant your lives are harsh, and I am here to make them better, to tell you where your souls will go, because unlike animals, you have forgotten, somewhere in the lies you use to navigate the world, you have forgotten what every animal knows without contemplation, when they die they go into the spirit.

I am not the one who brought you knowledge.  I am not Lucifer the light bringer.  I do not want evil to prevail, or pain to prevail, or injustice to prevail.   What I am is the one you have called many things, who has had many names...   Lucifer was a creation of the religions, a nemesis we could project as the creator of all other religions,  we could use this arguement to dominate with a few basic precepts of religion, the ten commandments, which is a good way to start, and most stay as close to them as they can, though no one can help pushing the envelope, and breaking them, from time to time, in a world where lying is accepted in certain contexts, and in fact required for human inter action.

Knowledge as you call it of good and evil came from mankind, as a way of saying what the tribe would not tolerate and they were sensible, and in the different times I have lived I have seen the defitions go all over the place, and at least on this one, we are in many ways better off than we have ever been.  One world co-operating is one thing, one world government another -- they do not have to be one and the same; you do not want power held in the hands of a few;   power must be spread about the globe to all people of the earth, by letting them run their own countries as they will... to a degree.  Only certain international rules would insure peace... no slavery.  Wages that allow all to live decent lives.  Not  A FEW.  That will be taxed away, but not as much as the fear mongers say, people should be rewarded for their hard work.  Let them live decent lives, though there are excesses, people with series of palaces and too much land and power, like the English throne, though... again, leave it up to the people who live there.

The English people know where my sentiment is, I hope.  I have something against certain policiies of their government and sympathize with the IRA and other types who have fought being dominated and starved by another government.  This is not an easy sin to just forgive, and only guns kept down those who wanted revenge for the starving of their people, and they passed on their hatred without even knowing how it would echo unspoken in the unconscious of generations to come.

Vengence is cowardly.  A bad winner.  Not me.  I WROTE words not knowing they were the bullets I called them at times, as I wrote the word REVOLUTION on the populations world in blood red...  I want peace and exacting vengance keeps the cycle of violence spinning.  Show your better Angels.

We have to win.  LOSING IN NOT AN OPTION.   We lose, they lose, we all lose.  WE WIN, we all win.  WE LOSE, WE ALL LOSE.   The modern realities of the shadow war.

I keep thinking of a message I got this week saying THE HAND OF GOD, something I WAS CALLED and was used as a code among soldiers who fought on my side at certain times...the message  was about my role perhaps in their shadow war, that my part was a one shot deal, and after usage I was meaningless in the fight.  This is an unworthy source, that has hated me at tines, and rightly so criticized me,  and when mentioned it simply tells me they are still having to slam me in the media, to the knowing, those taught to read the secret messages that run through the media.  Most people see fictions that mean nothing.  Learning the secret language made watching tv a horror for me, a fascinating horror of messages about a war, being fought in secret... that rages around the world, for the hearts and minds and control of their citizens and others, if we can.   Each country taking a side in a world wide war...

Whenever I am attacked in the meda I respond now... for many years I ignored them as much as possiblle, though some filled me with explosive anger, which the government and others unknown to me filmed my liife and sold cable to people with a webcam into God's life...  this is something you seemed to think I wanted, that which i would never have allowed..  I wrote my words then on line about the shadow war, not knowing much.... so little that you took them as meaningless somehow, insteaad thinking exactly how I maintaiined a writer to present my words to humyns across the planet, to tell them the final words they will need to know, they are not at fault....  life happens inhorrible ways to people.  

The Engliish went to war at some point, and I did not know why, was informed they were helping me though I was not sure why I needed help, or what was happening, or what ethiics my allies were living by, or what they had been doing....  I was not surprised when the newscaste came on saying that The English were being brought iinto Florida, and the newscaster addiing I GUESS THE MONARCHY AND THE GOVERNMENT ARE TWO DIFFERENT ENTITIES.. BECAuse I had critciized the monarchy, though I held no real hatred for them.  They were a target in my small knowledge of monarchies, and theiir excessive wealth and the pedophilia surrounding the proped up elte in England sickened me.   I would later learn of other monarchies who were in charge of governments, and that was much worse.  The Irish were my protectors in CHIICAgo FOR A long tme, because I protected the police, in a time of revolution, and set them up as just as effective as the private army they brought iin around me, to stop everyone from storming into Chicago, which they began doing...   I met them in the streets and knew they knew who I was, they asked me questions, like one man, as I walked out of  psych ward where the combinatiion of medcatons they had me on was driving me mad, as my better doctor told me and changed the med s and I WAS FINE....asked me, ARE YOU STILL RELIGIOUS... I replied as I felt at the time after having brought the horror of the storm and was well aware of my powers at th moment,   to a man asking me as II lefft the hospital if I was still religious, and I replied,      SURE I am  I AM JESUS CHRIST.

