VISION... this entry is all over the place, be warned.

THE VOICE CAME OVER MY TELEVISION AND STUNNED ME:   

YOUR PEOPLE ARE AFRAID.


I was just finding out that I had been filmed and broadcast out to the world as the Christ, and particularly to some who called themselves acolytes on the west coast and in Europe -- where I was worshipped as a demi-god, though I was told no other details than that one line...    I knew that many knew of my activities, saw them mimicked on tv shows, heard them spoken of on Colbert and Stewart...  I knew if they were afraid something terrible had happened.   I did not know what yet but already I had heard of maimings, people losing their money, having their hair ripped out by hand... and other things, worse, which I did know what they meant when they told me.

I was taken hostage early on in my involvement in the shadow war, by a powerful group that basically runs chicago, the black underground, a feared group, with good reason, by all the families.  There was already bad blood when I knew nothing about it.... later they would think I was ordering a race war to somehow be set free...  when I did not even know really that I could not leave Chicago.  The rules of intelligence were beyond me then.  They still seem like something a madman would make up but going mad is not hardwired into my head.  Temporarily, sure... but even then not that mad.   Anger issues have been another story, grew up fighting too much, though I learned to use words that cut almost like a knife AND could avoid most physical fighting, I was a cab driver for years and my buttons were open to the public, which is not a good thing... unless you need to be instilled with the ability to fight every day for your perception of yourself against strangers who judge you harshly as beneath them because you are driving them.

Duriing this period of being filmed, I thought that I HAD friends and enemies bugging me, because some in the media liked me, others did not.  I was yet to figure out -- more correctly, be told, that the different stations have different agendas.   I found out a lot during that period, like the dogs, who I would have assumed had my philosophy if they were on my side, assumed the same thing about me... one being that I had something against people of different skin shades marrying...  times like that I realize that certain people have no idea what I believe at all, that they have ignored all this writing I have poured my life into.  They even suggested to me once that I had Stockholms Syndrome from living around the blacks, because they wanted me in a race war I found out about to my extreme shock and rage, and of course having my thinking questioned by people who know nothing...  I have almost always thought the same way I do now.... and I believe I think with the proper tools, just not enough building material to figure out what kind of House Intelligence is trying to build.

Now I have had to make clear that I will choose the side of anyone who is about to be wiped out for what they did in this war, because I do not believe in genocide, nor do I believe that people cannot go home from war and heal.   I finally figured  out enough of what you are doing to have my own side, and this comes quite late.   TOO LATE MANY WILL THINK..... but as I told the spies when they asked me why I walked around with my chest puffed out like I  had won....  I had not yet begin to fight at all, they just thought that because of something I wrote in a deep trance, still under the spell of the trauma of the brainwashing...  I repiled, I WIN JUST BY BEIING ALIVE.  They figured out later when I rose again... that I was serious.

Being what I am, your fate is tied to me.  Many of your lives are direccttly dependent on my physical well being.   I did not realize this before.   I did not give orders, so others diid.   I was unclear, so they took a few of my words and built scriipture up around them.   Humankind thinks they should be able to understand a God if one existed, yet they cannot even tell you how the space around them works, or how to access the other dimensions they have discovered... a God is  much more difficult puzzle to unravel, in fact one that humyns will never do.  I cannot begin to even allow the thought of understanding God to enter my head because when I try too many images come to me, encounters with this God and encounters with myself, the testament to the supernatural.   YET I should remember the Taoists and their vague definition of the Tao, which they do not begin to make human, or say humans are made in their form -- they do say man  is part of the Tao.... the how and why of this are beyond the truthful writer of this text.

I carried the pocket Tao for years, and reading the words brought me great comfort, if I was feeling down or needed inspiration or even something to think about on the bus.  My three copies all fell apart from being in my pants pocket and such.   During my AA years.   From this I remember most the story of the straw dogs, put out once a year, and ladden with the villages sins... which the wind soon enough scattered over the hills.   We are like the straw dogs to the Tao he writes.  Nothing to the Tao.    Here we part ways, and why my reliigons always have a central deity, because there is one.
I am aware of life always existing on aplanet with in sight of His might, close enough to feel his love pure and undiluted by the vastness of the cosmos, a place where neigther mind nor body could not believe in God.  Just was.   I would realize later when we are called Heaven during my soul travels out to how others came to be in soul, to slip from a body out into space, with an urge to follow the Love that every soul can feel coming from him, even those trapped in this flesh, at times, even if for most this only occurs after some lottery win when they thank God really meaning it....


The vision I am going to write about in here happened a few years ago, as I was laying on my couch two apartments ago, in ROGER'S PARK, where I was surrounded even on my walk abouts by cameras with audio...  feeling sorry for what the world had went through because of my threatening personality before the television.  Know your audience is something I take very seriously as a writer and especially as a performer or host;   I know my manners, though I will not give my enemies their benefits, and I thought anyone holding me in this life was an enemy.

