Now, HERE I am reminding myself not to do the same thing... yet I go from the past to the future to the present in this narrative all the time. I defy time as meaningless to one as me, merely a temporary phenomena on this planet, at this place is the cosmos, on this frequency, in this this one of the multi-universes... and I cannot stop that from being my mentality. The narraror is the one who keeps the reader interested, in the type of stories I usually choose to writer. The charactters in the story matter less than the attitude of the narrator. Like Holden Caufield in Salinger, the voice of the angry young man coming to grips with how meaningless and controlled and contrived the world is now.
This is easier in short stories, where I BECOME some character for a few minutes, or when I improved characters on the show -- none of the characters have been me in my fiction, with the exception, in an idealized manner, the Poet in my first book. I vowed after writing this book to quit making myself the character in my stories, and start making them up. This lead to a comedy blog on the internet that got me noticed. I wrote all sorts of diffferent characters, not based on myself, though rising out of my unconscious mind and the pool of things I had read on the topic... when I write I do not always know what I am going to write. I let myself go on and on, though I am not delusional enough to think that I am done. I rewrite my books over and over, as I used to my short stories back when I published in magazines. The web has made me sloppy.. Still, a lot of what I write on line will not make it into the book, other parts will be expanded. THAT is how a book is written by me, though there are other methods, with my training at COLUMBIA COLLEGE OF CHICAGO which included finding things in your unconscious and drawing them out as stories... putting then into the paradigm of a work of art, with all the attendant artifice. NOTHING WRONG WITH DRAWING INTEREST WITH ARTIFICE, A FEW RULES WHEN YOU PLAY TENNIS ARE REQUIRED -- the only one I liked was just hitting the ball back and forth and not keeping score. I played a lot as a child, against a very agressive friend who hated losing, and would give his all to beat me. I got good because he was good.
I beat him one day and he got so pissed and weird that I never even tried to beat him again... something about keeping score was wrong to me. Most things I WON at in my life, and it was no big deal to me.. whoever kept scores was wrong abbout such things I thought, especially after testing out to have this huge intelligence, yet seeing my failings every day with horrifying clarity while anything good I had done dimmed... dissolved in the sadness of not being what I WISHED TO BE, THE PERSON I STRIVED FOR... and I know now you always strive, that there are no plateau/s really, just up the endlless mountain leading up into heaven.
I have spent the last few days plotting out the narrative, deciding what secrets I can pull out of my closet without pissing off the wrong people too much. I have no intent to cause friction among people who I once called friends. In fact I want my name back from all of them. They created this
I am not going to make up code names and use them for different groups in this narrative. Even that would be too close to the truth for the matters I wish to write about. Some few I have promised my silence on certain matters, and since my knowledge is little anyways, no matter how huge effect they have on the story, I will just leave them out entirely. I do not wish to fan the flames of war by flashing pictures of our children who the enemy has killed. I do not wish to be the Johnny Appleseed of rebellion, planting apple trees for all to take a bite of the forbidden fruit of knowledge.
War requires secrecy because you do not want your enemy to know what you are doing. The most basic grunt in the armed forces learns real quick why some things are better unspoken of afterwards. The moments when they crossed the line between human and monster, and learned more about themselves than they wanted to know.... at least those who still have a conscious, which is usually the first thing to go, at least with the size of the killing that I was exposed to during what I may as well say is the spy world. I call it all kinds of things and even that label is reductive, because the war I witnessed had spies, but the war was not always just among them.