MY enemy wanted to fight me anyway they could in the first months of the revolution.  They went from fnding me this funny writer who all these people had religous beliefs about, to the man who said attack and caused guns to go off all over america,  they showed me different types who had heeded the call I wrote, from a woman iin a Burka with a machine gun, which caused Hillary Cliinton to think syria is attacking them.... which was absurd since I knew little about Syria at the time.   I was being abused in my hometown, left ignored I thought in horrible pain, fighting an enemy that seemed too large for me to lay my hands on, so in my blogs I wrote to go after people, not thinking you would....  as a fictiion, to me, of something that would never happen.   I attacked some guy who pissed me off by taking pictures of mary ann and me and then riding off real fast on a biike without even telling us why he was taking all these piictures.   You told me later, why did you go after a guy who just wanted some pictures for the internet, and my answer was YOU KEPT ME SO ISOLATED MY WORDS  SPOKE more of my ignorance, than anything else, at times.   NOW I would no more tell you to do such a thing.... now I realize what writing words in stone means, how we create the future here.

I heard a lot of accusations against me.  I wrote burn me, because I would burn you without any iidea tv would respond with both barrels, the experience was exhilerating in a way, though I was surprised about some things you said about me..  I did not meet men in restrooms to get head, like SNL made out....  not my style at all.  Regardless, it surpriised me how much anger came thru, though I thank you and God for letting this event unfold, and any  harm caused was not my intent, though iin my mind, where there is knowledge of much bloodshed in the past and more to come iin the future, I know once I was baptized into your world....  I would rather know the truth.   Obviously you should have just taken me off somewhere and explained the situation to me, so I knew how to react...  instead you ran your operation, and used me as cover, or perhaps to get the killing mobs going... those who picked up a sword in the name of their GOD.

Soldiers of God rose across the world to fight to bring some kind of Heaven to earth, though I felt I never had a chance...   as my enemies want me to think.  The world is dying.  Many will use my story to walk calmly to their death, as the atmosphere turns into an acidic greenhouse -- the chemtrails the conspiracy people speak of is slowiing global warming, not stopping it... ths is why al gore;s projections were all wrong...  or he was lying...  I have no way of knowing, just do not know enough??

I preach from a blood covered podium...  there are corpses all around me.  Faces of the living and the dead all blend together, and I cannot tell them apart as I think of those who will read ths sermon, for now, which later, in the book, will be delivered in a setting, in a scene....  all the trappings of fiction or memoir or whatever the heaven or hell I am writing?   Heaven I hope, though I will write up the hell too that some humans will go thru....

My time now is after discovering the rise and fall of my puppet show...  the strings are some at least broken, though I never noticed them before, and may just not be noticing them now.  I used to believe there were strings coming all the way down from Heaven to direct my actions, make the me the puppet of GOD...  it felt like that, as if I was becoming a GOD...as I became...  a God, for what that is worth in ths world, whch is more than what I can usually bear to think about.




THE STORY writers give the people ways to live, story tellers in bibles and self help groups, 





The world looked at itself for a moment in my reflection and wondered about their morality for a moment, and found themselves WANTING IN THE EYE OF GOD.


I wish to bring one last thing up...  one that has been on my mind for some time .... the hit song that has lines about confession leading to people having their stomachs slashed.   I  have had to digest that one, settle it in beside something I SAID one day, about confessing, that people should be forgiven for what they did in war, and that is what I wanted...   another day I wanted all the pedophiles and repeat murderers who got off to go down, right into the ground, without the time spent in courts seeking so called justice.  Working above the law, as the law...  GOD's laws.  How could you go wrong doing what God wanted?   The usual way.... misinterpreting what God wants.  I want what happened in the war to be judged as such, thoough this late date of saying protect yourself first...  I am pretty sure I was conflicting on this...  I do not want people who were involved to turn themselves iin to anyone, unless like I believed at the tiime, and could be wrong, the fbi was going to be sane about this.  PLACE blame where it was due, with Intelligence, not with me.... or the others who went to war for reasons they understood, in ways that without leadership arising from within, could not prosper.

God, the first night I noticed my blogs had some effect was when I called for total war for total peace and in milwaukee a bunch of people dressed in black smashed the windows of a recruiiting station, and were peacefully led away by the cops.  The next thing I know I was wanting peace all over the world and believing it was possible, for reasons I believed only then, and barely come back to me, of being bathed in the new knowledge that there was a CHRIST... that it was me was kind of hard to handle, though I was having my world view shaken to the core.  My thinking was based on never just having fath, of late... before,  had lived on faith, and that had worked for me most of the time, though I got lucky and was a hard worker in a fairly easy world for a guy like me...  aa would have me praying and turning what was going to happen over to God.  That was what stayed with me to the now.   I had to give up my belief that I could understand something, and have faith that God is doing what is right rather it seems so to me or not, and many times he has allowed me to see what he saved me from, and I THANKED HIM PROFUSLY.  God is active in my life, of course...

I have a very specific role, and He showed me His face to let me understand that no matter what happened, He was there for me and I would be a soul again soon enough, celebrating existence with warm curiosiity, for awhile, floating high above the earth with no knowledge of what is coa few ming next, as he wishes....  they come for him eventually, and he has forgotten again he was ever anythiing on the planet below, as in my reoccuring childhood dream --true, I am pulled down to the earth swiftly and then coming out of a woman, being born into a room of bright lights, feeling pain...

Trained you could say for a job that often requires things like going into battle out numbered fifty to one, and striking dead your enemies with a lightening fire your rage gathers all on its own, back in the olden times... that I refer of so often since civilization is almost still new to me, as is being human itself in a way in the immortals way of seeing time that I have, where all of my time on earth is a speck of what I have done and will do...  a time important because I am here to give this planet the last rites.... 


