The story begins when I am sucked into a revolution, in Chicago, that I did not realize was happening... though I fed it's fires that is for sure. A time when the entire world went, JESUS IS BACK. and the Catholic Church among many others told of a child who grew wings, and how they had to hide him, waiting for him to awaken into knowing he was the Christ... is one way mytale has been told. The other is that they tried to use me as the CHRIST IN OPERATION BLUEBEAM. I always let readers draw their own conclusions about this, though I was brainwashed, and did go from a christian hating agnostic to having the voice of Jesus flowing thru me into poetry, and coming to me as a storm out of nowhere that battered my life like a tsunami... I was very unstable during this period. All I knew was that I had been brainwashed, said a bunch of shit I did not mean to have drastic meaning to the world, since I still felt obscure.... I started thinking if I the Christ existed, then what else was possible?
THE signs of others taking me as Christ meant more to me than my own opinion on the matter. I was not worried about who I had been, or trying to prove anythig, just had these memories of being Christ, and the writing I was doing came from a voice that had always been within me, a CHRIST. The other side of this is that the other people who got involved with intelligence, which I did when they came after me for what should have been a peaceful campaign -- even the FBI came on the rado to say the people flocking into Chicago to see the Christ were non violent. I CERTAINLY MEANT THEM TO BE... then I realized that I was being filmed and abused in Chicago, by an embarrassed president who is a Christian, I believe, though was sorely deluded about me when he believed in me, taking me wrong all the time... then when he decided for awhile he did not believe he came after me.
I had called for a group to get together to stop the Republicans from stealing anymore elections, after GORE, AND people responded, with guns, ready to fight.... far beyond my sight violence began to break out. Little did I know a couple groups were using me to make money, as a figure head for a cult, and convincing people they should watch me on webcams, because my every move was sacred. When I thought at this time some spies were watching me, and as thus was pretty fucking cruel to the people watching me thru my tv... and the media people who sometimes acknowledged me and sometimes did not... all misnomers, or the orders of my Father, and men, not from me. I WOULD NEVER ASK YOU TO ATTACK PEOPLE BECAUSE I DISAGREE WITH THEIR IDEAS. I wrote the Jerry Farwell poem, in the third month of this, writing that I wanted him gone, and to save his students, after he wrote that Christ came friom a rich famikly and I blew my top... wrote about how I came from a poor family, then I came up with cruel words about sharks attacking him. Later that week on the pedestal of a preacher on TV it said KILL JERRY FARWELL. I laughed at it, thinkig it was a joke, and added that No, no.. you must never kill ministers. I thought the matter was closed, then I got a message on tv, Marlo Thomas suddenly talking about how Jerry Fallwell was an okay guy. I THOUGHT LITTLE OF IT until later, when I found out Jerry Fallwell died at the end of that week of a heart attack... which I learned way too long after hearing the term used, for over a year that was A SIGN that I had attacked someone one, HEART ATTACKS. Most did not involve death.
People thought I WAS MUCH MORE CRUEL than I am, because I responded to the brain washing, the horrible physical pain, the total confusion about what was happening around me, and all the while dealing with being a God on earth with a mission... the son of a magnificent creature who came to me on a night of three intense dreams, all unlike anyting I have ever dreamt before or since, exhilirating visiuons, in one I was a soul looking up at God;s face from far away in space, there are many specks of stars between us, but the face is so large that he can see the lightening bolts flashing in chaotic patterns across the various spheres that are GOD.... in another fire was flowing from his back and lightening from his chest, endless streams blasting over the earth... an exhilerating feeling better than anything he had ever felt in his waking life, and a third where the co host of a radio program he was doing was beaten up... and he was beat up. Ubcudebts like this battered my scientific mind... mystical occurances seemed every day to me for awhile, and the wrath of God was a mad electric current alighting me with riutious anger... at this and that around the globe.
My presence caused the second largest private army in the world to swarm into Roger's Park... people were coming from all over the world to get a glimpse of me in person. They believed the rapture was coming, and that I am death for this planet. They were happy. I had a dream once, another indication this is real, that Jesus was returning to earth and a cloud appeared coming down between the skyscrapers on state street downtown, though I lived in another city and did not know state street... when I LATER moved here and saw the street, I RECOGNIZED IT from my dream, where I FEKLT GREAT EUPHORIA as I ran down the street screaming the christ was coming. I WAS MARRIED AT THE TIME, BUT NOT IN THE DREAM... and we agreedm tgat no matter how many came between us when we were apart, that we were married now and free love was almost a part of heaven... we made love then, a catholic church where we had ducked into to talk... I ran back out into the street, looking up at the thin strip of blue visible high above the buildings looming up from all sides, a thin cloud appeared and I expected the Christ to be on the cloud... instead, a rock band, kind of like painted up david bowie, came down to earth, and then alone stepped off the cloud.
Too many co incidences for them to be coincidences came to me. I did not want to make that big a deal out of this in my personal life, and kept my words about it to the book I was writing, and the blog where Jesus wrote poetry and narrative.
In my anger, I called for a revolution and guns came out of everywhere, because no one knew if I WAS THE LEADER OF THEIR GROUP OR NOT when indeed I was part of another groups plan, though I did not know it... and across the country people responded.... the time had come to turn the tables, and vet's and militias and criminals and many others came to my side. I did not expect any of it to really happen.... I was more surprised than anyone. When I saw that a revolution was possible I pushed as hard as I could in that direction, expecting to at some point be taken to a place to meet with the people I worked with. i HAD NO IDEA THAT TECHNICALLY I COULD NOT LEAVE CHICAGO... turns out, during the intelligence wranglings, the black underground had taken me as a hostage, in a secret race war. God had me born into a family with much intrigue, so I would be at the center of the spy game.... and God was I and still am. Mygrandfather a nazi writing hundred year plans, my mother a communist player... Both sides wanted me to work with them, write their way, be the son who would lead the revolt, or at least play Christ in a plan for world wide domination.