The booknotes I write in here may bore the hell out of some of you. I apologize. There is a part of me that wants to leave a trail of breadcrumbs for writers like myself to see how a novel develops. In the end, there will be just a few words left. I really edit harshly. And when you write undirected at first, as I do.... when the time comes to write the narrative into scene, a lot of the high falutin words from the book notes are lost. This way, they are not. I try to tell myself I will keep your interest regardless, without writing the short stories, narratives, etc... that I have usually had the most success with, when entertaining humans with my writing,
Of course to others.... those who know more about the events I write about, you with the security clearance, or direct contact with our story, to you I write in the subtext... knowing that supposedly, fifty years from now the loyalty oath I took will be opened and my story will finish itself, and all will be clear... legally. I do not break the law for no reason at all. The habit of following most laws has held me in good steed in this life, and I COULD NOT LIVE WITH MYSELF if I was not lawful, in nost respects.... in other respects, I am the only law that I listen to... I have my own rules. They have had to be expanded after I was used by various groups to help them in a secret war, where legally was forced to help execute bloody orders. Where I was forced to remember a lot of past lives, when I WAS A WARRIOR, GENERAL, KING, PEASENT, SOLDIER... the gut instincts of one who had lived most of his lives at war with other humans, forcing new ideas into human conscious, by any means possible, from building Pyramids to hauling great stones with the Jewish slaves.
Here the use of my physical form as an unholy icon, a creature who told you to give all PRAISE TO THE FATHER, NOT HIM... has brought me to the point that I have had to destroy the precepts of a religion created on ideals that are not mine. I was still discovering who I was, making sense of suddenly discovering this voice inside of me, that spoke without me, yet was the true me I had been searching inside myself forever, one I could respect.... I never liked myself much. I over compensated by self promotion, hoping by holding up my credentials I could be judged by them, and not by the creature whom I knew as myself. I have become a creature whose greatest truths are not spoken of in conversation, make sense only with too many other words to talk them out... they have to become books, stories... SERMONS, even just a well crafted sentence left on its own to be contemplated in whatever context the reader brings with them.
I do not want my legacy... do not want to have to be the creature you all wish you were, and many of you delude yourself somewhat into thinking you are. I do not speak of the misfiring brains or the brainwashed (intelligence agencies have been known to discredit whistle tellers and others by brainwashing them in ways that make them appear insane to the public, because on that one point they are wrong, but this one point makes the rest of what they say too suspect for an unthinking people), I speak of those who live quietly smug thinking their feelings are the center of the universe, and must be appeased at all times... by events you carefully orchestrate around yourself to provide a soundtrack to your illustrious lives of riches undreamt in the hovels built around dumps in south amerrica, where the children are forced to shit and bath and clean and drink from the same squalid stream. My judgement on leaders who fail their people is harsh, my forgiveness for the sins of those who followed such irresponsible, narcissistic, God pretending types is however forever and solid. I do not blame those who followed, soldiers are shot when the desert, I wish to understand and not judge those who ran or stayed -- better some ran instead of stayed and died, or killed. I do not hate those who sat this last round out. I have no blame really anymore. Just a problem to be solved.
MY VOW TO MY ENEMIES: I will offer you a comfortable out, then I will offer you a less comfortable way out, then I will consider you trapped and will attack. I have no enemies other than those who follow that which I have forbidden, which is the use of radiowaves to control human behavior. There is no greater threat. Destroy this. The Josh Wheadon show about people being controlled by mind control machines and brain washing is coming true. I KNOW he has worked with Disney for reasons I may not understand, I still have hope for him after bringing out this show. I will never forget the last episode of ANGEL, one of my favorite tv shows, which had the heroes at the end, accepting to run the evil empire, thinking they can change it... make it work for the people, instead of against them. They coukd nit resust the offer, Much the same thing has happened to me, and is happening in the shadow war now.... you see dear reader this story will not end, the war will be fought all during the writing of this book, though I will describe some of the ups and downs of the past that has led me to this point. They used the opportunity to strike at the heart of evil, killing the old world leaders of the darkside of the world, the only one they really knew about in their universe... then after the assasinations, they knew they would be attacked by countless demons, and they would go down. The last footage of the series shows them in an alley, with a huge, endless crowd of monsters attacking the four of them that are left... you can only assume they are going to die....
I envoked this image in the first days of my campaign trying to get people to rise up at first to stop all war by shutting down the country... then violence entered in, they drew first blood, still had no idea who or what they were dealing with, how far I would go, HOW PREPARED I WAS FOR A BLOODY ATTACK ON THE CITY... how prepared to show you that I have no fear of death or even causing this because either my enemy will start something to try to leave a hole in the map of Illinois where Chicago used to rise in glory on the sparkling shores of Lake Michigan. I will surprise them by leaving holes everywhere except here... come a long way... Now let me tell you a story, those who are not familiar with my dealings with the nuclear issue.