I terrified big stars, as one said on the The View one day as they were discussing giving me a second chance... a second chance to work with Disney, who I despised, was not on my agenda, but I still hated being blamed for what they had put me thru, for the anger they caused, for the things they had done in my name.   I was drafted or my grandfather went along with them or they wanted me to king operation blue beam and I would not, but whatever it was.....    I am myself.   You do not get a bridge to my castle all your own, that you just built....  I knew nothing of them.   They claimed me.  Others I tried to help or criticize I was confused about as well.  The shock of all the murders I heard the different sides were perpetuating sounded like police work, like something that should never have existed, and the combatants stopped...  I had no idea yet the complexities of the revolution, or even who was truly on my philosophcal side and who was not.   The Dogs I learned, did not believe as I do....  I was made to be one though, and did not mind until I figured out what you meant.  By then my beliefs in the USA weere gone and  knew I needed the help of other countries.   I still fought for this one and saved it when I had to from people if I had known better their philosophies, may have let it fall.  All these things chalk  up to ignorance.   No where to research.  NOTHING I could find on the net.... 





















Back to how this started....



'You have no reason to be afraid of me," I told the bug over the television...  "I WOULD NEVER HURT ANYONE."   How ignorant I was.  ALREADY crowds had ripped apart prosperity ministers, attacked prostitutes, beaten down anyone who dared to talk bad about me, attacked countries... planned nuclear missions, taken to the woods in bands of five, over three hundred million of them...  and I did not know it yet, but someone was telling murderers that  was getting rid of my followers, that my belief there were too many humans applied to these people....  or even more sinister, that I had started to cult to kill them because of the hateful writing I had done against Christians before awakening again to being a God.    My followers feared I would have them killed... were afraid I would give the order.  Already the joke I made, in a character was a comedic serial killer made up as a response to all the violence in the media, which I usually avoided in my stories..   kill yourself and others, but not in that order....   I liked the not in that order part of the joke, but that was all it was, a joke.   Not that I thought revolution would be bloodless, but I never thought anyone would consider this a call to kill themselves, let alone the others whom they did.

BANDS of killers went thru towns, they do not tell me where, killing all the adults, and taking the children as soldiers, as one of my characters did in a story, where I was criticizing the CIA for using such tactics, which they do all over the world, iincluding their funding of the notorious Boko Harem.  It was nothing new for the ex cia or the vet's to create a child army, they had done so before.  Mine was made up, and involved using drugs and psychologists and other evils, including the speeded out cia killer being in the bush so long he took a ten year old soldier as his lover, not out of pedophilia...  just out of being wasted, at war, and crazy.   I would edit that line out now.  I do not know what this led to, but since so much of what I wrote was looked over like scripture and looked deep into in ways, and used as instructions in others...   whatever was needed to get the arrmies together to win.

The plan was not mine, though I WAS DELUDED AND CRAZED from being filmed, enough to think it had been.  Others had used me for a coup, because I had not set out to do so...   just somehow knew how to overthrow the world with a few blog entries is beyond belief, so  I did not really believe it, not knowing yet how many were backing my efforts, or how they were profiting from my actions, from having Christ in their city.   Their joy at the event soon enough turned to terror when they saw I came to make changes, not simply accept the life of Royalty expected of the king of kings...

I watched the few reports on the news and what I was given by sources and deciphered here and there to put toghether a very blurry picture of what was going on.  I was not sure of what was happening, though I never forgot the night I was blown away and disgusted and lost to myself and felt defeated was when they showed me a nazi apologist film, allegedly narrated by HITLER after the war.  HE more than likely was given a life in argentina, taken out in a submarine.  The nazi reamained popular and useful in many circles, and having the intelligence Hitler knew on the world was a vital source of the CIA's knowledge of the world, that fledgling organization so easiily organized as relentless killers with the goals of industry behind them...  and the destruction of anything like labor organization that might cause them trouble.  WORLD WIDE UNION BUSTERS BOUGHT AND PAID FOR AND LIVING OUT THEIR CHARTER TO PROTECT DOMESTIC INTERESTS ABROAD. 

I wish I had listened to them more, as I wish I had questioned every person on the street who knew more about my life than they should have, or the visitors who came from around the world to the beach where I woke up, which one man approached me on the bench I was sitting there one day, and apologized, saying he knew the beach was sacred and all, but that his ad agency would love some art like mine.   I am not that good and told him so.    I had encountered him once before, a true believer who passed me smiling and filled with euphoria, he was was encountering Christ.  I know what that should feels like from my dream over twenty five years ago of Jesus returning, a euphoria like no other....   but I knew just that, not the terrible fears I had put in people of the coming of the end of days, how my vision of lightening and fire flowing from my body had driven reliigion mad...