That summer, when I did not know what was happening, the first year, someone broke into my apartment and left a flyet saying GO BACK TO SLEEP YOUR COUNTRY IS IN THE HANDS OF NAZI'S.... I took this to mean face value, and much of it turned out to be true. My brain wash addled mind made a lot of mistakes because I was not told what was going on, except in occasional hints, and ways which did not make sense to me in the end. God, some tried so hard... THE CAST OF SEINFELD went all out, coming on with messages, doing their old repeats live, and giving me messages... the president was mad at me, and the media who could were trying to get messages to me...
I was too long a cab driver to put up with being fucked with very long without fighint back. After exhausting weeks of this shit after the brainashing, I wrote one night, ATTACK. BLITZKREIG. TAKE NO PRISONERS. CAN'T AFFORD EM. Many took off across the country, a lot in stolen RV's because of a comedy story I wrote about a group on the run in an RV./// they finally let me know by showing me footage,, and one kid even broke one of his teeth inhalf, to get what I wrote in a poem was THE PAIN TO GO ON THE UNDREAMED MISSION, or something like that, referring to my own back pain. I later heard from a soldier friend that he cut himself before every battle, to heighten his senses, increase his chances of surviving the frequent firefights he was in.
For awhile they were running live webcams from my apartment, first when it all started in oh seven, then again I think in twelve, when they asked, one station, why I was back... I answered them, because they were showing a gorilla king which was one designation for me at the tine, and I had just got cable and did not mean to be back.... then I did come back, got people watching me again out of religious reasons, and just because they liked it, because I smoked pot and gave lectures and talked about being Christ... I used the bugs in the room like the students I never had, knowing my words were being written down. I had to learn to live with it. The constant watching, and then my seeing something I had said or done even a day before showing up on a tv show.
It was believed I was giving cryptic orders... so much more was happening than I understood. I was being taken as a Holy Man and had no idea I was offending so many people. They let children watch these feeds though I kept telling them not to... and soon enough I hated them for invading my life, and felt my only rebellion against them was to live my life like they were not there.... to be an idiot, or cut my nails, or smoke pot, or whatever... I did not know I was being looked to for leadership. I did not know the secret world, or the shadow war well enoough to offer orders concernig what to do there.... I was thought blood thirsty, because groups that were actually in control gave me cryptic messages once in awgile, and while I COULD NOT TELL what they meant, they added up to certain people being killed. Later I would hear jokes about my being murderous and laugh, not knowing they were serious. I think of this now, knowing the violence my book and radio show and blog had actually caused by ignoting an underground war, and a fight between various religions... they tell me when I REFUSED A CATHOLIC BIBLE and took a Mormon one that Catholics switched to Mormons... I took the Mormon bible because they somehow knew that Christ was coming to the USA and I knew who I was..by then and the bible would help me remember.. The book I read escapes my memory but I felt like the spirit described was me... that I had helped steer the beginning of the Mormon religion, and the fact that a third of the RIdgway's became mormon, and South park which had an episode where Mormons were chosen in heaven as the ones who had it right.... I was not thinking Ill of the Catholic Bible.
I was told that I must act like water, be whatever religion I was around. He claimed to have met my mother at a huge gathering in New Orleans, where he was from and she used to go all the time, at a ceremony wherre she was wearing all white. I asked him what I am and he got all flabbergasted and tried to tell me how powerful I was and indescribable and all this... then dropped it. He was in with different groups. He was crazy as well, I suppose. He had toured europe with jazz bands in his youth, now he tries to drink, and talks about his dealings with intelligence, a bit... they sent messages thru him that I did not get. Once he told me that he found a purse on a golf course, and that there was a lot of blood there, and he went to a cop and the giuy would not do anything about it. He said maybe a woman cop would have done something, and left her purse at my place, inploring me to take it to a cop and tell them the story. Long later did I discover they sent him with a coded message that young girls, she from Iowa State University, a pretty girl from her picture, so young... Later, I would learn that a lot of peaceful protesters were being taken down to the golf couse and beaten to death.
I suppose the cops would not check it out because they knew. I do not know if it was the private army Bush brought in, the cops, rhired thugs.... just that behind cleaning up this intelligence was the CIA.... they drove me to violence.... then ordered me not to write, and I put out books and rose in power enough to challange them again, and tell them they must FACE THE CRIMES THEY HAVE DONE AGAINST MY FLOCK.... THOSE YOU HAD MURDERED AND BLAMED ON ME... JUST BLAMING ME WILL NOT MAKE THE TRUTH GO AWAY... their ghosts will rise from my every word from this day forward, this you should know....
THIS WAS MY introduction to being who I am. This and Bush asking me if I wanted the mexican boarder torn down.... which it surprised the hell out of me that anyone was asking me such a question. An act I had done outside a boarders bookstore led to thius order. I actually would have oopened that boarder, where I hear five million Mexicans were ready to join the revolution. They supported my cause for mant years, though I did not understand my place, and acted badly. Had I know you were my ally, and that which I did reflected on you as well, I would have behaved properly. You must realize I would never abandon one of my core beliefs, that I march in the path of Ceaser Chavez, though he is a better man than I... when I am human, there are better and worse men than me, that is only fair, I do nit want every statue to be a reflection of my own face.
After this, I went off and wrote waking up jesus in tiny apartment.
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