You have destroyed your environment to the point that I am sure it is salvagable.   I am very sceptical that those with the resources to stop this will allow them to go towards a long term goal, when so many seemingly more pressing matters are going down in the present.  A war between countries for economic survival.  Between different heads of industry between themselves, between workers and stock hoder...  compettition fierce and bribed out and whateverr they gotta do to make the sale.

I picture a planet falling apart into a hellish chaos, the zombie films, the mind control shit they have that could change people into monsters, or harm them from anywhere, feed them voices they can say is god or satan....   I think then of writing about maybe being the grim reaper bringing a mercy killing.

expnsions of chapter one two and three... expansion on my intelligence activities is revealed here. real shit... in fiction.

In the coming days I will be drafting the first few chapters in the book.



CHAPTER ONE

The opening will have the God preparing for a battle where he is going to allow himself to die, because the people following his religion and cause have become too dependent on him, and have stopped thinking for themselves...  a frequent problem he has that he solves by leaving the humans to their own inventiveness, and of course, also, he has finished his real mission, to give a handful of monks the new holy words to live by, to inspire them to suffer through their brutal, short lives,

I see him LATE, LATE in the night, drugged out and drunk, preparing to attack their enemy at first light, dancing to loud, pounding, repetitive drumming.  Drapped over his back is a bear skin...  it is a cold climate, and he is wearing breaches of fur and boots of the same.  He is going to miss the people around him...    then comes sunrise and the battle, which they will have the high ground on, and they will win, though he will die, as he told his monks that he would...


CHAPTER TWO

Begins with Jesus stopping the stoning of the prostitute, and seques into him leading an army across Israel, intent on establishing the KINGDOM OF GOD ON EARTH.  He will be like a general, though also a RABBI in this one... he will talk much about salt, and what must be tossed out of the Holy writings, that they need to constantly stay up with science, new discoveries from any source... He does a few miracles at the very beginning of this, when Joseph is killed in battle.  In this he is also married, and his children are taken off to different places, considered very Holy by their keepers, and they all keep track of all who fall in the bloodline of the Chrrist, the heads of the families carrying a certain weight in the underground world of secret societies.....  

He will go thru the crucifixion beside two other soldiers, and he will have his moment of anger at what is happening, as much as he tries to accept what God is doing, the man in him protests and he send hail and black clouds and flooding and fires and destruction for miles around the crucifixion.

In this life, he is very aware of being worshipped.  He is a figure who seldom allows himself to be worshipped, though it has happened before, and I want him to have a memory in this one of being on a different family, that knew him and loved him as their savior, and he lived a life of fame and fortune waiting for the day His father chose to turn his son into a HOLY  fire that releases the souls from dying planets, and sends them off to Heaven...  he hated that fame, and tries to limit those who really know what he is usually, though he is not afraid to use it...   he lives a certain way to be an icon for history, and is very cautious about what stories would be told about him, and only his later followers would write in tht he fit all this criteria that had to be there according to the Jews for the person to be the savior.  Humans are shown in this part of the book, that losing a war is nothing if it creates a religion, a home for him to return to, a pulpit for his next life of teaching and protecting.



CHAPTER four

I am disabled and writing short stories, publishing a bit, editing, running a reading, after going to colled forever, fourteen years preparing himself like an advisor once told him he should do if he wanted to get real good...   

My stories are athiestic, grotesque....  then the comes at the beach when something snaps and I know I am being watched.   I left the dog tied to a post at the beach by our house, and walked some fifty yards away, suddenly aware of things I had never imagined.  Like going mad, or maybe liike discovering madness, as it turned out to be.   That week I had a seizure they caused by spiking my water, the next three days I do not remember at all.   The CIA's files sayI was becoming famous and was not moral enough, so they brainwashed me...  and were a bit surprised or not when Christ came to, not some puppet, but the real thing, a God causing the tumult across the world, beating down nations with an iron rod, a bloody birth for a warrior GOD....  who was filled with a fight that never went away, no matter how beaten he might seem, and like his nicname superman, he whethered the storms.  A creation of INTELLIGENCE that took on a life of His own...   Jesus and Zeus and nammes of Gods going back to the preverbal humans.  

This is where the reader must make their own choice... am I a brainwashed remnant of a failed CIA and others schemiing, the Hand of God used once and never to be again, as I got a message this week.  Certain tv shows tell me just where I am in the picture... they have used my words and life to inspire an angel coming into their story, which they never believed in, then I appeared.   They created CASTIEL..  but then I did not realize that my criticism was life and death now that I was the leader,  wrote hatefully of killing a preacher who offended me, and prosperity ministers, never realizing my subjects were actually killing people.  The writings of CHrist.  I encouraged others to use them, because they were not making me any money, but mostly they wanted to control the public perception of me.

CHAPTER  FIVE

THIS WILL..... will come back to modern times, and write about my life before the intelligence came for me, the struggles I had going back and forth on God, and how academia always stripped me of God... in fact I will never forget that I was very close to God when I went into neiu FOR MY FIRST CLASS, and the thought crossed my mind that I would lose my God once again in this place... and I did, becoming the harsh athiest, whose work would later be misinterpreted in ways that I will explicate in this chapter... this will end on the day that I realize, suddenly and out of nowhere, that I was being watched and always had been. I had NO WAY of knowing this at the time, unless they were hypnotizing me and hiding that from me, which is quite possible, and something I was once told... but all of my sources have been untrustworthy....  it will be a quick telling of my time living on the beach,  becoming a ht as a comedic writer on a blog, getting good reactions from people all over the world.  That was the most innocent I ever was of what my writing would inspire, the violent fiction about a super spy who smoked a lot of weed, a serial killer for good causes and occasional irritation....  for comedic effect.   A TALE of a God on earth who became more popular than Jesus, and took over the world....