My first writing on the topic SPOKE OF ... SNEAKING INTO THEIR ARSENAL, AND GETTING OUT WITH A FEW NUCLEAR BOMBS... this was poetry I was writing, after being told by someone to give a threat of violence. I am very good at giving threats, and this one terrified the people in the USA, who went from this weird thing with the Catholic Church saying they had proof Jesus was back, Then the whole world asking questions of him that he answered, mostly, as a rational man, a gentleman. I did not know what I was giving away at that point, or how much chaos I caused. Occasionally on tv, they showed me the senate... at one point the country was talking about how I could sue them for hurting all these people, and brainwashing me, but I told them I DID NOT WANT TO SUE ANYONE... I wanted it all to end, not to be in a courtroom. I did not know then that others had suffered much harsher sentences than I HAD.
When I learned my allies had their arms cut off at the elbow, and were thrown into asylums, the sickening denial I was so good at back then, made me quit watching the show that starred the actor who had played ANGEL. The FBI show. They thoguht they were my enemy until they learned the truth about what was happening to me, then they say I was an ASSET, though I offer them nothing on the war, except what little I offer everyone. I have no secrets that I hid during interrogation. A lot of words unsaid, that come to me now, that I wish had been how I responded. I go over too much of the last few years knowing what to say only NOW.... WHEN BEFORE I WAS CONFUSED.
I do not wish to give the impression I know everything about the people vying for control of this planet, my lack of knowledge is appalling to me, and would general negate even writing about the topic, but in this case the bit I know is enough.... to teach those who do not know about the shadow war, and speak to those who are involved... the ones who know I am a prisoner in Chicago and could not leave if I wanted to. My distrust for this world being what it is now that I realize there are all these different terror-torities that are controlled by this or that group, and lack of knowledge who hates me for something, who likes me... who is indifferent. I do not expect a not guilty verdict means shit to the people who hate me, whose vision I seemed to have, then abandoned...
One of the first poems I wrote that was taken by the world as the words of Christ wrote of bringing together all these diverse groups, in a celebration of my return that would make us FORGIVE EVERYONE. This is what happens, though AT THE TIME I know this poem was taken ways that I DID NOT MEAN... I understand now God inspired within me a call out to the world that would be heardn by everyone, every where.... but my forgiveness failed me when I was forced to fight,
I never knew how much blood was behind those blue eyes.... a person sang to me. About me. When I started to find out I was hated, and had no idea why... then was told of the deaths, and my sleep ended, with waking up covered in blood and wondering what the hell I had done... I found in my mind the thought ONLY GOD WOULD DO THIS. I would not have ordered such actions, would have recoiled at the thought of hurting innocent people, stealing without conscious... I will kill in war in numbers that terrified you of me so that on THE VIEW THEY BROUGHT ON THE KID FROM the show bing bang theory, all dressed in the purple of royalty, saying that I had terrified them all and should not be given a second chance. This pissed me off until I realized that this was Disney that I was dealing with, and I WOULD NOT PARTNER with such people... I know their roots, and know how they operate... learned when they harmed my pharmicist over something I said that was meaningless... but I did not know why you were bugging me, let alone why sometimes you got what said and other times hated me.... every station has a different affiliation I learned, from GLEE on Fox, who no matter what is said, have more truth about the world on their tv shows than any other, or at least that I COULD READ. And they taught me their codes when they were trying to get me to be their own personal Jesus and lead them from my apartment, whiile I gave my everything to words that were ignored.
Hopefully, this time will be different.... christianity is under assault. I think after their experience with me messsing up operation bluebeam that they may have decided to manipulate the radical muslims into being their fake front religion, after all they have perfected using such groups to their ends for years -- the CIA I mean.