All kinds of people wanted to like me at first, but when I found I was personally getting nothing out of the arrangement except a lot more pain, homelessness, a feeling of madness...  a perinnial waiting for something more to happen, that was, beyond my sight, far away from Chicago, until the bitter end, when they started killing the followers of the religon that sprung up around me, which I was horrified by when I realized what had been done iin my name.  No religion should be based upon such an unholy icon.  PEOPLE BARELY KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THE LIFE OF JESUS, AND I PREFER TO HAVE WHAT IS RELEASED ABOUT ME JUST AS PRIVATE, WHICH IS WHY I AM A WRITER.   I believed my words would inspire something in the future, because I was not seeing the revolution I spoke of around me...

When it became okay for people to ask questions of me, when the worried parties realized I would keep some of their secrets, find them unspeakable, unthinkable, and too far from my day to day to allow myself to enterain thoughts about them.  There were two me's then, one a revolutionary, who people cared about, and me a religious figure, who others cared about ... though the revolutionary was getting more people killed, he was controlled by armed forces, and the planners of the misson around me, and knew what they were doing...   not me.  I had an idea how to revolt in a world that was the cover world for the real world.

Only by enteriing intelligence did I learn about it.  I went in blind, and told them as much in as many ways as possible, I CANNOT TELL WHAT YOU ARE DOING BECAUSE I AM BLIND...  I could have been brought sight, in this case intelligence, at any time... but no, we were at war, and you must have wanted it that way of there would have been peace proposals which you had to know I might accept.  I remember the entres  was writing when the revolution was hot, the kind of belief the poetry engendered in others, but the extent was lost on me...  I would never have said or did what I did had I known people beyond intelligence, who I figured had to be my enemy by then, were watching me.  At certain times of course, like when I was addressed by robert downey junior during an awards show...   by then  I WAS so annoyed with tv and what it was showing me while my life iimploded around me with bed bugs and drugs and just spending all my time high as I could get that day, writing and writing... that then, when  I could tell there was a hook up, I still took it as an isolated incident, and somehow felt I should be watching tv, not interacting with it....

Later we would interact.   I remember one morning when someone got control of the tv and could talk to me, and there were many questions they had... NO ONE ASKS ANY QUESTIONS AND NO ONE DIES...  saiid a serous voice on the television.  Then they began talking to me, different people.  I do not remember much of it, to be honest.   I do remember later when they could ask questons of me, and people were very afraid I would reveal some great crime of theirs, when in reality things were kept from me so well that ALL I knew were a few occasional, vague sentences that gave me hints of what was happening, but not enough of the puzzle to see what it was....

I of course never even considered that the reason I was not able to meet people and all these things is because I was being held hostage by the blacks, who were at war with the whites, who considerd me their leader, their God... or at least their boy, as a woman comedian called me one night, I figured she was referring to my way of thinking, but no....  even NPR confirmed to me that I was being held hostage, and that they were watching the webcam...  saying I HAVE NEVER BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE... HAVE YOU BEEN TAKEN HOSTAGE...  out of nowhere after  I asked if this were true and turned on NO NO DON'T TELL ME, I think is the show, but if not that should have been the one with that title...  I did not want blacks being harmed for ther skin color, and when I realized the dynamics felt I had to do what I could to stop any race war, especially one they were trying to tell people I wanted, when my entire work had been against such ways of thinking.   TO HAVE YOUR LIFE WORK DISMISSED is insulting enough....

I will go on later, about the vision... WHICH WAS EVE and the spirit of animals approaching me...  II had never seen in my imaginiings the souls of animals... I was laying on my couch knowing some of the religious were listening and afraid, and  I spun a tale without a fiery end, to somehow make them feel better.  I do not want to be a bomb.... the mercy kiilling... the releaser of souls... this is why God chooses the time, not I.    i HAD seen many human souls, now these animals approached me and the love of my exstence, Eve, had reincarnated this time as the entre planet, to try to protect it from damage, become Gaia in a way, the earth mother.. the spirits of all the animals I have ever seen were swarming around me asking me to let their species live....  I said at the time I had the vision because eve had not wanted to come to me before, because it would have made my decsiion to destroy the world even more difficult knowing about her and the animals, but that  I had made some decision not to destroy them.


This was wrong of me....  may it all be true, but this was nothing like the intense vison I had of destroying the world,almost musings, though when I saw Eve I was feeling very relaxed, and open to the universe...  I can't veriify why I said things at times.  The madness of being bugged, hearing what I HAD HEARD, you underestimated the effect on me, believed I was a psychopath, not just unknowing.