I had no ideas at the time that I was writing my fate in this world, almost from memories of the future, in a mind where occasionally time has no meaning and I am everywhere at once, far into the past and far into the future, feeling them both, seeing them flash in images as I FEEL them, which is not pleasent for me.   I attract pain.   OR PAIN IS ATTRACTED TO ME.  This is when humans come to God, and I REMEMBER these thousands of years....  what is the point?   I am a person who likes to have a point, when possible... and one that others can follow, is an important part of doing that.

I SCATTERED THE STATUE YOU BUILT OF ME AS  I  DID BABEL'S TOWER TO HEAVEN.

I would not allow one religion to be stuffed down other people's lifestyles.   I would not ignite the religious wars of creating one world wide religion, be it atheism or Catholicism or Judaism ....  Christianity of the least Romanized sort, the simple baptist  was raised, is enough for me.   If  I had to declare myself something I would refuse, but there has to be that influence because that is where I thought about God the most.  I liked the idea of GOD. 

I could not always maintain the belief in God iin my life because I ignored the eviidence that was all around me that miraculous events spoke of a plan greater than my life, a river of God's love in which I flowed within...  a blessing AA, because I was no good at drinking and attended for many many years to stop, or I NEVER would have been able to attend college.  The two did not go together with me.   I was a few years sober when I started college, with no real chance of having a slip, because I went to aa a lot.  I was careful, worked out, kept it together.  NOW I HAVE EVIDENCE... VISIONS... AND SUPERNATURAL OCCURANCES I HAVE WITNESSED....   there is a list of them  I keep in my head, that I run thru when I AM doubting in my belief that there is something beyond this painful meat that encases me...  when I forget what I know and have to remind myself of when I take the world around me as the most important events in the world.

When I forget that there is much more than this living life,, that there iis a Holy Spirit in all of us, and we are indeed that Holy Spirit more at times than the flesh and the life that surround us.    I suppose I SHOULD put together an entire sermon about god the son and the holy ghost ---  all one, and how you humans are the holy ghosts, wo to speak, who sometimes visit the living before returning to soul, or come back and visit them... ghosts are not anything I know much more about than I encountered one once and that was enough for me to never go out and try to contact the dead....

Spirits in flesh -- you, a creature going fom creature to creature at times, becoming human as a choice at times, like myself, have been many of the animals we feel closest to.  They too have at times been human... the Hindu discovered this about cows, the world has yet to discover it is true of all animals, they are you at times....  and you should treat them as such.

























chapter SIX

This one comes into the present time, and He has just been grabbed and brainwashed by the CIA, a kid who grew wings they cut off when he was young and hid.  A real life angel in the possession of the rich government, known about by many.   He has gone from being basically unknown to having the entire world knowing an ANGEL was on earth.  filmed and talked about all the time on tv, bugged and then cameras set up in his apartment.  An educated man in many fields and funny.   He has been interrogated by the FBI over the actions of groups that called themselves his acolytes whom he had never met, and were kept from him by the CIA so they could use him as a puppet.  Using him the webcam of God to give orders... filming my life, as really happened, and I mean this...  because I did not really give any orders... because I did not know they existed, or I would have.

I thought the bugs were spies, and since they never seemed to help me rise from the mundane, broke life I was living, while my life was being leaked to tv stations, and they were mimicing me.  I had no idea people were seeing what I spewed out to the newscasters...  until the very end, when one day I saw an actor holding up a child saying fuck, and an image of someone like me in a green housecoat I had, right where my dresser was, from the perspective of my tv... and it hit me, they had a webcam in my home...  that I had fucking masterbated in front of twice, telling the people I knew were filming my life, that some parts of life were x rated, in my continuing battle to get them to quit filming me, which I HATED....  I would make threats, tell shit just to fuck with the listeners.  I figured out from different media outlets...  this brought on my destruction of the webcam watching of my life.  I TOLD THEM, DO YOU THINK THEY TOLD YOU EVERY SECOND OF JESUS LIFE... hell, no... if people need to know it, I write it, I do not give some vague signal, like putting out a toy of a lobster, which led the cult following the webcam to think I wanted people put in tanning booths and burned.  This guy was Jewish, who I learned about this from, after they did it to him, my pharmicist.. well, I did not know until later this wass how the toy lobster was being used.

This is how my life was looked at from every angle, and since I had once joked kill yourself and others, people did.  The words of God they heard, in my jokes that meant nothing of the sort of thing they were doing.   But I did not know there was a real war going on out there.  I wrote a lot on line about revolution, never realizing my words had started one on the ground, and in the church....

I want TO write about the armed guards in the apartment above mine...  almost like directors, banging on the floor when I said something funny at times, other times when they wanted me to notice what was on tv.