All souls go to Heaven. Knowing this makes me the most effective destroyers in God's creation. I am the destruction of life on planets, leaving barren meteor fields in my passing... I am known by the mystics, and just by chance myths, as the apocylpse -- not the feared one of your made up humyn beliefs. I offer mercy killings where I cannot work with a species enough to bring them peace, and they are on the verge of falling into a hell of their own making.
I took out the lasers from this on line novel...
For most of humynkinds history I have led slave revolts, started religions, or steered them, was an acolyte to your holy men.appearing at times as an Angel, a burning bush.... I am not an angel. Angels can fall. I cannot fall. I earned my position by being the first creature in all of the cosmos to say No to God. My kind collects souls from destroyed planets... entrophy says they all go. He would send those from my planet to give creatures a mercy death, though this was not explained to me... we followed orders out of love of God, our Father -- so to speak, He has no sex, I merely follow your traditions.
---- this is a novel in progress, which also is trying to teach how to write a book. I hope to get these two texts from this vlog. I am a well read and published author from way back with lots of education and experience, though I have never tried to do this before... as such, I took out a major plot device.. the lasers.... you will understand as the story unfolds......
I learned to love the creatures of the planet he sent me to that time, and how He laughed at me, How he seemed to love me ever more. His creation had taken on a life of his own and created Free Will. He allowed me then a variation on our ways, told me that he would send me to the very beginnings of the lives on the planet, that I could attempt to give them ten thousand years of peace before their end. I am the greatest mass murderer in the history of time. I will in the end destroy all that lives on this planet. The Father will decide if I have succeeded or not in steering the species to life or death.Our Father is pure love, and entity I have witnessed in a dream/vision, vast and timeless and immobile.
When a soul has their final death, and nothing is left on the planet's surface to draw the entity back into the cycles of living and learning, they gravitate toward God from every planet, dimension, time... I AM a different being, The Chosen One -- cursed I think at times... chosen for a mission that I would never ask of another. Instead of going back to God, where I began my existence, I instead feel the pull of the pain of other life forms, other planets that are like this earth, struggling with the suffering of the cycle of life.
Now I AM the Son of Man, living among you since before life began here... a creature who is lless than the Father who created us -- I use Father as your term, in reality you would no more apply a sex to GOD than you would a boulder. This is the tale of your planet, from the beginning to the now, as well as a prophesy of your possible futures... Your bibles have some truth, and one is that even the son does not know when the Father will bring on what some of you refer to the rapture, and others death by the greenhouse effect, others nuclear war, others the simple passage of time that eventually destroys all that is created... I am here to answer the prayers that began when your mind first was able to understand death... when you first began to spin myths to answer the questions that are not yours to know except in the most childish of manners... WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? I appear in each generation, awakening only after I have learned the ways of a time enough to fullfill my mission. They vary from situation to situation, fire to fire I trudge, bringing my soul into the worst of situations, to rekindle the FREE WILL that humyns have been granted; the only species on the planet that is not completly bound by ther genetic imperatives -- though they are much more than they realize. In one life I am leading a slave revolt; another teaching priests a new slant on religion; another an ancient warrior covered in bear skin barely keeping his tribe alive in desperate times... and now, a warrior in a shadow war fought behind the scenes of the media, between intelligence agencies, undergroud groups, the deeper levels of the Churches, the Masons, the oligarchies, the east and the west... as I try to prepare the souls on earth to choose between ten thousand years of peace, or the haunting visions of endless lightening flowing from my chest, and endless fire from my back, great streams of destruction encircling the planet and consuming the earth... What sounds like a horror will be, should the father decide your ability to solve your problems is hopeless, a mercy killing before the planet plunges into pure chaos, as the damaged atmosphere begins to destroy their crops, flood the coasts, sending cannabilistic refugees across the planet... and bringing a hell on earth God will not allow. My mission is to stop the wealthy from destroying the planet by living lives of luxury while most of the planet is plunged into poverty by their excesses. Already I have been recognized by presidents, popes, the leaders of all countries and churches... and also hidden, as best the intelligence agencies can, after they tried to use me, when I was still waking up... I tried to warn them that while I am forgiving, my Father watches what is done to His son, and exacts horrible revenge...