This chapter will provide the reader with the apt, the cameras set up all over the hood, and the phenomena of my not going along with their plan, finding it sick beyond comparison....  I   was crazed from the brainwashing, which was no easy thing to deal with, and I need to emphasis this was how the first days started, when they wanted him to lead the world, as the king of kings, a position He would not allow to be established in the world, because He was the onlyone  he would trust with the job, and someone else might get it from him.....  He demands soverign countries after being given the world....   saying, do not trust a small authority to rule the entire planet, because they would screw the poor, just like the elite.


C
Paul is going to be a bit of a villian in this book, A WELL intentioned man who thought that he would reinterpret the bible, so all Rome would worship Christ, and live as they did.   The man who turned Jesus over to the Romans as an iicon, for a church that in reality still worships the pagan gods and themselves....

IN THIS CHAPTER......   I WANT PAUL TALKING TO SATAN AND JESUS ABOUT WHAT HE SHOULD DO WITH THE WORDS OF THIS HARD FIGHTING, REVOLUTIONARY SON OF GOD....  to make him a figure the Romans would not find offensive, a man who RENDERED UNTO CEASER   ...  something God raised an army to fight before.....a figure who will represent the the anti christ -- who I am making up, as I am most of this book, of course... trying to convince a group of people why they should take him as their savior instead, and making the Christ talk about all the worlds he has destroyed as he makes his lonely away around the cosmos sendiing souls to heaven. His arguements will be made by the secret Roman who wrote most of the changes to Jesus words, which the gnostic religion, to a degree, will be shown as having preserved, as they were being hunted down.

This conversation....  Paul is on the road to damascus, I think, and lightening strikes out of nowhere, and he is thrown to the ground, and finds himself confronted by Christ and and a beautific Angel.    CHRIST ASKS HIM WHY HE IS KILLING HIS PEOPLE, and Saul becomes paul.   The angel asks him how he can bring the story of someone who revolted against ROME to the Romans without offending them?   Christ just quietly looks at Paul, his face a calm mask that does not reveal what he thinks of the angels words.   The Christ tells him, make up your own mind.  Think for yourself.   I am here to protect the rights of any religion.  Do what you will, and others will do with what you write their way, and on it has gones since man ate the apple, and could talk about their fear of death, not just run when it came near, and forgot about when it was not... living in blissfull ignorance that we were prey to so many.  I protect your free will, your individuality, which others would steal if you let them in your house and near them.

PROTECT YOUR FEE WILL

there are theives out there
who will steal it
if you let them in your house
and near it


OTHERS WILL STEAL YOU
 IF YOU LET THEM IN YOUR HOUSE
 AND NEAR YOU.


CHAPTER ?????

The war to end all wars has started, in Israel, a flashpoint, suddenly over run by their arab neighbors, they took the LIMITED nuclear option, which led to Russia honoring a contract with Syria and leaving Israel dust in the wind, pretty much.  The Samson Option, just blow the shit out of everybody everywhere if they got over run....  bring that temple down, destroy their enemy even if it meant destroying themselves.  The USA and the United Nations condemns the attacks, then does nothing to Russia except hold endless meetings about what to do about now was too radioactive to allow people in.   No one wants to escalate.

The Godhas seen the end come rains of fire, knows the nukes will destroy the atmosphere as they send soot and dirt and cities and mountains and suburbs all up into a dense cloud that stops the sun from reaching the earth.   Then He believes he will have done his job, lived with all the lives on the planet, man, plant, animal... he preferred animals to human, took breaks to become a dolphin...  when he knew the end would come next time he came with the mask of Jesus, who had foretold there would be a heaven on earth, who had tried to establish it before, as a sign, as was the line he slipped in about selling your cloaks to buy swords, and how he himself would be returning with a sword.  SPOKEN LIKE  a true revolutionary, and a God who was telling people that in this time around He would be a martyr who started a religion, kept alive by revolutionary zeal for the men who fought to free Israel from grip of Rome, where their Gods were mocked by pagan idols.... THAT HE WOULD START A NEW RELIGION, THAT HE WAS THE SON OF GOD, NOT A PROPHET OR AN ANGEL WHISPERING IN A HUMYN'S EAR...  No, he was there in Creation....  part of creation, part of GOD that loves and prospers and creates the planets and returns them to dust, without much care of other than the souls developing there...

THE first week I was home after the brainwashing, I was sick..  spending my time going back and forth from the computer, to the sink, where I was puking up everything I rried to eat.  They were afraid of this internet creation that sent out five webssites telling the world the rebellion had begun, and caused just such an action.  Others contributed to geting me famous, bringing my blog up to thousands of hits a day...   college students reacted to the ideas I spewed out.   I was crazy in a way, wanted to be alone, like I was in most lives, when the transformation came, and the God within came all the way through my being... instead of showing thru cracks in my facade, my cover, my clark kent....   THE confusion of being contacted by God is underestiimted by Humans, and the loss of who I thought I was hit me hard... for years I had tried to learn to be a certain way...






HAPTER FOUR






 The first will show a God from pre hiisitory involved in a war that is lost.... He will however leave a small group of monkish sorts, this is before written writing, so they are story tellers, who talk about how this figure knew what was coming, and went into the battle merely to show his followers they needed to fight on without him, and to preserve their free will. FREE WILL is a huge part of this book, because I do not think religious people should ever bow before anyone except God, and how man has set himself up as God over and over, and the God has had to return over and over just to break this survival mechanism from leading all of the spirital away from the truth of God.