This book I am drafting will confuse some of you, as I write for those who are involved in the secret world they keep from the masses, though I will try to avoid this... there is cognitive dissonance in all minds, that will attempt to tell you what I write is all fiction, but my oath to you is that I will tell all I can about the ways of man that I learned when the elite attempted to make me create a world wide religion, leading to a one world government, and the carnage that has been left in my wake.... I cannot tell everything, so I use fiction where I must, and other incidents I must leave out entirely, because my writing has resulted in unintended death all across this planet. I am the most dangerous creation God has ever created. I am also the most forgiving.
I OFFER REDEMPTION AND FORGIVENESS for every soul that truly will change their ways.... others I have a special hell for, a place where they pay penance, and learn how much I despise the lifestyle they have just lived. Thank you for reading my words. Know that though I was greatly disturbed when I awoke in these times from my innocence, and this writing should be greatly disturbing to you, that God is love, and in the end, every soul will experience the absolute ecstasy of dwelling in the Golden Light of God's Overwhelming Love forever.
There are compiled entries where you can now read the story up to this point. This is first draft, where I write everything down at first, even though if some of it clashes with other parts... then later decide which way to go. I go back over these compiled chapters again and again, working on them to perfect them, and then working on what is to come, which is the roughest prose. All throughout the book there is more telling so far than showing, because a lot has to be told to bring the reader up to speed, on a war that has been going on for eight years, and has finally come to a head as the elite decide to genocide seven billion and the protagonist begins nuking .... well, let that be a surprise. There are two things going on here, the teaching of how to write a book, and a book... which will become clear if you read the blog. I HAVE MADE A MAJOR CHANGE SINCE DRAFTING THIS BOOK. I AM REMOVING THE USE OF LASERS. PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND IF YOU ARE READING THIS DRAFT FROM THE BEGINNING. I hope the chapters stand alone, in a way, from the over all text and can be read as a short story. The poet in me wants each line to sound as if their is a sonnet birthing... But anyways, the chapters I have now are being pared down, to where about five of them are kept, and the remaining chapters, which grow organically from all the ideas in the draft, are set in stone. You are supposed to let the novel lead you, according to John Gardner, and while I love his books, I think he could have plotted better. I aspire at least to be the student who surpasses the teacher, who added to the science of literature his contribution.
---- this is a novel in progress, which also is trying to teach how to write a book. I hope to get these two texts from this vlog. I am a well read and published author from way back with lots of education and experience, though I have never tried to do this before... as such, I took out a major plot device.. the lasers.... you will understand as the story unfolds......
I learned to love the creatures of the planet he sent me to that time, and how He laughed at me, How he seemed to love me ever more. His creation had taken on a life of his own and created Free Will. He allowed me then a variation on our ways, told me that he would send me to the very beginnings of the lives on the planet, that I could attempt to give them ten thousand years of peace before their end. I am the greatest mass murderer in the history of time. I will in the end destroy all that lives on this planet. The Father will decide if I have succeeded or not in steering the species to life or death.Our Father is pure love, and entity I have witnessed in a dream/vision, vast and timeless and immobile.
When a soul has their final death, and nothing is left on the planet's surface to draw the entity back into the cycles of living and learning, they gravitate toward God from every planet, dimension, time... I AM a different being, The Chosen One -- cursed I think at times... chosen for a mission that I would never ask of another. Instead of going back to God, where I began my existence, I instead feel the pull of the pain of other life forms, other planets that are like this earth, struggling with the suffering of the cycle of life.