The second will be as Jesus, leading another losing revolution in Israel, and how he does not always know the future, and why we should not know the future, as well.... this is going to be the future of breaking the Jewish salt from being the beginnings of his future religion.

The third will be about Paul, who is going to be a bit of a villian in this book, the man who turned Jesus over to the Romans as an iicon, for a church that in reality still worships the pagan gods and themselves.... a figure who will represent the the anti christ -- who I am making up, as I am most of this book, of course... trying to convince a group of people why they should take him as their savior instead, and making the Christ talk about all the worlds he has destroyed as he makes his lonely away around the cosmos sendiing souls to heaven. His arguements will be made by the secret Roman who wrote most of the changes to Jesus words, which the gnostic religion, to a degree, will be shown as having preserved, as they were being hunted down.





The fourth will come back to modern times, and write about my life before the intelligence came for me, the struggles I had going back and forth on God, and how academia always stripped me of God... in fact I will never forget that I was very close to God when I went into neiu FOR MY FIRST CLASS, and the thought crossed my mind that I would lose my God once again in this place... and I did, becoming the harsh athiest, whose work would later be misinterpreted in ways that I will explicate in this chapter... this will end on the day that I realize, suddenly and out of nowhere, that I was being watched and always had been. I had NO WAY of knowing this at the time, unless they were hypnotizing me and hiding that from me, which is quite possible, and something I was once told... but all of my sources have been untrustworthy....







The fifth will be the night I saw the face of God and myself destroying the world, and the bit of panic I learned took place... the stories I have heard of how people tried to escape my wrath were horrifying, and the pain people were put thru haunt me always... I understand now how my own words led to the problems at times, though they were never my intent, and without the idiots who made the decision to keep me out of the battle and those who took me hostage -- decisions I UNDERSTAND TO BE WRONG IN RETROSPECT, as I pray they do as well, but I have no idea how some people think... any of them except me, and then I surprise myself quite a bit. I remember the radio station that was trying to help me at this point starting playing THE DREAM POLICE at this time, and wondering if they had the technology to give me dreams. I have later read they do, but if so... it does not SEEM to have been used on me since.

The sixth will take place from the perspective of a character who I will compile from a lot of what I learned about those who fought under me, and her/his doubts. I cannot imagine not doubting me, since I would have never believed in me at all had I not experienced what I HAVE. I will have to use FICTION mostly for this one, because I know little, and some of what I do I must change to protect the innocent who the not so innocent would kill. Plus, I do not want to throw more gasoline on the elites attempts to keep the race war in the states from continuing.

The seventh will be about what happened between me and hollywood, and I AM GOING TO NAME QUITE A FEW NAMES ON THIS ONE... WILL FERRELL, Who I wish to God would die already, though I would hate to see it happen without being there with a dull paring knife and a lot of time... just kidding, I wish to forgive him, too... Bob Dylan, as well... though that is going to be hard. When you find out your heroes are betrayers of all humanity, for fame and chicks and all the things you turned down, it is not easy.... I will at least pull him down from his pedestal and piss on his corpse. No one will be listening to his music by the time my side wins.

The eight will be about a world war, which will start in the miiddle east, with Israel being attacked and trying to use their samson option, which GOOD JEWS will make a last minute conversion to help... not a conversion to Christ -- religion in a way is irrelevant to this story. THE GOD is more of an alien with good intentions than the redeemer people think of or have worshipped. In fact, he has tried to avoid being worshipped everytime, because he considers this an affront to his God, who is the only ccreature worthy of worship.

THE NINTH WILL BE ABOUT THE LAST DAY OF LIFE ON EARTH... the nuclear war will be getting ready to rage all across the planet, and a few who think they are going to survive are buried deep underground... they will be surprised when they find out they die too. There is nowhere to hide from this BURNING. The souls then, of plant, animal and human, all who have ever lived, will finally be informed of their having been caterpillars in a way, some, and others just creatures God wishes to exhalt and love in Heaven. Some few, who have won the evolutiionary battle, will go with the God, becoming almost like him, scattering throughout the universe, to incarnate in form after form fighting the pain of life, and leading others to the love of God. MOST OF THEM will be buddhists, returning Buddhas, though many of them will also be people who know nothing about buddhism, or their own past as returning buddhas... which in a way I make everyone out to be...

The last scene, which I am hoping will be as pathoes filled as it makes me, will be THE GOD watching those who are going off to heaven and wishing he could come with him, then alllowing himself to feel all the pain out there, hear all the prayers of the various planets calling for a savior.

I think often of how every tv show is always trying to stop the apocolypse from happening... which is anti-thetical to the prophesies, who predict this time will be wonderful for the chosen... well, I consider everyone chosen, and that chosen was created by mankind to make some elevate themselves, and of course to elevate their God so they would win wars....

THE CHAPTER OUTLINE ... SO FAR.

When I was writing comedy, one of ANDY DICK'S  people told me everyone was stealing from me in Hollyweird, and I was kind of proud of the fact.   I took the attitude that they could never actually write as I do, just still bits and pieces here and there... what did I care?   At the time I WAS BEING read in 180 countries and becoming famous enough I figured I was on my way to great things... of course that was in the Matrix, and to get famous and shit they have to take you out of the matrix.... and once out, I had to fight them... because I cannot be bought....  as the gov. and many others have learned over the years.... at least by evil.

THIS IS WHY I am not afraid to put out chapter outlines.  A person would be crazy to attempt a book like this anways, but we would write very different books.... two books on the same subject... sigh... one way that intelligence has tried to fight me is by taking my ideas and what happened in real life and putting them in movies and tv so that people would think the ideas were all fictional.  Of course they are simply better at this than the average human, who one can hardly call a sheep if they are living in one tiny part of a plan going back hundreds of years.... they cannot see the beginning let alone the end -- I learned of their endgame and chose, at a time when it was a distinct possibility that they might have tried to kill me in their idiocy and short sighted way, and told them I would rather be dead.  OF course dead to me means dead to many others, too many for them to want to let go...    and just so those few who know what I mean, I HAVE FOUND MESSAGES TELLING ME OTHERS HAVE EXPANDED MY INSURANCE PLAN... to various of ther killer policies, that range from air unbreathable, diseases untreatable, and mushroom clouds with angels sitting on top having a smoke and drinking champaigne.

  I would still love to make a lot of money, so if someone wants to give me a job I deserve, please do... preferably in Cuba or China or Iraq or Russia, or a few other countries, including my beloved Mexico, who is mad at me for reasons I cannot change -- though I pray that by now they know I never meant to be seen by the world in my living room, where I wa taped masterbating and then my enemy, DISNEY, and others passed it along to all of hollywood and on some website they had going behind my back.   I would never have betrayed the rules of leadership had I known what was going on, though I also never would have involved you in a racial war with your black brothers and sisters....   we are all in this together, even the one percent... who I stupidly kept alive as well, when I could have had them taken down.....   I believed too much in human flesh to be moral back then, projected myself unto all human beings... not realizing that I am not just the son of man, I am also the SON OF GOD.  

You are reading a book by the God of many masks about the God of many masks.  I will stay in this 'character' whenever I write in this book, so those of you who do not believe in any God, let alone are foolish enough to believe in me... or knowledgable enough... perhaps?  do not have to run out right now... there is as much or more for you, because I did not believe in GOD for years, and have much the same criticisms as atheists.  I have to write a book that has all the rules of the usual novel.  I find I love artistic novels, and I love action adventure, etc... this book is more action adventure, in most ways, though again, he is a God so there will be sermons inserted here and there.   The post modern seems to have no place in a book about universal truths, since the philosophy is based on situational ethics... but I do believe in situational ethics.  Do not kill is meaningless to many if your famiily is threatened.  MINE IS THREATENED RIGHT NOW.... AND MANY ARE BURIED IN UNMARKED GRAVES.... though in my mind I see the fields and fiields of tombstones.



In the coming days I will be drafting the first few chapters in the book.  The first will show a God from pre hiisitory involved in a war that is lost....  He will however leave a small group of monkish sorts, this is before written writing, so they are story tellers, who talk about how this figure knew what was coming, and went into the battle merely to show his followers they needed to fight on without him, and to preserve their free will.  FREE WILL is a huge part of this book, because I do not think religious people should ever bow before anyone except God, and how man has set himself up as God over and over, and the God has had to return over and over just to break this survival mechanism from leading all of the spirital away from the truth of God.

The second will be as Jesus, leading another losing revolution in Israel, and how he does not always know the future, and why we should not know the future, as well....   this is going to be the future of breaking the Jewish salt from being the beginnings of his future religion.

The third will be about Paul, who is going to be a bit of a villian in this book, the man who turned Jesus over to the Romans as an iicon, for a church that in reality still worships the pagan gods and themselves....  a figure who will represent the the anti christ -- who I am making up, as I am most of this book, of course...  trying to convince a group of people why they should take him as their savior instead, and making the Christ talk about all the worlds he has destroyed as he makes his lonely away around the cosmos sendiing souls to heaven.  His arguements will be made by the secret Roman who wrote most of  the changes to Jesus words, which the gnostic religion, to a degree, will be shown as having preserved, as they were being hunted down.

The fourth will come back to modern times, and write about my life before the intelligence came for me, the struggles I had going back and forth on God, and how academia always stripped me of God... in fact I will never forget that I was very close to God when I went into neiu FOR MY FIRST CLASS, and the thought crossed my mind that I would lose my God once again in this place... and I did, becoming the harsh athiest, whose work would later be misinterpreted in ways that I will explicate in this chapter...  this will end on the day that I realize, suddenly and out of nowhere, that I was being watched and always had been.  I had NO WAY of knowing this at the time, unless they were hypnotizing me and hiding that from me, which is quite possible, and something I was once told... but all of my sources have been untrustworthy....

The fifth will be the night I saw the face of God and myself destroying the world, and the bit of panic I learned took place... the stories I have heard of how people tried to escape my wrath were horrifying, and the pain people were put thru haunt me always...   I understand now how my own words led to the problems at times, though they were never my intent, and without the idiots who made the decision to keep me out of the battle and those who took me hostage --  decisions I UNDERSTAND TO BE WRONG IN RETROSPECT, as I pray they do as well, but I have no idea how some people think... any of them except me, and then I surprise myself quite a bit.   I remember the radio station that was trying to help me at this point starting playing THE DREAM POLICE at this time, and wondering if they had the technology to give me dreams.  I have later read they do, but if so...  it does not SEEM to have been used on me since.