Now I AM the Son of Man, living among you since before life began here... a creature who is lless than the Father who created us -- I use Father as your term, in reality you would no more apply a sex to GOD than you would a boulder. This is the tale of your planet, from the beginning to the now, as well as a prophesy of your possible futures... Your bibles have some truth, and one is that even the son does not know when the Father will bring on what some of you refer to the rapture, and others death by the greenhouse effect, others nuclear war, others the simple passage of time that eventually destroys all that is created... I am here to answer the prayers that began when your mind first was able to understand death... when you first began to spin myths to answer the questions that are not yours to know except in the most childish of manners... WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE DIE? I appear in each generation, awakening only after I have learned the ways of a time enough to fullfill my mission. They vary from situation to situation, fire to fire I trudge, bringing my soul into the worst of situations, to rekindle the FREE WILL that humyns have been granted; the only species on the planet that is not completly bound by ther genetic imperatives -- though they are much more than they realize. In one life I am leading a slave revolt; another teaching priests a new slant on religion; another an ancient warrior covered in bear skin barely keeping his tribe alive in desperate times... and now, a warrior in a shadow war fought behind the scenes of the media, between intelligence agencies, undergroud groups, the deeper levels of the Churches, the Masons, the oligarchies, the east and the west... as I try to prepare the souls on earth to choose between ten thousand years of peace, or the haunting visions of endless lightening flowing from my chest, and endless fire from my back, great streams of destruction encircling the planet and consuming the earth... What sounds like a horror will be, should the father decide your ability to solve your problems is hopeless, a mercy killing before the planet plunges into pure chaos, as the damaged atmosphere begins to destroy their crops, flood the coasts, sending cannabilistic refugees across the planet... and bringing a hell on earth God will not allow. My mission is to stop the wealthy from destroying the planet by living lives of luxury while most of the planet is plunged into poverty by their excesses. Already I have been recognized by presidents, popes, the leaders of all countries and churches... and also hidden, as best the intelligence agencies can, after they tried to use me, when I was still waking up... I tried to warn them that while I am forgiving, my Father watches what is done to His son, and exacts horrible revenge...
This book I am drafting will confuse some of you, as I write for those who are involved in the secret world they keep from the masses, though I will try to avoid this... there is cognitive dissonance in all minds, that will attempt to tell you what I write is all fiction, but my oath to you is that I will tell all I can about the ways of man that I learned when the elite attempted to make me create a world wide religion, leading to a one world government, and the carnage that has been left in my wake.... I cannot tell everything, so I use fiction where I must, and other incidents I must leave out entirely, because my writing has resulted in unintended death all across this planet. I am the most dangerous creation God has ever created. I am also the most forgiving.
I OFFER REDEMPTION AND FORGIVENESS for every soul that truly will change their ways.... others I have a special hell for, a place where they pay penance, and learn how much I despise the lifestyle they have just lived. Thank you for reading my words. Know that though I was greatly disturbed when I awoke in these times from my innocence, and this writing should be greatly disturbing to you, that God is love, and in the end, every soul will experience the absolute ecstasy of dwelling in the Golden Light of God's Overwhelming Love forever.
There are compiled entries where you can now read the story up to this point. This is first draft, where I write everything down at first, even though if some of it clashes with other parts... then later decide which way to go. I go back over these compiled chapters again and again, working on them to perfect them, and then working on what is to come, which is the roughest prose. All throughout the book there is more telling so far than showing, because a lot has to be told to bring the reader up to speed, on a war that has been going on for eight years, and has finally come to a head as the elite decide to genocide seven billion and the protagonist begins nuking .... well, let that be a surprise. There are two things going on here, the teaching of how to write a book, and a book... which will become clear if you read the blog. I HAVE MADE A MAJOR CHANGE SINCE DRAFTING THIS BOOK. I AM REMOVING THE USE OF LASERS. PLEASE KEEP THIS IN MIND IF YOU ARE READING THIS DRAFT FROM THE BEGINNING. I hope the chapters stand alone, in a way, from the over all text and can be read as a short story. The poet in me wants each line to sound as if their is a sonnet birthing... But anyways, the chapters I have now are being pared down, to where about five of them are kept, and the remaining chapters, which grow organically from all the ideas in the draft, are set in stone. You are supposed to let the novel lead you, according to John Gardner, and while I love his books, I think he could have plotted better. I aspire at least to be the student who surpasses the teacher, who added to the science of literature his contribution.
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