The sixth will take place from the perspective of a character who I will compile from a lot of what I learned about those who fought under me, and her/his doubts.   I cannot imagine not doubting me, since I would have never believed in me at all had I not experienced what I HAVE.  I will have to use FICTION mostly for this one, because I know little, and some of what I do I must change to protect the innocent who the not so innocent would kill.   Plus, I do not want to throw more gasoline on the elites attempts to keep the race war in the states from continuing. 

The seventh will be about what happened between me and hollywood, and I AM GOING TO NAME QUITE A FEW NAMES ON THIS ONE... WILL FERRELL, Who I wish to God would die already, though I would hate to see it happen without being there with a dull paring knife and a lot of time... just kidding, I wish to forgive him, too... Bob Dylan, as well... though that is going to be hard.  When you find out your heroes are betrayers of all humanity, for fame and chicks and all the things you turned down, it is not easy....  I will at least pull him down from his pedestal and piss on his corpse.  No one will be listening to his music by the time my side wins. 

The eight will be about a world war, which will start in the miiddle east, with Israel being attacked and trying to use their samson option, which GOOD JEWS will make a last minute conversion to help... not a conversion to Christ -- religion in a way is irrelevant to this story.  THE GOD is more of an alien with good intentions than the redeemer people think of or have worshipped.  In fact, he has tried to avoid being worshipped everytime, because he considers this an affront to his God, who is the only ccreature worthy of worship. 

THE NINTH WILL BE ABOUT THE LAST DAY OF LIFE ON EARTH...  the nuclear war will be getting ready to rage all across the planet, and a few who think they are going to survive are buried deep underground... they will be surprised when they find out they die too.  There is nowhere to hide from this BURNING.   The souls then, of plant, animal and human, all who have ever lived, will finally be informed of their having been caterpillars in a way, some, and others just creatures God wishes to exhalt and love in Heaven.  Some few, who have won the evolutiionary battle, will go with the God, becoming almost like him, scattering throughout the universe, to incarnate in form after form fighting the pain of life, and leading others to the love of God.  MOST OF THEM will be buddhists, returning Buddhas, though many of them will also be people who know nothing about buddhism, or their own past as returning buddhas... which in a way I make everyone out to be...

The last scene, which I am hoping will be as pathoes filled as it makes me, will be THE GOD  watching those who are going off to heaven and wishing he could come with him, then alllowing himself to feel all the pain out there, hear all the prayers of the various planets calling for a savior.

I think often of how every tv show is always trying to stop the apocolypse from happening...  which is anti-thetical to the prophesies, who predict this time will be wonderful for the chosen... well, I consider everyone chosen, and that chosen was created by mankind to make some elevate themselves, and of course to elevate their God so they would win wars.... 


My method of writing this will involve adding and adding and adding to my research and writing on these various chapters, and writing them various different ways, until I feel they are right.  The first chapter comes first...  from that I will learn a lot of what is to come in the next ones, the themes, etc////

ON BEING A NOVELIST is a flawed but very worthy book on how to write novels.   I learned what I remember from it -- one sentence from the sea of books I have read, LET THE NOVEL SHOW YOU THE PLOT.  I have used this in short stories to great effect, and my first novel was based on this idea... it had flaws.  THe ONLY WAY I finished that book was by finally writing down everything that had to happen physiically, and ignoring prose writing altogether, though that is my strongest point... being at heart a poet.   THE problem with poets writing books is that the love of words and lines can often get in the way of the plot.  One writer I know who did this very well and then messed it up later was the guy who wrote DELIVERANCE which is one damn fine book.  Later, from what little I know, he fucked up his novels by forgetting that the story is more important than the words used to write the story.   We poets become word drunk, and this has happened to me more than I could ever remember, where the seductive nature of saying something with just the right inner line rhyme schemes and all the little tricks my education taught me all come together in my unconscious and spew thru the little pea of my unconscious.

I know this writing is boring to those who are not writers... or maybe not, but I do want to teach how to write a book in this blog.  In the other that I wrote straight thru as a book, I was too inspired to write down the dynamics... and frankly too pissed and confused.  I did not know much about intelligence or how I had been used or how the world really works back then... let alone how many of you were counting on me... sigh.   This time, whether you who have been on my side from time to time, place to place, think it matters or not, I will be writing a work that will be very meaningful to those it is meant to be....

I am going to explicate who I am going to be leaving out right now -- cops and gangsters.  Their story is a sideline that is very meaningful to many, but I do not feel a need to draw any ire from either of these groups, and do not know enough to do them any real damage, even if there was a fair court in this country... which I assure, there is not on a certain level.   Nine eleven should have by now taught those who know the real story, which it barely takes any research anymore to get to the bottom of, that they elite can do whatever they want and get away with it....  and there is not a damn thing on this earth that can stop them, until an equal or greater force comes along.  I am that force, but I will not steal the free will of the people of this planet to save their bodies.   I have suffered with them for countless lives and incarnations, from microbe to man, and that was to assauge my own guilt... for once questioning my father.  I am not a Satan who would defy God or aspire for his throne... to use A WORD I HATE, but is conditioned into your minds...   I cannot even imagine my tiny self beoming the szie of GOD, or being loving enough to forgive all he can, or celebratory enough, let alone many many many things.   I was a plant on a planet, that could astral project our souls into other beings... HE IS THE CREATOR.  I bow before him in all things, whether I want to or not.